Have you ever noticed that loneliness feeling you get attacked more often as time goes by? If so, you’re not alone.

An article in The Atlantic noted that some research suggests loneliness has increased dramatically in a short time recently. In America certainly, one of five people suffer from loneliness. This condition can be transmitted even when we are emotionally involved with them.

Lack of socialization with the surrounding environment is also exacerbating the person’s mental health such as depression.

As reported by the Huffington Post, one study found that people who do not tend to relate to other people died, nine years sooner than those with good social interaction. Here are five common causes of the emergence of a sense of loneliness.

1. Age

Shifting the traditional culture of modernity that makes them feel depressed elderly in solitude. In the traditional societies, parents have an important role and prestige which they are always surrounded by family and society.

However, in the modern era, the role of parents increasingly marginalized due to the bustle of the profession of his children. Therefore, parents at risk of feeling alienated from their families and their environment.

2. Loss

Death, divorce, and marriage is delayed or failure of a marriage is often a factor of the emergence of a sense of loneliness for some people.

Although many who then fled on dating sites or friendship, it is still not able to answer their loneliness. This is justified psychologists Jane E. Brody. “The escape would not reduce the actual feelings of loneliness, this would create a sense of loneliness become embedded more strongly.”

3. Online social media

The Atlantic also writes that, the more we are connected with social life digitally, we will be more immersed in the real social life.

Existing research in the article states that when a person is active in social media, they increasingly retreated from the real environment of friendship. However, this is better than those who did not use it or passively by just looking at her friends news feeds.

4. Commuting

According to Robert Putnam, scientists from Harvard University and author of Bowling Alone, the longer the travel time taken, the stronger sense of social isolation appears. For example, if we spend time in the course itself, the social connection will automatically be reduced by 10 percent.

5. Genetic

It turned out that loneliness is also caused by genetic factors. One survey showed that about loneliness twins tend to feel less lonely than those who do not have a twin brother. University of Chicago study also states that loneliness will impact on brain development are not stable, and high risk of disease emergence.

What Life?/Once more I find myself in the same situation. It’s been this way for a long time. I get up and get ready for  school. Usually when I get ready for school I lie to myself. I say Serena, you’re going to have a good day! A day filled with smiles and happiness. You’re going to succeed and become somebody. A famous rock star perhaps? Yeah a rock star! After I lie to myself I get back to reality and laugh at my sarcastic thoughts. When I finish getting ready I eat breakfast. Sometimes when I feel like crap in the morning I play my guitar. I let the music take me away to a wonderful place. I usually go to Tokyo but sometimes I go to London. When I finish my song the illusions and my fantasy life disappear. I wish I could stay there and be truly happy. But I can’t I have to put up with this thing called reality. Sometimes I feel a little better after the song is over but if I do it doesn’t last long. When I get back to reality dark thoughts enter my mind. Then I go through the depression stage. When I say depression stage I mean that the same depressing things happen to me everyday. Sometimes things are a little different but usually it’s about the same. I go through the day feeling a variety of depressing and angering emotions. The one that usually comes first is sadness. This feeling starts as soon as I get out of the car. I look around and see that everyone has a friend but me. It hurts. It really does. I start breaking down inside and my hopes of having a good day are crushed. But somehow I always manage to make it to class. The emotion that always comes second is envy. This feeling starts when I’m in the hall getting books out of my locker. I see girls walking to their classes talking to their friends or chatting with their boyfriends and I always start to wonder why can’t that be me? Why can’t I be the one who has the hot boyfriend and cool friends? Why can’t I be the one with the pretty face, the sexy body, and long wavy hair. Why can’t I be the one everyone says hi to? When these thoughts run through my mind I start to feel hatred in my soul. Eventually that hate turns into envy. I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t think anybody does. The third emotion always kind of takes me by surprise even though I’m used to it. That emotion is anger. I’m not a person who gets angry over every little thing. In fact I hardly ever get angry. But when I do get angry I never take it out on anyone or anything. I usually keep it to myself. Sometimes though my anger gets to be too much for me. When it does I cut myself. Seeing the blood run down my arm makes me feel better. I hate doing that but at the same time I kind of like it. I hate it because it’s not a healthy habit. I like it because it helps to take away the pain and release the depressing emotions I keep inside. When I finish cutting myself my anger subsides but I never forget what I was angry about. The fourth emotion hits me hard every time. The fourth
emotion is actually a mix of emotions I keep inside. When I start to feel lonely the boxed up emotions always come out. I start feeling lonely at lunch time. I dread going to lunch. I always sit by myself because I don’t have anyone to sit with or talk to. One of the first emotions to come out is fear, the fear of being lonely in darkness for all eternity. The other is a feeling of hopelessness. Hopelessness for me is when I’m all out of faith. I try to deal with it by telling myself everything is going to be okay. But right after I tell myself that a feeling of being torn comes out. That’s when I start feeling like I  need to cry. When I start to feel this way I get up, throw away my lunch, and hurry from the lunchroom. As I make my way to the bathroom the forth boxed up emotion comes out, dark depression. Dark depression is an emotion that feeds on the darkness in my soul. It’s an emotion that stays hidden most of the time but never disappears. When I feel this low I always have a  breakdown. I hate breaking down like that. But I fear that it’s getting worse and it happens a lot more now. I don’t know why this happens but every time I breakdown I get really sick. It gets so bad that I usually end up going home. I hate it when the counselor calls my mom because every time she picks me up and sees that I’m really depressed she cries. I always look away from her for it pains me to see her sad. I love her so much. She is the only person who can make me smile. I don’t know what I would do without her. When we get home I always sleep the rest of the day. I did sleep the rest of the day today. Which lead me to the same situation I’m always in. As I lay here in my bed I wonder if my life will ever change. I don’t think so but my mom does. But she doesn’t know what she is talking about. I hate to say that she is lying to but it’s true. I mean if my life was going to change wouldn’t it have changed by now? I know I’m destined to die alone, to suffer alone in darkness for eternity. My soul hasn’t found peace. If I die now I know I will suffer. If I wait and try to find peace I will suffer this  curse given to me called life. But if I live and I do find happiness in this life time the darkness in my soul will be  destroyed and I will be able to rest in peace. I don’t really know what I want to do. I guess I’ll wait a little longer and see what life has in store for me.

