I’ve wanted to write this to you for months now, only because I really don’t think that I could stomach to face you in person.   You know who I am.  I am your texting friend’s wife.   You and my husband have completely turned my world upside down, and I am now living in hell.  I don’t blame you alone…it took the both of you to create this hell for me.  How long were you planning to keep your ”thing” going?  I pride myself on the fact that I wasn’t stupid.  For future reference for yourself, he has put me through this before and I knew I would be dealing with it again.  He’ll do it to you, too.  Do not think for a minute that you are different.   I just hadn’t planned on this happening around our 18th wedding anniversary.  I knew something was going on and yes, I snooped and caught you both red handed.  He didn’t seem to appreciate my snooping and finding out your name, your phone number and your address, but I really don’t care.  Somehow I was the bad guy because I found out.    ”P” continued to lie for you for weeks.  I guess that should make you feel good.   He denied it.  He told me at first it was a friendship, then he described it as an “inappropriate relationship”..kinda sounded like Bill Clinton, when he said it and we all know what he did.   When asked what you talked about…Life, is what he told me.  He said it never worked out for you two to become physical, but you went to lunch once.   I’m not sure that I buy that that was all it was/is.  He claims he hasn’t spoken to you since November 30, 2011.  That was 8 days after I confronted him with your phone number blowing up our phone bill with all the text messages.   8 days.   What happened in those 8 days?  He said he told you that I was uncomfortable with the relationship…me.   I wasn’t uncomfortable with it.  I was way beyond uncomfortable with it, yet he used me to end it with you.  I guess you  two were both ok with shitting on your spouses.  Oh, I’m sure I was made out to be the bitch from hell, which I am not.  I have been extremely patient through his ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, job losses which led to bankruptcy, not to mention his teenage son.  I’ve never complained about money issues, when I was about to pull my hair out,  had migraines from the stress, wondering how we would pay bills.  He never knew and still doesn’t know what it takes to pay bills.  I always handled it, so that he wouldn’t be stressed about it and raise his blood pressure to high heaven.  I took on all the responsibilty and this is my thank you.  (High blood pressure…make a mental note of that.  You’ll need to know how to take care of him down the road, if I decide to leave him.)

A few interesting kinda warped age facts about this relationship…You graduated from high school the year our youngest son was born.  There is as many years difference between you and my husband as there is between you and our oldest son.  Think you might’ve been a mid-life fling to see if he still had it???  Humm…

  The only reason I haven’t contacted you is because I know you have a son, just like I do, and I don’t want my son to know the hell that I’m in right now.  Nor, do I want your son to know what a low life he has for a mother.  They are the innocent victims who didn’t choose to have snakes for parents.  Your husband and I had a choice.   Yes, you are married, as well, yet you didn’t seem to have a problem doing this to your husband.  What does that say about you?  I have his phone number as well as yours, and haven’t contacted him because of the death of his father.  Yes, “W” I know alot about you.  I’ve told “P” that I probably know more about you than he does.  I’ve shown him things that are written about you online and he seemed shocked.  I’m certain there were lots of lies being exchanged between the two of you.  He lied to me …do you honestly think he was telling you the truth about him??  You are both lucky that I’m trying to handle this as gracefully as I can.  I pray alot for me, not the two of you, so much, but for our families who will be caught in the crossfire if you two choose to pursue the relationship you started, and say to hell with everybody else.  Selfish.  That’s what both of you are.  I didn’t ask for this, yet I have to deal with this.  I do not believe in divorce.  I never have, but I don’t believe in being a doormat either.  I have to decide if I want to stay in this marriage, or walk away.   Is it worth breaking up our home to make all the hurt  that you’ve caused go away?  You are a constant thought in my head.  You wrote online that if anyone wants to know anything about you to ask.  I’m convinced I know you “W” and the kind of person you are.   You are a lost person who claims to pray for people online.  Your poor husband doesn’t have a clue what you’ve done to him behind his back.  Do I tell him?  “P” doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt.  I guess it was ok to hurt me since I snooped.  I guess that’s my punishment for knowing exactly what he is and what you are.  

Do I want to know your side of it?  Probably not.  I wouldn’t believe anything you said or any excuse you gave me for continuing this for months.  So actually contacting you probably wouldn’t do me any good.  I just have to decide to give up on my marriage or keep on praying and stay…only to be here again with yet another woman.  Or it might be you again, down the road.  

I do hope that you see this someday.  Remember, I do know your address, email address, cell number, where you work….only the grace of God is keeping me from contacting you to confront the actual demon that is tearing my marriage apart.   In the meantime, I hope you find happiness in your marriage and stay out of mine.   

