10 Signs You are Dating a Narcissist

There are degrees of narcissism. Some are more severe than others. Some are merely annoying egomaniacs. Others are axe murderers. But if you are in a relationship that has left you feeling frustrated and you’re not sure why, you may well be with a narcissist. Here are a few signs to watch for.

Narcissis, as many know, was the legendary character who fell in love with his own reflection. A narcissist is someone who, usually due to childhood trauma or over-doting parents, has become obsessed with himself. Some cases are so severe that the person becomes disconnected from reality and fails to maintain mutually beneficial relationships with other people.

I had a few indications that the guy I was dating was pretty self-centered, but frankly I didn’t think about it much. Then one day, I was at his house, standing beside him in the kitchen, and he was putting butter on a roll. He turned to walk away, taking a bite out of the roll, and left me standing there. At that time, we had only been dating a couple of months.

A big red flag went up. To me, it seemed abnormal to prepare the roll and eat it, while offering me nothing. This might not seem like a big deal, but it was combined with a couple of other things that gave me the first inkling that I was dating a narcissist.

My family is rife with narcissists, so I grew up thinking selfish behavior was normal. To this day (despite years of therapy) I display a high tolerance for self-centered people. As a result, I attract these relationships like a pair of black pants attracts cat hair.

There are degrees of narcissism. Some are more severe than others. Some are merely annoying egomaniacs. Others are axe murderers. But if you are in a relationship that has left you feeling frustrated and you’re not sure why, you may well be with a narcissist. Here are a few signs to watch for.

Lack of Empathy

Because a narcissist is, by definition, someone who is completely self-involved, he has little or no ability to perceive how someone else is feeling. Worse, when feelings are explained to him, he doesn’t care. It’s his feelings that matter. Understandably, this opens a Pandora’s Box of problems within relationships.

Social Ineptitude

Some narcissists can’t pay attention to what others are saying. My most recent one had a habit of walking away in the middle of a conversation, or lapsing off to watch T.V. while someone was talking to him. If I had anything to say to him, I always had to be careful there were no electronic distractions, such as T.V., radio, etc. I had the best luck with keeping my statements succinct. At a party, he would project his own thoughts, but never asked questions of others. As a result there was no give and take. “The conversation,” my brother said after meeting him the second time, “falls flat.”

Despite this, a narcissist is not necessarily a jackass in public. In fact, many of them have a meek and likeable public persona. This makes it very difficult to explain to others about the self-centered evil that lies within them. In fact, the duplicity can be so extreme that you can begin to question your own sanity. The narcissist, as one person put it, can seem, “like a werewolf”.

Delusions of Grandeur

 I attended a parade with a narci once, and he told me that he could picture himself being Grand Marshal one day. He hadn’t done anything remotely close to earning this honor, but he wasn’t kidding. Does your date exaggerate his achievements and accomplishments? Does he seem to build himself up? This is a common trait in Narci. If you feel he could use a big dose of humility, then this is one thing to watch for.

Requires Excessive Admiration

Narci is often quite good at fishing for compliments, and finding ways to get respect and admiration from those around him. Beware though, of a lack of reciprocity, which is mentioned below (see #10).

Sense of Entitlement

Whether it’s the best seat in a restaurant or the biggest slice of pie, Narci requires special treatment, and feels he deserves it. There may not seem to be any rational reason for why he should be first in line — he just always expects to be.

Preoccupied With Fantasies

Everyone has dreams. But Narci is obsessed with his own inner world. He has visions of unlimited success, power, brilliance or ideal love. He may engage you in the beginning, thinking you will help him fulfill these fantasies. As soon as he realizes you are flesh and blood, you become, basically, dog meat.

Exploitative

Narci has no hesitation about exploiting and manipulating the talents of others. Is there something he wants from you? Then he is probably being nice to you — for the time being.

Center of the Universe

Narci maintains an attitude that demonstrates the world revolves around him; and you must cater to his ideas, needs and desires. Most of us are happy to oblige someone these things. But Narci will keep taking from you without filling your well. And be forewarned, when the well runs dry, he will have no more use for you.

Withholding – Controlling

If a narcissist finds out what you like, he is sure to take it away from you. For instance, I told my most recent narci that I love going to the movies. Guess what happened? We never attended another one. I suspect this is more a “dog in the manger” thing than intentional cruelty. The narcissist does not want to be mean, necessarily. He just wants the world to revolve around him and his desires, his activities. If it is something you want, it isn’t something he wants, and therefore not worth his time.

Doesn’t Reciprocate

If you have made the horrible mistake of telling a narcissist you love him, beware. You will be punished. Because he is actually filled with self-loathing, Narci has contempt for those who love him.

This can be especially tough for people who have a generous nature. I like telling people I love them, and the compulsion is very strong when I feel that way. But the nicer and more generous you are to a narcissist, the more you will be rebuked. In this confusing and haphazard existence, a narcissist behaves best with those who set limits on him. Do not show any sign of vulnerability, because that gives him license for contempt.

