Jessica A. Smith

November 2010

Abstract: Sexual deviancy is a surprisingly common phenomenon in today‟s society; yet, there is little understanding and therefore little tolerance for extreme sexually deviant practices such as BDSM. This has led to the accumulation of many negative stereotypes about BDSM and the community which practices it. The most appropriate way to combat this ignorance is by spreading awareness of the safe, sane, and consensual activities practiced within the BDSM community. This paper promotes tolerance, acceptance, and understanding in regards to this community by explaining commonly misunderstood concepts and by presenting first-hand accounts from its current members. As BDSM is stripped of its negative stigmas, members of the community will become less secretive and non-members may feel more open expressing the kinks within their own sexuality.

Introduction

BDSM is a complex acronym which stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism; however, it is important to remember that BDSM is more widely recognized as a figurative term rather than a literal one. It is not enough to simply memorize the six terms within the acronym because BDSM means more than that; it is a community, a lifestyle, and often a way of defining oneself.

The nature of the BDSM community (also referred to as the kink community) is largely dependent on the time, location, and people involved; however, it is generally defined as a group of individuals with a common interest in alternative or deviant sexual practices. This presents a blended group of individuals with similar yet diverse tastes. Some individuals prefer to consensually dominate others while some prefer to relinquish control completely. There are others still who willingly take on either the dominant or the submissive role depending on the circumstances. Within these categories exists a spectrum of interests and practices from couples who treat one another as Masters and slaves every day to people who enjoy only certain aspects of BDSM such as bondage. This paper examines the preferences of a small sample of people throughout this spectrum, exploring their histories, desires, and reasons for existing within the BDSM community.

With this paper I hope to dispel some of the stigmas and myths commonly attached to BDSM and the BDSM lifestyle. I have gathered a total of seven thoughtful interviews from volunteers within the community and will present their opinions and stories in this paper. By presenting the community through the first-hand accounts of its members, I aim to increase awareness and promote an attitude of tolerance and understanding.

BDSM has accumulated a large collection of negative myths, stigmas and labels over time without much, if any, in-depth research to back up the accusations. Two of the most common, and arguably the most important, myths are the beliefs that BDSM is dangerous or harmful, and that BDSM is purely sexual in nature.

When BDSM related media is released to the public it is often negative, stimulating false beliefs further. Perhaps the best example of this is the death of actor David Carradine on June 4, 2009. Carradine was “found dead in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room…with a cord wrapped around his neck and genitals.” This led Thai police to “suspect that his death was not a suicide but an accident resulting from dangerous sexual practices.” (Goldman)

Because of Carradine‟s fetish for asphyxiation his death marked the BDSM community with the stigma that participating in BDSM related activities was unsafe and even deadly. Experienced members of the BDSM community, though, value the importance of a “safe, sane, and consensual” (Void) rule which is often referred to as: “SSC”, and would not agree that Carradine acted in accordance with this rule.

Void, a 41 year old self-identified Master in Charlotte, North Carolina, has been an active member of the community for 14 years. He comments on the fact that some activities commonly practiced in BDSM “may be somewhat risky, which is why a code of SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) [exists]” (Void)

Participating in BDSM related activities is often referred to as playing. Playing in a safe manner requires a large amount of planning and forethought. A considerable amount of time and effort must be spent learning skills before a person is considered a safe and knowledgeable player. It is also important to “buy the right safety gear for the situation (from scissors to first aid kits, even bolt cutters).” (Void) Most experienced players have a large variety of safety gear depending on their preferred method of play.

There are also classes, workshops, and training sessions taught by experienced players within the community to teach newcomers the basics. These are confidential and often free of charge; their aim is not to make profit but rather to enrich and educate the community. Bugbitten, a 52 year old female from North Carolina, has been a member for the BDSM community for three years. She shares that she and her partner “very much enjoy hosting educational workshops at [their] home.” They also “love meeting new people, so that [they] can help get them information on safety and transition into the lifestyle.” (Bugbitten)

Sanity, as it is used within BDSM, is a general term which suggests that one should not attempt to act out a BDSM scene when they are not thinking clearly. This includes avoiding BDSM related activities while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. It is important not to confuse this term with its psychological counterpart and to remember that sanity must coexist with safety and consensuality because while people who “meet psychiatric criteria for sexual sadism or sadomasochism may be sane by definition” (Fedoroff) without appropriate education they may not be practicing safety or consensuality as it is defined by the BDSM community.