MOVING BEYOND DIVORCE

You fell in love (or at least you believed you were) and you got married with every intention of having a happy and full life together.  You are realistic enough to not believe in fairy tales and have no doubt you will have your differences from time to time but you honestly believe that nothing is going to happen that the two of you cannot work out and get through together.  That is the way it is supposed to be, two people in love, pulling together, sharing the weight of all life’s ups and downs, being best friends, always there for each other…and it was like that for a little while; and then the hammer fell and you find yourself standing in a divorce court and suddenly it is over.  You and your spouse are now among the ever growing statistics of the divorced society.

This is no time to play the blame game.  Truth is; it takes two, two people to make a marriage work and two people to destroy it.  Don’t blame third parties if there is a third party, don’t blame your children and don’t blame your extended family.  You and your spouse are both adults; responsible people (who may or may not have participated in irresponsible behavior; we all do from time to time) and need to hold yourself accountable for your own actions and decisions.

Don’t feed on gossip and rumors or allow your imagination to play head games with your emotions.  The bottom line is that the two of you either couldn’t or wouldn’t work out the situation that was pulling you down and in different directions and you both played your part and now there is no fix to it; it is broken and you both need to pick up the pieces and move on…and don’t play the blame game.  You both made mistakes.  Admit it and learn from them.

You were married, partners, a part of each other’s life for a long time and even though you both may agree divorce is the only option for the two of you there is still that feeling of loss, failure, emptiness. You have that torn feeling, like there is a hole in your life that needs to be filled but you don’t know how to fill it.  A part of you is missing, no matter what the situation was that brought your marriage to an end and you into that divorce court and you feel that loss.  That is normal. 

Walking into that house or apartment and knowing he/she is not coming home, (no matter how bad the coming home may have been or the dread of that moment you may have felt before you separated) knowing you will not share another meal or sleep in the same bed again, share any more holidays, ever do those things you once enjoyed together again; is the loneliest feeling I have ever known.  That is normal.  A part of you is missing…but you can rebuild.  Life does exist and go on after divorce.

For the first few days (up to a week or so) you will probably just need to go through the motions of living, make yourself do what you need to do; eat, sleep, care for your physical being, go to work, do your shopping, pay your bills; all those day to day things that must be done.  This is a good time to change your furniture around, pack up or get rid of all those constant reminders of what might have been (your now ex-spouse’s things he/she left behind or special gifts from each other that are sitting there to remind you of the loss you are feeling.  Pack away the pictures of the two of you for now and replace them with something else.)  Take this time to digest the decisions that have been made and take an inventory of what you have left.  It is what you have left that you need to rebuild on.  It is okay to feel hurt and feel sad.  It is okay to feel angry.  It is okay to cry.  Give yourself permission to have those feelings and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t and to just get over it.  Those feelings are real and it is okay but don’t let them consume you to the point that you can’t or won’t move on. 

