Somewhere out there in this complicated world is someone or someones who think you are a great joy. Interacting with you brings them happiness and fills there hearts with joy. Just being in close proximity to you brings them happiness.

In my life there have been several people like the one I described above. Her beautiful brown eyes and her shinny bright smile would fill my heart with joy. We did not have to talk. I just enjoyed being in her presence.

I am writing this article to answer the question of those in psychological distress of “why should I bother”. I know that when we are experiencing distress we tend to be isolated and only think of ourselves.

However, stop and think of the people who love you. There are many. If you weren’t around, they would be very sad.

Lets look at everything that is required to keep a person a live. On average and adult needs 1800 to 2200 calories a day to be healthy. The food groups should be vitamins, proteins, good fats, and minerals. Its not hard to find which foods are for vitamins and so forth.

A person needs eight hours of restful sleep. This results in a rested heart and rested mind.

There should be average of eight glasses of water 8 ounces each. This cleans out the kidneys and keeps the body lubricated.

Peace, joy, and love is a better life experience. I have written before that Positivism, Optimism, Realism, being grateful, friends, family, spouse, romance, intimacy, are the way to a enjoyable and pleasurable life.

Now, I have no allusion or delusion that by me just typing in my life philosophy people will understand and practice what I believe. It takes years of practice to replace bad attitude with a good and positive attitude.

However, think of it this way. When you realize that there are good rewards from life, you see life in a different manner.

You will sleep, eat, and enjoy people’s company. Therefore, you will practice a healthy lifestyle and life will more bearable if not a right down joy.

In know we would like to think we are an island amongst our self. Life cannot be a fuller experience without people.

Okay, so the modern world has made us isolated. Most of this isolation has to do with the modern ideology of people are troublesome and we must stay away from people.

Yes some people are experiencing challengers they cannot overcome. In addition, it is smart to avoid people who are going to cause us problems. However, not all people are trouble.

Let me say that the idea for this paper started permeating my brain is the last three days. During this time I was exposed to the movie Pay it Forward. I had heard of this movie. However, I suspected it would be a foolish movie, not dignant of my superior intelligence.

I was right. Let me tell you the storyline. A 11 year old son of an alcoholic mother, who has been involved with an abusive man, goes out to make a difference in a homeless man’s life after his teacher gives the student a class assignment to go out and make a difference in their world. The movie ends with the now 12 year old boy dying after being stabbed by a classmate. May I say foolish-Hollywood-dribble.

Okay, some of you who watched the movie may say I am being to harsh. I was rather critical of the movie Pursuit of Happiness. See, media can entertain, educate, or inform. The social lessons preached by this movie are not lessons that will make a positive contribution to society.

We are all aware of the plight of the homeless and those who abuse alcohol and drugs. Therefore, the movie has no educative or informative value.

It did not entertain me. I like happy endings. Could it be that there are no happy ending in life because none exist in media?

Well that is to detrimental and defeatist. There are happy endings in real life. Media producer believe they will get a better income generation is they skirt the edges of depravity.

Another media source I had exposure to while developing this article National Geographic Channels’ “Drugs, Inc”. In this program I saw people who are homeless and killing them selves every day with their addiction.

I have simple notes to offer on this drug program. Never listen to a criminal about his motives for crime. I find the automatic label of “a poor person just trying to survive” troublesome. I like the label of “manipulative person who finds easy profit in crime” a better label.

Okay, now how do these media products fit in to this article? There are many ways that we can destroy ourselves. Many of us spend a lot of energy pursuing these practices.

In addition, for a long time I have known that life is a rather torturous experience for many. I do believe there are “forces unseen” that are trying to destroy us.

However, no one controls our thoughts. We can see things in the negative. We also have the opportunity of being realistic and optimistic. Again, I say thoughts influence emotions and emotions influence behavior. We are bummed out because we have bummed ideas.

If we want to have joy and happiness, we need to have joyful and happy ideas. We cannot spend our day in negativity and expect to feel good.

Therefore, this is a simple essay on everyday health. Every day we eat, sleep, and relax. Everyday, we spend time with happy people. Every day we practice positivism and realism and being grateful. Therefore, when we are burned out and wonder why keep going, we should say to ourselves that we bother for the child who loves us and every one else who loves us.