Playing consensually is perhaps the most important component of the “SSC” rule because when an activity is truly consensual it will often automatically follow the other two rules as well. Communication is the only way to ensure total consensuality among partners. “There must be extensive discussion regarding expectations, on both sides of the relationship,” says Ace, a 58 year old Dominant Master and member for the BDSM community for 35 years. (Ace) The desire to hurt another person, sadism, or to be hurt by another person, masochism, is only dangerous, harmful, or criminal when practiced non-consensually. “Many individuals self-identify themselves as sadists or masochists while strongly advocating only consensual sexual activities.” (Fedoroff)

The Importance of Community

One of the most distinguishing factors which separates the BDSM Community from BDSM-related pornography or simply “kinky sex” is the optional inclusion of sex. “A riding crop and a blindfold [don‟t] make it BDSM. There is a big difference between being kinky and being in the scene.” (Battista) Many members of the community share the belief that a strictly sexual attitude is an immature mindset to have within the community and that with time and experience their mindset should change. For example, when asked about her experience looking for new (dominant) partners, Caprica, a 25 year old submissive from Portsmouth, VA, said “I do believe that I am asked by a lot of inexperienced male tops to play because they have a mindset which involves them getting sex” and “sex is not [her] goal out of the relationship.” Caprica has been involved in the community for 12 years and values her non-sexual relationships within it. She notes that “with so few of [her] BDSM relationships actually involving sex” she has “been able to experience many different kinds of play.” (Caprica)

This does not mean, however, that sex is not a valid part of BDSM. Members actively enjoy BDSM related sexual activities just as they do intelligent conversation about the lifestyle. The important factor is balance between the two so that the community remains a valid source of education and support rather than swingers club or a dating network.

There are many universal trends besides sex that seem to shine through all ages and genders of today‟s BDSM culture; the most predominant seems to be the value of community. Many interviewees commented on the importance of the BDSM community in their individual lives. NCMaster, for example, is a 61 year old Dominant, Top and Master in Gaston County, NC. He has been involved in the lifestyle for 25 years and comments that, for him, “this lifestyle offers an opportunity to be understood and accepted.” (NCMaster)

Many agree with NCMaster that the community offers acceptance like few other groups. For example, Weirdwulf, a 57 year old dominant from Charlotte, NC who has been in the lifestyle for 14 years, says “[The BDSM community is] my place to be me, not what others think I should or must be, but what I decide I am.” (WeirdWulf) Bugbitten also agrees, saying that, for her, it is a “good feeling to hang out with people who share the same interests as me.” (Bugbitten)

Finally, Jericho, a 39 year old submissive from Lethbridge, Alberta seems to agree with the trend. He notes that “before [he] started interacting with local people in the lifestyle” he “felt that the kinky part of [himself] needed to be hidden” and after only two years of active participation, he feels that the community has brought him “a sense of wholeness.” (Jericho)

Power Dynamics within the Community

The BDSM community, like many others, is defined by its members. As those members come and go, it undergoes a nearly constant redefinition. While there are general standards as to what qualifies one to be a submissive, dominant, master, etc. these terms are mostly broad and open to the interpretation of anyone who wishes to use, and therefore, to define them. This is why it is so important to explore the parts of the BDSM community from a varied sample of its members rather than from only one source.

The community can be broadly organized into three categories of people: Dominants, submissives, and Switches. From there it is easier to examine more complicated dynamics including singles, couples, families, and leather families.

Void self identifies as a “heterosexual polyamorous Master.” Because he always takes the role of the person giving sensation (pain, pleasure, or otherwise) and consensually exerts control over his play-partners, “Dominant” is the most appropriate of the three categories with which to define his role. Void, however, did not chose Dominant when identifying himself. He considers himself a Master because he “own[s] a slave (consensually) and subscribe[s] to the M/s [Master/slave] philosophy in relationship dynamics.” (Void)

When asked how he first discovered his dominance, Void responded:

“I think it is the way I was wired. I recall my fantasies from

the earliest age I can remember involving being in controlling

situations and making women do what I wanted them to do…

My revelation came when a woman I was dating told me she

wanted a brand of her sorority on her arm. Initially I was

repulsed, but I couldn’t get the image out of my mind. I

envisioned me tying her up (to “help” her get the brand…)

[and] as the fantasies got more and more elaborate; I realized

something was different about me.” (Void)

Ms. N is a 56 year old Domme in NC. Although she identifies as heterosexual she shared that while she “prefers to top men” because she enjoys “the sexual energy created when topping a male” she has “also topped women.” Her first experience enjoying her dominance happed at age 11 while “Playing with [her] brother” when she “tied him up.” She shares that while “At first it was the bondage and the S&M in play that was exciting” now she primarily “enjoy[s] the discipline in [her] daily life with [her] submissive.” (Ms.N)

