This is what I have heard for a good portion of my life. Recently, I had heard this same line repeated while I was in the grocery store, and it made me think about my own life. For the rest of the day, while on my way home, while taking a shower, while mowing the lawn(though maybe not in that order), I continued to think about that statement. It was a conversation between a mother and her daughter about how hard it was for them since her daughter would be going off to college soon, and how big of a change it would be in the family. The daughter stated that the previous couple of years, the family had struggled, and she told her mother she didn’t want there to be any more struggling. That is when her mother stated that quote mentioned above. It probably wouldn’t have struck me as hard if it hadn’t actually been relevant to my current situation; after all, I go off to college in just a week from now, and I couldn’t be more nervous. And yet, I’m also quite calm about the situation. A bit of an oxymoron if you ask me: How can you be nervous AND calm? Preposterous! And yet, I guess I found a way.

For those that haven’t kept up with my articles, the previous few years for my family hasn’t been a walk in the park; while most of the stress came from my grandmother, quite a bit was built up from my oldest sister, as well. Two years ago, my grandmother had been forced into retirement when the padding in her back had completely failed her, and she had trouble getting around for a few months. Less than a year later, she developed cancer, and had a long, and successful thankfully, struggle going through chemo. In the process, her teeth began to fall out, and she was losing hair. The cancer recently disappeared, and she was given dentures, which are still entirely uncomfortable for her, since it sometimes takes up to a year to be able to eat normally again once you get them.

Aside from troubles with my grandmother, stresses have come from my sister, whom we could swear is a kleptomaniac. Over the years, she has stolen more money from the family than the bank from its citizens, and yet she’ll swear that we’ve just “misplaced” it all. Because it is entirely possible that over the course of five years or so, our family has “misplaced” nearly $8,000, a majority of our movies and games, and some old, very rare comics, and that all of this is just laying around the house somewhere. Sorry tuts, that little excuse doesn’t work on us moderately intelligent individuals. She also suffered from a prescription drug addiction for a while, so we’re all pretty certain to where that money is going, though she swears that she is no longer a drug user.

I do not tell you all of this to get any smiles of admiration, or to invoke any pity; in fact, I tell you this to show you that life does not always get harder than what you’re used to. I am a firm believer that life will always get better over time, and even though things may not look too great to you, it never hurts to look into someone else’s life. Whenever I used to feel sorry for myself, I would look at people who grew up with their parents and would feel horrible. But then I would go home and realize that most of these people would never develop such a relationship with their parents AND grandparents. I chose not to know my father, and I was able to get to know my mother before she passed away years ago, AND I have lived with my grandmother since I was nine months old. I’ve been given the chances to share my life with so many great people, and so I’ve realized that there is no need to feel sorry for myself. There is no need to feel down all the time, because even though life will get hard sometimes, it will only seen over-bearing if you LET it. There is nothing in life that one cannot get through if they have the right attitude in mind.

As I move onto college next week, I have feared for a good portion of the summer that things may get quite over-bearing at times. I have heard horror stories of people, just like myself, that ended up losing their mental fortitude because of all the stresses college life brings on. I have heard that the work takes up a large portion of your time, and trying to balance a job is practically suicide. I have heard that professors are complete nightmares sent up from Satan himself to destroy our puny little spirits. I have heard that living away from family when you’ve never done it in your life before eats away at the subconscious, causing a home-sickness that not even the best of medicines can treat. I have heard all of these things, and I know that these things will not effect me. I am not better than any single living person on this planet, and yet I know the same things that will eat away at the hearts of many will not eat away at me. How do I know this? I am going in with an idea in mind; an idea that anything life throws my way, whether it a curve ball, a change up, or a fast ball, I’m positive I can hit it out of the park. The right attitude is key to moving forward in life.

This does NOT just relate to me at all. I am not writing this article to gloat some hallucinogenic idea of grandeur; I am writing this article to tell you that if I can jump into something with the idea that I can do it, that anyone can do it. Its the idea of “if he can do it, you can do it,” except this doesn’t just hold true in one situation. If you believe that you can one day become a great musician, with great practice and dedication, you can. If you believe that you will some day own your own company, with the right mind set, along with taking steps towards doing it, you can do that, as well. I cannot stress this enough: If you truly want to move forward in life, you HAVE to practice the mind set that you CAN do it. Life will pile on the crap, believe me. Sometimes it may seem like you are sitting in a rather large crap sandwich that you just cannot escape, and you will want to give up. But the thing to remember is that life will not throw anything at you that cannot be handled if one tries hard enough. The human mind is capable of some truly amazing things, and if you know how to use it, you’ll always come out on top.

