You want to honor your Inner Child, but that is different than your younger self.  The Inner Child is that part of you that can still see the world through eyes of wonder, that can simply enjoy the moment, that can play & have fun anywhere.  The younger self is that you that in your teens or 20’s did something stupid or thoughtless because of the arrogance of youth & has been dealing with the consequences ever since, whether minor, like being reminded by parental units whenever around, or major, like jailtime.  We’ve all got at least one indiscretion in our youth, yet even though we all have it there, none of us wants to admit to it.  Part of maturing is in admitting those mistakes, learning from them & going on.  Even though others may never let us forget our mistakes, rather than let that make you feel bad or guilty, take those reminders once you’ve acknowledged & learned from your mistake & use them to keep your new & better (hopefully) path in mind.

Many people believe in the necessity of the ego, what would ever get done if people did not strive to achieve? Without an ego I would be just like everyone else. The sad fact is that the ego’s agenda is to be like everyone else, only better. The world of the ego is about comparisons, am I good enough in their eyes? They have that, I want it to, more of it, all of it. It lies to us by telling us we are different only if we are better, and in this belief we give up our true measure of individuality. The ego will tell us that there are certain conditions that must be met, before we can have, or do, or be. In affect leading us on a journey to a dead end. It tells us it is keeping us safe, by prejudging a situation, and advising us not to act. The ego would have you live an entire life inside of your head, without any of it manifesting into your reality. How many times have you talked yourself out of doing something, on the basis of a preconceived notion? That is your ego keeping you safe. The world the ego would have you live in is repetitious and deeply dissatisfying. You may achieve greatness in the material world only to have it become who you are, should fortune turn against you, you will be left without an identity. Worst still, you will achieve all, and be left with the emptiness of a life without meaning.

Why then do we have an ego, and where did it come from? The ego is the conception of self, derived from outside influence on the individual. It is a patchwork of beliefs imposed upon us by others as well as a pattern of ideas gained through associative experience. Fire burns my hand, so I will not touch it. A love interest spurns my advances, so I will not show my emotion, and so on. Some experiences are beneficial as with fire, but most become a means for closing ourselves off from experience. If it doesn’t feel good immediately, I want nothing to do with it. Our parents help us to create our egos, mostly through love. They wish to keep us safe, and try to help us to fit in with society. They are only passing on what they have learned. Society in its turn has much influence on the creation of the ego. By espousing a host of belief structures on the individual. This is what it means to be a good person, good child, spouse, parent, citizen. It is widely understood that there is a necessity for a template of social behaviour, the problem seems to be in the rigidity of the ideals. The notion that you need to follow these belief structures to a tee in order to be the ideal. There does not seem to be room for failure let alone room for growth. Tolerance is minimal, and the individual is subject to punishment. All of these seemingly benevolent ideals combine to create a false self, which is the ego.

By the time children reach school, most have been sufficiently encoded with societal norms, those that are not, will quickly be singled out and labeled. They will be judged in need of ” Special Attention “, and brought back into the fold, in many cases with the use of drugs, such as Ritalin, or Focalin. This is not a malevolent conspiracy to deprive our children of their individuality, just an attempt by an ego based society to help out. The paradox of society is that you are expected  to conform,  and at the same time you are encouraged to be different. The key is to find the middle ground, in a society that teaches, you must go along to get along. It is not difficult to see how young people will sacrifice their need to be an individual, for the sake of their need for attention. Approval from others takes the place of approval of self, and the ego’s position becomes firmly entrenched in their psyches. From that moment on the ego will dictate any course of action, from the position of the approval of others. This means the ego will prevent any experience it deems dangerous to its place of acceptance. When you tell yourself, I can’t do this, or what will others think, that is your ego defending itself.

How then can you break the hold your ego has on your life through years of systemic programming? The ego is a part of you, it serves the purpose of keeping you grounded in your current reality. To dispense with it completely, if that is even possible, would leave you free floating in a sea of unrealized potential. Your goal should be to reduce its hold on all of your actions. Embrace it as a necessary part of you, not the focal point of your entire being. Become aware of when the ego is trying to overstep its bounds, and put it in it’s place. When you are operating from a position of fear, then you know the ego is in charge. Your ego is the part of you that has not matured, it is the child inside you. Not the loving, wonder filled, imaginative creator child, but the hurt and damaged child looking for acceptance. Give it it’s attention, with the understanding that you are the one in charge. Help it to heal its wounds, and it will serve you well.

1. Run through the sprinklers in your rainbow swimsuit. This right of passage will make you feel 5 again. You will imagine those hot July days, fruit punch, and grass rash…
2. Shoot whip cream right in to your mouth. It’s delicious and completely unsanitary, but what can you say? You loved it.
3. Try to cut your own hair with scissors. We have all done it. We have all tried to give ourselves beautiful haircuts like mommy and daddy, but we end up looking strangely similar to a chicken.
4. Catch frogs in a water bottle. Ok, so maybe this practically tortures the frogs, but you just adored them all, all 25 of your frogs. I bet you just realized that “they all fell asleep”, which is code for you entrapped them in a smoldering water bottle and killed them. Yes you killed all those critters.
5. Write that cute girl or boy a letter asking them not for a date, but rather if they would like to be your girlfriend/boyfriend. Yes use the boxes so he or she can check “yes” “no” or “maybe”.

The way we perceive life and how we interact with the world and people around us is directly affected by emotional wounds and negative feelings suffered during our childhood. The neglect of these emotional wounds only served as prime conditions allowing them to fester and turn into controlling forces that could either make or break you as a psychologically healthy individual.

These negative feelings transferred to our inner child, causing us to react the only way known — by abandoning ourselves. A sense of self-deprivation, if you will, allows us to effectively close off feelings and emotions that would be painful, by ignoring our inner selves and not allowing the tears and hurt to be recognized.

What Age Do You Feel?

The time to address these issues is now, to seek full recovery of control over ourselves, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. The first step is to recognize the signs of reacting to issues that imitate past experiences. When we feel intense emotions such as panic or rage over any situation, most often it is a clear indication there are age old issues at hand that were not reconciled. Stop at this point and ask yourself, “What age does this situation make me feel like?” Give yourself time to answer without responding fully out of anger or hurt. Once you can determine this, you are heading down the right path to addressing that inner child, and following closely, is the chance to find out why the child felt that way.

Details of past experiences are not relevant to the healing, it’s the overall acknowledgment that the child was hurt, felt pain, and was not able to clearly express his or her feelings at that time. Now, as an adult, you are able to express your hurt, rage, or feelings of helplessness. This period of emotional recognition enables you to take cautious steps to beginning emotional counseling.

Trusting An Emotional Counselor

Keep in mind, if the trusted person you have chosen to divulge your past hurts to has not completed their own version of emotional healing, will not be helpful to you during the healing process. They may unintentionally, or otherwise, project their issues onto you which would not only impede the cleansing process, but also increase the depth of your negative feelings, possibly resulting in becoming a part of the problem rather than being a part of a solution.

An excellent counselor or therapist will not judge you or your feelings, nor will they attempt to make you feel shameful or angry over past issues. Their job entails listening carefully, and gently leading you when you feel lost, to finding your inner child and how you lost touch. This calls for a certain amount of trust and, in a sense, bonding. This trust should be delicately placed using discernment and common sense.

Healing your inner child is a process that takes time, patience, and strength. Until you are able to successfully get in touch with your inner child, and begin healing yourself, your friendships and relationships will repeatedly follow pre-set courses as results of your emotional wounds from the past. Believe in yourself, and invest in your happiness, satisfaction, and peace by reconciling with the past and looking forward to the future.