Ace discovered his preference for domination in a purely sexual way “in [his] middle 20’s.” He “enjoyed making women cum again… when the clit was so sensitive after the first orgasm, [and] they couldn’t bear to have it touched.” (Ace)

WeirdWulf “started tying people up…at about 11-12 years of age.” He had a difficult time finding others who were interested in the same things. He searched “most of [his] early adult life” before finding “those like [him] during the early days of chat-rooms.” He “became a real time Dom in 1996 when [he] first started playing as an adult.” (WeirdWulf)

NCMaster has “identified as dominant from the beginning when [he] was a child.” He “did not know at the time about the term” but “just knew what [he] liked.” He “also identifies as Master. This came later as [he] entered lifestyle relationships where there was a power exchange between partners.” He also says that he knew “at an early age that [he] had interests in things that other people may consider outside the norm.” He “began reading and enjoying erotic literature, having fantasies and dreams about the type of activities of this lifestyle [and] was not even aware that there was a “lifestyle” at the time!” (NCMaster)

Even though the above Dominants mostly view their role as innate and natural, it is important to remember that not everyone finds pleasure in domination. Some identify as submissives and, to them, domination feels wrong and unpleasant. Bugbitten, for example says that it “doesn‟t turn [her] on to control or bring pain to anyone.” (Bugbitten) Caprica shared a story of her attempt at dominating a scene:

“I tried to top a switch, of whom I was in a relationship

with [sic]. One evening “Micheal” was feeling rather

subish and wanted me to top him. I remember feeling

like something was wrong, or out of sorts. Micheal

wanted me to tie him up, beat him with a crop, and

then force sexual acts on him. I tried very hard to

overcome the feeling I had, like I was doing something

wrong and I knew it. I did not feel comfortable

because I had never topped anyone before and it just

felt wrong.” (Caprica)

Caprica is very sure of her role as a submissive. She describes her role as providing “service (sometimes sexual) to [her] tops, and in return for [her] obedience they reward [her] with a trip to “sub-space”” (Caprica) “Sub-space” can be generally defined as a pleasant psychological experience which many submissives report feeling while being dominated.

She goes on to explain how she first became involved with the community:

“When I was 14 years old a family friend (We will call

her Susan) confronted me one day about my personality

and behavior. Susan started asking me a lot of questions.

Things like “Why do you not stand up for yourself?” and

“Why don’t you hit back?” After a few months, Susan

decided to sit me down and talk to me. She told me about

how my actions reminded her of a submissive. Susan

described the roles involved, how the relationships

worked, and how diverse the scene is. She gave me

books to read, and movies to watch. After I felt

comfortable she started showing me a few things,

she mainly told me about things I could try on myself.

When I was ready I asked her to do things to me.

Like tying me in certain positions, or using certain

tools in certain places to see how they felt, like a

wartenburg wheel rolled up and down the back.

Eventually she became my first mistress.” (Caprica)

Bugbitten is also a submissive woman who self-identifies as a “bottom” meaning “The recipient of the action, either sexual or BDSM in nature” and describes herself as “hetero-flexible” meaning that she is “sexually attracted to the opposite gender” but “willing to have sex with the same gender”. She knew she was kinky at “about age 13. [She] got turned on by seeing the original Rocky Horror Show live in London” and felt that she “was always attracted to “all things different.” (Bugbitten)

Jericho identifies as a submissive because he “gain[s] pleasure from giving control and placing [himself] in [another person‟s] hands.” He also enjoys “bringing pleasure to the person [he] submit[s] to as they use [him] in the manner they see fit. “ He shares that “while playing tie up games with [his] cousin” he realized that he “enjoyed the feeling of being tied up, being helpless, defenseless.” (Jericho)

Just as not everyone finds pleasure in domination, not everyone finds pleasure in submission either. Void, for example, has “not tried bottoming” but has “had things done to [him] as part of the learning experience.” Void believes that he does “not experience things the way a submissive or slave does, and [does] not derive pleasure from the experience.” (Void)

A switch is a person who finds pleasure in both domination and submission. It is rare to find a true “half-and-half” switch, and some members of the community do not believe such a thing exists. Others do not “believe anyone is pure Dominate or pure submissive but fall somewhere on the spectrum.” (Jericho)