This article is not meant to sound preachy, nor is it meant to change the type of character that you may be. In fact, I am going to dedicate this article to someone: I dedicate this article to that women and her daughter in the grocery store. I dedicate this article to all of the people that feel they can no longer carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. I dedicate this article to every man, woman, and child that feel that they do not have the will power to continue on. And of course, I dedicate this article to myself, as I feel that one must believe something before they share it with others. This is not something that you have to do in life, and if you choose not to have this ideology, then I wish you the best in life, as well. I live my life as an optimist, and I believe that a bit of optimism will forever change the way one will look at something. The best thing to do in situations where things just feel too hard is to just sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and laugh. I hope I didn’t put anyone to sleep with this article, I know it definitely is a wide step to the left of what I usually write, but I wanted to share my thoughts on life, especially since I know there will always be those struggling in this world. My usually sarcastic articles will return next time! If you would like to comment, share your opinion, or anything else, please feel free to do so, and as always, thanks for reading.

 “Yes, I feel the need to perform orgasmically, competitively with other women at large in the community. I wish I didn’t. It really got started when I used to feel pressure from my former partner, because if I didn’t come, it proved he wasn’t a ‘real man.’ But I’m not a star or a two-ring circus.”  THE HITE REPORT

Once again, reenforcing the idea that the most important sexual organ is our brain, the evidence shows that – even with female orgasm – “mind over matter” is very often the case. There was a time when it was easy enough to simply blame ill-informed, inconsiderate or selfish male partners for women’s being unsuccessful at achieving their ultimate sexual gratification. However, with today’s availability of both information and freedom (not to mention any number of “toys” and gratification devices) the old issue of the female orgasm has shifted in its complexity.

Nevertheless, way back in the days of The Hite Report, studies were pointing out that “Performance Anxiety” was not a problem exclusive to the man’s need to “…get it up”. Even then, females were shown to be feeling pressured to “get it off”! And as with the musician or the athlete – as any cunductor or coach can tell you – the state of mind during one’s performance means as much as both training and conditioning. Getting “focused” or, being “in the zone”, where peak performance happens, often includes having to either ignore, minimize or deflect the effects of outside pressure.

The typical “western” material mind set can leave us in a state where we feel the need to be “in control”. This focus on our need to do something, to cause a result, to “make it happen” can become typical of our thought patterns, and our approach to most situations. Some of us become anxious the moment we become aware of any situation that we don’t have control over. Often our fight-or-flight mode comes on line under circumstances in which we can’t maintain a “make-happen” position.

What is recognized today as a more “Eastern” mind set, or New Age approach is the ability to embrace or exercise more of a “let happen” frame of mind. The idea is that, in some instances, for certain positive outcomes to be successfully reached, the practice of “Allowing” works better than the practice of “Causing”. It would seem that our conscious, or “front” mind can often prove to be a source of interference – and, in effect, we wind up getting in our own way! While we are taught the importance of thinking rationally, the ability to not think is more of an art form – and, like any Art Form, often takes patient practice.  

Both my coaches and my music instructors have taught me the importance of concentrating, not in the mind, but, in the muscles – an the importance of developing “muscular memory”. During the Divine Act of Sex, the orgasm can become elusive – especially when being anxiously chased – “hotly pursued” so to speak. So there is that critical point in the process where the thought must shift its focus away from the “destination” – from “having” (causing) an orgasm, and stay focused on the “journey” – the pleasures being felt – in the moment: away from the “make happen” to the “let happen” mode. This, I’ve been given to understand, is where to get to in order to “let that orgasm have you”.

  As is our habit, we attract that which we are accustomed to; which are usually the wrong types of people in our lives. To help us avoid those kinds of people we make a list for guide lines to follow. As we spend time with the people we meet; we check our lists to make sure of what we are looking for in friends. If you are looking for a special someone to have permanently in your life you will definitely want to be even more specific about some things then you would for a friend.

Example 1

Male Friend for a Female

1. Height, weight, hair color or length and facial hair do not matter.

1. Age between 40 to 60

1. Good moral standards (Won’t outright flirt with others in my presents)

1. Kind

1. Considerate of others feelings around him

1. Understanding of situations and circumstances

1. Likes hugs and kisses

1. Likes to play pool, go swimming, amusement parks, watch movies, plays; listen to music, dance, go out to dinners, and celebrate the Holidays with family and friends.