Now is the time to pamper yourself a little and push yourself into doing something, anything that is productive for your own life.  Get yourself involved in one of those projects you always wanted and intended to do but never found time for in your married life.  You have time now.  Keep yourself busy and don’t dwell on yesterday.  It is over.  You can’t go back and undo or change one yesterday.  You don’t know what the future may hold but you have today and today you need to make the most of it.  Be creative and set up a new routine for your life including those fun things you like to do; you can rework and adjust it later and you will.  Eat healthy and get some extra rest.  Your life has just taken an emotional beating and needs time to recoup. 

Don’t allow yourself to crawl into a shell of loneliness, shame and failure and sit there on your sofa feeling sorry for yourself while you munch on potato chips, cookies and ice cream and stare at the boob-tube not even comprehending what is going on in the programming.  Exercise some damage control by getting active and involved in your life instead.  You are not the first person, nor will you be the last to ever go through a divorce.  Knowing this may not make you feel a whole lot better right now but knowing others have survived should help you realize you will too.

You are not responsible for your ex-spouse or your ex-spouse’s decisions or actions.  It is no longer any of your affair or business.  You are only responsible for you (and your children if children are involved) so don’t waste your time checking up on him/her or listening to gossip and rumors that only serve to stir up old negative feelings and resentments.  The only contact and communication necessary between you and your ex-spouse are where it involves the welfare of your children.  For now that is all you need to be concerned with.

This is no time to put your life on hold and wait around until you feel better, start feeling happy again.  Trust me when I tell you that there is no fairy-godmother that is going to show up and sprinkle happy dust all over you and make life all better and all that hurt go away.  Your happiness, contentment in life, building a full and productive new life for yourself is up to you.  You have to make it happen.  Get out there and do it.  Think positive and believe in yourself.  It really is not the end of the world. 

Remember the story from your childhood about “The Little Train That Could.” Well that is you, and you can.  You will probably spin your wheels a few times and make a few mistakes on your way back up that steep hill but you will make it to the top if you just keep chugging along and you will find yourself building new strengths and confidence and power and you will make it to the top but only if you believe you can; “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can,” and suddenly you realize you made it, you did it.  Hurray for you.  Good job.

One other very important thing, and I am telling you this from my own experience and learning the hard way, you do not need another special he or she in your life right now to make you feel you “have a life.”  It is good to have friends and share time with friends and family but don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire and couple up with someone, try to build a new relationship right now.  Don’t let anyone try to push you into it or goad you into dates or blind-dates, especially single dating.

Your emotions are still too raw and it takes time to heal.  Loneliness and feeling like you are on the outside looking in can lead you down a very dark road if you let yourself get involved too quickly. 

You are still carrying around a lot of old baggage that needs to be dealt with, dumped and getting involved in a new relationship in the first few months or year after your divorce is a bad decision.  You will carry all that old baggage into the new relationship if you don’t get rid of it first and you will only get hurt and probably hurt that new he or she in the process.  Neither of you need that and it will only serve to cripple or maybe even destroy what might turn out to be a beautiful friendship if you don’t get involved too quickly.  It is okay to have friends, even good, and to share time together; and if you do decide to date, keep those dates in public places and not where temptation can lure you into something you will regret later.  Build on friendships but leave the relationship until later; once you have really got your life together again. 

You don’t need a significant other to live your life or have a life of your own. Now is the time for you to enjoy your new independence, your freedom to be you and involve yourself in those things that make you the person you really are inside.  Go back to school.  Finish that degree.  Get involved in a sport or creative activity that you enjoy, the theater, music, pottery, learn a new language or something else you have always wanted to do, whatever interest you.

Get yourself involved in life outside of marriage again.  Get actively involved in your church or other organization you are interested in, the PTA or school sports booster club, scouting; start enjoying that old hobby you loved but put on the back burner for a time, join the writing group or book club at your local library, the garden club, the community band, choir or theater group, take up skiing, skydiving, go to the gym; make new friends in new circles that bring joy to your life.  Keep the old friends so long as they remain truly your friend, otherwise, there is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from them.  Make your life happen and enjoy the freedom to do so.  However, don’t overdo it.  Don’t stretch yourself so thin that your involvement becomes only superficial and you cannot truly enjoy it.     

Above all, don’t neglect your children if there are children involved.  They are children and your responsibility and their welfare need to come first.  Include them in your life where possible and is appropriate and stay involved in theirs but don’t smother them either to cover up or try to fill your own emptiness.  You can still be a whole family and unless there is a justifiable, legal reason not to, you need to let your children be a part of both their parent’s new life and don’t ever, ever make them feel they are in any way to blame for your broken marriage.  They are not. 

