Why does this happen? The truth is, that psychologists agree that it is a mystery of the human mind and that they can only describe the results of their studies, not explain them. For example, a number of psychological studies have concluded that hunger affects what we see. In one study, researchers showed people dark shapes on white paper. These shapes were abstract and did not resemble any specific objects – they were never meant to.  Yet, the people taking part in the study did not eat for a long time. They all stated that the shapes looked like food or food-related objects such as: vegetables, candy, forks and plates. Those who were not hungry were more creative with their descriptions of what they saw in the dark shapes, but none involved food.

It’s also no surprise that emotion blinds us to certain sights; yet opens our eyes and allows us to see others clearly. Let’s think of the emotion of anger for a moment. How many of us have not experienced anger so intense that everything else around us ceases to exist except for our focus on the object of our anger? Love is another strong emotion that blinds us to things that others see immediately, such as our loved ones less attractive qualities or personality failings. In one psychological study, several women were asked to describe the same man. One of the women was his wife, while the others had never seen the man before. It was found that the wife’s description of her husband was much less critical and, in fact, less accurate than those of the others. The jury is still out on whether the wife is just blinded towards her husband’s faults or whether she accepted them and loves him in spite, or because of them. Maybe she simply chooses to focus on his positive points.

Knowledge is another thing that may affect our ability to see things as they really are and not as our minds expect them to be, or say they are. Just think when we read we often glance over and do not even pick up glaring spelling mistakes because, at some point, we stop seeing the full word. We see “signs” of the word, such as an anticipation of the word to come within a text, or a few letters that hint at the word and lead us to believe that that is exactly what is written there. It is scientifically proven that as long as the first and the last letters of a word are present, as long as all the other letters are there – even if they are scrambled, we will read the word correctly and often not even notice the spelling mistake.  

Lastly, focus can change the way we view things. Just think, have you ever been so busy thinking of something, or so focused on the goal ahead of you, that you actually don’t notice anything around you? Not people, not new products – nothing! Again, this is one of those unexplainable psychological phenomena. The best that we can do is to ensure that we go for our yearly eye examinations in order to have our eyeglasses prescriptions updated accordingly, and then get new eyeglasses frames, like multifocal glasses, that will allow us to see optimally. After that, what we then see is all a matter of mind over matter!

Hillary Glaser is a social networking specialist and expert in cross-media promotion, currently working on promoting prescription eyeglasses. She is the Director of Marketing and Special Projects for GlassesUSA.com – the easiest way to buy glasses online, which now offers free shipping on all US orders with the code FreeShip10.

She took her oldest daughter and destroyed her emotionally when a girl needs her mother the most(she was 13). She wanted to take every opportunity to tell her how horrible her dad was, yet dad was the only one taking care of the kids. One of the biggest moments that destroyed Bio mom’s relationship with her oldest was telling her that it was all her fault and if she never had been born she would not be stuck now. This hit the eldest daughter very hard and she was devastated. When the oldest daughter had enough and moved full time with dad, Mom chose to throw all her stuff in the trash in retaliation for her daughter disserting her. Mom now takes every opertunity to point out what a horrable person she thinks her own daughter is. So the daughter chose to block mom out so she can’t hurt her anymore.

During this time he begged her to stay and work things out. When faced with the possibility of losing his wife and kids he almost committed suicide he was so torn up. He would have done anything for her, yet he was abusive to her? Her oldest started hurting herself and was ridiculed for it by the bio mom. She not only walked out on him but also her daughter saying things like “you (family name) can’t seem to stay alive” referring to the suicide deaths of his father and brother. Now she wants to say that he was emotionally abusive to her?

She wants everyone to believe he did everything wrong. She walked out on him and took the time to blame him and the children. During this hard time she finally rented a house (mind you she forged his name and used his paycheck stub to qualify for it) and was awarded joint custody one week with mom one week with dad. The children would sneak over to dad’s house to get food and clean clothes, and just to have some fun. When mom found out they where lectured for hours on end about how disrespectful that was and the most important thing was that it was “her time”. She did not care they were hungry nor that they where cold nor that she was never home. She even had them go to dad’s house and steal things for her, but he was always the bad guy. Even when she had to take care of herself and four kids it was his fault even thou this was what she wanted.

Now four years later both parties are remarried and have more children and still its dad that takes care of everything. She wants everyone to read her stories about poor me and I sit here and think wow, this is the same woman that is emotional blackmailing her children. She emotionally abuses her children in every way she can and wants to say look at me I’m the victim? Just last night has told the children that in order for them to see their new sister they have to fix their relationship with her first! So if they do not do what she says and how she says they will never be able to see her new daughter. The three older children are banned from her house and that’s ok in her book. She chose to take her visitation down to one day a month for three hours and walk out of court happy about it. She was smiling about it and left it to us to explain to the children mom’s not showing up even more.

We have taken her to court to make her visit her kids. We have taken her to court to get her to pay for her kids. We have taken her to court to make her see what she is doing to the kids. We have finally learned we can’t make her care. We can’t make her be involved. We can’t make her support her kids. We can’t make her do anything. So we have changed to what we can do to make the children feel the love and security they need and cannot get from her. I’m choosing to financially support the children that she refuses to. I make sure I’m always available to them no matter the reason or the time. I will always be here for them right by their side showing them with my actions everyday how much they are loved and wanted. I chose not to give them empty words as they get too many of already. So you tell me who really is the victim? Its not her and its not dad, it’s the children that are being hurt by her actions. I’m choosing to show the children what a responsible parent is!