Relationships within the Community

A perfect example of the constant redefinition of BDSM over time is the evolution of the current BDSM community from the leather community of the 1950‟s. (Rubin) It began with “gay veterans traumatized by the war” and “with newly formed gay biker clubs.” (Dean) The tradition has an extensive history and still continues today in many varied forms, one of which is the leather families. NCMaster has identified as leather for about 20 years and is an active member of a leather family and defines it as “a group of people that share common interest and philosophies.” He adds that a leather family is “like many other definitions of family” because “it also infers mutual support and involvement.” NCMaster also says “[A leather family] does not necessarily include sexual involvement. Some leather families are more structured and focused on protocols, others are more relaxed on structure and protocols. There is not one right way. If the people involved find the support and shared interests, that is what makes it work.” (NCMaster)

Because leather tradition arose from the soldiers of World War II, the leather community places great value on “the respect of tradition, the responsibility to the community, and the interactions of those that embrace the principles.” (NCMaster) “Many have found freedom in [this] formality, [as well as through] individualism through observance of custom and a sublime order in things non-leatherfolk might consider completely chaotic” (Rubin)

The leather community embraces “traditions that represent honesty, truth, personal responsibility, loyalty, and honor. Things like “Earned Leather” that show a dedication to learning and growth, participation in activities that continue traditions to show a need for remembering the past and the sacrifices of those that went before us are also important.” (NCMaster)

Today, it is more commonplace to find couples with Master and slave (M/s) or Dominant and submissive (D/s) dynamics rather than traditional leather families. Some couples fashion their relationships based upon influences such as the stereotypical 1950‟s couple while some simply do whatever feels right for them. For example, Bugbitten has been with her dominant partner, Bug, for over three years. She describes him as: “my best friend, my lover, one-half of me, my security, my safety, my sanity. He owns me. If we had to define it, it would be Top and Bottom, and I suppose Dominant and submissive.” (Bugbitten)

Void is the dominant partner in a Master and slave relationship with his slave of three years, esclave. He describes their relationship as “M/s” meaning “that in a non-legally binding way [he] own[s] her” and “she is [his] responsibility.” Void recognizes that he has “an obligation to her to be the best Master and Owner possible.” (Void)

Meeting Singles and Avoiding Predators

Many people in relationships that involve power exchange (D/s or M/s) are often open to adding an additional member to the household. They, along with single people in the community actively looking for partners, find themselves in a challenging situation. Finding a partner can be difficult for many reasons. Available females are often approached by people merely seeking sex and female submissives are likely to be taken advantage of by dishonest people. “Being a female submissive in this community is like chumming the waters for sharks. Just need to put a little toe into the water, and there they come!” (Bugbitten) Even Ace admits that “as a male we tend to be slightly more aggressive in our searches.” (Ace)

It also seems that, at least among males, the number of available submissives is far greater than the number of Dominants. “Genuine Dominant males (as opposed to control freaks or guys looking for kinky sex) are in short supply.” (WeirdWulf) Submissive males, on the other hand tend to “have a lot of competition for Dominant females…they often have to go to extraordinary measures to attract the attention of a Dominant.” (Void)

Another problem occurs when a person‟s experience is not in sync with their age range. Caprica is an example of this. She feels that her “amount of experience in the scene is most common in two prior generations of [hers].” She tends to “look for older play mates, to better match experience levels.” (Caprica)

The desire to find a partner within the BDSM community is “not unlike finding a partner in a vanilla [or non-BDSM] community” in that both are “based on mutual interests.” (NCMaster) Before committing to a person one must take to time to ensure compatibility and commit to getting to know one another. “If someone can‟t make friends, be nice, show respect and care for their play partner(s) then they will have a hard time finding people to play with.” (Jericho)

Perhaps precaution is even more important for singles, especially women, in the lifestyle than in the vanilla community because often times “men who are approaching them are not in the lifestyle and are only looking for an easy lay, or freaky sex.” (Void) One must learn how to distinguish a serious potential partner from a man more fitting of Void‟s description. The best way to do this is to “ask around in the local community” (Caprica)

Presenting oneself well is an effective and necessary way to attract potential partners. Of course it is important to “show respect for others…[show]common courtesy, [and] have a sense of humor.” (WeirdWulf) But in the BDSM community it is also important to “learn the safest practices possible…[and] make an effort to be seen and be known as a safe player.” (Void)

When physically meeting a potential partner for the first time you must “meet in public” and “use safe calls,” pre-arranged phone calls with a close friend to ensure safety. (Bugbitten) Quality partners will never be offended by this because “if they are serious about playing with you, they should understand and respect that you want to be sure of your safety.” (Jericho) Overall you should avoid following your sex drive and instead “follow your instincts.” (Bugbitten)

Fetishism and Play

“In society, the word fetish has taken on a bad tone.” (Bugbitten) Because of violent pornography, negative media, and other contributing factors many people are unaware of just how many ways fantasies can be carried out in a safe, sane, consensual, and enjoyable environment. A scene is the physical interaction of people doing just that. When a person enjoys one particular aspect of a scene they are often identified as having a fetish.