Your children need to know that it is okay to love both parents and be a part of both of your lives no matter which one of you is now the custodial parent.  Children adjust well when it is made acceptable and they are given reasonable explanations, without all the details.  No matter how you may feel toward your ex-spouse, do not cut that person down to or in front of your children or allow others to do that.  That is not acceptable behavior.  Your ex-spouse is still their mom or dad.  They love both of you.  Be glad.

Your “I love you truly, happily ever after” dream didn’t happen.  You’re divorced.  Learn from the mistakes you both made and move on beyond the circumstance.  There really is life beyond the divorce court but it is up to you to make it happen and to live it.

Everyone grows older. It is a cold, harder actuality of life, and if you are alone, it can be actual difficult on your emotional, cerebral and even concrete health. The problems of crumbling and bareness affect hundreds of millions of humans anniversary year, and it is a botheration that is destined not to go abroad any time soon. By compassionate crumbling and how it ties in to loneliness, you can bigger adapt for the alley advanced and even acquisition a blessed and advantageous life. But you accept to apperceive the botheration is out there, and you accept to be aboveboard in against it arch on. Without acquaintance and a plan, it can bound yield its assessment on your physique and your life.

How crumbling and bareness are angry together.

As a being grows older, it seems he loses added and added of the things that he already captivated dear. Crumbling can affect sex drive and physique chemistry. It can aswell yield its assessment on one’s peers. Even if you are healthily aging, the humans you adulation may not be, and that can advance to acquaintance of one’s own mortality, which can in about-face advance to abasement if you are not mentally able to handle the realities. It is important for a being to accumulate their apperception aciculate and abide exercise routines as they abide to age throughout the years. Without this vigilance, it is simple to let the problems of crumbling bastard up on you.

How the aged can die of loneliness.

Many aged persons, who accept spent their absolute lives relying on aeon and helpmeets, a lot of frequently their spouses, acquisition it harder to action if the person, who meant added to them than any other, is gone. It can be acutely difficult starting affecting relationships over afresh this backward in life, and the accident of a admired one can leave a abiding mark on the anima of a being the best they live. Many aged bodies accept accustomed up on their bloom routines at the accident of a spouse, who they’ve been affiliated to for several years. The bareness leads to an indifference, which in about-face creates bloom issues.

How to accord with crumbling and loneliness.

Luckily, there is a way to escape the baleful alternation amid crumbling and loneliness. By accepting to apperceive oneself bigger and advancing added interests that accumulate the apperception and the physique sharp, an alone can abide to reside an alive affairs able-bodied above the point that animal beings did as aboriginal as 30 or 40 years ago. Working on oneself and developing interests and hobbies and, a lot of important of all, befitting a advantageous and alive amusing life, are the means that one can affected the bareness that crumbling so generally brings.

According to Live Science’s reports from previous studies, many people already know that the loneliness and solitude will lead the growth of the body to the negative direction, which can affect health. Social psychologists in a recent study found, with more contact with others, and actively participate in social activities, then the body will stop producing parts from factors that are not healthy.

Therefore, recent research bravely making a hypothesis: a direct biological relationship between loneliness and death is the lack of interaction and receives less attention from others. The psychological reaction is either “forget” to take care of the body, it can even cause physiological problems such as senile, learning disorders, high blood pressure, and hardening of the arteries of the brain.

John Cacioppo, a professor of social psychology from the University of Chicago, in February last in the conference held in San Diego titled “Social Psychology and Perception”, reported the results of the new study, “Biological Effects of Loneliness”.

Cacioppo in his research found that loneliness can lead to physical illnesses such as hypertension and hardening of the arteries, it can even cause brain degenerative like difficult to learning and easy to forget

Research is also conducted experiments on Drosophila. The experimental results show that the Drosophila (a type of fruit flies) which is isolated, it’s health began to deteriorate and die earlier than other Drosophilia interact with others

According to Cacioppo, from the study of insects, obtained the conclusion as it did against the human, that creatures in building social activities healthy and thorough, possible to have direct or indirect relationship with the physical health.

Being lonely is no stranger to many people. But sometimes loneliness can become so debilitating and severe that it can have disastrous consequences.

According to new research loneliness can have a domino effect, sending a person catapulting toward serious health issues and worse. And, suggests the new research, loneliness is not just a question of not having enough friends or social contacts; there is an biological connection between loneliness and being seriously unhealthy. It’s a condition that can be addressed and reversed say the researchers.

The researchers found, for example, that loneliness is tied to hardening of the arteries (which leads to high blood pressure), inflammation in the body, and even problems with learning and memory. Tests on fruit flies that were isolated found that they have poor health and die sooner than flies that are more sociable, indicating that social engagement may be hard-wired.

