It was mid 90s. I worked in a Government Office in Liverpool We were launching a health Campaign for all Companies in UK and it was going to involve attending a Press Conference, meeting Celebrities and manning an Exhibition Stand in London – Very exciting.

Our Organisation had a travel Department and our Hotel was booked, we took Hire cars. There was me, two colleagues and two big Bosses. We arrived at a very beautiful Hotel in London in the evening and at Reception, were informed that the hotel was fully booked. We looked puzzled as everything had been pre-booked days before. There were 3 more people that hadn’t been allocated rooms. Me and my two Bosses.

The Receptionist said there was a room with 3 beds and looked at us. Well, I’ve always been known for keeping a straight face and I certainly did keep it straight and looked calm, while thinking inside me: “Holy Smoke!!”

I mean, I liked my Boss, he actually arranged for me to be on Temporary Promotion to go on that Official Visit, as lower grades didn’t get involved in such high profile events and the other Boss was his girlfriend. So, how could all three of us share a room? What if I snore and what if they…….? Well…  lol.

The Receptionist could tell no one was impressed and later  found rooms for the two Bosses and I ended up with the room with 3 Beds. So everyday, we got back from work to the hotel, I felt like Goldilocks. I remember thinking “hmmh which bed do I sleep in today?” Also, everyday I had 3 times the supply of everything in my room. (tea/biscuits/chocolate etc)

Oh… that was a close one.

Our Method for Avoiding Stupid People

The only way to avoid stupid people and stupid behaviour is to turn yourself into a self-sufficient hermit. You can be a hermit anywhere you can control the entrance to. We have found that a bedroom, an apartment, a small house or a hotel room will suffice but ideally you want to be a hermit somewhere with a hot climate and an outdoor heated swimming pool. The latter can be achieved by hiring a Spanish or Portuguese villa or, when you want to be a long term hermit, buying such a villa. Tip: there are many bargains to be had on the villa front at the moment due to foreclosures on this type of property in Spain and Portugal.

Once you have the venue for your hermitage you must ensure that you have all you will need for your tenure as a hermit. You must have a ready supply of water and food. You can stock up with alcohol but we do not recommend this as stupid people are often attracted to alcohol much like moths are attracted to lights. As far as food is concerned, it is better to buy too much rather than too little as the worst thing that could happen is for you to be forced to exit your hermitage to buy food. This is because you will (make no mistake) be bound to bump into a stupid person during this out time. You must have an ample supply of drinking water before taking up as a hermit. In earlier times some Syrian hermits ran out of water and died and you do not want to be like them as that would make you stupid and that would defeat the object of your time spent as a hermit to avoid stupid people.

Image by daisybush via Flickr

1.       In Zion, Illinois, USA, it is written in the law that it is illegal to offer your pets a cigarette but with the price of cigarettes today I really can’t see that happening.

2.       This one is a beauty. In St. Louis, Missouri, USA; it is against the law for a fireman to rescue a woman in her nightdress. So ladies even if you’re visiting stay fully dressed while sleeping you may not have time to change.

3.       Ames, Iowa offers a law that is strange; men are not allowed to have three sips of beer while they are in bed with their wives. This must be why men get loaded before they come to bed!

4.       This one has me stumped. In Maryland, USA it is still illegal for the radio stations to play Randy Newman’s song “Short People”. Maybe this is why I have never heard of it.

5.       If you’re ever in Oklahoma don’t make faces at a dog, it’s against the law it could result in a jail sentence or you getting a face lift if you chose the wrong dog.

6.       Texas has a neat law. Criminals are required to give a 24 hour oral or written notice giving details of the crime there are going to commit. Now wouldn’t this be a nice gesture I can see it now, Dear Madame, you can expect me at midnight tomorrow night. I will be only taking the silver ………

7.       In Washington, USA don’t pretend you have rich parents it’s against the law. Our daughter may find herself in jail.

8.       This one is really stupid and I would love to know how it got written into a law. In Baltimore, Maryland, USA it’s against the law to take a lion to the movies. Now why would anyone in their right mind want to do that unless they want the lions share? (Excuse the pun lol).

9.       Tremonton, Utah, USA, has a quirky law. Can you believe this? It’s against the law to have sex with a man in an ambulance you can be charged with a misdemeanor and have your name printed in the paper. Get outta here, sex while you’re having a heart attack? Not!

10.   If you’re in Oxford, Ohio, USA, check out your hotels room pictures before you undress. The law says it’s forbidden to undress in front of a picture of a man. Leave your picture of hubby at home.

11.   The Taliban in Afghanistan forbids women to wear white socks as men may find it attractive. The police also paint the windows of the house black to stop women from seeing outside. I guess it saves on cleaning windows and difficult laundry.

12.   Impotency is a very serious issue in the USA. It is the grounds for divorce in 24 states. Does that mean that when you hit 50 it’s out the door? Thank Goodness for Viagra!

13.   If you are in Iowa make sure you don’t kiss for longer than five minutes after this you are breaking the law. I think I would be safe on this one.

14.   In Chico, California it is against the law to detonate a nuclear device within the city limits. You could get fined $500.00 that is if they can find the pieces after.

15.   Lebanon offers a law that states it is legal to have sex with any animal as long as it is female. Now this is really going to the dogs!

16.   In Turkey in the 16^th and 17^th century it was forbidden to drink coffee anyone that broke this law would be sentenced to death. Not a place for Timmy’s !

17.   Singapore has a dilly. A person can be executed if they are found with 200g of cannabis. That would sure cut down on the population around here.

18.   In Birmingham, England it’s against the law to have sex on the church steps after sundown. Does this mean that during the day it’s okay?

19.   In Alberta, Canada every convict that is released is entitled to a gun and a horse to ride out of town on. Maybe that’s why I’ve seen so many riders on the road side trails.

20.   Is there nothing sacred in Minnesota, USA, it is against the law to hang men’s and women’s underwear on the same clothes line.  This is one place where “his” and “hers” pays off.

Well that’s it for the funnies. I promise I won’t be back on this subject. Hope at least someone got a smile from this. I have to admit I am curious why some of these laws were enforced but maybe another time ………