Older men usually don’t give in to the hustle. Sure there are those who are out on that mid-life crisis binge, the adolescents who didn’t have enough adolescence and need to continue the drama. But those guys are easy to spot, so just plain stay away from the group. Most older men aren’t like that anyway. The older man wants that walk in the moonlight, the hand holding, the long, slow kisses, the soft music, the candle light dinners and the whole enchilada. The older man will bring flowers, candy, remember birthdays and court, if not on the knees literally certainly emotionally and plenty.

Wondering about good it can get at those special moments that Cialis commercials describe. Most older guys get it without it, but even those with the little pills make your heart sing in the sack. That long, slow, easy, gentle, understanding approach that picks you up in the daytime will be the warm covers at night.

Want to live sublimely into old age? Share it with an older man. Laugh at corny jokes. Watch television into the wee hours, and fall asleep in front of it, with the cat on both pairs of feet. Eat popcorn. Share slippers. Laugh at lines and think them like badges of merit worn on the face so that everyone knows you lived fully and richly. Older men have those lines, deeply etched into neck and brows and cheeks that like a Renaissance portrait take good looks and transform them into an elegance profound.

Now here’s my best advice. If you don’t have an older man, go get one. And if you have one, keep him. Because, as that old song says, those good ones are hard to find.

Most people would never look twice at someone more than five years older or younger than themselves, while others are actually drawn to such relationships. For many, it depends. How much older and which one is older, the man or the woman? Having been married to a man sixteen years my senior and then to a man sixteen years my junior, I’ve experienced both sides of the issue.

I must say that I’ve had a more difficult time being the older woman. This is partly due to the fact that I’ve reached middle age and gravity has not been kind. For that, I’m thankful that love is blind. But, in our society it is more acceptable for an older man to marry a younger woman than the other way around. I sense people thinking “cradle robber” and though I try not to let it, it does affect me ever so slightly sometimes. Fortunately, my husband and I aren’t big into socializing, so we rarely attend gatherings of a single generation where one partner would stick out like a sore thumb.

One consideration is the inter-relationships amongst other family members. They are likely to be a bit awkward, but can be wonderful. For instance, the older partner and the corresponding in-laws will be closer in age than in a traditional arrangement. Likewise, children from a previous marriage might be nearly the same age as the younger partner. Those relationships may be less strained than normal since there is more common ground. On the other hand, the traditional role of sage in-law lovingly showering the new family member with advice may be shattered and the concept of step-parenthood may be ludicrous, especially if a step-child is older than the step-parent!

Shared memories may be interesting. In a relationship where ages vary considerably, mutual memories of significant historical events are limited to those of the younger person. The older person will remember things that happened before the younger one was even born. Enjoy the differences. You will learn a lot about another generation and may be surprised by how different life was for your partner than for you. Just for fun, team up in trivia games and use your combined broad knowledge base to blow away the competition!

A benefit that might go overlooked is the stability of the older partner and the shortened learning curve for the younger person. Many people leave home lacking the skills and resources necessary for independent living. Having one person in the relationship with plenty of experience can be a big boost for the other one.

Keep in mind that most age-related differences are no more problematic than those between generations within any family. Music tastes, slang, friends, and clothes styles may differ, but disparities in tastes exist even within a single generation. Cultural differences between two people may well be a greater obstacle than an age gap.

As the years go by, an age spread will have less and less impact. The contrast between a twenty year old and a thirty-five year old may seem significant, but when that same couple reaches fifty and sixty-five the difference hardly matters.

In the end, your fortitude and the strength of your love will be the determining factors on how well you can handle the stares and whispers that will come with a relationship involving large differences in age. If you can disregard what other people think and truly love each other despite your age difference, you stand a good chance of making it work.

1. Motives

   It is important to look at the motivating factors that draw a couple to one another in the first place. An older man may be attracted to a younger woman because of her youth, vitality and energy. A woman may be looking at the man’s maturity and how he is more settled in his life. But these factors alone cannot ensure a successful marriage in the long run. Some couples look at superficial qualities and claim that their young wife makes them also feel “young again”. But what about when she is 20 years older? Will the husband still feel this way? Boosting someone else’s ego should not be the foundation of a relationship. It will not last.

2. Goals

   Some couples who are in an age gap relationship claim that they have the same goals, but do they really? It is easy to make false claims at the start of a relationship in order to entice another person, and sadly this can lead to much heartache later on. If you are seriously contemplating making a serious commitment, such as marriage, then you will do well to be totally honest with yourself and your partner. If you do not openly express what you expect from the relationship, then it can turn sour later on.

3. Emotional baggage

   A younger woman who is married to an older man will probably be his second or perhaps even his third wife. This will probably be her first marriage and so she may not have as much history as her husband does. With this comes emotional baggage. Exes may still have a claim on your husband, especially if he is paying her alimony or child support. Some exes are not concerned about their ex-husband’s new wife; others are jealous and controlling. This is something to bear in mind if you decide to enter into an age gap relationship.

4. Children

   It is important to discuss the issue of children early on in your relationship rather than leave it to chance later on. An older woman may already have grown up children, whereas her younger husband has not had any and wishes to start a family. Or a younger woman may want children but her husband is infertile. Before any of these situations come up later on in marriage, it is important to actually talk openly and honestly early on. Once you know your partner’s view on the issue of children, you can then proceed accordingly.

   For example, if you are a young woman who desperately wants children, but your partner does not want any, why would you agree to marry a man who does not share your view? You will only end up feeling trapped and resentful in your marriage, however much you may believe that “love will conquer all”. But if you clear the air early on, you can decide whether you can deal with never becoming a mother or if you should look elsewhere for a husband. It will not be easy, but at least you will know where you stand.

5. Jealousy

   Jealousy can do untold damage to any relationship and doom it to failure. The same is true for age gap relationships. Some couples in such relationships are not successful because at least one of the two partners harboured feelings of jealousy. Common concerns that people complain about is being abandoned for a younger or older partner. If the relationship is to succeed, couples need to overcome these feelings and accept that they have been chosen as a life partner, not anyone else.

6. What do you have in common?

   As with any relationship, do you have things in common with your significant other? It does not matter if you are identical in age and are from the same town, you may still be incompatible. So choose wisely. Get to know your partner well before you decide to get married. You do not have to agree on every issue. After all, you are not a couple of clones of one another. But you should have things in common that will help to bind you to one another. Examples of this would include the same faith, standards and morals.

In conclusion, age gap relationships can and do work. The issue is not necessarily the ages of the couple, but how they are willing to deal with important issues such as their motives for being together, their goals in life and how they feel about having or not having children. As long as their relationship is based on a solid foundation, rather than a fleeting fancy, they will be successful in their marriage.