This, of course, is not the true definition of fetishism. Fetishism is a psychological term defined as a mental disorder in the DSM IV; however, the BDSM community has adopted this term and redefined it for its own purposes. It is commonly recognized as “a particular focus on an activity or object that brings special responses that one finds pleasing.” (NCMaster) Others describe it as an “act that is preformed to stimulate an individual‟s senses, normally by another individual,” (Caprica) “an object that enhances sexuality, but is normally not required to orgasm,” (Void) and “anything to which a person is unreasonably and foolishly devoted.” (WeirdWulf)

While having “a fetish or even multiple fetishes… should not be the standard of defining if one is in the lifestyle” (NCMaster) it is surprisingly common throughout the community. Common fetishes that most people tend to share or at least recognize as traditionally BDSM related are impact play, sensory play, and bondage.

BDSM is, of course, also about the enjoyment of pain as indicated by the final pieces of the acronym: sadism, meaning enjoyment of giving pain, and masochism, meaning enjoyment of receiving it. For example, Jericho says that, as a submissive, he “enjoy[s] some forms more than others, but in general [he does] enjoy pain.” Many people agree with him; there are many types of pain and everyone has their preference and personal tolerance. It is very much an individual choice. Tools and objects commonly called toys are used during scenes to induce pain, pleasure and other sensations. When a toy is used to produce pain by striking the body it is referred to as impact play.

The flogger, which is made of a handle and multiple falls, is one popular way to participate in impact play. WeirdWulf considers flogging to be one of his primary interests and when flogging he feels “relaxed, powerful, [and] in [his] element.” He speaks highly of the emotional aspect of flogging, saying that it is not merely about “the act of striking someone.” He finds value in “the art [of flogging], the sensation, the emotion, the power, the beauty, the elegance, [and] the release” noting that, in his opinion, “it has to be experienced to have a true understanding.” (WeirdWulf)

Sensory play involves stimulating the senses or limiting one or more senses to increase awareness in the others. One of the most common forms of sensory play is a surprisingly commonly used item: the blindfold. By eliminating the sense of sight, it “heightens the other senses” and “creates a sense of sexual tension.” (Bugbitten)

People outside of the BDSM community use blindfolds as sleeping aids and party-game accessories among other things. Anyone who has ever used a blindfold knows that almost anything from sleeping masks to neckties and scarves will work efficiently. Blindfolds are also commonly used to add a kinky touch to vanilla sex and foreplay. In fact, according to a recent survey released in Cosmopolitan magazine in November 2010, 23% of Cosmopolitan readers have been blindfolded in bed, and 65% would be willing to try it. In addition to that, 25% of the same people have blindfolded a partner in bed, and 64% would be willing to try it. (Cosmopolitan) Most of Cosmopolitan’s readers are women ages 18-34. (Cosmopolitan Magazine Online) While Cosmopolitan’s readers seem to have moderate experience levels, the willingness to play with a blindfold in bed is quite high.

Bondage is the first part of the acronym “BDSM” and is appropriately a part of many people‟s lives within the BDSM community. Jericho compares bondage to marijuana in that it can be like “the gateway drug to other things” and “while some [people] stick with just bondage, feeling fulfilled with that, others go on to try other things like electrical play, fire play, and whatever else there is to try.” (Jericho)

Caprica, like many others, was introduced to bondage “from TV and comics” and shares that since that childhood experience she has “always wanted to be the victim all tied up and helpless.” (Caprica) She is far from alone, Bugbitten remembers that “the idea of being tied up for someone‟s pleasure has been alluring to [her] since [she] was a teenager” and her “fetish was confirmed during [her] first BDSM encounter.” (Bugbitten)

Bondage as a fetish is also quite common. The 2008 statistic that “39% of the general male population has had fantasies of tying up…a woman” (Fedoroff) reveals a relatively high percentage and this only increases when we take into account those who have chosen not to reveal their fetishes and fantasies to the survey, and the margin of growth within the last two years.

The question still stands: “why would anyone want to do this?” Because there is little general understanding as to how and why people in the BDSM community enjoy what they do, much prejudice and negative judgment evolves from the ignorance. The most effective way to combat this ignorance is knowledge and understanding. Knowing why kinky people are kinky is an important first step to the political and social acceptance that the community is constantly working towards.

