I didn’t want to keep thinking about this for 3 months plus. I may be obsessed.  The title of this story could then be “eccentric older lady drags young punk into court for charging her for car labor that didn’t take place and also driving her to the bank to extract cash for work that didn’t occur because he was pissed the old lady was getting away from his clutches.

I’m slow to anger but once I get started I can become explosive with rage that has lasted on this earth for centuries; As Mr. Tolle says, it’s the pain body of women so it’s hardly even personal in that respect and yet I feel it and cannot deny it. It’s the pain body of women because it’s women who get took the most because of lack of knowledge of their car, when they take it in for a repair. I know I have to direct the anger into determinism.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy. This morning before the coffee kicked in I tried to find a place where it hurts the most. I seem to be getting more emotional this last week as a mediation session looms up on the 29th. Then I shall have to see his face again and I would rather not, nor his lawyer’s face whom has to defend this hoodlum. For hoodlum behind a desk is what he is, and no matter how I try to find his innocence, it remains invisible to me, other than the dream image I was given of him shows the man to be the equivalent of a 9-year-old boy in a 30ish body.

Back to the place it hurts the most; no it wasn’t the fact that I was made into a fool by being fooled. As this so called spiritual person I thought I was, I find myself thinking I am not all that spiritual. It represents some kind of loss, of self image perhaps. Nobody would believe me and I don’t even believe myself, that a spiritual person, call it initiate, whatever, could and would drag an unconscious younger soul into a court room.

The only reason I could and would is that he too needs a wakeup call.
Back to the pain of it all. The pain will go away. Someday I will forget it was there. Emotions go away. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. Such is life. Time after time, through the voice of a lawyer, my “boy” tries to find his innocence. Are those who sleep innocent of crime? Or are they just asleep?

So, too, I must watch out for myself first for I was the one who sleep walked into a car repair shop; the awakening was rude for me. Just as if a car horn had blasted your eardrum while dreaming a pleasant dream of walking through tulips.

Ok, I’m awake now I shout to the sky, will somebody please turn off the waterworks behind my eyes. I study the pain of being helpless, of being not respected, despite I thought I was so nice and spiritual, and couldn’t all see my divinity within, most people do.
Because I thought, most people see my divinity, because I am nearly always seeing theirs. There is unity and oneness around and about, just not in this particular repair shop I wandered into. First in a dream, then the next day in reality.

So it was fate I muttered under my breath. I do not like fated experiences. Something says, ah, but it doesn’t matter what you like sometimes. Or don’t like. You have to deal with it.

On the 29th I’ll deal with it, with others dealing with it with me. And the mediation may not be successful and so then a court date will occur, and I’ll have to keep living with this burden for another month or so.

Oh well, nobody promised me a rose garden here. Something tells me to just be myself and stop worrying about how things will turn out.
So I will try that, but I thought I was just being myself when I got conned and had my thoughts manipulated by the young man who believes he is so upstanding.

I cannot be emotional in court. I know that. So I will just read my statement, point for point, and if I’m the only one waking up and smelling the coffee than so be it. The courtroom perhaps becomes a place for “discovery, and disclosure upon disclosure until you get blue in the face.

I’ve learned all this legal technical language that I really didn’t want to learn. I learned it in one sense just to try and figure out what happened those 4 days of interaction with the shop. I had to find labels for it and to some extent I did. A term called constructive fraud leaped out at me from the legal files. I grabbed it and ran with it. It didn’t change the facts of what happened, but no matter how you label something, the law says it’s still fraud, whether actual or constructive.

Constructive fraud is you would think, a constructive act. Where you build on something to turn it into something else. Constructive fraud was said to occur from a lie of omission, a thing called low balling an estimate, then when they have the keys to your car, the estimate gets quite a bit higher as the days turn into more days.
The shop repair scam artists have to rely on the customer not researching the problem on today’s internet, where information of whatever kind you need is there at your fingertips.