Changes In Immune System

In one study, the researchers examined how the human immune system changed over time in people who were socially isolated. Such people had a change in the kinds of genes that their immune systems revealed. Genes that were “over expressed” in the loneliest individuals included many genes that have to do with immune system activation and inflammation. In addition, several key gene sets were “under expressed,” including those that had to do with antiviral responses and antibody production. The result is that a lonely person’s body has let its defenses open to viral and other invaders.

The reasons behind this is that the immune system has to make a decision between fighting viral threats and protecting against bacterial invasions because it has a fixed fighting capability. In lonely people who see the world as a threatening place, their immune systems choose to focus on bacteria rather than viral threats. Without the antiviral protection and the body’s antibodies produced against various ills, the result means a person has less ability to fight cancers and other illnesses. Those who are socially isolated suffer from higher mortality, as well as higher rates of cancer, infection and heart disease.

Other Effects of Loneliness

In addition, loneliness raises levels of the circulating stress hormone cortisol and blood pressure, with one study showing that social isolation can push blood pressure up into the danger zone for heart attacks and strokes. It undermines regulation of the circulatory system so that the heart muscle works harder and the blood vessels are subject to damage by blood flow turbulence. Loneliness can destroy the quality of sleep, so that a person’s sleep is less restorative, both physically and psychologically. Socially isolated people wake up more at night and spend less time in bed actually sleeping, say the researchers.

The cycle created by loneliness can be a downward spiral. Lonely people tend to rate their own social interactions more negatively and form worse impressions of people they meet.

While loneliness often serves to protect a person’s “social body” by letting you know when social connections start to fall apart, and causes the brain to go on alert for social threats, being lonely can also produce hyper-reactivity to negative social conditions so lonely people see those threats more intensely and therefore makes it possible to become even more lonely as a result.

The causes of loneliness at a biological level traces back to early humans when people needed each other to stay alive. Loneliness didn’t just make people feel unhappy, it actually made them feel unsafe — mentally and physically. This powerful evolutionary force kept prehistoric people connected to others they relied on for food, shelter and protection, to help them raise their young and carry on their genetic legacy. Loneliness, therefore, served as a warning that lonely people needed to rejoin the pack or face danger.

Everyone feels left out at some point in their lives. For most people the feeling dissipates after a while. But for chronically lonely people, some interventions work better than others, say the researchers. Two of the best ways to treat loneliness are to train people for the social skills they need to view the world in a more positive light, and to bring people together to share good times.

Party anyone?

Click here for more articles by The Writin’ Cowboy.

That may be true, but I believe that God has some closer destinations He wants us to reach before we get to Glory. Achieving those destinations should be a major priority for all of us. God hasn’t only called you to salvation; He has also given you a unique purpose, a destination that you — and you only — are meant to reach. The highest end of your life as a Christian is to glorify God by finding that purpose and then optimizing its fulfilment.

Look at Paul. He said of his work as an apostle, “This one thing I do.” Be honest: How many of us could say that? Most of us would have to admit, “These fifty things I dabble in!” Yet experience itself should teach us that dabbling merely frustrates us by multiplying the effort and diminishing the returns. What we need is a rigorous method of organizing the future so that when it becomes the present we know what we want to do with it. It’s a technique that people have been talking about for a long time and not doing properly. It’s called goal-setting.

Getting Ahead in the Goal Game

Christians can be particularly bad at goal-setting. Maybe that’s because they see their lives as being controlled from the outside. Ask the typical Christian why he has no goals and he’s likely to reply, “I’m waiting on the Lord.” But as Dwight L. Moody once said, “It’s all right to wait on the Lord as long as you hustle while you wait!”  Most of our limitations are not imposed on us by God — we impose them on ourselves. Loneliness encourages this effect. To a lonely person the future looks like a wasteland — miles of rough country that he’s going to have to traverse on foot. If he’s the Ugly Duckling, the prospect will stimulate his sense of inadequacy, and he will prefer to ignore the problem, diverting his attention to something else instead.

The goal-setter, however, sees much more than a wasteland. To his eye, that stony terrain is crossed by a brand-new highway — all he has to do is get down and build it. Goal-setting is not just the opposite of the inertia produced by loneliness — it is a way of overcoming that inertia. It integrates the entire personality and makes for emotional wholeness. But it needs a kick-start, and for that you’ll want to cultivate two qualities.

First, decisiveness. Loneliness by its very nature deals with wisps, phantoms, unrealities, and speculations. For the lonely person, decision comes last on the list of priorities, because it orients the decision-maker toward one set of possibilities and cuts him off from all the rest. The Latin root of the word “decision” means precisely that — to cut off. But decisiveness is vital. You must focus your energies if you’re going to get the future under control and win over loneliness.