When in bondage, Caprica feels “loved, and wanted.” She compares the sensation to “a really big hug.” She also “enjoy[s] the feeling of constriction” and “the sensation aspect of the rope being dragged across the skin.” (Caprica) Indeed, the physical sensation of rope or other material is generally important to a bondage fetishist. Bugbitten also enjoys rope saying that she finds pleasure in the way it “vibrates across [her] skin when [she‟s] being tied and especially untied.” (Bugbitten) Another physical aspect of bondage that people find appealing is the lack of mobility. “Just the idea that someone could walk up and touch you how they pleased and that you have no means of resistance is very exciting.” (Caprica) In addition to physical sensation, bondage often offers an array of emotional side effects and complex yet enjoyable feelings.

As a submissive, Jericho enjoys the “feeling of not having control” and “of being under someone‟s power.” Because he has “a lot of responsibility in [his] life and [has] to be in control of [himself] as well as others which can get tiresome after a time.” He finds bondage to be a way to relieve stress because when in bondage he has “no control [and] the worries of „regular‟ life go away for that time.” (Jericho) Bugbitten mentions something similar saying that she “love[s] the aspect of being out of [her] own control because most of [her] life [she‟s] the one in control of things.”

Jericho goes on to mention another important sensation. He loves that “when bound [he has] the freedom to express how [he‟s] feeling about what is happening to [him].” By expressing this he feels that he can release “whatever pent up stresses [he has]” and says that “it feels good to be rid of them.” (Jericho)

Conclusion

“While a few [members of the community] eat, drink, and sleep kink, so to speak, another larger segment chooses to engage in it sporadically while living a life that differs little from that of the rest of mainstream America.” (Bannon) “There is no single, correct way to be kinky” (Bannon) It is important to remember “that we are all in some way complicit in living out [power exchange] politics in all of our relationships all of the time.” (Angelique) The relationship between a teacher and a student is a common non-sexual example of this. We all, at some point, encounter these power-specific roles almost daily whether we realize it or not. Members of the BDSM community merely manipulate these existing power-specific roles to play out erotic fantasies in a relatively safe, sane, and consensual way. Jericho says: “The people I‟ve met in the lifestyle have taught me that what I enjoy is nothing to be ashamed of, that it is as much a part of me as love of sports, movies, animals and so on.” (Jericho)

BDSM should be stripped of its negative labels and stigmas and recognized for what it is: a consensual manipulation of power dynamics between people. Until society recognizes this, BDSM will continue carrying a bad reputation, the media will continue to show it in only a dark light, and members of the community will continue to struggle between anonymously expressing themselves and appearing “normal” in modern society.

This acceptance and liberation is slowly but surely happening through programs such as the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, or NCSF, but overall there is little support and little tolerance for sexual deviancy in today‟s society. Just as acceptance and equality should be considered basic human rights for women, homosexuals, and transgendered people so should they be to members of the BDSM community.

Works Cited

Cosmopolitan November 2010: 109.

Ace. Interview. October 2010.

Angelique, H. L. “On power, psychopolitical validity, and play.” Journal of Community Psychology (2008): 246-253.

Bannon, Race. “Building Kink Community: Let’s Include Casual Kink And Full-time Perverts.” Cuir Underground (1995).

Battista, Lord. EPE. .

Bugbitten. Interview. October 2010.

Caprica. Interview. October 2010.

Cosmopolitan Magazine Online. 2009. .

Dean, James Joseph. “Fairies, Bears, and Leathermen: Men in COmmunity Queering the Masculine.” Special Forces 88.3 (2010): 1492-1493.

Fedoroff, J. Paul. “Sadism, Sadomasochism, Sex, and Violence.” Canadian Journal of Psychiatry (2008): 637-646.

Goldman, Russell. “Police: Carradine’s Death Likely Sex Accident.” 5 June 2009. ABC news. .

Jericho. Interview. October 2010.

Ms.N. Interview. October 2010.

NCMaster. Interview. October 2010.

Rubin, Gayle. “Old Guard, New Guard.” Cuir Underground Summer 1998.

Void. Interview. October 2010.

WeirdWulf. Interview. October 2010.

I’m a very diverse type of person so I desire all types of people and have experienced communicating, and being with a lot of them too. When it comes to black women, if you really want to know what they like, listen to them talk. Some like foreplay. Some hate it. Some don’t mind going downtown. Others wouldn’t even dream of it. These are things that show a persons sexual personality. But one thing they all like is that slow grinding. This is where it gets a little tricky. Most black men think black women like it hard and rough. That’s not entirely correct. Most women in general like that slow grind where you only get your penis half way in but you hit the top of the crevice and gently rub the clit of a woman.