It occurs to me boys and girls, we are in the internet age, as old as I am, and as traditional as I may sometimes be, even I know the internet age is a new age for us all.
In many ways I have blamed the internet for being so mechanical, such a platform for any filthy mouth, or any gossip and back biting. Yet I stand before you now, I might say to the court, to say someone on the internet saved my life by explaining in the greatest detail my exact car problem, on the same exact model of car I have. That is not exactly coincidental to have found this information. All I did was type in Google “Broken Drain plug, BMW”, and there it was, I looked to see if my name was there, as the car was also the same year as mine. That’s when my mind was blown over yonder somewhere, as there was an easy fix for my problem.

Now I had to get the car away from the shop. They were not going to make it easy to walk away. I felt like I was walking unto a stage. A stage all set up to look like a reputable repair shop.
A place where you go in for a routine oil change and end up mentally wrestling the shop proprietor for the keys while the tow truck driver waits impatiently in the back ground. For there’s no oil in your pan now, no plug, and you have to tow the sucker to another mechanic who actually knows his stuff.

At least you got lucky, you found your special mechanic. Thinking positive while all this is going on is not easy but I must have had protection that day, and I don’t think it was my usual spiritual, we are one state of mind being experienced. The best I can describe it, is like a set up, where you just came to play your role. The shop guy played his role well, but it was a bad part, even to the mouth twitching with greed as he counted the bills I handed over, which would make me short the rest of the month, as now I was going to pay this other mechanic for the proper work to be done.

I was already patting myself on the back for a job well done, through my internet research. However, panic attacks were occurring the day before I towed the car away as it was almost too late to back out and you have to get over your guilt feelings that you slept through all the signals given off, that something was wrong here.

The price of getting a little respect is very high. It’s called seeking legal means and making the scales of justice swing even. If you start it, you have to finish it.
I hope it’s all over after the 29th of the month. I’ve been treating, and moving my feet very fast.
1) Treat
2) Move your feet

As life proceeds in 2012, look for the changes in our society, or even world wide, for we shall see these changes as we look for them, and they will be positive changes. For one thing, people will start to stand up and be counted and they may fight for justice or just let another do the fight for them, but they won’t bury their heads in the sand anymore, and they will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth without having to swear on a bible even. The truth will set us all free. And I will be free too, I will smile again. You have to be careful who you smile at, you have to be very, very careful.

When we enter a relationship as people the trade off we make is not usually noticed at all. Thinking two is better than one we go down the path of sharing who we are with another. If one is honest we become so engrossed in our bond with another the fundamental work of our life goes undone.

Due to this the newly liberated man, or woman should be happy to be able to focus on her independent desires full time removed from the context of working around a relationship. This is easier said than done one of the main things that does not escape people for a long time when them, and their partner part ways is pain. The past memories off walks on the beach, and holding hands can haunt a person.

I can really sympathize personally I have felt their pain but most times the relationship once it is over their usually is no going back, and the best thing to do is move on straight away rather than suffer the wrenching pain of longing for what once was, and now never will be again.

To move on the thing you have to do is replace the thoughts of your break up with new positive emotions these thoughts can be of a happy incident with a friend, or love one not related to your prior relationship. Even if the thought is off chocolate as long as it removes you from a situation where you are focused on feeling bad because, you are thinking about your recent ex.

What should occur by using this technique is by living your life like you were never in a relationship before today, and never broke up with your ex your life should become what you thought it was because you were mainly thinking of certain thoughts, and occupying yourself with productive tasks you have drawn the situation into your life where you have attracted positive events changing your whole life situation.

This law of attraction effect can really change you to where you were wallowing in misery following a break up to where you are not even thinking about your ex, and his/her miserable life. Although we can get over others following a long tern relationship ending we never really loose touch with them.

They could be gone maybe even deceased but while their loss no longer emotionally cripples us as a person the memory of each being we once held in our minds as special in our lives is part of us forever making us stronger in future.

But I am not talking about that simple hunger, the hunger of boredom, or the “I guess it’s time to eat” hunger. I am talking about the kind of hunger that makes  …

you feel weak

your head hurt

your stomach ache so bad that it actually is a burning sensation

makes your body tired, so that even moving to try to find food is difficult

when you will even eat bugs, grass, anything to stop that burn

makes you light headed and dizzy, sometimes to a point where you can not see

your breathing get harder

The kind of hunger where you can not wait for sleep to come, becasue for a brief moment, you will not feel it

the kind of hunger where that is all that is on your mind

The kind of hunger that makes you ravenous.