1. Has a vehicle of his own

1. Has a job to support himself

1. Lives alone, with children or with room-mates (NOT at his parents house with his parents)

1. Open and honest discussions

1. good communication skills

1. good reading skills

1. good writing skills

1. Good comprehension skills

Example 2

Female Friends for Females

1. Height, weight, hair color or length of hair do not matter

1. Age between 40 to 60

1. Good moral standards (won’t flirt or bed a man I or another friend is interested in.)

1. Kind

1. Considerate of others feelings around them

1. Understanding of situations and circumstances

1. Not afraid to give sisterly affection and advise

1. Likes to cook; entertain; create quilts, clothing, jewelry, etc.; play pool; swimming; amusement parks; watch movies; plays; listen to music; dance; go out to dinners and celebrate the Holidays with family and friends

1. Has a vehicle of her own

1. Has a job to support herself

1. Lives alone, with children or with room-mates (NOT with parents in their house)

1. Open and honest discussions

1. Good communication skills

1. Good reading skills

1. Good writing skills

1. Good comprehension skills

Example 3

Things DON’T want in friends:

1. Rudeness including farts, body noises, loud belches, etc.

1. Excessive sarcastic attitudes

1. Childish displays of temper tantrums

1. Selfishness

1. Excessive aggressiveness

1. Excessive foul and or vulgar language

1. Drug users, sellers or makers

1. Alcoholics

  These are just examples of three of the lists you might make to keep in step with what you want for friends in your life as a woman. A man’s would be different of coarse and I have no idea what the Gay or Lesbian Communities might search for in friendships. If this is any help to them then by all means follow this also.

  It is not my intention to leave anyone out; I freely admit I am unknowledgeable in the matters of the Gay and Lesbian Communities. It is not my intention to offend but I don’t want to assume anything either. If I have offended anyone I do apologize.

  These next sets of examples are a little more in depth because it is what one might look for in a permanent partner, mate or a husband. The same principals apply to men searching for wives.

Example 4

Dates and Permanent Partners for Women

1. Height: 6’ or taller

1. Weight: 225LBS plus Buff (muscular)

1. Hair Color: Black

1. Hair Length: Shoulder or longer

1. Eye Color: Blue, Green or Steel Grey

1. Age: 45 to 55

1. Old Schooled Romantic (Doesn’t come to visit without flowers or candy.)

1. A gentleman in public with a slight wild streak (Steals kisses when no one is looking; whispers sweet things in my ear when no one else can hear and holds my hand as we walk.)

1. Has a job to support himself and take me out

1. Has his own vehicle to drive me to where ever we go on our dates

1. Has his own home or apartment and lives alone

1. Has good moral standards (Will not flirt with others while in my presents; will not have phone conversations during a date with me; will not conduct business while on a date with me.)

1. Kind and Considerate of everyone’s feelings around him but especially mine

1. Understanding of situations and circumstances

1. Likes hugs,  kisses and cuddling

1. Knows what he wants and is diligent, determined and persistent to get it.

1. While he prepares for the worse case scenarios he is optimistic about life, love and God’s love

1. Likes to have open and honest discuss and plan for a future and future possibilities

1. Likes horse back riding; picnics; strolls through gardens; theaters both movies and plays; Italian Restaurants; Mexican Restaurants; Chinese Restaurants; Out-door BBQ’s; slow dancing with me; Museums; Carnivals; Fairs; listens to music; music concerts; hot tubs; swimming; etc.

1. Good communication skills

1. Good reading skills

1. Good writing skills

1. good comprehension skills

Example 5

Things NOT wanted in a date or permanent partner

1. Picking me up empty handed

1. Going to fast food joints for cheep diners

1. Using business to cut cost on my date

1. Constant phone interruptions

1. Flirting with others while out with me

1. Putting hobbies before paying the rent/mortgage, utilities, phone, etc.

1. Rudeness

1. Snobbishness

1. Sarcastic attitudes

1. Childish behavior and or temper tantrums

1. Selfishness

1. Unreasonable Anger and aggressions

1. Loud and unruly behavior for attention

1. Excessive foul and or vulgar language

1. Drug users, sellers, or makers (Prescription drugs used properly is not abuse)

1. Alcoholics (A drink with dinner and one or two later is acceptable)

  I think you pretty well get the idea here as to how to create your lists for yourself. Adjust the lists to suite your desires, remember these lists are just guide lines to give you the idea.

  The more specific you are with your lists the better so your guideline will be more complete. Of coarse there are things many of you may not keep strictly to, such as the height, hair color and length and eye color if he has all other personality traits you want. Of coarse if looks are more important than personality traits to you and it is for many, you would make the necessary changes to reflect that too.

I am going to give you a few tips on getting to this stage.

1. Start learning the art of conversation. Learn to connect with a crowd at an intellectual and personal way. If you are new to conversations or donot know how to build up a conversation then check out my blog on the topic over here: http://socyberty.com/social-sciences/understanding-how-to-talk-to-strangers-especially-women/
2. Always share your feelings with the people you are talking to. If you must then say I Love you in a friendly way to the people you like the most. 
3.  Always or at the best be there for the people that need you the most. Give yourself the time required to attend the difficulties that your people want you. I’m not urging you to be a humanitarian but instead requesting that you understand that when people need you, show them that your there for them.