This makes them go crazy. This area is called the G-spot and will make them cum. But most men think it is all about how deep you go in. And it is not. Also, when you hit that spot, learn that spot, remember where you are actually hitting, and then if music is on or you have a natural rhythm in your head, don’t just go in and out…dance around that spot. It’s like you are massaging her sexually. This also helps to keep the guys stamina up because you are exerting minimal energy, as well as giving her pleasure that is unimaginable.

That goes for any woman. Now to the white girls and puerto ricans. These two races like the same things pretty much. Puerto rican girls are just more aggressive. But both of them like aggressive and kinky sex. White girls tend to be known to be more “open minded” and willing to try anything. That’s why most men desire them as a sexual preference. They still like the previous thing that I was explaining earlier, but they are more prone to having foreplay before the sex. They like oral sex and anal sex. They’ll even role play for you or do the food sex thing with you. Once again, knowing what different types of women like can help. It really gives you the upper hand advantage going in to at least have an idea about what they like and don’t like.

Asian girls are more conservative than any of these races I’ve explained so far.But when you find a freak, you have found a freak. The only thing about them is the rhythm. They usually are an of tempo type of race at times. Now don’t get me wrong for some races that doesn’t matter, but me being a black man, it really matters if a girl can have a metronome in her head going so she can keep up with me. Guys who have a rhythm hate having music and trying to have sex with an individual who is off beat or can’t adapt to there speed and pace. But other than that, asian girls are freaks when they do come out. This is a rumor, but it holds itself up pretty well and it is said that mexicans and asians have the most moist vaginas when they get wet. I don’t know. This whole article is analyzations, rumors, personal experiences, and other peoples opinions. But like stereotypes, it almost proves itself to be true majority of the time.

Women, men love to dominate, but we also love a woman who can dominate and do it well. We love a woman who is open minded to do almost anything or at least try it. And we love a woman who can get on top and really perform well on a penis. That is what gets a man caught up and whipped…a woman who can do that and do it well. We also like fore play, but we don’t like to say it. We like to be kissed all over as well and be rubbed down and played with. We don’t always want to rush straight into it. We just choose to sometimes because we get excited. We love it when a woman moans, but we hate it when they yell frantically. We dispise complete silence. And we love it when women pull in close and breathe on our ears and scratch our backs. That leaves battle scars showing we was really doing our job well.

Men, women loved to be touched. They love to be caressed and they love to be gazed at and marveled at as if they are the most gorgeous thing you laid eyes on. Women like the smaller more detailed things about sex. They like the starting from the top then ending at the bottom type of things. They like to be held tight, but dealt with gently. They like to be kissed on the neck, but not bit on the neck. They like to be licked. No, they LOVE to be licked…everywhere. They like fragrances and music. They love a setting. It shows you really put time in for her and this moment. All this adds to sex for her.

I hope this helps out anyone who thought they was really doing it good in bed. Sometimes we think we got it all figured out, until we hear or see something different and realize we might have been hurting ourselves instead of helping ourselves.

9. Being cheap and instead of using massaging oils, just using Crisco. This causes acne by the way.

8. Having a balloon that has sex toys inside of it (instead of the traditional stuffed animal) delivered to her work.

7. Taking a bubble bath together when you do not have a bath tub that accommodates two people.

6. Having sex in public, getting caught, being arrested, and having to post bail. This usually does not work.

5. Trying to shave your entire body to give it more of a sleek look. Then you realize that you are allergic to something in the shaving cream.

4. Trying to talk your partner into both of you having sex change operations so that you can understand each other better. This is probably not the best of ideas in most situations.

3. Sexual electric shock therapy.This should be performed by a professional.

2. Giving your partner a roofie. Usually they don’t appreciate that.

1. Including barnyard animals in the bedroom. I am pretty sure this illegal and weird. If you partner does go for it, you are both very strange and might end up contracting the swine flu or e. coli.

Each ricocheting step you took
Forged fear and excitement in me,
There it was digging into me,
That iron-like rod you chose to use.

You stood before me with it raised
That iron-like rod calmly waiting.
My heart raced as your hand changed grip,
Fingers loose as you reached the end.

I realised the climax was near
Each fibre demanding the end.
Then came that deafening blow
The end sealed, by a lump of lead.

In the works of Stone, a predominant concept is the concept of capitalist truth. It could be said that if precultural rationalism holds, we have to choose between neocapitalist cultural theory and pretextual dialectic theory. The subject is contextualised into a precultural rationalism that includes art as a paradox.

The main theme of the works of Stone is the bridge between sexual identity and sexuality. Therefore, Sontag promotes the use of neocapitalist cultural theory to attack society. An abundance of theories concerning a neotextual reality may be revealed.

