The Celebrity Obsession in America is Getting Outrageous

Believe it or not, there is an actual study on this phenomena. I found this out while researching this article. It is called Celebrity Worship Syndrome or CWS.

As more and more media attention is focused on the Who, What, When, Where and Why of celebrity’s around the world, more people are becoming immersed in the lives of their favorite actors/actresses, singers and “popular” icons of the current day. This seems to be a self-feeding phenomena. The magazines write about it, the media reports it and the public reads it; which causes more information to be released.

Now, I have to assume that the very people who complain about the paparazzi attention they receive, actually instigate this cycle. Let’s face it, it is wonderful publicity for them. By calling/Tweeting/or announcing through a Fan Site, their activities, they invite the media to record the moment. Self marketing, plain and simple; but, why do we, the general public care?

What is it that prompts literally millions of viewers to tune into such programs as, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Brandy and Ray J., Keeping up with the Kardashians, Dancing with the Stars and all of the countless others that have come and gone in recent years?

Celebrity Worship Syndrome

Perhaps, the explanation might be found in the research into Celebrity Worship Syndrome or CWS.

Celebrity Worship Syndrome is defined as, an obsessive-addictive disorder in which a person becomes overly involved with the details of a celebrity’s personal life.

The phrase was coined in 2003, by a writer named James Chapman of the Daily Mail, in an article entitled, “Do You Worship the Celeb’s?“. The phrase was actually a misnomer of the Celebrity Worship Scale.

The research indicates that the syndrome may be broken down into three catagories; Entertainment-Social, Intense-Personal and Borderline-Pathological.

Entertainment-Social

The least serious form of the syndrome, Entertainment-Social is the stage where, the celebrity is appreciated for their talents/abilities and usually is displayed by communicating their admiration of the celebrity in question. You probably either know or are one of these types of individuals. They discuss their favorite celebrity with enthusiasm at every opportunity.

Intense-Personal

In this form of the syndrome, the celebrity’s accomplishment’s and failures, joys and disappointments become a personal matter for the sufferer. As an example, for an Intense-Personal sufferer, the break-up between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would have seemed almost personal to them. They would have overly emphathised with which ever one they were fans of.

Borderline-Pathological

The most serious, and, dangerous form of the disorder; Borderline-Pathological sufferers feel a connection with the celebrity in question; often believing that some real connection exists between them. Probably one of the most famous of these types of obsessions is the case of John Hinckley. Hinckley was obsessed with actress Jodie Foster and thought that by assassinating the President of the United States, Ronald Reagan; Foster might pay attention to him.

The Growing Trend Toward Deifying Celebrities

While celebrity is a general term for someone in the public eye, the growing trend toward deifying these persons is frightening. Between product marketing, Nike and Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods, Maybelline and their multitude of representatives and now, internet companies like goDaddy and Danica Patrick; self-promotion, all of those anonymous leaks to the media regarding this or that celeb in comprimising positions and flat out worship by the public in general; celebrities are growing to become one of the most searched items on the web.

While I know of no data at this time; I would not be surprised that most Americans know as much about their favorite celebrities as they do their spouse, their progeny or their employer. As the trend toward obsession grows, soon, we will know more about them than they do themselves.

Control freaks, we have all met them, and some of us are unfortunate enough to have to live with some of them. In this article, I am hoping to help those of you who have them in your life, learn how to deal with them and keep control in your own life without letting them take over. The other purpose of this article, is to find out if you are a control freak, and how to get a grip.

Now, it is only natural to want be in control of your own life, but when you feel you have to have control of everyone else’s life, you have a problem. These are the key aspects of a Control Freak. They have a driving need to create your agenda, they insist on controlling all their interactions with you, basically, they have to run the show and call they shot – OR ELSE.

Phsycologists call this a personality disorder, and all though you might not find a specific disease named for these poor freaks, their characteristics can often be found in perfectionists and workaholics, and it is considered to be an Obessesive Compulsive Disorder. They have an inability to trust or make commitments because they fear that someone might notice they are not perfect.

Helpful hint: To anyone afraid someone will notice their flaws, NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE is perfect! And that includes YOU!

Control freaks ultimate fear is that if they lose control of themselves, their relationships, or anything or anyone around them, that they will be vulnerable. They believe that they can protect themselves if they have this control. They feel the urge to control to new heights, and when they have finally caused the people they are trying to control the stress that they are feeling, they feel a sense of order. These people are riddled with fear, anxiety, insecurity, and anger to amounts at which they cannot control. Underneath that controlled attitude is a mountain of unhappiness and depression.

What makes a Control Freak Tick?