  ”Saving Private Ryan”….This whole movie had one main point…the memory of what one man did for Ryan in saving his life, changed Ryan’s life completely….It was dramatic and very moving.  Ryan kept this memory alive and fresh by visiting his hero’s grave periodically.  This memory was important to Ryan’s existence.  It actually made him the man he became.

  Just take a look at memory and what it means in defining intimacy.  If you really love someone and want them to know it, you will remember things like anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, weddings, special days, etc..  To forget sends a message of indifference and is detrimental to relationships.  The more you remember about them and celebrate it, the better your relationship with them will be.  To remember someone’s name you have only met once, impresses them.  To remember their wife’s name will make them admire you.  To remember their children’s names will make them stand in awe and to know the number of hairs on their head?  Well, that will cause you to help them up while saying, “Be not afraid”!  

  When in love, the more you know about someone and still love them, the deeper and more stable the love relationship becomes.  I’ve been married for 44 years to the same woman and there is absolutely no way our marriage could end in divorce.  Out of the question!  Not a possibility!  It’s way past that.  And the interesting thing is, my wife still doesn’t know everything about me and visa versa.  But we know more each other than anyone else.  Except God.  And our love for each other is not only deeper but more mature and stable….and everlasting.  God  knows me best and loves me best.  I mean, good grief, He knows the number of hairs on my head!  And I have to ask you, “Who cares!”   Well, He does.  And that’s the point.  God cares.  About everything concerning us.  He values us so much, He not only knows all about us but wants to.  Start counting the hairs on my head and I guarantee you, you will go to sleep before you are done.  I know I will. I don’t require it in any of my relationships, either.  But I have noticed that our Father goes WAY past what is required in a love relationship.  Look at what it cost our Father to become our Father.  So don’t make the mistake in believing that this knowing the number of hairs on our head just means that God knows everything.  It doesn’t.  It means that God chooses/desires to know everything about us because He is in love with us and He is revealing this want so that we will want intimacy with Him.  God is making Himself vulnerable to our love.  After all, we could reject Him.  And to differing degrees, we do.  Let’s love God with all our hearts, minds, soul and strength.

  Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father knowing. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Such type of approach requires sympathetic consideration on another’s points of views. These people are sensible enough that they learn from their fights and do their best avoiding them in future. However, acknowledging the reason is one of the most important parts in the reconstruction of a broken relationship. Understanding each other’s feeling is the beauty in a healthy relationship. It includes the things that were right in the relationship and while considering what went wrong, it is important to understand the feelings of both the parties. Once you become conscious enough to start recognizing the reason for the misunderstanding, you will also be able to understand the expectations of both the parties that they need to fulfill for future betterment.

Another aspect to consider in the process of reconstruction is the agreements and decisions that have been taken by both sides. Not only considering but also honoring their decisions and agreements is also equally important.

Avoid making half promises. Promises are meant to be honored and kept at all costs. Once you have reached to the agreements and decisions, sticking by them are equally important from both sides. By keeping the same values, you will find it quite easy maintaining a healthy relationship in future.

One of the major tips in the reconstruction of the relationship process is not using sex as the basis of reconstruction process. Since it could form a habit and you could start seeing it as a solution after every fight that could have psychological effects. Though sex has the potential of increasing intimacy in your broken relationships but it could not minimizes the risk of future fights. Therefore, it is important to have communication going for creating better understanding and mental harmony between two parties. This type of approach not only minimizes the risk of future disagreements but also be fruitful in the long run.

As you know slowly and steady wins the race, hence it is essential taking step-by-step approach in the reconstruction of the relationship. If there is still a little chance or glow present in the relationship, it is essential to cool mindedly examine various aspects of the relationship and should work for regaining the trust and love that was present before. Don’t expect results suddenly, it requires a lot of communication and time for one or both the parties figuring out their weaknesses and then overcoming them. By doing so both will be able to achieve better perspective and at length succeed maintaining a healthy relationship. Disagreements and quarrels are not as bad as thought, but virtually they gives us chance to make our relationships even better than before.

By Muhammad Irfan Zafar

Content Writer

My Corset of Love Challenge One

This next challenge we are about to take is meant to open our awareness to the amazing wonders around us everyday.

A grateful heart yields greatness.