 Goal-setting is like getting both eyes in focus. Jesus stressed the importance of having a “single eye” — a single purpose, objective, or goal. That applies to the whole of life, not only the matter of commitment to Christ. James tells us that “a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8). God doesn’t want double-minded, indecisive disciples; He wants dedicated men and women who pursue and achieve their objectives. Don’t misunderstand me — I’m not advocating workaholism here. The workaholic depends on work to compensate for inadequacy in other areas of his life. But the goal-setter isn’t running away from anything. He’s taking control and making maximum use of his resources to cover the full range of his responsibilities. This means that, unlike the workaholic, he can put his business down at the end of the day and still be free from loneliness.

Second, goal-setting requires discipline. It takes some courage to commit yourself to a goal. Doing so involves a certain finality, an awareness of responsibility, and a willingness to pass the point of no return. But once declared, a war must be waged to the end. There is no point in making a decision, setting a goal, and then chickening out because the going gets tough. Sure, there are risks — that’s part of the deal. The battle to win over loneliness is no soft option. I warned you that you’d need discipline, and this is one place you need it!

 It takes no discipline at all to sunbathe in self-pity, and very little discipline to tackle loneliness with the block-out and the face-lift described earlier. Discipline isn’t easy. But if the discipline involved in goal-setting is making you think twice, consider for a moment the reasons you don’t want to take it on.

It could be that you’re afraid. Forging a new way of life brings an encounter with the unknown. That can be scary. It’s far more comfortable to repeat tomorrow what we’ve done today, no matter how miserable or dishonourable today’s activities have been — better the devil you know than the devil you don’t! But think: Isn’t it better to have no “devil” at all?

You may be too proud. Nobody likes to admit he’s been wrong, and a change in lifestyle implies that strongly. Loneliness, in particular, has such a stigma attached to it that you’d probably die before telling your friends about it. But at this point, I have to ask you what you want. Do you want to shore up the feeble defences of your own ego, or do you want freedom? Pride is a poor excuse for misery. In any case, your friends probably already know that you’re lonely (they’re probably lonely too). What do you have to lose?

Finally, you may be lazy. Yes, lazy. In adulthood many people develop a sort of mental inertia. They may not like loneliness, and they may not exactly be afraid of the new ideas and experiences that will help them win over it, but they’re held back because they can’t be bothered to make the effort. Misery isn’t pleasant, but at least it’s free. Well, once again: What do you want — ease or liberation? It’s up to you. Remember that mental inertia isn’t something that a goal-setter is stuck with for long. Once you get into goal-setting, your whole state of mind will change. It works like a vacation.

Once taken outside its familiar routines, your mind will become more elastic, more ready to respond with speed and accuracy, more like the mind of Christ. And the mind of Christ is alert, not atrophied; bright, not bored; creative, not constricted; dynamic, not dull; energetic, not enervated! J.E. Haggai.

I. L. SAMBO ESQ.

ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW, ARBITRATOR &

CAPITAL MARKET CONSULTANT.

Abuja – Nigeria.

EMAIL: ilsambo@yahoo.com

29/2/2012

No one can live a joyous life if his mind is full of lonely thoughts. What is inside you will always express itself. Think thoughts of loneliness and you will upset your mental well-being and ultimately your physical well-being. Because your mind is linked to every part of you, it’s only natural that when you feel below-par mentally, you’ll start to feel below-par physically. That’s the definition of psychosomatic illness — a manifestation in the body (Greek soma) of what is happening in the mind (Greek psyche).

The wife of one of America’s assassinated Presidents was a bedridden paralytic for years. Her husband waited on her hand and foot, even when he worked in the White House. She seemed to take great delight in ringing a bell to summon him when he was in the middle of an important meeting. Yet after his death, she got up and lived a perfectly normal life. What was the cause of her invalidism? Her mind, of course. As some of those who knew the couple said later, she was in competition with her husband: She was jealous of all the attention he received, and she made her presence felt — probably quite unconsciously — through sickness.

Reprogram Your Mind: Think of your mind as the internal computer that runs your whole person. It is a wonderful, intricate apparatus. But just like a real computer, it has to be given the right program if it’s going to do its job. Getting right with yourself, therefore, begins with putting the correct program into your “computer.”