You will find that none of your needs are met. You will receive no appreciation or gratitude for anything you do. You will never receive a compliment. You are a tool, a pawn, an object. Narcissus is not capable of any generosity of spirit. Sadly, he is incapable of the type of introspection necessary for change.

The bad news is, narcissists don’t change. Narci is stuck in his own universe, and his reality is completely different from ours. He is doomed to remain forever gazing at his own reflection, loving — and hating — only himself. Don’t hate the narcissist for being what he is. Educating him is fruitless because he simply lacks the capacity for self-examination. If anything, he deserves pity.

The good news is, because you have asked the question, you have the ability to save yourself. My advice is, “Run for your life!” Life is too short to be sacrificed for someone who won’t ever — who can’t ever — appreciate you.  Move on to better and brighter things.

Why Do Vampires Make The Best Lovers?

Since the huge phenomena of Twilight, vampires have suddenly become incredibly sexy and have proven to be the best lovers in the fantasy world of literature…

Vampires were once mythical creatures which sucked the blood out of humans by biting them in the neck, they were also perceived as monsters and killers. But recently the perception of vampires has now changed incredibly they remain however the same mythical creatures but they have suddenly become incredibly sexy and erotic.

Kristen Stewart and vampire Robert Pattinson in Twilight.

Since the rise of the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyers, Vampires have not only become a very popular genre in the world of literature but they have also become a household creature which majority of teenage girls have fallen under the spell of. Since the Twilight Saga more books and more Television series have now become more and more popular and more in demand of. This could be due to very good choices of actors to play such vampires but also due to the incredible characters produced by authors.

Literature has also produced vampires which have proved to be some of the best lovers in literature for e.g. Edward Cullen (Twilight Saga), Stefan Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries) or Simon (The Silver Kiss). The irony of it all is that these male characters have shown to be some of the tenderest, caring, loving, and protecting lovers but they are creatures which are in fact created to kill. So why is it that they are so very appealing to the female species.

Here are some reasons:
Some of them are still a virgin even being over 100 years old, therefore when they do fall for a girl its more of a special and intense bond which is in fact more of a true love between them.

  • They have experienced many hardships especially if they did not want to turn in to a vampire therefore are incredibly sensitive and understanding and are willing to listen.
  • Vampires are also very romantic and thoughtful because they have lived through many different eras therefore know what is incredibly romantic and acceptable.Quite frankly the list can go on and on. However lets call a spade a spade because regardless of their lovely nature they are still killers, and proved in literature there are two types of vampires:
  • A loving, caring vampire who just wants you.
  • An evil creature who is fulfilling his initial nature.

However film and TV series adaptations are a major part when questioning why vampires are indeed better lovers because some of the most gorgeous actors out there are gracing our screens with their portrayals of vampires and whether they play goodies or baddies they still remain irresistibly sexy. For e.g. take The Vampire diaries Salvatore brothers played by Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesly do not only play sexy vampires but you also get one which is a goody and one which is a baddie therefore making them both all the more sexy.

Regardless of reasons one has to admit that having a vampire boyfriend may not seem like such a bad thing except for the fact that vampires are immortal therefore they will remain their irresistable selfs and us women will grow old which is indeed a morbid and horrible thought which we will now not acknowledge.

However forgetting this fact for a second or forever, vampires have now become a part of many women lives as they are captured in their sexy good looks and mystery.
And even though they are mythical creatures it never stops you from wishing that you are also bitten by a very dishy vampire…

The Older Woman Experience

Why do guys who like older women like them? What are the advantages to being with one? Your answers here.
Young women are easy to manipulate, which is cool if you are a somewhat creepy guy looking for somebody to take advantage of. I prefer the ones that have been manipulated before, been played and taken advantage of because they can appreciate honesty. Somebody like me who would rather spend his energy on something other than trying to get a woman to believe a lie is actually a relief. This why women beyond a certain age are more appealing. That said, because they learned what they learned the hard way they tend to come with a certain amount of baggage. This baggage can range from bitter emotional cruelty to the Lorena Bobbitt psycho freak-out baggage. It’s like herpes, there is no way around it you just have to brave the outbreaks and enjoy the rest.

Another good part of the older woman experience is, as many have said before me, the sex. After a woman has been in a marriage for a certain amount of time, or dated for a certain amount of time, and especially after kids, sex loses its sheen. It stops being a moonlight walk on the beach kind of thing and becomes something along the lines of a good foot-rub. Not unromantic, just more functional, less of a prize, than an exercise in mutual satisfaction. It’s not so novel anymore, not so influenced by the movies or TV. The sensual, physical part becomes a greater factor and the fact that you are younger than her gives you an advantage over men in her age-group.

There is also the fact that she is more comfortable with who she is. Women over forty may not be exactly sure of who they are, but they are surer than they were at twenty-five or thirty. This makes you less nervous as you have a better understanding of who they are too. Your conversation is not hamstrung by the uncertainty of what kind of woman you are dealing with. Her confidence will make you more confident.