I remember a song my dad used to listen to when he was still living. It was called “Looking for love in all the wrong places” and the lyrics went on to say “Looking for love in so many faces”

Your challenge number 6 is to actually dedicate one day or two if you life to Looking for the faces of Lovers. About 3 years ago I was experiencing a very difficult relationship. My heart became very burdened and I began to see I was listening to and seeing many many relationships that were similar. I was hearing woman complain about the men in their life and equally hearing men complain about the woman in their lives. My grandparents were married 50 years!!

It could seem as though Lovers were growing extinct.

So I set out to do this very challenge. I spent a day looking for Lovers in the ordinary strangers. In stead of looking for Mr. Right for myself I looked at Lovers. 

I was surprised what the Universe revealed to me! I hope you will be too!

    Jumping the broom is a ceremony dating back to Africa ,,, possibly in the 1600s , its and old

tradition that is sometimes incorporated into a wedding ceremony to honor and symbolize the

traditional roots of ones ancestry.

                                                       Its usually done  with Family and friends altogether , witnessing this

  Special occasion ,,, ….

                         at the end of the Ceremony , it of a new life between

the Bride and Groom and their old lives have been swept away .  It is a special ceremony

performed before friends and relatives .  The couple will kiss  , and someone from the

Family or friends at the ceremony will come and place the broom in the middle of the

couples path ,, they will then jump the Broom together on their way to the reception ….

The first thing a man who wants a woman to share intimacy with needs to keep in mind is their personality deficiencies.  It is okay to be timid and shy.  However, a person should not be made nonfunctional in the presence of a woman.  In addition it is okay to look at a woman with sexual interest.

Notice, I did not write that it was okay to look at a woman with only sexual interest. In our society the message to young people to abstain from sex till marriage translates in to sex is always bad.  This is partially why many married people cannot relate to their spouse sexually.  

In addition, I am not advocating a liberated sexual life experience.  Pleasure from sex does feel good.  However, a life absent of a vision of purpose and future leads to many getting to their end realizing they left a lot undone.

This is why we all need a mature meditation about sex’s purpose in the human life. In its basic form, sex is just for procreation.  In its more complex form it is the intricate elements that lead to physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual fulfillment.

However, before a person can start he must get in to good mental shape.  This requires a personal investigation of flaws and foibles and a proactive plan of action.  Think about it you could be having sex with a hot babe right now instead of reading this boring article.

Now once you have mastered your personal issues you can start planning your attack.  I advise people to have a picture of the physical type that most appeals to them.  For me this would be Monica Belluci.

Then, once you have an idea of your female ideal, you can determine what personality traits you are searching for.  On the back of the picture you have write down what you want from a woman.  I like a woman who is beautiful, playful, jokesters, and conversationalist, not at war with the world, with a healthy sexual appetite, who will tell me, instead of throwing annoyed looks, and who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.

Now, the possibility exist that you will find yourself in the presence of a person who is not your physical ideal and with personality traits that do not meet your expectation but you find yourself attracted to anyway.  This is okay.  Everything begins with the physical drive to have intimacy needs met.  We are built with a physical brain that realizes hormones and endorphins that are the reason we start to want to have contact with someone from the opposite gender.

From the physical, comes the emotional and the mental.  Having some in our lives can make us happy and give us pleasure.  Not having someone can cause pain.

In addition, many of us think that we can think our way to a good relationship.  It is necessary to feel, think, and sense.  We look at some one and we find and attraction.  Then we begin to care and need that person.  Then we sense pleasure from conversation, seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and of course touching.

Okay, so you are man with no skills.  You are in a room full of babes who meet your physical ideal type and personality ideal type.  How do you convince one of them to date, fall in love with you, marry you, and let you touch her sexually?

The manner a man walks and looks around a room says a lot about that man’s psychological nature. It says the man is confident, in control, and in charge.  This is attractive to women.

In addition, women have their ideas about who meets their ideal physical type and ideal mental type.  A woman may be looking at you just because she believes you are a kind person and she could have a friendship with you.

However, a man does need to become perceptive about when a woman is looking at him with a romantic interest.  At this time the man has to make the first move.

As much as people are anti-flirting I am pro-flirting.  At the first meeting, it helps to be comical and whimsical.   It will relax the man and the woman. 