Do you know what hunger is?

A parents job is to build a child UP not tear them down….

My goodness how can a parent stand by and know they are the reason for the child’s fears and tears? Low self esteem, sexual promiscuity, abuse, gangs, drug abuse, alcohol abuse or self disrespect?

How can a parent ignore a child? slap them, beat them neglect them allow others to mistreat them or call them names? 

Yet they call themselves parents?

How many times have you heard someone say that kid is BAD? or they have bad blood? People there is no such thing as a BAD child. You may have inexperienced or hateful parents but no child is born bad.

I hear people tell kids you are BAD. If you keep telling them it is going to who they think they are. They won’t know anything else. If you are always focusing on the mistakes they make and screaming and yelling at them and calling them names….reality check folks…that is emotional abuse. 

You see hitting them those scars will leave them. But those words, those names those evil words can last a lifetime. I KNOW. It can be what that child feels as a adult. No matter what they accomplish in life what you did or are doing will make them feel like crap.

If you had a bad day DO NOT take it out on that child. If you lost your job, got pregnant when you weren’t ready, or the daddy walked out, or anything else….DO NOT take it out on that child!

GROW UP! Stop what you are doing. Take a deep breathe and get your life back together. Own your stuff and make life good for you and that child. You owe them that much. They didn’t ask to be here.

If you don’t want them give them UP! Give them to a family that will love them. That is real love. That is better than keeping them and abusing them. Screaming, yelling and destroying their self worth all because you don’t feel good about you. That is selfish. 

So step up..Own your stuff…Stop calling your kid names. That is not cute Nor funny. You are destroying your child. And if you have guts don;t let anyone else “play” with them like that either. That is not a game no one needs to play. That kind of game HURTS.

Protect your child’s emotions. That is YOUR job, your responsibility and as a parent you should do it out of love. 

It is not cute to slap your child, pull ears or hair. Call them stupid, fat or ugly. My goodness that is NOT love. That is hatred. That is what you do to someone you dislike.

Protect your children…Choose your words and actions carefully…..Show them love not with things but with actions. 

Protect them with a fierceness. 

Never use words as a weapon with a child. Never raise your hand in anger.
Emotional abuse can will last a lifetime. Stop doing what you hate about those that hurt you!!

Stop the cycle. It can end with YOU!Welcome to my world .to be shared by anyone and everyone where they are needed…It is all about People helping themselves…….Scars remind you where you been, They do not dictate where you are going. Once you change how you THINK about yourself and your circumstances..You change how you FEEL. But if YOU realize it…

When analysing the gains and losses in conflict, one often needs to establish a standard point. Is there such thing as “the greater good”? Are some people more valuable or more disposable than others? We often see a heirarchy of importance when it comes to wars or battles in history. In medieval times, kings would rule wide areas of land and if a few hundred peasants were to die from a disease (like the plague) or were captured by a neighbouring tribe, there would not be too much fuss. However, the death of a prince, or, heaven forbid, a king, would cause upheaval amongst the civilian population. Times have changed, however, some of the old ways are still echoed in modern society. The assassination of JFK caused chaos in the media and is an event that is still talked about today, and still holds weight, decades after. Althought one might argue that it is injust to position one person above another (aren’t we all humans?), this has always been the case within social communities and nations.

A great philosopher once said “without conflict, there would be no change.” One might argue that change is necessary and has enabled us as humans to reach the position we are in today. Therefore, conflict is necessary. However, the idea of change does not necessarily ring the same bell as the idea of conflict and often we believe that one can occur without the other. This is not the case. The Tiananmen Square Massacre began as a peaceful protest. A group of students, unhappy with the current government regime, trying to bring about a change. Yet, we all know how that turned out. Hundreds of innocent people slaughtered, the government putting a nail in the proverbial coffin of change. In Graham Greene’s ‘The Quiet American’, Pyle is the one wanting to bring about a change. His education in York Harding and stubborn ideals of democray ensure that he meets the same fate as those innocent students in Tiananmen Square. He falls victim to the idea of improving he lives of the Vietnamese, who according to Fowler, just want rice. In the end, it is evident that Pyle paid the highest price, and achieved nothing of what he set out to do.

