Write love letters and love poems to your beloved, and send them to their email or postal address. Send e-greeting cards from Web sites like Beat Greets.com and Hallmark.com.Get high-speed Internet access and engage in free voice and video chat with your long distance lover. Record a sound file or video clip on which you express how you feel about your companion, and send it to their email account or use software like AOL Instant Messenger, , or Yahoo! Messenger to transfer the file from your computer to their computer. Occasionally send flowers and other gifts, but do this responsibly and spontaneously rather than from a sense of obligation. Look for your favorite love songs on a Web site like Launch.com and email it to them. Serenade your sweetheart sometimes. Share your favorite love poems. Create a Web page on which you declare and celebrate your love. A simple way to do this is open a free account on Tripod.com and use its Site Builder tool to design a Web page or site. Do romantic things with and for your beloved on the anniversary of relationship, Valentine’s Day, Sweetish Day, their birthday, and whatever other day you deem special. It is not always pleasurable to be predictable, so do some of the nicest things for no reason at all. Precious moments are priceless. Collect photos and other memorabilia through which you chronicle the growth and goodness of your relationship. Visit and travel with your long distance lover as often as you can. Embody and enact the virtues you want to see in them, and do so regardless of how you perceive their words and behavior. Do unto your significant other as you would have them do unto you. Moreover, be compassionate as well as passionate: Care enough to be “there” for your beloved in every way you can, especially when they need you most. Keep hope alive in the relationship through honesty, respect, solid communication.

You just have to be creative enough to ensure that whatever quantity of time you share is quality time too. Many people in long distance relationships make more of the distance between them than the things that brought them together in the first place. Even though there may be little or nothing they can do about the distance, they spend an inordinate amount of time bemoaning the fact that they cannot be together “right now.”However, pining for one anther’s presence need not be accompanied by either of you plundering the present. Avoid the emotional pitfall of allowing anticipation of what you want to dull your appreciation of what you have. Take joy in your long distance relationship and make the most of it. Having encouraged you to make your long distance relationship as meaningful and exciting as it can be, I would like to mention several ways you can do so. I hope my suggestions will inspire you to think of other fun and fulfilling ways to show, sustain, and strengthen your love for one another. Despite all the advice to take their time getting to know someone, most romantics are hopelessly rash. This will not serve you or the relationship well. Patiently build the relationship without being passive. Be an active but not aggressive partner in the relationship. Genuinely trust your significant other because unbridled suspicion and cynicism will quickly erode your relationship and perhaps inundate you with regret. Note, however, that you should trust only if you believe for good reasons that the person is trustworthy. You cannot be a good lover without being an even better listener. Show your affection by also being very attentive, and in so doing place yourself in a better position to respond your partner’s actual thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

Work doubly hard at communicating well. It is difficult enough to effectively communicate with someone who is around you all the time and whose facial expressions and body language you can observe. Help minimize the number of misunderstandings between you and your long distance lover by always putting forth an extra effort to say what you mean and to see whether they understand the meaning of what you said. Good communication commences with clarification. “Seek to understand and then to be understood.” Ask about everything rather than assume anything. Discuss all aspects of your relationship with your darling rather than attempt to dictate or demand anything. Do not set yourself up for needless disappointment by placing your partner on a pedestal. Think highly of them, but not more than you ought. Love strongly enough to be respectful even when you are frustrated, disappointed, or angry. Do not feed on or encourage negativity regardless of its source. Try not to be silly or serious all the time. Experience the full spectrum of human emotions over the course of your relationship. Chat on the computer and talk on the phone with your beloved, but also is responsible enough not to run up your phone bill and thereby place an unnecessary financial burden on the relationship.

If of you use mobile phones, subscribe to the same service and get free mobile-to-mobile minutes. Deepen intimacy not merely by divulging secrets, but by making your long distance lover as much a part of your everyday life as you possibly can. Shame on you if you allow yourself to be ashamed of your long distance relationship. Proudly introduce your long distance lover to others who are near and dear to you. You can do this on line and over the phone as well as in person. Speaking of telling others about your long distance relationship, you should build a support network. Most people have negative opinions of long distance relationships. Nevertheless, if you have family or friends who are understanding and supportive of your long distance relationship, look to such people for a listening ear, encouragement, and sound advice. You also need to have a life of your own. Do not just keep busy, but do things that really matter to you. Avoid becoming so wrapped up in your long distance relationship that you neglect you or other vital relationships and responsibilities. Kind of problem-solving that can strengthen the relationship. As one professional counselor advised, “Do things that draw you closer, rather than emphasize the distance between you.”

