Friends

This is definitely part of what keeps you sane in this life style. People who understand what is going on when you miss your family or when your husband is working late. It is hard to find people that are true friends that you can trust in the normal world let alone the military world. I wish I would have known this before I entered into this life because if I did, I would have had a better game face and trusted fewer people. You need to be careful in making friends in this lifestyle because people in these parts are shady and will stab you in the back as quick as you made them as a friend. When you find someone who truly understands you and that you know you can trust, you’ve made a life long friend.

Skype

When missing your family Skype will be your best friend. I in the past few months have come to fall in love with this program and use it quite often to see my cousins and nephew. Sometimes it makes it a little bit harder because it makes me miss them more, but in the end this program will become your favorite thing.

School

I just started school back in January 2011 and I have to say I have never worked harder at school in my entire life and it’s not just because I’m in college, it’s because I have the maturity to work for something that I know will really benefit me when I’m done with it. School is a huge part of what keeps me going outside of my marriage. I am working very hard and every time I get a good grade or finish a class that keeps my GPA at a 3.2 I feel more proud of myself each time and know that I am getting to be a stronger student and a stronger person.

Job

THIS IS THE BEST TIP. Get a job, it really doesn’t matter what your job is as long as you like doing it and can have fun at work. I have had jobs from working at Sonic to being a server. Now I work as an administrative assistant and I love doing it because I get to work on computers which is something I truly love to do. I get up every morning looking forward to going to work and seeing my co-workers because they are apart of the real world and they have no affiliation with the military or any of the spouses. I feel as if this is something for me and something that I alone am doing which is true, but I feel it’s just something that I myself enjoy without anyone else really knowing how or why.

Your Spouse

This is the best kept secret in being a military wife. Your spouse may drive you insane and make you angry at times, but your spouse is what truly keeps you happy at the end of the day. The things I listed above will help you keep a sense of yourself outside of this life style, but truthfully you have to find a way to adjust to it and become apart of it. I resisted this life style when I first married into it, but I must say it was the best decision I could have made with my life. My husband is the reason I ever entered into this life style and I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. This life style is revolting at times, but when you come home at the end of the day to your spouse and tell them you love them, it is what truly makes all of the bad things go away.

I

 have been a military wife for a little over two years.  And I discovered that there were many things I was not prepared for.  Less than a year into our marriage, my husband was sent out for deployment to Iraq.  I thought that would be the toughest experience we ever went through, but boy was I wrong!

     Toward the end of my husband’s year in Iraq (his third tour, by the way), he called to tell me he had a chance to re-enlist and take both of us to Germany to live for three years.  Three years?  I had told my husband of my wish to someday visit Europe, but to actually live there?  We had married knowing he was going to be deployed and with the promise that he would leave the service after deployment when his contract was up.  I was hesitant, but the more he talked about it, the better he made it sound.  We would be able to see place we only dreamed of and might never get the chance to see again.  How could I argue with that?  So  I agreed , he came home, and we began the process of preparing to PCS (That is military speak for the process of moving) to Germany.  After the paperwork was done, family visits to say goodbye were made, and we temporarily said goodbye to our car and furniture (Two months in shipping!  Yikes!) we were finally on our way.  And so began a list of adventures and new experiences (not all of them pleasant) that I will remember for the rest of my life.

     The flight alone was a new experience.  Ten hours of sitting and trying to sleep while hovering over the Atlantic.  The Flight was cool, though.  They had screens for each seat that allowed us to pick our own movies or TV shows or music.  We could even use the screens to see exactly where our flight was in the air or how much longer we had until landing.  We also had a delicious traditional German breakfast consisting of dinner rolls, lunchmeat, and fruit (American lunch food, basically). I had never been on an international flight before, so this was exciting for me.  I felt pampered. 

     Things were different when we got to the Frankfurt airport, however.  We had to wait for the officers to greet us and take us to the quarters where we would be staying until we arranged for housing.  We thought it would be a quick trip.  My husband would check in and we could get settled. Wrong!!!!!!   We arrived at noon.  We waited until 4 or 5 o’clock in the evening before we were finally put on our bus to the Base my husband would be working on.  Then his sponsor never showed up.  So we had to find a hotel.  By this time it was about 7 o’clock.  We were hungry and tired and had been in the same clothes for almost 24 hours straight (My bad for not putting a change of clothes in my carry on.  I will know better next time!).  Finally, one of the staff sergeants found us a hotel nearby and we were able to get settled in.  We had a delicious meal at the restaurant (my first time eating schnitzel.  Veal, to us Americans) and enjoyed a beautiful hotel room.  We had a couple of surprise, though.  Hotels in Germany do not use double or king-size beds.  They put two twin beds together.  And we made the mistake of asking for one bed!  The two of us had to share a twin bed!  We got comfortable in that room, then had to go to another hotel when they had a group coming in that filled up the hotel.  They had been booked before us, so we were out.  My husband’s sponsor was supposed to set all of that up for us and had really dropped the ball. 