However, the primary theme of von Ludwig’s[3]analysis of precultural rationalism is not, in fact, desublimation, but predesublimation. The masculine/feminine distinction intrinsic to Stone’s JFK emerges again in Platoon, although in a more mythopoetical sense.

But Derrida uses the term ‘subcapitalist narrative’ to denote the role of the poet as writer. In Heaven and Earth, Stone reiterates precultural rationalism; in JFK, however, he denies neocapitalist cultural theory.

Therefore, many discourses concerning dialectic neocapitalist theory exist. Marx uses the term ‘neocapitalist cultural theory’ to denote not theory, as subcapitalist narrative suggests, but posttheory.

In a sense, the characteristic theme of the works of Stone is the defining characteristic, and some would say the meaninglessness, of constructivist art. Bataille’s model of neocapitalist deappropriation suggests that truth is unattainable.

However, Cameron[4]states that we have to choose between precultural rationalism and capitalist theory. Lacan suggests the use of prestructural patriarchialist theory to challenge hierarchy.

3. Dietrich, I. (1978) Discourses of Stasis: The textual paradigm of discourse and Sartreist existentialism. And/Or Press

4. Pickett, P. M. ed. (1994) The textual paradigm of discourse in the works of Cage. University of Illinois Press

Now, it is time for the true purpose of this article. Wild, kinky stuff that involves jam! First, get a jar of jam. Get a slinky….. Yes, a slinky! Lather up the slinky with the jam. Go to your nearest mall that has an escalator. Standing at the top of the escalator, begin to slinky down the escalator with your jam-covered slinky. This will either work or not. I feel that it will be too exciting to say if it will. The truly wild thing to do is to let you find out by trying it yourself. My best advice is for you to use strawberry jam.

That’s the popular image of kink, anyway.  It’s a common hit for the media, because so many of us are interested in things kinky, some with a gentle, horrified fascination, some with outright zealous condemnation.  Perhaps not really knowing what it is, perhaps secretly interested, not wanting to admit to self or partner, but still wanting to know.

 I use the royal we, here, of course: I’m dead kinky and love every minute of it.  Dark and murky that world may be, but only when we want it to be.  On the whole kinky people are of more than average intelligence, have good jobs and are well able to separate fantasy from reality.  On the whole, kinky people are imaginative and creative, engaged with the art of sex.

Fetish is never a choice: if you have it, you have it.  The choice is what to do with it.  Be embarrassed by it, hate it, become a victim of it, or embrace it, celebrate it, enjoy it? Strictly paraphilia, the sexualisation of items or body parts not usually connected with the act of sex, or sex involving sadomasochism, it often rears its head in middle life after mild overtures in childhood, inconveniently conflicting with acquired values and relationships.

Kink is more of a lifestyle choice.  It’s enhanced sex, sex with intelligence, sex using tools (toys), recognise anything very human about that?  Tools and intelligence…  Sometimes it’s instead of sex,  sometimes it’s far, far more than sex can ever be.

There’s no clear line between fetish and kink, although a fetish is often the basis for creating a kinky lifestyle, whereas a kinky lifestyle can be created simply from choice, with no underlying fetish.    The fetishist can end up cast apart for lack of understanding and tolerance, while the kinkster is more likely to be cast apart simply for having too much fun.

Suddenly, a friend messages me, someone a little long distance. We chat normally, but I do know how damn sexy he his, and it gets me to thinking… this is the perfect time for office sex. I’ve figured out there are about 9 places to try this:

1. Desk:

   A classic idea. Must be sturdy, though… that is, if the guy knows what he’s doing.

2. Swivel Chair:

   

   Comfortable like crazy. And it twists, must I say any more?

3. Floor:

   

   There must be a clean spot somewhere… a bit cold, though.

4. Sofa:

   Why is it so damn comfortable? I know it’s not for the people who sit there a grand total of 10 minutes waiting for an interview.

5. Stairs:

   

   Probably the best for those short-tall couples. This way, the shorter one can go up higher to a more suitable level for the taller one.

6. Kitchenette:

   

   The counter, definitely. Sit on the slab of marble and let the guy stand.

7. Bathroom:

   A classic idea for those who think they’re “kinky.” Yet, still a goody, considering it offers the most privacy.

8. Roof:

   Seriously, does anyone ever go out on the roof at your job? The only risk you have is being seen from the building next door that’s a few floors higher.

9. Wall:

   

   This can be a little tough to maneuver… but not if the man lifts you, then he only works a little bit harder.

Editor’s Pick: The Elevator

On an ending note: I really wouldn’t mind usage of the corporate jet about now, to fly that handsome man over here… so he can make me fly. *smirk*