The drawbacks, for many men, come with the body-type and what most men find physically attractive about a woman. Most guys are attracted to youth and unblemished firmness. Not every woman over forty has the body of a 20-something, and trying to find the few who do is going to drastically limit your pool of potential partners. It helps if you happen to like the way older women look and feel, if you can see the beauty in softer curves, in little imperfections, and if you find that those things are sexier, more welcoming, and more interesting than a shortlived firmness.

by Nick Brice

Bonfires and other Bizarre Midsummer Rituals

There are many bizarre rituals and superstitions associated with Midsummer. Midsummer or summer solstice is celebrated in many cultures as the longest day of the year.

Why do people in different cultures have rituals like bonfires at midsummer?

In fact, have you thought why people in different cultures celebrate natural phenomena? Some would say that these rituals are reminders of an ignorant “pagan” past. But are they; in fact, our attempts at finding answers to questions about our origin and destiny, and discover our role in the big picture of creation?

Midsummer or summer solstice is celebrated in many cultures as the longest day of the year. From Finland to Spain, especially in the Northern Hemisphere, midsummer is often associated with huge public bonfires. In many European countries, people gather when bonfires are lit at night. The fires are usually fed with old and unwanted wooden furniture, junk, and broken boats. The younger and more agile people jump over the fire while making wishes. 21st June is celebrated as midsummer in most countries since the Gregorian calendar reform, though 24th June is technically the longest day of the year. But, neo-pagans celebrate summer solstice on June 24th in places like Stonehenge in England and Newgrange in Ireland.

Over the centuries Christianity assimilated most “pagan” festivals into the Christian calendar of festivals. The rowdy Roman harvest festival at winter solstice became Christmas. According to the Catholic Encyclopaedia, 1911 edition, “Christmas was not among the earliest festivals of the Church…the first evidence of the feast is from Egypt, around AD 200 when it was celebrated on 20th May.” Midsummer also got assimilated into the Christian calendar. In England midsummer became “St. John’s Eve.” In many countries, it is “St John’s Day” or the Feast of John the Baptist. In Russia it is Ivan Kupala Day, in Poland it is Noc Kupały or Noc Świętojańska and so on.

The ancient Germanic, Slav and Celtic tribes in Europe celebrated Midsummer with communal bonfires. At midsummer night, the sun does not sink even at midnight in the northernmost areas of the Northern Hemisphere beyond the Arctic Circle. These areas had fire festivals, love magic, and divination at midsummer. Agile people jumped through the flames believing that the crops would grow as high as they could jump. Maidens tried to know about their future husband, and spirits and demons were banished through the magical powers of the bonfire.

Many Midsummer Night’s superstitions and customs are similar to those observed on Christmas Eve. A girl will supposedly marry the man who she will see in her dream walking along the straw placed across the bowl of water under her bed. In another version, the man will dry his face on the towel placed beside her bed. In one tradition, the future husband will come from the direction in which the girl notices the first bonfire on Midsummer Night. Dew collected during Midsummer is believed to have special healing powers. Young girls wash their faces with the dew to make themselves beautiful, older women to make themselves younger.

One of the magical elements in midsummer is a belief in the intersection of the visible and invisible worlds during that night. The modern Wiccans, like the ancient Celts, believe that at Litha or the Feast of the Faeries at twilight in midsummer, the gates between the visible and invisible worlds open and faeries enter our world to bring joy, love, prosperity and wisdom to people who welcome them.

Fire has been among humans since lower Palaeolithic times (2,5 million – 100,000 years ago). Our ancestors from pre-Homo Sapiens times seem to have given fire a ritual significance. At excavations in Gesher Benot Ya’aqov, Israel, there are traces of controlled fire about 800 000 years old. The link between fire and midsummer is also pretty old. There is evidence of Midsummer festivals in Newgrange in Ireland from around 3000 BC. There is further evidence of midsummer celebrations among the Essenes, a Jewish sect from 1st century A.D., the ancient Hopi and the Nachez people in the Americas as well as among the Chinese. For the Chinese the summer solstice ceremony is the birthday of the feminine force yin, when they celebrate the earth. At winter solstice, the Chinese celebrate the heavens, masculinity and the birth of the yang forces. Different peoples of North Africa, in Morocco and Algeria, especially the Berbers also celebrate midsummer even today.

In the Scandinavian country of Finland, midsummer is the main festival of the year. People start their summer holidays and go to their countryside cottages. People gather around the kokko or bonfires usually on the shore of a lake. It is a popular day for weddings and churches have to be booked months or years in advance. In earlier days, unmarried young girls went naked to the meadows the night before midsummer to collect seven different wild flowers, which they placed under their pillows. They hoped to dream of the man who would become their husband. Nowadays these rituals are not practised, but there are communal dances as also; unfortunately, excessive drinking, and drowning, and accidents.

Many of the early communal rituals have lost their significance in modern urban settings. Alienation or loneliness and depression have become extremely common afflictions for people in the affluent countries of the world. Counselling and medication are both fighting a desperate battle to help. Is this a sign that overtly rationalizing and standardizing human life impoverishes it and we fall ill? Nowadays many religions also have lost touch with the lives of millions of people. The ancient myths and symbols don’t speak to modern man. Should we blame modern man for this lack of communication or should religions update their myths and symbols?