However, not all new military spouses want to attend Heart Link classes at Beale AFB for a variety of reasons. Some military spouses would rather access base services on their own terms and at their convenience rather than sit in a class with other military spouses while guest speakers go through what is available for them or be taught how to interpret their spouse’s LES (Leave and Earnings Statement).

If this is how you feel, you should tactfully discuss your feelings with your spouse and let them know that while Heart Link classes can be a beneficial resource for some military spouses, you would prefer not to attend. It is all too easy for some to resort to belittling base services by assuming that Heart Link classes are childish or in some way demeaning. Remember that even if Heart Link classes are not to your liking, they are a useful tool for many military spouses who choose to take advantage of the free services available to them. Putting Heart Link down will not achieve anything.

Once you have informed your spouse that you will not be attending any Heart Link classes, you will need to consider how you will access any information about Beale AFB and aspects of military life that may come up in the future that confuse you. Will you take advantage of the official Beale AFB website and visit that whenever you need to learn more about the base? Alternatively, your spouse might be willing to personally answer your questions about the Air Force, acronyms, military etiquette and more. It is true that as time goes on, many military spouses pick up a lot about the military way of life and learn as they go. But if your spouse does not have the time or patience to teach you about their military lifestyle, it could cause frustration for both of you as you struggle to get answers to your questions. That is why it is important to weigh your options carefully before making any rash decisions.

Shopping

Everyone needs to shop to live, but for some military spouses, they find that the absence of their husbands has given them even less of an inclination to shop for the necessities so that they can fix a meal for themselves. If that is how your friend feels, why not offer to go shopping with her? Encourage her to take care of herself rather than wallow in self-pity. Shopping alone is daunting for many women, which is why a companion at this time can be of so much help. Don’t just leave it at that. Stop over your friend’s house afterwards or invite her back to your home where you can enjoy lunch together on a Saturday or Sunday.

Call Me – When?

Many well meaning friends will offer the vague “call me if you need anything” speech to a friend whose husband has been deployed. But this does not really offer true comfort or support to those who need it. A better way to offer support is to be more specific and mention that you are always free on Saturday mornings to get together for a chat and some girlie time together and that you would love it if your friend joined you and your family as you attend the fair next week. Many friends are reluctant to call if they have only a vague invitation to do so. But if specific plans are mentioned, then your friend may feel more inclined to pick up the phone and take you up on your offer.

Mr/Ms Fix-it

One of the challenges that military spouses face during their spouse’s deployment is dealing with unexpected problems that arise such as plumbing problems around the home or car troubles. Unless your friend is a plumber or a mechanic, she may be bewildered about the problems she is having and not know where to turn to for help. But do you or your husband have any expertise in D-I-Y projects or cars? If so, make sure that you mention this in advance so that once your friend’s husband has deployed, she will not feel truly “alone” if any problems come up and she will know where to turn to for help.

A friend whose husband has been deployed does not want to receive a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and nothing else for months on end from her friends. She will need companionship at times when she is feeling lonely and she may even need practical assistance if any problems arise that she cannot cope with alone.