It has been found, that the main need to control is driven by anxiety, though a Control Freak would never recognize this, and even if they did, they would deny it. At work, they worry about failure. In their relationship they dread that they will not have their needs met, or that they will not be good enough. In order to keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they feel they only way to avoid feeling those emotions is to control the people or things around them. They have a harder time than most normal people when it comes to negotiating or compromising, because it would mean they would have to give up some of their control, and it would also implicate that they are not perfect, and Control Freaks H-A-T-E imperfection. If you can’t tell, or don’t know already, this can make them hard to live with. Whether you are working with them, living with them, or just plain stuck in a circle that involves them.

The reason most of us don’t like Control Freaks is because they always give off the attitude that “You’re incompetent”, or “I can’t trust you”. The essential need of a Control Freak is to prove that you are just as imperfect and incompetent as they feel. It is their only defense against their poor self image. All though it may not be obvious to a normal person, the Control Freak is dealing with substantial amounts of anxiety and self defeating emotions. They are constantly fighting off fears of helplessness and impotence. By controlling others and the things in their lives, they feel they are fighting of the fear of being “out of control” and being helpless.

Unfortunately, for anyone who might want to try to see past their demanding ways, or to battle them into thinking normally, there are no real ways to get them to see the light. Their illusions of control are a high stakes game to make sure they do not feel inadequate. When you try to tell them that controlling everything is not going to make them feel any better, or to win anyone over to their way of thinking, to them, you are only telling them they are wrong, imperfect, and weak. So they will try to control you even more, and in any way they feel they can. Being in control give the Control Freak the temporary illusion of calmness. When they feel you are winning, you can almost feel the tension oozing out of them, and you can smell the fear that drives their obsession. If, at any time, the Control Freak feels they don’t have control over you, or at very least, over your conversation with them, they become immediately very frightened. Because they are filed with this dread, their next form of action will be to try to instill that fear in you, by subtle, or not so subtle forms of loss on your part. Whether that be the loss of their friendship, love, hard work, or any number of other things they feel they have control over, they will use whatever arsenal they think they have.

Since the stakes are so high for them, if they feel you have any amount of control, they have to assert themselves with you so they do not feel so helpless. To relinquish any amount of control is like being victimized or overwhelmed. When a Control Freak cannot control, they go through a series of rapid phases.

• Anger -Depression
• Agitation -Despair
• Panic
• Apprehension

First they become angry and agitated, then they feel the panic and apprehension, and then they become agitated and in comes the threats, and when that doesn’t work, they become depressed.

For those of you who didn’t know: In cases like these, depression is another form of control. If they cannot control you through demanding, threatening, commanding, or pushing, they will then try to get you to feel sad for them, or pity them. They feel if they can get you to feel sympathy for their poor souls, that they will once again gain control over you through guilt.

Control Freaks are caught in what’s called, “Repetition Compulsion”. They repeat the same pattern again and again expecting the same results every time. This is their attempt to master their fears and anxieties, and cope with the trauma they feel. Instead of calming down which would result in less of a need to be controlling in the first place, they get stuck in the behavior and it locks them into the same insatiable pattern. At the same time, they don’t even keep a keep track consiously or subconsiously to the amount of times they have controlled something, it does not even register in their mind, and so they constantly feel out of control, even if they have control. For them, they are forever fighting off the same threat over and over again, and each time with increasing panic and ever growing fear of losing control. Can you imagine being stuck in such a world? It almost makes you feel bad for the Control Freak in your life.

There are 2 main types of Control Freaks, or at least there are only 2 ways that psycologist have found to try to explain the manic behavior in these people.

Type 1 Control Freak

These people are purely trying to control the anxiety and fear they feel in their lives, and to a certain extent, they are unaware that you even exist. They are dealing with their fears in a self-absorbed way, and you will notice this by the agitation in their voice, and they will avoid eye contact with you in most cases.

Type 2 Control Freak

This person is also trying to manage their anxieties and fears, but this type needs to diminish you in order to feel better. As they feel worse about themselves, they will push and pick at you in an attempt to make you feel the way they do or worse. They don’t just want to feel in control of you, they want to believe they have defeated you. They want you to feel helpless, wrong, and just generally terrible. As the famous quote goes, “misery loves company”. They feel that if they can make you feel like a horrible person, they will feel better. The said part is that they never truly get that feeling they are looking for, they only end up feeling worse about themselves in the end, and this can be one explaination of why they might continue to fight with you.

Summary: Type 1 needs control. Type 2 needs to control YOU.

Do you know anyone in your life who is like that?….

Now, as we have discussed what makes a Control Freak tick, and why they do the things they do, let talk about some ways you can combat their controlling ways and still stay sane in the middle of all the hullabaloo.