You may think your mind is so much a law unto itself that imposing any sort of control over it is impossible. Be assured, it is not. If most people have disorganized, random minds, that’s because they haven’t taken the trouble to use them  properly. The fact is that it’s no harder to control what goes into your mind than what goes into your body. When lunchtime comes around, you don’t open the refrigerator and stuff the contents indiscriminately into your mouth (at least I hope you don’t!). Eating is an organized activity. You eat at certain times, and you try to get a balanced diet. And you do that because you know that what you eat affects your overall health.

The same motive should apply to your mind. Good thinking means good living and good emotional and physical health. Ella Wheeler Wilcox puts it aptly in her poem Secret Thoughts:

            I hold it true that thoughts are things
            Endowed with bodies, breath and wings,
            And that we send them forth to fill
            The world with good results or ill.

            That which we call our secret thought
            Speeds to the earth’s remotest spot,
            And leaves its blessings or its woes
            Like tracks behind it as it goes.

            It is God’s law. Remember it
            In your still chamber as you sit
            With thoughts you would not dare have known
            And yet made comrades when alone.

            These thoughts have life; and they will fly
            And leave their impress by and by,
            Like some marsh breeze, whose poisoned breath
            Breathes into homes its fevered breath.

            And after you have quite forgot
            Or all outgrown some vanished thought,
            Back to your mind to make its home,
            A dove or raven, it will come.

            Then let your secret thoughts be fair;
            They have a vital part and share
            In shaping worlds and molding fate —
            God’s system is so intricate.

Be careful what you allow to go into the new program for your mind! It’s easy to accept ideas that seem encouraging and helpful but are really destructive intruders. I tell the secretaries at our offices to be sure to lock their car doors day and night — not because I want to instill fear, but as a wise precaution. You probably do the same with your car. But if you are vigilant in protecting your property, how much more vigilant should you be in protecting your mind? Make no mistake — there are negative, loneliness-inducing thoughts standing at the door of your consciousness, waiting to gain admittance.

God won’t protect you from thoughts like that. You can quote all you like from passages such as Psalm 91: “He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways . . . lest you dash your foot against a stone” (Psalm 91:11, 12b). The psalmist isn’t advocating that you run across a field of rocks in bare feet. The condition of God’s help is that you exercise a bit of common sense in avoiding avoidable problems! You don’t take medication without checking the label on the bottle. You don’t just assume that your children will choose the right friends or make the right decisions without guidance and sound training. Doing stupid things in the belief that God will protect you isn’t faith — it’s presumption.

So take care not to be dragged into consensus thinking. Analyze the ideas you’re receiving from the media. Be cautious in your choice of books, magazines, and TV programs. Watch out for the times when you dwell on gloomy, depressing, or lonely themes. Everything you let your mind concentrate on will influence you, whether you like it or not. If you don’t want to pick up bad influences, make sure you avoid them, just like you would avoid visiting a place with a smallpox epidemic. Your aim should be to have every thought under your control, every thought doing what you want it to do. As Paul said, “Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

In particular, be careful what kind of company you keep. Generally, the person you spend the most time with will have the greatest influence over your thinking. A negative person will program your mind negatively. Be on your guard against that. If you spend time with people who disparage the things of God or project cynical opinions, think carefully about your priorities. Real friendship is never bought with the betrayal of your principles; attempting to win the approval of scoffing acquaintances by accommodating their ideas will often cast a lonely Christian into greater depths of loneliness. In cases like that, standing alone — deliberately being the Outsider — is the true road to success. Anything less is really a sell out. You would be saying, “The unspeakable gift, the Lord Jesus Christ, my Saviour, is not adequate to give me the strength to cope with these pressures.” Of course He is adequate! In fact there’s no winning over loneliness without Him, no getting right with yourself or with others without first getting right with God. Dr.J.E. Haggai.

I. L. SAMBO ESQ.

ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW, ARBITRATOR &

CAPITAL MARKET CONSULTANT.

Abuja – Nigeria.

EMAIL: ilsambo@yahoo.com

1/2/2012

A person’s attitude is one of the fundamental determinants of success, in any task that a human being takes on. The rudiments of success are to be found in the mind. It is a principle written in the pages of Scripture. As a man “thinks in his heart,” the writer of Proverbs tells us, “so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).The old adage makes the same point: “You are what you think.”

No one can live a joyous life if his mind is full of lonely thoughts. What is inside you will always express itself. Think thoughts of loneliness and you will upset your mental well-being and ultimately your physical well-being. Because your mind is linked to every part of you, it’s only natural that when you feel below-par mentally, you’ll start to feel below-par physically. That’s the definition of psychosomatic illness — a manifestation in the body (Greek soma) of what is happening in the mind (Greek psyche).