Once both genders are relaxed the superficial conversation can start.  At this time common, general and noncontroversial life issues can be discussed.  In this discussion both people learn about the others opinions on dating, marriage, and sex without having to go through the uncomfortable events of asking directly.

Let us review.  A person fixes his or her issues.  A person mediates on his or her physical and mental ideal type and puts in a physical record like a picture and a written outline.  Then a person goes to where the highest probability of encountering his or her ideal type exist and begins to, make contact, talk, flirt, and find out about the person with general noncontroversial questions.

Okay, then comes the first date inquiry.  The man is the one who should make the attempt at asking the woman out.  Now, the possibility exists that you can leave the event or place you are in for a meal and more specific conversation.  Another possibility is that the first date may have to be at a later calendar date.  The man has to sense which option is more plausible.

Yes, I know that in today’s world people are having sex five minutes after they meet someone.  However, ask people if they are happy with their life and a lot of the truthful answers will surprise you.  It comes from a lack of vision of purpose and vision of the future.

Moreover, this article is for those male types who just cannot connect with a woman.  You may be a know-it-all-need-no-body type.  However, many of us are willing to admit we need help and accept help.

Now, early I wrote a certain sequence of events.  These were dating, marriage, and then sex. What to do during dating?

Well for one, you are enjoying each other’s company and growing closer to each other.  This means you have to be in each other’s lives.  Who needs a romantic partner who is always, studying, working, or at their mothers? Time and involvement is required.

Now, you have managed to keep this woman around so long that she manipulated you into marrying her.  Here comes the honeymoon.

Women need sex as much as men, if not more.  A man has to sense when his wife is in the mood for sex and give her the sex she wants and desires.  Now you can drag your wife to your computer, open Microsoft Word, and ask a lot of annoying questions in order to find out what kind of sex your wife likes.  The alternative is to listen and see how she responds to your hugs, kisses, and caresses.

This is a great admonition to you quiet lovers.  A lot of sexual fuel comes from being vocal. 

Of course there is going to have to be a mature and in depth conversation about what kind of sexual activities appeal to your spouse.  I only appreciate healthy sexual lifestyle that only involves the husband and the wife and does not abuse or degrade either person.

So, you have to know when your wife has an itch she wants scratched.  You have to compliment and sweet talk.  You have to hug, kiss, and caress in a sensual manner.  You take an interest in her sexual fulfillment.

Yes, I know many men are asking themselves how they are supposed to know when their wife is itching to be scratched. When a woman is aloof, distant, and peculiar she is wondering why you are not paying her sexual attention.  She has an itch.  Scratch it.

The problem in our society is that people have tried to change the rules.  Instead of waiting until you know someone well enough to want to dedicate your life to them, modern people jump into bed at the first meeting.  Another bigger problem is that too many people have the romantic ideal, but lack the real ideal about what makes a marriage work.

However, when a person grows up and realizes what marriage is about then they have to maintain a certain level of sexual interaction with their spouse.  When a man wants to get his wife in the mood he just has to pay her romantic attention.

Most women respond to compliments, hugs, kisses caresses, and other physical stimulation.  In order, to understand what a woman likes during sex a man just has to listen and watch her responses.

This is important because in order for a wife to continue to want to make love to her husband she has to believe her expectations will be met.  This means she wants to reach ecstasy in a way that it leaves her completely satisfied. Knowing that her husband will satisfy her completely will make a wife more willing to be seduced every time.

Let’s talk about kissing for a moment, shall we?  Many marriages begin to suffer as couples begin to drift apart.  This process typically happens slowly over time and by the time it is noticed by the couples, it may be almost too late.  Research shows that the more couples kiss one another during a day span, the healthier and happier their marriages are.

The average couple kisses anywhere from one time to five times a day on a normal day.  Couples that take the time to kiss more often (20 times PLUS a day) stay connected better on an emotional and a physical level.  Keeping the passion and intimacy alive in a marriage is important for the marriage to be able to sustain itself over long periods of time.

So, how you find time to fit all this kissing into a day’s time?  When your wife or husband leaves for work for the day, instead of a quick peck, indulge in a long, leisurely kiss.  Your spouse will be sure to think about you more often throughout the day and find him or herself missing your touch if you take the time to kiss more often and to make your kisses longer and unhurried.