Love is a Game, Play
it!

She wants everything,
and gives ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Being
unappreciated and under constant demand can have very serious consequences. I’ve
had girlfriend on and off for about 6 years now, she is one of the most
beautiful and book smart women you will ever meet. She’s a high level executive,
looks like a Victoria Secret model, smells like sweet honey, and dresses in the
latest fashion’s that show every beautiful curve and expects to be treated like
nothing less than god’s gift to the entire world.

Treating
her like god’s gift to the world was something I was ok with in the beginning, until
I had the audacity to ask her to do something for me, and that’s when I began
to stray. One of her favorite sayings is “a man should do anything it takes to
make his woman happy.” People would say that there is nothing wrong with that statement
right? Wrong! When her man asks her what should a woman do to make her man happy
and her answer is, “nothing, I am a princess remember,” then a guy like me
knows how to fix that situation.

There
are several ways a person could address this situation, one could be to
continuously give into every demand, and another could be to mentally bow out.
Giving into every demand and receiving nothing in return was not something I
was ok with doing. I mentally bowed out and she began to get less and less from
me until she got nothing at all, well except physical pleasure. I did keep
dating her though because I do love her, I just had to keep other relationships
going to supplement for the emptiness, heartache, and drama she brought into my
life.

Am
I wrong or right? Who knows, but I am sustaining!

Sincerely,

That
Shadowy Figure

Republican voters, terrified by the bad choices they have made, have decided to hitch their wagon to a bright and shining conservative star.

When the Republicans wanted change, they were tricked into backing the Tea Party, because they really believed that ANY change would make the nation stronger.

Now they are wiser, and they won’t be fooled by transparent flim-flam artists like Mitt Romney, not when there are slightly less transparent flim-flam artists like Newt Gingrich.

And this makes sense. The Republicans who were driven by homophobia, Islamaphobia, and the irrational fear of their own shadow, decided to vote for the most radical candidates they could.

If you can’t get rid of the bullies, than you might as well give your lunch money to the biggest bully on the block. There is a twisted logic to conservative cowardice.

So the Republican base got what they thought they wanted, and now they are paying for it, despite the Democratic effort to bail their sorry asses out of the slop the GOP has created.

Now they see that change…any change…is bad. They don’t want Mitt Romney because he is a crazy corporate raiding cultist who is unafraid of whoring himself out for a quick buck. He is too quick to smile as he carelessly castes American workers to the curb. His hair is as slick and greasy as his political positions.

So, many Republicans will vote for Newt Gingrich, because he appears to not give a damn about what anybody thinks, and he is open about his infidelity and inability to maintain normal human relationships….

…and he is a Christian, so in many ways he is like every other lying cheating Christian scumbag who is going to vote for him.

Why strive for something new, or something good, when they can bash the black man in office, and go for a sure thing….

…the devil that they know.

There’s an unconscious re-creation of emotional trauma – we all experience various degrees of emotional hurt and trauma growing up. Unfortunately, we form part of our identities around whatever we experience, be it love, distance, drama, or verbal or physical abuse. As adults, we may feel most alive or most like ourselves when we are feeling the same way we did as children, and so we may do things unconsciously to get our partner to trigger those feelings. For example, a person who grew up with a lot of distance may feel uncomfortable with closeness, and may sabotage it by picking fights or avoiding intimacy. Or a person who grew up in a chaotic, dramatic home may be uncomfortable with harmony and quiet and always seem to trigger chaos or drama in their relationships.

Also, as adults, our fantasy is that we will find a person who will finally give us the love we never got as children. If we can’t get the love from our original parent or caretaker, the next best thing is to get the love from someone who has a very similar personality to the person we originally feel wounded by. We’ll generally feel a lot of attraction, chemistry and intensity in our love with such adult partners, due to the interlocking nature of our emotional baggage.

But what we may not realize though, is that this person that we fall in love has the perfect tools and personality to emotionally re-create our childhood hurts. After the initial infatuation wears off and we are in a deeper, committed relationship, their fears (and ours) often get activated. And when they get afraid, they will strike out in exactly the same way that our parents or caretakers did. The result? We get wounded again. Only now it’s worse, because the very person who we hoped could give us the love we never got, is hurting us. Not because they ‘love us most of all’, but because they are unaware of their own unconscious defenses.