The wife of one of America’s assassinated Presidents was a bedridden paralytic for years. Her husband waited on her hand and foot, even when he worked in the White House. She seemed to take great delight in ringing a bell to summon him when he was in the middle of an important meeting. Yet after his death, she got up and lived a perfectly normal life. What was the cause of her invalidism? Her mind, of course. As some of those who knew the couple said later, she was in competition with her husband: She was jealous of all the attention he received, and she made her presence felt — probably quite unconsciously — through sickness.

Reprogram Your Mind: Think of your mind as the internal computer that runs your whole person. It is a wonderful, intricate apparatus. But just like a real computer, it has to be given the right program if it’s going to do its job. Getting right with yourself, therefore, begins with putting the correct program into your “computer.”

You may think your mind is so much a law unto itself that imposing any sort of control over it is impossible. Be assured, it is not. If most people have disorganized, random minds, that’s because they haven’t taken the trouble to use them  properly. The fact is that it’s no harder to control what goes into your mind than what goes into your body. When lunchtime comes around, you don’t open the refrigerator and stuff the contents indiscriminately into your mouth (at least I hope you don’t!). Eating is an organized activity. You eat at certain times, and you try to get a balanced diet. And you do that because you know that what you eat affects your overall health.

The same motive should apply to your mind. Good thinking means good living and good emotional and physical health. Ella Wheeler Wilcox puts it aptly in her poem Secret Thoughts:

            I hold it true that thoughts are things
            Endowed with bodies, breath and wings,
            And that we send them forth to fill
            The world with good results or ill.

            That which we call our secret thought
            Speeds to the earth’s remotest spot,
            And leaves its blessings or its woes
            Like tracks behind it as it goes.

            It is God’s law. Remember it
            In your still chamber as you sit
            With thoughts you would not dare have known
            And yet made comrades when alone.

            These thoughts have life; and they will fly
            And leave their impress by and by,
            Like some marsh breeze, whose poisoned breath
            Breathes into homes its fevered breath.

            And after you have quite forgot
            Or all outgrown some vanished thought,
            Back to your mind to make its home,
            A dove or raven, it will come.

            Then let your secret thoughts be fair;
            They have a vital part and share
            In shaping worlds and molding fate —
            God’s system is so intricate.

Be careful what you allow to go into the new program for your mind! It’s easy to accept ideas that seem encouraging and helpful but are really destructive intruders. I tell the secretaries at our offices to be sure to lock their car doors day and night — not because I want to instil fear, but as a wise precaution. You probably do the same with your car. But if you are vigilant in protecting your property, how much more vigilant should you be in protecting your mind? Make no mistake — there are negative, loneliness-inducing thoughts standing at the door of your consciousness, waiting to gain admittance.

God won’t protect you from thoughts like that. You can quote all you like from passages such as Psalm 91: “He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways . . . lest you dash your foot against a stone” (Psalm 91:11, 12b). The psalmist isn’t advocating that you run across a field of rocks in bare feet. The condition of God’s help is that you exercise a bit of common sense in avoiding avoidable problems! You don’t take medication without checking the label on the bottle. You don’t just assume that your children will choose the right friends or make the right decisions without guidance and sound training. Doing stupid things in the belief that God will protect you isn’t faith — it’s presumption.

So take care not to be dragged into consensus thinking. Analyze the ideas you’re receiving from the media. Be cautious in your choice of books, magazines, and TV programs. Watch out for the times when you dwell on gloomy, depressing, or lonely themes. Everything you let your mind concentrate on will influence you, whether you like it or not. If you don’t want to pick up bad influences, make sure you avoid them, just like you would avoid visiting a place with a smallpox epidemic. Your aim should be to have every thought under your control, every thought doing what you want it to do. As Paul said, “Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

In particular, be careful what kind of company you keep. Generally, the person you spend the most time with will have the greatest influence over your thinking. A negative person will program your mind negatively. Be on your guard against that. If you spend time with people who disparage the things of God or project cynical opinions, think carefully about your priorities. Real friendship is never bought with the betrayal of your principles; attempting to win the approval of scoffing acquaintances by accommodating their ideas will often cast a lonely Christian into greater depths of loneliness. In cases like that, standing alone — deliberately being the Outsider — is the true road to success. Anything less is really a sell out. You would be saying, “The unspeakable gift, the Lord Jesus Christ, my Saviour, is not adequate to give me the strength to cope with these pressures.” Of course He is adequate! In fact there’s no winning over loneliness without Him, no getting right with yourself or with others without first getting right with God. Dr.J.E. Haggai.

I. L. SAMBO ESQ.

ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW, ARBITRATOR &

CAPITAL MARKET CONSULTANT.

Abuja – Nigeria.

EMAIL: ilsambo@yahoo.com

1/2/2012