  It takes so much to love someone who is always away, I know, I have dealt with this for almost a year now. I have spent nights crying alone, laying in bed wondering if he is okay, even feeling the anticipation of waiting for him to get off the plane. To see is worn face on a computer web cam; his smile, his bright eyes seeing me or his girls for the first time in quite a while. All of the pain in the world disappears when you get to hold them once more, kiss their lips… Not many people could understand this feeling. It is not like a week long business trip, where you can just call them. We do not get that option.
  My heart goes out to those who have done this before me, I look up to your strength. For those who will follow behind us, keep your heads up and your heart strong, filled with love. There is nothing in this world more important then feeling their love embracing you once more. Strength lies in the heart! It is more then worth the wait.

Find a good website – Your best bet is to find a website dedicated to games for brain training and brain fitness as opposed to just playing the ‘brain games’ on larger gaming sites.  In most cases, the former will be designed more intelligently and be better-suited for challenging you in constructive ways.  Look for evidence that the game designers know a thing or two about neuroscience.#2) Do something different –  It’s often more fun to play games that display our competences rather than expose our ineptitudes, but just playing towards your strengths will not be as beneficial as taking on your weaknesses. Brain games are a great tool to challenge yourself in ways that your everyday life does not.#3) Make sure you enjoy it – One of the requisites for effective neuroplasticity (the process responsible for making changes in your brain) is attention.  If you are playing something that is not engaging you and holding your attention, it is far less likely that you will get something from it.#4) Make sure it gets harder as you improve –  Choose among the many games on the market have adjustable difficulties or progressively get harder as you improve.  It is important that the level of challenge increases proportionately to your skill level so that you are never wasting your time with something that is too easy or too hard.
Playing the Game -

Opt for regular short practice rather than prolonged sessions - Your are going to get a lot more out of your work if you play a game for 15 minutes a day for a week than if you sit down and play it for 2 hours in one sitting.  Taking breaks and returning to the activity later helps facilitate the learning process and makes certain your mind stays sharp and attentive throughout the process.#2) When possible, combine mental exercise with physical exercise – Schedule your brain training sessions to follow periods of physical exercise so your brain has plenty of blood and energy.  In general, you are going to glean more from the exercise when your mind is alert and ready to learn.#3) Become engaged – If there is some sort of storyline or reward system for measuring your progress, get involved in it.  The more motivated you are to learn and make changes, the easier the process becomes.  It’s definitely OK to have some fun.

New relationships can be exciting and full of flutterings. There is anticipation, hopefulness and fantasy. There are dreams of a future with only that new-found special person. But what happens when the hope and fantasy is dashed? What if you find someone and you get them all wrong? But what if that isn’t down to you? What if you have been lead down the garden path?

There are men in this world who categorise their women. These men drop their women into one of three boxes:

Firstly, the box that labels a woman as a definite possibility: this woman is everything he wants. She meets most, if not all, of his criteria. He finds her attractive, good conversation, and loves the thought of seeing her and spending that quality time. Most significantly, he would happily take the box home to meet his mother.

Secondly, the box of no return: A woman placed in this box is a definite no-no. She isn’t his type and there will never be any possibility of more. These women have the lid closed on them and have to await their true knight in shining armour to come and pull them out.

And then there is the third box – and this is where things become confusing, but only for her: She is the woman who is attractive and good company – but with whom he never wants a relationship. She is the woman he wants nothing more than casual sex with; a no-strings relationship that involves booty calls, phone or text sex, passionate kisses and hush-hush meetings – but no commitment or acknowledgement of existence. She is his ‘bit of stuff’ and will never be more.

So how does this Box Three relationship happen? Well, in the beginning, there is chemistry and laughter, sexual attraction and flirting. At this stage, she usually contemplates where this could lead while he already knows she belongs in the third box. But at what point does this become clear to her? Answer: quite often, when she has already started walking her way to the first box; quite often, when she is already past the point of no return.

It is a sad situation that new relationships seem to lack communication. We can feel immense attraction to another human being and talk of our pasts, our presents and our dreams for the future. We can kiss and make love, feel excitement and passion, but why can we not talk openly about what we feel, what we are to each other, and what we want to be? By the time this happens, we are usually already actively trusting and caring and this could spell disaster. Why do we not set the rules in the beginning? Why do we allow ourselves to fall into a trap? Why do we not care for our hearts with more dedication?

For the woman walking her way to the first box, it can be a difficult and painful moment when she realises the lid is closed. It involves rejection and humiliation, unanswered questions and self-doubt. Mr Man will walk away as his ‘bit of stuff’ became too complicated – wanted more – while Miss Third Box is left to wonder where she went wrong and how she ever got the wrong end of the stick when, really, she ‘played the game’ flawlessly.

And so I leave the question with you: as we grow and take shape, and decide to step into other peoples’ lives, shouldn’t we first take a moment to decide what we can offer and then share this thought? Because if we rely on signals and the correct interpretation of them, someone, somewhere along the line of three boxes, is going to get hurt – and all because, he spoke a language she was never taught.