Althought it is easy to focus solely on the negatives in conflict, positives do exist, even if they are few and far between. Like the Lybian people, the Vietnamese also fought for their political beliefs. The Viet Minh believed in a Communist regime and spent many years in battle with the UN, the French, the Americans, and even their fellow countrymen. After close to a decade of fighting the opposing democratic nations, America finally pulled out of Vietnam, and a few years later, Vietnam became a COmmunist nation. Al the death, destruction and loss had finally resulted in a victory for the people; a victory that has lasted to this day. In this situation, the popular consensus would be that the gains in conflict outweighed the losses. 

As we know, conflict does not only occur on a large scale. Personal conflicts occur frequently and often involves losses such as psychological damage and suffering. The Quiet American illustrated many occasions where this is all too evident. The climax of the novel involves somewhat, a betrayal of Pyle by Fowler, ultimately leading to his death. Although this was arguably in the best interest of Vietnam and may have done a great deal of good on a grand scale, the repurcussions for Fowler and the mental scarring will probably remain with him for the rest of his life. He acknoqledges his fate when he says in the closing line, “I wished there was someone to whom I could say that I was sorry,” summing up the extent of his internal trauma.

Whether the gains outweigh the losses or the other way around is impossible to decide with conviction. One cannot make such a decision considering all the people involved and possible consequences. The only thing that can be said is that in conflict, there is always a gain, and there is always a loss.

Cover of The Quiet American

People ask me why I don’t hate. Why don’t I hate my abuser. I really dislike them of course I do.

I realized I have allot of anger but it isn’t directed at the person, but at the behavior. What they did to me. I hate how they treated me.

That is why I stay away from them. I don’t like the drama and lies. The backstabbing and deceit. The falseness and superficial relationship.

I like honesty and keeping it real. I like to smile and laugh. I had enough crying in my lifetime. In my childhood and in the military. Enough is enough.

So as a adult I can control my life, I can control my environment and what type of behavior I allow in my life. That means the type of people I develop a relationship with. I can’t be a fake friend. I am to real for that.

I keep bad behavior out of my house and life. We control our world. Don’t let other people’s bad behavior interfere in your world no matter what the relationship is. Relatives, co-workers, siblings, neighbors…..if their behavior isn’t good for you, irritates you or your home darn it control your world…….

Stop it at your door….You don’t have to allow the behavior in your world…..It is YOUR world!!!!

How I don’t hate the person but the behavior? I know many donn’t understand that. But think about it.

How does a person forgive? How do they allow a person back into their life? They forgive the behavior, the act the person committed. Because the person is still the same. You can hope they change, you can hope they won’t do whatever it was they did again. But you didn’t forgive based on character. You either decided it was good for you to forgive the act or they asked for forgiveness. That doesn’t mean “THEY” changed.

It is the same concept as fear. It is the ACTION..Not the person…….Not the place…It is what was done or is done…..

Reality of Fear:

You arent scared of the dark, you are scared of what is in it.

You arent afraid of heights, you are afraid of falling.

You arent afraid of the people around you, you are afraid of refection or distrustful.

You arent afraid of love, you are afraid of not being loved back.

You arent afraid to let go, you are afraid to admit they are gone.

You arent afraid of getting hurt again, you are afraid of getting hurt again for the same reasons.

It is funny how we can turn things around in our head. For those that have been hurt, it isn’t love they should be scared of ….It is the TYPE of people that hurt you. For those that have are distrustful, learn to set boundaries….then you wont be afraid of those around you For those that don’t know what is in the dark, take a light..don’t put yourself in places or positions where you know you are going to be uncomfortable.

For those afraid of not being loved back, dont give your all to someone who treats you as a option. Never love someone more than yourself. So instead of generalizing your fears, narrow them down alittle. Then you can tackle them head on a little at a time…step by step…..

You see you set boundaries….You can love…You just insure you are also being respected. You insure it is 100%/100%…… Reality of fear is everything is not what it seems at first…. Baby steps…….narrow it down and take small steps……and you will find facing your fears isn’t that hard after all.