Another is we lack the knowledge and skills of how to communicate our feelings constructively – many people may realize how they hurt their partners, and feel like they want to change that behavior, but simply not know how to change, or how to communicate what they are feeling in a constructive manner. Our culture does very little to teach us how to relate to our own feelings, and how to communicate those feelings to others in a safe, healthy way. Men especially may feel uncomfortable dealing with feelings of fear or vulnerability and may feel safer expressing anger or control when they are really scared.

So what can we do to stop hurting the one we love? We all have to take responsibility for getting clear and resolving our own emotional hurts from the past. We need to learn how to make it safe for our partners to express how they feel. We need to learn how to create a loving presence where we genuinely listen and validate our partners’ experience. We need to learn how to express feelings in ways that bring us closer, not in ways that create more distance and hurt. We may need to do some work together to understand how and why we trigger each other to lash out in hurtful and destructive ways. We need to respect the fact that in an intimate committed relationship, we have access to the most private and vulnerable aspects of each other’s lives. We need to treat that as a sacred privilege that we relate to with the utmost respect, not as an entitlement to trample upon for our own ego gratification.

We are all on a journey of awakening, and intimate relationships provide us with a powerful opportunity to see ourselves and our psychological and spiritual lessons more clearly. We can hide from ourselves, from our therapists, from our bodies, from our spiritual teachers and from our friends, but we cannot hide from the one we love and who loves us. All of our stuff will eventually come to light through this mysterious and wonderful process we call love. And when it does, we can choose to defend, judge, attack and run away. Or we can choose to be present, to look inside with acceptance and love for ourselves, and to feel gratitude that this aspect of ourselves has revealed itself. Then can we clearly see that any part of ourselves that hurts others is simply a part of ourselves that needs more love. From this perspective, we hurt the one we love so that we can learn to love ourselves and others more unconditionally, more deeply, and more completely. And by loving and healing ourselves, we ultimately heal our partners’ wounds as well, because we make it safer for them to fully be who they are, and to experience the deeper Oneness and magic that only love can bring to our lives.

Many women looking for Mr. Right is looking for a man who is ready for marriage and to have children, who is gainfully employed and there is nothing wrong about that, it is a woman’s priority to seek that in her life. However, woman should take the time to examine who they are getting involved with. A  woman does not want to play any games in a relationship, she wants to date her boyfriend and have a good time until she is ready to settle down for marriage.

Another mistake women make is she doesn’t validate her life as Ms. Right first at all. She needs to take the time out and take care of herself, spend time with having fun and enjoy herself before looking for Mr. Right. When she finds herself spending more time with him and trying to make him happy, it will become stressful to her. So sometimes you have to spend time and enjoy your life. Be able to spend time on yourself and be the creator of your own happiness, which will lead Mr. Right in your life as soon as you least expect.

Women will meet all kinds of men during their life time who will be far from Mr. Right. Sometimes women feel as if they should just settle for less, even if she’s dating a fool that’s treating her badly, they think he’s Mr. Right with all of the abuse and infidelity going on. Some women still stay with the same man and give up on Mr. Right. She doesn’t see that she is making a big mistake believing that this man who is treating her like dirt is Mr. Right. Any man that doesn’t respect a woman, cheats or use a woman is usually is Mr. Wrong. Stop looking for perfection!

If you have decided you are going to give it another shot there are things you can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again, or at least if it does you will know the second time around that you put your all into making it work.

First thing you need to do is find out the reason that it happened to begin with. For some it can be as simple as they have been feeling ignored or unappreciated in the relationship. For others it is all about sex. Talk to your partner/spouse about why they believe they felt to need to go outside the relationship.

You must actually listen to what your partner/spouse has to say. No one likes hearing what they are doing wrong, and it may just be how your partner feels, but perception is reality. How someone feels about a situation is their reality, and it must becomes yours as well for you to understand what has happened.

Finally you must start taking the steps necessary to fix your relationship. Say your partner/spouse has been feeling ignored. Make sure you set aside at least a few mins a day just devoted to them. If they are feeling unappreciated make sure you tell them everyday how thankful you are to have them in your life. If it is a sex problem make sure you spice things up and figure out what it is they are wanting from you.

Infidelity at any stage in a relationship can be devestating, but if you work hard, in most cases, you can begin to repair what has been broken.

As always if you read anything you like please like this page and feel free to comment, good or bad I appreciate them all.

If you have enjoyed reading this here are some other articles that might interest you

 http://socyberty.com/relationships/restoring-trust-in-a-relationship/

http://beyondjane.com/family/marriage/five-ways-to-tell-if-someone-is-cheating/

http://socyberty.com/sexuality/sex-and-relationships-pt-3/

http://socyberty.com/sexuality/sex-and-relationships-pt-2/

http://socyberty.com/relationships/sex-and-relationships-2/

Most women have ever had an erotic dream at least, not necessarily with their regular partners. According to the popular and longstanding Kinsey Report, a study of 8 000 women, nearly 70% had such dreams at some point in their lives. Even a percentage of them, said he had an orgasm during that time.