It does raise the issue of infidelity though as people have said to me “But a man needs sex,” and I wonder do they imply that no man can keep “it” in his pants and that no woman needs sex?  Infidelity is not nice.  It damages any relationship whether long distance or with the guy next door.  With the growing rates of sexually transmitted disease and the failure of all the educational programmes promoting safe sex, infidelity has its bad side.

There are those who suggest cyber-sex fills a gap.  I would like to read a psychological research report on that issue before making any concrete judgements on that but I can’t help wondering if people meet online and get into that situation is it going to lead anywhere at all.  I’ve heard so many stories.  One man I knew had a cyber relationship with an alleged model, but the issue I had there was that a beautiful top model would never have anything to do with a plain and pudgy man like him.  Of course, my suspicions were right.  She was a game player and just how far she went with the game I will never know and it’s none of my business, but after many promises to meet the online relationship floundered and fizzled out and he is still alone.  Her Facebook account was all phoney as I had thought all along.  Therein lies another danger.  Do you really know who you are meeting on the Internet?  So many groomers of children have many alarm bells ringing.  My advice – check what people tell ou out thoroughly if you get into conversations on the Internet, never meet a stranger at night and if ou do risk it, meet them in a very open place such as the Food Court at your local Shopping Mall over a coffee in the day time.  Don’t agree to go to a stranger’s home alone.  Stay safe on the Internet and in everyday life. 

Online romances I know of seem fraught with misunderstandings and jealousy.  Misunderstandings can raise when people are sending short and somewhat cryptic messages which leave them open to interpretation.  On Facebook men adding a lot of ladies, especially attractive ones and those who have sexy photos on their profiles do have one wondering, especially when they make comments on the photos such as “Sexy babe” or “You’re looking good girl!”  His eye is wandering, but how far will he go?  Women who have a lot of sexy photos are also not really the type to take home to Mother so it’s all a fantasy when men get into chatting with them and who knows if they are for real or prostitutes using fashion shoot photos to attract customers?  It happens.  A common male scam is the guy who has the photos of himself with bulging pecks and biceps well oiled up or in a Soldier’s uniform.  The Forces scammers are always inevitably widowers with one cute kid.  Why?  They must think that is the way to attract a gullible home body who wants to settle down.  Settle down who with when the photos are fake?  I wonder where they think they are going with that one?  doomed to failure I think!

I’ve seen a few strange online romances.  They are on one minute and off the next and usually when the woman fancies a holiday in USA or some other country.  They appear to be using the men for free board and lodgings and some even manage to get them to pay their fares and buy them gifts to take home. 

It is nice when I see an online relationship which does lead to meeting and eventually marrying regardless of distance.  If I had to be honest, I can only wish them well and think it is great that nice people do make a success of it and raise our hopes that not all online relationships are scams or have sinister intentions.  I would also rather see people meeting on social networking sites where they have a better chance of checking people out, adding their friends and family and getting to know them than on the solitary one to one meetings set up by Dating Agencies.  There, you really have to rely on what the man or woman tells you and they are all out to impress and to sell themselves as a partner so reality can at least become somewhat blurred when people are deliberately aiming at appearing nice.  It takes longer to fathom them out. 

I have a lot of very nice online friends, some  of whom I have met socially and who I still keep in touch with, so I certainly wouldn’t ever knock online relationships.  I’d just advise people to be cautious and to use common sense.

One of the most threatening factors to maintaining a distance relationship is being faithful. But what does being faithful mean?  People have feelings and these need to be satisfied by offering the much needed sharing of the feelings.  When the feelings accumulate they overwhelm the person and this is where problems begin.  Sexual desires may be difficult to overcome.  Being faithful simply means abstaining from indulging into other relations either for sexual satisfaction or otherwise when separated from your partner.

It must be appreciated that only few people are able to remain faithful considering the immense feelings they are confronted with.  This substantiates the reason why people resort to cheating and idolatry as an option to share the feelings with other people in the absence of their partners.  However, this problem can be tackled by persevering, enduring and being patient.  A geographically separated relationship does not mean that the partners will never be together again.  It’s just a matter of time and the two are reunited.

Communication is important in enhancing the love bond and every time you communicate with your partner any temptations, obsessions, and desires that can trigger a person’s feelings to indulge in cheating and other uncalled for affairs are drained off.  When you keep a constant communication with your partner, the bond is cemented and one feels guilty of cheating.