If you think you are afraid of water is that true or is a fear of drowning? Don’t BLAME the water…It is YOUR fear of drowning…

There are many factors involved in BLAMING, finding reasons, fault or any excuse to validate feelings……Always look at the facts…THINK not feel about the situation and you will react differently. Because if you were truly afraid of water…you wouldn’t bathe…

So always look at your “FEAR” and see what it is you are really afraid of.

Makes it alittle easier to deal with… SO look at your fear and place the blame where it belongs…..The action, the behavior…Then you can do something about it

One step at a time ♥

Through the eyes of a 17 year old, the world is a dark place. One may wonder why be such a pessimist? The question, on the contrary, is actually why not be? In just having been here for 17 years, one may find they can write a book of at least a million chapters based on the hurt that they have witnessed some endure. A book based on the hopelessness in many people’s eyes, the silent cries for help that are often overlooked, and most especially, the unsuccessful pursuit people have had in trying to find the meaning of life on their own terms, and finding it is just best they give up. See, all those circumstances happen to be very real in the eyes of a 17 year old.  

Why is it that one group of people are able to get all the happiness possible to pursuit in the world, yet another group struggles daily to even get a ¼ of the happiness experienced by the other group? Or better yet, why is that everyone gives up hope in a better tomorrow and the strong sight of hopelessness is able to be read right off of their naked eyes?

But see, if one really wants to comprehend the meaning to life, they ask more in depth questions, such as why has suicide been accepted so much in today’s society? It is all common news now to hear of someone committing suicide, so much that sometimes, you know, if you really want to speak how you really see it- it is even, sort of “expected” of some. See, through the eyes of a 17 year old, struggle, hurt, pain, and humiliation are what is naturally accepted in society, so why bother to find the meaning to such a life of misery?

Well, it’s like when one is in a relationship, you know? Like the ones where the person is no good. He displays the characteristics of an abuser, a liar, a cheater and you know that they will never ever change and they are indeed hopeless, but for some reason, you have that drive inside where you tell yourself, you can change him/her and make them “IT”. You compromise your high standards because you believe that there is something inside them that will switch into the right position. . .you know. . . someday…whenever… IF EVER. But hey, hey you can change him! I mean he’s close… enough. It’s like that with life, you never know what your end result will be when you head out on that quest to find the meaning of life, you have a slight idea, but you decide to take your chances. A 17 year old, will testify to you that they know what it is like to lose hope, and some that have to a really high extent will even show you- at their funeral.

So what is the meaning of life? Well a 17 year old can also tell you that the answer to that question is something you need to figure out on your own because experiences, trials, and the never ending darkness of each and every single person’s life will give a unique definition to that person. That 17 year old is me. My explanation so far as to what the meaning of life is well, you live, you hurt, you cry, you die.  And that is just IT.

Community Action Programs-  This programs were started under LBJ in his Great Society Program.  Their intentions were to eliminate poverty at the base level by getting the people suffering the most directly involved with their input.  Instead of people with no connection to the situation deciding what was best for them, they could, and were expected to create their own programs to help their community.  These programs were very successful and their main obstacle in most cases was their communities own local government, who sometimes became wary of the large amounts of aid going into these groups that they had no control over.  Historically, these programs, in correlation with others helped to decrease poverty in our nation to a low level that it has nearly stayed at since.  

Here we have an example that you can try at home

Place a pen in your jacket pocket.

Now stand or sit and reach into your jacket for the pen. notice the position of your hand as it approaches the pocket where the pen is. your hand forms almost a fist but with your index finger and thumb creating like a pair of pincers.

Do not try this at home. Now Imagine you have a gun in a shoulder holster.

Now as we reach into our jacket and approach the gun the positioning of the hand is different. The Back of the hand now faces forward and the index fingers are slightly curled and the rest of the fingers are curled a little more. The thumb as assumed position to go behind the handle In other words your hand is assuming the position to hold the Gun. 

now if we observe a person going into their back pants pocket for document or credit card, you will see that the palm of the hand faces the front and the elbow points back.

Observing a person reaching behind to the waistline for a gun.

as the person reaches behind you will now see the back of the hand now faces the front his back and the Elbow points out to the side,