Stay Calm

Control Freaks tend to generate a lot of tension, especially when they are feeling particularly down troden about themselves. They tend to search out their next victim in hopes of making themselves feel better. The best thing you can do is to keep your cool. This, in essence, is not always the easiest thing to do. You will be lucky if you find yourself under their scrutiny from a phone or email, those are easy to ignore. However, if you are caught in a room with one of these people, the best thing you can do is to step back and keep a safe distance from them. This is more for you than for them because you will want to do your best to remain centered while you speak to them. Turn your inner thoughts to your breathing, keep it calm and collected, don’t let them get your heart pumping. Believe me, its not worth it! As they tend to get more agitated and demanding from your calmness, it will become more important to keep your cool. Just breath deeply and slowly. If you can manage to stay calm, cool, and collected, your aura will most likely have the effect of calming them as well. All be it, it might not be a lot, but it’s a lot better then letting the situation escalate by giving into their temper. If you let them get to you, not only will you waste a lot of unneeded time, breath, and stress, but you will only fuel the fire.

Speak Slowly

It is a natural human tendency to speak louder and quicker when you are agitated. In cases like these, this will not do you any good. Your best shot of getting out of this battle is to keep your speech slow and at lower decipals. If you start to feel yourself speak louder or faster, keep yourself in check. By getting riled up, you are only being pulled into their emotional turmoil, and the whole fight will turn against you in a matter of seconds.

Be Patient

Control Freaks need to feel heard. In all reality, they do not have that much to say, but they have such a hard time voicing what they have to say in a non-offensive way that you will need to be patient enough to hear what they are really so upset about. They only time they have a lot to say, is when you engage them in the power struggle they feel they need. If you can manage to listen carefully, and ask good questions that deter from the dramatics, and indicate that you have heard what they needed to say, then they are more likely, and more able to quickly resolve whatever issue they have and calmly move on.

Pay Attention To Your Reactions

This person is trying their hardest to find your triggers. If you have made it past the point of no return, or even a little before that, they will being doing their best to make you as angry as they are. It makes them feel out of control to see that you are not upset. Take note to how you feel around this person, it will give you important clues on how to deal with them, and when to keep yourself in check.

Give Them Some Contro

I know it sounds kind of silly, but giving them some amount of control will make them feel better about the way things are going. The trick is not to give them all the control. What you want to do is give them the control over the agenda. Basically, let them feel that they are in control of what you are talking about, and let them be in control of where it goes. You can’t really control those things anyways, and if you are not a Control Freak, you will already know this. You do however want to remain in control of the pacing of your conversation. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the conversation. You will be able to keep it from escalating out of control, and you will have a clearer picture of if they really have a purpose in this conversation other than just trying to control you.

Be Kind

Inside most Control Freak there is a great amount of paranoia. They have already prepared themselves to be angry and defend against what they believe to be a hostile world. If you remain kind, polite and considerate, even in the face of their anger, not only will you keep their paranoia from taking a stronghold on them, you will jam them up. They will not be able to believe that anyone can be so kind to someone who is purposely trying to attack them.

Ask Them To Do Something For You

This might seem like the exact opposite thing to do, but by asking them to do something for you, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior. In truth, you shouldn’t be, there is no reason that anyone in this world should be able to make you feel inadequate about yourself (this is a lesson Control Freaks have not learned). Ask them to write you a list of their complaints, or to send you a letter, or to reschedule a time when you are better able to hear what they have to say. This is also a good way to redirect their attention without invalidating what they feel, and it will offer you a way to leave the situation.

Remember This Saying

“Those who demand the most, often give the least”

It is important to keep in mind that most Control Freaks are really not trying to hurt you, they are doing what they feel they need to do to protect themselves. Their behavior towards you really shouldn’t be taken personally, the compulsion was their long before you came along, and it will continue to plague their lives until they seek help. You have to remember that they are skilled manipulators, they are practiced in the art of intimidation, and they are very very rehearsed debaters, and they are also extremely good at distorting reality.

Sometimes, in order to keep your self worth, and not be humiliated or bulldozed by their controlling ways, the best thing you can do is to walk out, turn that phone off, or just generally take yourself out of that situation. As easy as it may seem to be to just get angry back at them, it really does no good, and your best frame of mind is to remind yourself that they are stuck in that world of self pity, and you are not. Even if they try to goad you by saying you are to chick to stay and fight, walk away. You will have one in essence anyways.

Sometimes, the Control Freak in your life might be a family member, or loved one, and it can be hard, but sometimes it is best to cut your losses. Is it really worth it to have your time consumed by these peoples domenearing ways? Not really.