The partners should not accept emotions to overwhelm them.  The partners should not think negatively and imagine that their counterparts are cheating or have stopped loving them.  Negative thoughts can pave way for temptations and eventually lead to cheating.  Even if one partner remains quiet, which of course should not be the case, the other counterpart shouldn’t begin to be suspicious of any wrong doing.  The partner who tends to be quiet should be meant to understand that communication is essential for sustainability of their distance relation.

In order to meet the challenges of distance relationships, the partners should travel and join their counterparts in the course of their separation.  Even the simple encounter of meeting and interacting for a few days can make a great difference and help build and cement their togetherness.  When they meet the feelings are renewed and this may take sometime before it dies out. This can sustain one is another period before they are back together.

Spiritual presence is very important where the partners imagine that they are together spiritually whether in dreams or mere imaginations.  The partners should attach the feelings and presence of their counterpart to an object such as a marital ring which they can touch or view and imagine that their partner is right by the side.

One of the aspects to consider when accepting a distance relationship to take place is to establish how long one will be way from the other partner.  Too long durations should be approached carefully.  Breaks for the one partner to meet the other should be arranged for.  Even in circumstances where the partners are separated by issues beyond their control such as a partner serving a sentence in jail should be tackled appropriately with the involvement of the state departments to allow for the separated to meet occasionally in order to share their affections.  Otherwise such separations could easily lead to other problems such as family break ups.

When the time taken is too long the partners may consider moving together to the new locations to avert any break ups.  Similarly, when the separation does not provide time to reunite with the family, the partners may consider traveling together to the new location.  Otherwise their relationship may be in the verge of collapse.

When separated, the partner should accept that the relationship will work.  Nothing should stand between there way to break their relationship, not even the distance.  When you acknowledge that the relationship will persist, this gives you the confidence and courage to move on without any temptations. 

In essence, long distance relationship work and it only requires one to be faithful, trustworthy, persevering and understand the effects it may bring to the affair.   

How to Survive a Long Distance relationship

Have you ever wonder if the person that created the phrase, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” has ever been in a long distance relationship? While many say they wouldn’t even consider it, everyday thousands of couples if not more face this situation. It makes me wonder, how do they do it. Until recently, I had never considered the option of a long distance relationship until I met a guy by chance that lived in another state. So here are a few personal tips from my experience that will hopefully make your relationship successful if you find yourself in the same boat.

1. Know where you stand with your partner.Are you 2 exclusive? Can you see other people? Are there plans to make this relationship work or is this just an online romance? In other words, is sex with other people out of the question completely? Keep in mind, if you set rules for him about not sleeping with someone else, it is only fair you do the same!

2. Have a goal for your relationship. I have seen this play out several times among my friends and in every situation, the woman generally sees herself getting married to the guy but he doesn’t. Don’t go into a long distance relationship thinking the guy will automatically propose within a certain amount of time because in all honesty, it’s hard getting a boyfriend you see everyday to propose, what makes you think the one that lives a few states away will do it? But if you communicate that you are hoping to get married someday (within the next 5 years or however long your timeline is), he will be more open to telling you that it might not be what he was hoping for just yet.

3. Stay connected. Just because you don’t see each other every single day, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to talk to each other as much as possible. However, keep it to a limit. With cell phones, communication is made easier because you don’t have to wait by the phone at a certain hour for their phone call. Texting is a great way to keep in touch along with picture messaging. However, keep in mind most cell phone companies come with minutes so try to talk later in the evening when phone calls are free.

4. Traveling costs. While more times than not, a man will pay for his date out of respect and tradition, the costs of flying or driving can get expensive. So make sure you are paying your fair share such as paying for your own gas money or paying for your own plane ticket. He will respect you a little more for not emptying his wallet.

5. You have to trust them, or at least try to. While it may be hard to have a relationship when you don’t know what he is doing or who he is doing it with, you have to have a little trust. Avoid the urge to become jealous or accusing him of cheating. If he feels the same way about you, he will openly tell you what’s going on without you having to ask. However, if he isn’t telling you, don’t worry. This might be a new experience for him too and it takes time.

6. Spice up your conversations. If you can’t have someone psychically in your arms, the next best thing is to have a little sexy texting or a surprise picture of you wearing next to nothing. Never hesitate to let him know what you’re thinking when those dirty thoughts enter your mind because the more inventive you can be over the phone, the more exciting you will be in person.

7. Keep living your life. While it may be easy to get wrapped up in your partners life, it can build a mountain of depression for you, push friends away, and stunt your personal growth. So in times when your partner is busy, take the time to do things for yourself. Build your friendships stronger, work on your career, finish up college, and take up a hobby. This will make the time you 2 spend away from each other a lot easier on the both of you.