Use your tongue, use your lips, and use your hands to hold his face, or her face, while you kiss.  Make time to kiss.  Kiss before bed, kiss while making dinner, and catch a quick kiss when you are passing one another in the hallway at home.  Lean over the folded laundry and kiss.  Hold hands when you are walking the dog together or when you are watching a movie together.

If you have been searching for marriage help, try to incorporate more kissing into your day.  Romance is stimulated through kissing and intimacy allows couples to connect on a physical and emotional level.

But this shouldn’t be a dilemma. Asking a girl out is no rocket science; instead, it involves human emotions and the instinct to find a mate. It is no small feat, but it is possible in many ways.

So how do other guys do it? And how come they get the girls they like?

The problem usually starts with one’s self especially when your confidence level is not healthy enough when the need of asking a girl out arises.

One thing that you should know is that some guys who are successful don’t use any kind of magic spell or love potions. Those things exist only in fairytales and reality is much different when it comes to dating and asking a girl out. It also takes more than just good looks, a thick wallet or a shiny red sports car to catch a girl’s attention.

Some guys who have the brutish qualities also know what to do when it comes to dating. They know which buttons to push in order to get positive response from the girls they go out with. They’re no mind-readers, but they know how to tap a girl’s logic towards dating and relationships. If these guys can explore the minds of the girls they date, then, there is no doubt that you can do it too.

If you want to make some changes to increase your chances, go ahead and do it. Everyone needs an upgrade once in a while, but still, if you don’t know what to do or say when asking a girl out, you might lose your chances. You must focus on how to get the girl to like you first, and when she does, you can then ask her out.

The very first step you’ll take is usually the critical one. It is risky and often-times nerve-wracking. If you’ve been eyeing a particular girl and been dying to ask her out on a date, it is not good to approach her without being prepared. You could be dumped right on the spot if you’ll say the wrong things.

Confidence is key to asking a girl out. If you are not confident enough, you need to work on it double time to allow you to approach and talk to her properly. Be cool but not cocky. Try to act natural because a girl can notice and distinguish the sincere from the not.

Tips and advice

Some guys seek expert advice when it comes to asking a girl out, dating, relationships and romance. If you are looking into this option to help you out, just make sure you won’t get ripped off.

Some may even go to a shrink just to find out that there’s something wrong with them instead of trying to focus on the current issue- how to get the girl to like you. This is a major rip off especially if the issue is swayed from your original purpose.

If you’re trying on how to get the girl to like you, the best tip that you could probably utilize right now is to be yourself but with confidence and sincerity. If you’re asking a girl out for the nth time and you still get a NO, there could be something wrong with the way you approach her. Know these mistakes and try to improve them, and maybe you’ll get lucky the next time around.

And then something happens ,at work there is someone you think are a bit interesting, and if you did not have a spouse, you would definitely pursue this person. And slowly you start spending more time with this person at work, drinking a cup of coffee now and again .And suddenly you feel alive again, you feel exited about going to work ,there is finally excitement in your life again. Which also reflects back on your domestic life ,you have more energy and resources ,the sex life is better ,even though you do fantasise about your workmate in bed ,when you make love to your spouse.And there is no harm done because, your partner can not tell what your fantasising about in bed!

Fantastic ,there is going to be a party ,which is going to be held, in a hotel, and you think this is the perfect chance you get to get real close to your workmate, maybe even have sex.

The build up has been fantastic, and the timing is perfect, but then you get cold feet ,start wondering, if it worth it, what if your spouse find out? And now your really confused, you thought you wanted to do it, and now it seems like you are to scared to go through with it.

You think a lot about it, and you realise that you almost cheated on your partner, because you are bored with life, and you think a bit of sex with another person, rather than your spouse, will give you life spice back.

But you have stopped in time (will some think),And realises, that you have neglected your life and let yourself get stuck in a rut, just been going along and not been paying attention to your own feelings, and the need to keep developing one self,and maybe   improve your work situation,or maybe study again ,and become more happy and fulfilled in your life again.We all go through changes and crises in life ,where we have to develop . And when you do ,take the challenge up developing your own life, maybe you will be less tempted to cheat on your spouse, because you bored