So thorough was this study, which found that erotic dreams in women increases as they approach ovulation, menstruation and also to increase during pregnancy.

In the book “Our Dreaming Mind”, author Robert Van de Castle says that 4% of the dreams of women, on average, are explicitly erotic. And that does not mean the memories have not existed.

Gleed’s website specializing in extramarital encounters, published a study by Frederic Moir Tristan-psychoanalyst, psychotherapist and specialist in dreams, in which the reasons for being unfaithful dreams have in the routine the most common explanation.

The fatigue, monotony, work or children, often prevent the creation of an erotic atmosphere between man and woman. The sensuality, then, is buried among piles of dishes to wash or work folder reviewed.

To frustration, mind appeals to dreams, resource saving, especially if the moral rigor formally prohibits any actual transgression.

The female imagination can expound ad infinitum. Experts say that women do not need to put a familiar face to the man of her fantasies, while the male prefers to identify the face of your partner’s dream (a neighbor, the cashier at the supermarket, a co-worker).

There is one limit that recognizes the erotic dream: time. Often, dreams are stopped too soon for our liking, just as we would like to perpetuate it, and leave us with some dissatisfaction upon awakening.

Now, if we have someone in bed ready to realize our fantasies, everything can go back and do not disappear with the first sun of the morning.

Finally, my only advice: resist the temptation to tell the couple who was the star of the night dream, especially if you have name, and even if it is an acquaintance …

To be unfaithful in dreams is  unfaithful ?

1. the Hunter
The type of guy is very smart read incarannya weakness and will enter at the right time. Although he already has spouse, his desire to conquer other women is very large. That’s what makes it an affair.
He can be very smart to make women believe in his words and understand infidelity does.

2. the Helper
He is always there when needed and very helper. Kindness is used as a weapon to conquer the hearts of women. In fact, the affair was doing very well be covered by a good attitude.
Infidelity considered as one way to demonstrate the existence of “mischief” in the image of himself which is always good.
3. the Victims
Type this man positioned himself as a victim to justify infidelity does. He will tell himself that is not respected partner or his home life a mess to induce empathy incarannya women.
Whatever reason is not really justified for adultery. If he was a man faithful, he will fix the problem within the family and not even in touch with other women. The main reason “the victim” for having an affair just to overcome boredom, which can actually be done in a way that better than having an affair..
4. the Professional
Professional who conducted the affair is certainly not looking for love and a lot of the kind of guy having an affair of this kind. They just want a “service” and the novelty. The image is very important to them, a lasting home, happy kids who are always from harm. Considered a routine affair as entertainment only and they are very clever cover.

The study of Couple and Relationship Journal of Therapy says that between 45 and 55% of married women are unfaithful.

However, the perception of infidelity among men and women is different, and here we are talking about subjective matters: 50% of women do not feel that infidelity is cybersex (80% of men think alike). 81% of women confess that flirts with her co-workers, and two out of three say they have sexual thoughts with them.

Numbers, numbers, numbers.

Reasons? Well, the experts (there for all) statement that infidelity does not happen spontaneously, but there are circumstances that can cause it.

The reasons can be endless. However, sexologists agree that all of them are due to one reason: to try to meet the gaps in the pair.

They put forward the following reasons:

• Feeling slighted by the couple.
• Have fallen into monotony: routine seems to lead to boredom nonstop sentimental.
• A weak or poor sex life, sex is a fundamental element and produces dissatisfaction in any of the partners, it will tend to look elsewhere for what you do not find at home.
• The lack of communication. The search for new emotions when you have finished the stage of infatuation and seduction with their own partner.
• The loss of freedom if you have a couple suffocating.
• And so on.

Sexologists can say what they want, but I wonder why, for example, Latins tend to be more unfaithful than whites. Do not mediate, perhaps, cultural issues that make certain areas of the world is better seen than in others? Can not be that one is with a person who has a behavioral problem?

I had a boyfriend for three years, I discovered that afternoon, he loved to sleep with any woman who allowed it. Made no difference of age, color or appearance. I made excuses to go alone all the time, the truth is that I did not realize until later in the relationship. Is this not, perhaps, the conduct of a sex addict?