     We did find another hotel just down the street.  It was adorable from the outside.  It looked like the street on some romantic movie.  The room, however, was less than desired.  First of all, it was freezing.  We hadn’t yet learned that Germans do not use Central air.  They use radiators that connect to the water pipes to warm each room.  Don’t look shocked.  It turns out that those radiators work very well.  Germany only gets hot for a few weeks out of the year, so air conditioning isn’t a necessity.  We found that out later on in the summer (I have never seen so much rain in my life, but that is another story).  Next, we were on the second floor.  We did not know that Germans do not believe in elevators and there are no handicapped laws requiring them in Germany as there are in the United States (tough place!).  Between us, we had four suitcases and two carry-ons with two months worth of clothes, entertainment, and necessities to get us through until our furniture and household goods arrived.  Getting those suitcases upstairs, on a winding staircase, no less.  Not fun.  We didn’t plan on staying long.  Just two nights until we could get back to the other hotel.  But, things did not work out that way.

     After the first night, my husband wanted to stay in our new room until we got housing.  He didn’t want to move all of our stuff again.  Me, I didn’t like that there was not TV (We were supposed to get the Armed Forces Network, but it didn’t work in our room.).  I also didn’t like being upstairs.  I had gained weight and was just coming out of a bad bout of anemia, so stairs and I were not friendly.  I finally made a compromise.  ON the second day while he was at work, I got us a bigger room downstairs with a big bathroom, good TV, and an internet connection.  Hallelujah!!!!  My husband still had to move our stuff, but only downstairs.  We were settled.  And, the upside to the hotel was that they had a wonderful restaurant.  Who know I could find delicious pasta in a German restaurant?  All we had to do was wait for our housing, deal with the owner, who hijacked us for cash instead of letting us use our credit card (again, another story), and handle a maid who didn’t clean our room for two days and then lied about it (No, I won’t give out the name of the hotel, but if anyone who knows me asks, I will tell you privately).

     After a month in the hotel, we finally got housing…on the fourth floor of a walk-up apartment building.  We got a new puppy after a few weeks of settling in (definitely another story!), and we both went through the rigors of getting our drivers licenses.  To this day, we are still dealing with registration issues (I told you it was a tough place!).  But we are learning our way around and getting ready to take Europe by storm over the Holidays.  Something tells me that will be very interesting…

There are six F’s that keep me going: Faith, Family, Friends, Future, Funny Bones and Fitness.

Faith – If you or someone you know has ever gone through AA, then you are aware of the first step in the 12 step program: Recognizing you are powerless, and then the next step-leaning on a higher power.

I have no control over where my husband goes, when he goes, how long he’ll be gone, or even how I can contact him. He’s been on a training assignment and I’ve gotten only one e-mail every few days and a ten minute phone call once a week.

If I were to spend my time and emotions worrying about his safety, or all the other fears that are common for spouses, I would be a train wreck. So how do I combat my fears?

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “perfect love casts out all fear.” When I focus on God’s perfect love, and keep my eyes up, that carries me through. I don’t know how it does at sometimes, but I think the key is that it’s not “it”-my faith-but rather HE-whom I’m placing my faith in who carries me through.

It does get lonely and scary at times, I won’t deny that. I remember during one of the deployments, our house alarm system going off at 2am. I was armed with my husband’s .45, my German shepherd by my side and a sudden adrenaline rush giving me added confidence. Though my voice was strong as I shouted, letting any intruder know I was armed, I was still scared on the inside.

When my husband isn’t there physically to be my husband, I have to rely on God to be that protector. There are countless verses in scripture that help me to trust in Him in those situations.

Family – I have been very blessed-VERY blessed-that I haven’t had to relocate in three years. Though I viewed it as a negative at first (I wanted adventure so badly), I now see the blessing in still being so close to my family members.

Whether it’s having a latte with my aunt or driving over the pass to visit with in-laws, having family to lean on is a great support system. They know me-the real me, and all my faults, and love me anyway. And they can also tell when I’m unable to communicate how I’m really feeling. I’m sure I’m not the only army wife who thinks she can take on the world, and then takes on too much and ends up bottling things up, trying to act tough and keep it together.

In those times, it’s nice to have family members who can recognize the nonverbal or silent signals I send off that I’m really crying out for help. I think that is one of the hardest things other wives go through when they are away from their families-they often miss that support, especially through major life events like pregnancies. I have been fortunate to not have to go through that yet.

Friends – I cherish the friendships I have immensely. I never used to be such a clingy or needy person before I got married. I was very independent, head strong and loved being a “loner.” Since I’ve gotten used to the company, however, now I’m someone completely different and get very restless if I don’t have people around me all the time. I still like my alone time, but I love having friends over even more. Girlfriends are invaluable. Whether it’s shopping or just relaxing and watching a movie, their friendship means a lot to me.