1.      Make the terms of your relationship clear from the beginning

It’s important to make the terms of your relationship clear so that you and your mate are on the same page. Defining the relationship will help you set guidelines i.e. whether or not you’re exclusive, have plans to marry etc.

2.      Don’t be overbearing

While you and your mate will do everything you can to keep the bond strong, it’s important to understand that your mate will have a life while he/she is away from you. Being overbearing might push your mate away instead of bringing you two closer.   

3.      Schedule regular visits

Depending on the circumstance, you should try to visit as often as possible. Having these visits to look forward to will keep you exciting about the relationship.

4.      Utilize technology

Use tech-savvy communication tools like video chatting via Skype, instant messaging software or with a video chat enabled smart phone. You can also play games together in real time using a Play Station or online interactive games.

5.      Do things together and for each other

A long distance relationship requires just a little bit more effort to keep the firing burning bright. You can go on virtual dates like going to the movies at the same time, of making videos for another. Send flowers and care packages and write love letter to each other regularly.

Use these five tips to sustain your long distance relationship from any distance. With a little bit of ingenuity and a will to make it work, you can sustain a strong relationship. If all goes as planned, you may be reservingmoving services sooner than you know to reunite indefinitely.

      Long distance relationships are just like any other type of relationship.  Some LDRs are complicated, some are dramatic, and some are simple, all depending on the people involved.  One thing that all long distance relationships have in common are that at some point they get difficult.  One person feels unimportant or there simply isn’t always enough time to fully communicate daily.  There are a few ways to keep long distance relationships as simple as possible though. 

1. Skype.                                                                                                                                                           Skype is an amazing tool.  It is a program which enables users to chat by typing or video chat face-to-face.  Talking on the telephone can get quite boring so by using Skype you and your significant other can not only talk to each other but also see each other.  By using Skype you are more like assured to have their full attention and them yours since you have to be in front of a semi-stationary laptop instead of a phone which can be used anywhere.

2.Virtual Dates.                                                                                                                                                Skype is also a very good way to have “virtual dates”.  Plan to have a date night every week.  Set up your webcam and Skype and cook a meal together in your respective homes or watch the same movie on TV simultaneously.

3. Play Games Together.                                                                                                                                        Find an on-line game site like Pogo and play a game of Pool or Poker together.  On a personal note me and my boyfriend are very competitive and will play a game and bet on it so the loser will pay for dinner next time we are together.  It is a simple way to keep things interesting.

4. Schedule Visits.                                                                                                                                            Have an idea of when you and your partner are going to see each other next.  You don’t have to have a rigid schedule of who’s going to visit exactly when planned into the next year, but have a general idea.  Personally me and my boyfriend see each other every weekend or every other weekend depending on what’s going on with our school and work schedules.  We live about 2 hours (90 miles apart) so visiting each other every second weekend is very doable but if you and your partner live 1000 miles a more reasonable visiting schedule for your unique situation probably needs to be constructed.   You and your partner should take turns visiting each other.

5. Honesty and Trust.                                                                                                                                            Honesty and trust are MAJOR factors in long distance relationships.  If you do not trust each other there is no reason to even enter a long distance relationship because it won’t work out.   If you choose to not be monogamous let your partner know about other people in your life and if you are monogamous, stay faithful because once the trust in a long distance relationship is broken it can be almost impossible to regain.  Be honest with your significant other about your feelings and fears about your relationship, sharing your feelings will only make your bond stronger.

6. Send Gifts and Write Letters.                                                                                                                        You don’t have to send anything elaborate or expensive but a small gift like a dozen of your partner’s favorite flowers can be the perfect way to put a smile on their face.   Also, writing a love letter can be very romantic and is a nice way to break the cycle of monotonous texts and calls.

While to outsiders long distance relationships may seem not worth the hassle they can be just as fulfilling as a relationship between two people who live in the same town.  If true love is present LDRs can work out all that the success is dependent on is the two people involved and their commitment to each other.