Beyond my doubts, it is certain that the female response against an unfaithful man has changed. Our grandmothers were blind and deaf to the lapses of their husbands. The bottom line was not to divorce, and for that we had to make a sacrifice.

There are people who say that fidelity is not natural, that marriage is not natural and that we have all of these institutions are just created by man to keep people in line. These pundits are quick to state that animals are not faithful to each other. There are a million explanations to both demonize and justify and apologize for infidelity. At the end of the day though it is just a state of mind. If the person who has cheated says that they will never do it again and regains the trust of their partner that is fine, but that is no guarantee that their initial mind state has changed.

We hear that men love variety, which is a lot of bull. Women love variety as well; if they didn’t why are their huge businesses built off of fueling that intimate need that women have for variety. The thing is whereas men consider variety looking at someone different or exploring the sexuality of a woman they know nothing about a woman may be looking for variety of a more romantic nature. Erotica suggests to a woman that romantic variety can make intimacy interesting, new, and different, which should be a guarantee of a good time. We know that in practice it doesn’t always work that way, but when it does you are better off for it. Men say that if you do something different with them that means it always needs to be part of the act. Well if a woman is not connecting to that act in a favorable way emotionally then you are never going to see it again anyway. She has to see where you two are bonding or getting closer emotionally in whatever it is that you are asking her to do, again. If it doesn’t mean the same thing the second time around, there may never be a third occurrence. When she does something different there is an expectation that comes with it, and a lot of men stop doing whatever it was to get them in those good graces with the woman that brought about those strange acts.

The problem is that men think that they need someone new when in truth they do not at all. Sure there is a lot of excitement in something new, but it is a matter of time before you deal with the same old problems that are presented to you in new ways. Every woman is essentially talking about the exact same thing, you can reach the same goal sexually, but each has her own language, mannerisms, tact, look and feel that is different. By the time you have figured this out you may have destroyed your relationship in ways that are irreparable.

The same goes for women as well. If a man is willing something interesting can happen. But if he is in a rut and no longer approaches or pursues the woman within the relationship she may try to bring him around to her way of view. A lot of women do not though, and may continue going through the motions with you though in all truth has something else going on you may never know anything about.

Infidelity is a state of mind; the individual is hooked on going elsewhere looking for something new. It does not matter what the nature of the infidelity is either, the bottom line is their attention deficit disorder with relationships and lack of commitment to making it work with the relationship that they do have. If you want to make your relationships work then you can make them work. You do not always have to be a cheater; just because someone else dealt with the disappointment of a cheater that did not want to change or were helpless to learn how to change does not mean that is the fate that you have to accept for yourself.

Keep in mind I am fully aware that if you ignore and brush off challenges to your relationship that had you in the bed of someone else 5 or 10 years ago that infidelity will just come at you in more imaginable and complex ways. It will just take even more to get you to succumb and you will fall even harder once you do that is just part of life. But you have to begin to address what triggers you to think about it in the first place. You may have to give up some of those influences that you held dear to your heart, and let a lot of toxic friendships go. Of course that person is not your friend, they are just waiting for you to say when, no one is fooling anyone else about anything.

There is a slothfulness that comes with infidelity; wanting to hang around and loiter as though you have nothing to do and playing games to see if you will get a different answer from someone to the same questions. Trying to get someone alone to make a magic moment happen you have dreamed or fantasized about. This is idle time that you could have been doing something productive with around someone else that is really about something. This is a mindset that lends itself to insanity; nothing different is ever going to happen and you will end up full circle to the same place all over again regardless of what you do with these relationships. It doesn’t matter if you get married or make an honest person out of the one you are walking out with unless your mindset has changed there is no guarantee you won’t do it all it over again in the future.

This is culture that feeds off of lies because no one wants to endure the hard work that it takes to make a relationship work these days. Relationships are harder than ever when both people work, and both individuals are in intimate situations at work with someone else attempting to get work done. They are difficult when you have hundreds of ways to stay in touch with the same people all day long, they are difficult when nothing exists to reinforce a healthy relationship because the portrayal of healthy relationships in the media are boring and lack excitement. They are difficult when people are in situations with roommates or living in strange arrangements trying to make their finances work and have some type of money to put in a savings account. There isn’t anything reinforcing the idea of the need to have a healthy relationship in today’s culture, and those who do not have it to figure out what it looks like themselves is going to be at a loss. If your parents were divorced; any number of various situations you have to figure this thing out on your own. Relationships are not just going to work out on their own, and you can’t run to someone or something else when you run into problems. You do not have to die alone somewhere because you couldn’t find it within yourself to abstain from something or someone strange …