That said, it is sometimes difficult to make new friends. Though I’m married, I find that I make more instant connections with single gals. I want to have more friends with other couples for when my husband is home, but sometimes he is gone so much that it’s just too much of a painful thorn in my side to be around other couples. This ties into my last article of my “married yet strangely single life” because my lifestyle is closer to single women when my husband is away. No kids, though I still have a lot of other responsibilities, I’m still flexible to hang out like they are. They can come over for a slumber party or take off for a day of snowboarding, whereas others cannot.

Future – The bible talks about living in “hope deferred” and how it can make our hearts sick, but when it comes it becomes like a spring of life. I often feel much of my life can be portrayed as “living in hope deferred.” My husband and I both keep looking ahead, reminding ourselves of our dreams for our future, and not losing sight of those goals.

By reinforcing our dreams and visions, it gives us both positive things to look forward to. Though we have to wade through valleys right now, we have hope for what will eventually come.

It can be easy to become jaded with the way things are, and worry about what if tomorrow never comes. That is why faith is the first on my list.

Funny bones – I confess, though some may see me as a pretty serious person, I am actually a bit of a prankster. I love practical jokes and pretty much anything for a good laugh. In my last job, I was part of the rubber band warriors, and daily watched the movie, “Office Space.” Laughing reduces stress and burns calories. It also helps me get into a better mood and have a more optimistic outlook on life.

I suppose that also helps explain why I am such an internet junkie whenever my husband is away. I love humorous viral videos and am always on the lookout for a new joke. I am drawn towards people who don’t take themselves too seriously and who also have contagious laughs.

Fitness – I can’t emphasize this enough. I consider good nutrition as part of my fitness program. Whether it’s weightlifting, kickboxing or my latest love (snowboarding!), fitness is essential for a number of reasons. It helps me have energy to take on the world (or the large chunks I try to take on and then regret). It releases endorphins in my brain and keeps me from things like depression. Living in a rainy area where suicide rates are among the highest in the nation, we don’t get enough sunlight and need fitness to keep us mentally well.

I also have some strong opinions that might offend some people but I’m going to blurt it out. Too many women allow themselves to get fat once they are married, and military spouses are no exception to that.

Another hard reality a lot of women don’t want to admit to-or they recognize it but don’t approve of it-is how visual our men are. It’s not that I’m worried my husband would cheat on me or disown me for being a fatty, but rather out of love and loyalty that I do fight hard to try to be fit.

I do it for myself first of all, but I also am motivated by a desire to please him. It becomes a priority, and a struggle just like staying on top of the finances, home maintenance, dog training, and all the other “holding up the fort” requirements of this “job” as an army wife.

I want to really stress the importance of the fitness factor here. It’s just as much about me as it is about doing it for my husband-it’s just as much about me being my real self (an energetic, adventurous, fun and happy person that I was before I got swept up into this militant lifestyle) as it is about me being someone my husband is happy to come home to when he finally does come home. The more in shape I am, the more adventures we can do together-the less we miss out on. Don’t forget, even better sex. There are other additional benefits that I could write an entire article on.

I hope this has helped to provide further insight into how this army wife keeps her sanity through oftentimes difficult deployments. There is so much outside of our control and so little accomplished by worrying and exhausting oneself emotionally.

We don’t live perfect lives, we have our share of ups and downs, and distance and communication barriers can especially impose additional hardships. However, through faith and with the help of family, friends, keeping our eyes ahead, and not losing our sense of humor, we persevere.

1. CincHouse

   Here is a site just for military spouses and women! It’s like an online coffee house just for women! Not only can keep build a profile and chat with other military wives, but there are articles full of advice on everything from saving money on diapers to popular new workouts, from beauty tips to military finances.

2. Let’s Say Thanks

   This has got to be one of my favorite places to go when I have a free minute. Choose from numerous card designs (all original drawings), add a message (write your own or use pre-made versions), then click send! At no cost to you a card is sent to our troops overseas! A quick, easy, FREE way to show your support and appreciation to our troops!

3. Military Homefront

   Here is the best site on military relocation I have seen. They have a ridiculous amount of resources available to help make your military move as easy as possible!

4. Military One Source

   It is a one-stop-shop at Military One Source. One Source can provide you with answers to just about any question you might have. Duty stations, deployments, Red Cross information, military pay, and DOD schools are just the beginning. If you can’t find it on the website just give their toll-free number a call. They’re available 24/7! They even have international numbers for those overseas.

5. 4 Military Families

   Just as its title suggests, this site is made especially for military families! Enjoy all kinds of informational and advice columns, as well as currently military news. This site also offers some great resources on ways you can show your support to our troops.

6. My Army Life Too!

   This site includes tons of information on the basics of military life; housing, relocating, deployments, etc. It also links you with some great official resources to get help when needed.