Image by e³°°° via Flickr

1. Maintain constant communication – Calling and talking on phone, texting and sexting each other, sending those emails and email attachments may help both of you cope with each other’s absence.
2. Visit him or her – Calling and mailing is not enough. You need to visit each other as often as possible. You need to see each other as often as you can. It is good for you and good for your relationship.
3. Think about the children – If there are children involved, think about their welfare. Children have a big way of holding couples together. If you haven’t thought about it, plan for it.
4. Develop your hobbies – There must be things that you love, things that can help you fill the void, the emptiness that your spouse’ absence has created. You can write, you can knit, you can paint, you can watch TV until you doze yourself to sleep.
5. Send little gifts – Gifts have a way of reminding us about those who aren’t near. When you hold a gift send by a loved one, there is a deep sense of connection and reconnection that develops to make your heart fonder.
6. Be part of a group that meets regularly – Women fill the void by attending church fellowships and the like, men by watching sports and playing too. Being part of a group with shared likes and dislikes may ease that loneliness.
7. Stay away from booze – This will sound crazy but alcohol has a way of loosening inhibitions and may make cheating easier than it should be. A friend confesses that alcohol makes every woman appear hotter than his wife, I don’t know about women who drink.

What else can you do to make the relationship work? There are so many factors that can work for long distance lovers but so many depend on individual circumstances. Keeping the seven in mind can work magic for you and your loved one.

He is a ghost from a dream I think I had, but I’m not sure. Did it really happen?

Are these things I remember things that actually happened? Or have I just dreamt them so many times that I am starting to forget what was real and what was imagined? Has the line become blurred? Can I no longer tell what I want and what I actually have?

I cannot touch him, my fingers push right through. But still… I feel him. Like he’s right behind me, his breath on my neck, his hand on my waist.

I cannot hold him, cannot be held by him, his arms aren’t real, they cannot wrap around me. Can you be comforted by a ghost?

I cannot hear his voice, not really. I cannot see his eyes. He is transparent. I look right through him, no matter how hard I try to focus on a form that is not solid.

He is fading.

He is the fringes of my dream.

And I cannot decide, if I want to wake up. I cannot decide what is the dream and what is real. I cannot decide which one I want.

He is a ghost from a dream that I am remembering and forgetting.

He is a ghost from a dream that I am trying to hold on to and trying to let go of.

But is he my ghost?

Is it my dream?

Is he my ghost from my dream?

Or is he just a ghost that got lost, and wandered into a dream that I had no place having in the first place?

Tips (and warnings):

1.  Ask around. Do both of you share a mutual friend or acquaintance? If you do, you can talk to them about it. Before you mention the friend, use some sort of pretext so it won’t sound strange.

2.  Ask about the person. Simply ask the mutual friend something like “How is X doing?” “How’s his job?” “How’s she doing in school?” These questions might start a general discussion of the person, and if they do, read the next step.

3.  Ask if the person has mentioned you. As the conversation about the person goes on, ask something like “Has he mentioned me?” Wait for the response, and answer back in a good manner. When the conversation is over, thank the person for listening to you.

4.  Try the Internet. See if the person has a blog, Facebook or Twitter account.

5.  Search their blog or account with your name. By doing this, you will gauge the person’s opinion of you. If it’s positive, there’s a good chance that they do miss you, and might want to contact you.

6.  Try contacting the person directly. Only do this if you were on good terms the last time you were in contact with the person. Otherwise, you might create conflict.

7.  Try and go around the situation, if you are too shy to contact them directly. Befriending similar friends, but most definitely not in a disrespectful manner, the person might run into a comment you posted on someone’s photo and then there’s a half chance they will contact you depending if they seen your profile photo. If that does not work, try inviting them to share a group interest online or e-mail them about a “survey” or you are taking of random people on a particular subject. *Wink* You can even make a fake web page about it for everyone you want to contact. Make it look legit. That is only if you are very shy and sneaky. If they want to initiate contact with you, they will. Trust me. If not, they might be shy as well, and probably reading signs as well.

8.  Come casual. If you miss someone my best advice, just write them or send them a short message. If they ignore you, either they are shy or not on the same mind frame as you or have moved on and still might hold hard feelings from the past that they do not want back into their life. Do not take it personal. Some people are more sensitive than others.

9.  Contacting someone who you were on bad terms with the last time you met isn’t recommended. Not only will the person be upset, but they might also press charges for harassment or stalking.

10.  Don’t use this method for stalking or anything related to such activities. Not only is it illegal, but can as well be beyond terrifying for the victim.

• Only use the tips when there’s a chance of rebuilding some sort of relationship.
• If the person you are considering contacting is a one whom you we’re in an abusive relationship with in the past, consider talking to someone you trust (a close friend, teacher, counselor, parent, etc.) before actually connecting with this person. It is not unusual to want to try and “make things right” with someone from your past, but do not take any chances with your safety or the safety of others.
• Some people will not accept any reconcile, and that is fine. Usually, people who are in your life have the same outlook as you do, or are going through a similar situation or life phase. People connect to promote growth and sometimes the ship sails and it is time to pick up different passengers.