Have a look at this article which will give you something to talk about when making new friends: http://socyberty.com/folklore/how-to-read-your-future-via-your-palm/

By following these steps it becomes very easy for you to get all the love from so may people that you never thought you would.

I am a little above my mid 20’s and was with 3 women, that I thought I loved at the time, but I guess i was just too young to understand what it meant. I was too career driven and had a lot of career related ambitions to full fill that I did not get the time to find myself a proper girl friend. I would go out to clubs and party out, occasionally grind on some woman and make out with them on the dance floor or I would bring home a girl I worked with in the Office, or I would be seeing some girl while I was in the University. Then there are times when I would do little ass grabbing and kissing with girls I worked with, (not the same girl).  Or I would get involved with some 30 year old chick with a 13 year old child to take care, of her own. My Friends thought that getting involved with the 30 yr old is real success for a guy younger than her.  In spite of all this experience, if u think I’m a stud with women, I would personally disagree because I never fell in love with either of them. 

So what are you doing with your life to make love happen for you. Well there were brief times when I was without women at all. I learned something else from this experience. I joined the gym, did a little yoga class, did some salsa class, made friends on line and in social events, attended some speed dating and single events and had fun meeting people. But still didn’t find love that way.

I could personally go on with the list, although I didn’t find love, I would never call it a waste of time. This is what Im trying to say to guys/girls out there. You have to go out and have fun, because people would rather want to hang out with fun loving people than those who are depressed. Finding love is about meting people.

If you want to find love, then you really need to go out and meet people and do loads of different activities. But that does not mean that you should meet people with the mind set that your purpose is to find love, instead the mind set should be about having fun meeting people, without the sole purpose of making love or finding that special some one. here are some links on how to meet people: http://socyberty.com/advice/understanding-how-attraction-works-with-women/ . If you are in your early 30s and 40s I suggest checking out this link: http://socyberty.com/sexuality/older-men-and-women-who-never-experienced-love-before/

Oh and another thing for those who just want to get laid, nothing beats the feeling of being loved by others. For guys out there take this test on women: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=2zaQJ1H26XYPqUkk7w6X7A%3d%3d#q3

I learned this during my single days after making friends. You get a better satisfaction that way than just getting laid. Guys

Leave your remarks if you want to add your experience to this blog. Until next time this vboy123 loving his life while pouring his heart out there.

If your imagination had inspired you to chisel out the first stone wheel and roll it down a hill wouldn’t that have excited you?.  Do you agree that the level of excitement you would have felt probably would have fueled your attitude about putting the wheel to work for you in some way?  Sure!

When we let our imaginations soar we solve problems, we write great novels, inspire others and even design great machines.  Our imaginations have made the United States of America the greatest nation on earth.  People don’t risk their lives to leave our country but many do to get into the U.S..

Positive to negative attitudes:  We’re born with positive attitudes.  Our attitudes are shaped by events (falling off chairs, etc when we’re children).  Children think they can do anything until they get hurt.  Our attitudes can be modified by scholastic failures or physical limitations.  And even though we eventually come to grips with the shake-up of our youthful attitudes we still fall prey to the incessant abuse to our adult attitudes.  “You can’t do that.  You’re not intelligent enough to accomplish this.  You’re not old enough to obtain something.  Always tell yourself that you CAN do something!

Imaginative to unimaginative:  Youth surely is the fountain of ideas but age and experience know how to direct the water.  As I said, “imagination and attitude feed off each other”.  If you have grown from the hardships of living life and ignore the criticisms of your family and peers you probably have a good imagination and the attitude of a winner.  A healthy combination of imagination and attitude is that which differentiates the C.E.O. from one of his executives.  With education, experience and attitude you might end up as an executive.  But not without the imagination part. If you have let life beat you down and think others know more about what you can do than you do, then you’re probably a loser.  Sorry, but that’s the way life judges you.

There are a lot of self-help books, tapes and seminars out there to help you if you’ve given up on everything and even mental health experts.  If, however you know that you know that you know you still have the imagination and attitude of a super achiever even if it’s to start your own small business then you owe it to yourself to try.  Try right now!   Take a leap of faith and get out of the kiddy pool.  It’s time to swim with the successful folks of this country.  It’s time to take control of your life and income, too.  Your idea, knowledge or special way of doing something could help many, many people and enrich you at the same time.  Would you want to go to your grave without even trying?  How many great ideas are buried in the cemeteries of our country?