The women feels sorry for him and again puts up with his abusive ways. He tries to control her and the children. He laughs when she has succeeded in something. No matter what she does its just not good enough. Her eyes turn red from shedding tears. He pretends to be loving in front of others but is mean when they arrive home. He buys her gifts confessing how much he loves her and than starts to taunt her achievements. he goes on spending sprees and when the money runs out he blames his wife. She tries to leave and gain he either threatens her or comes up with a sad song. 

Many women are abused but are to afraid to tell someone what they are going through. People often wonder why women stay with men who are abusive. She may not be financially stable, out of work, have young children, want the children to live with their father or afraid of leaving. The men usually tell them that no one will want them or they won’t be able to do with out them. These men have low self esteem and want attention. Never allow someone to dictate who your are and what you achieve or not. Abuse is never acceptable. 

Courtesy of authorsden.com

Does the media help turn entertainer’s from good to bad? It is quite possible that all the negative attention that the media exposes could make a person go off the deep end. They are looking for acceptance and love, which in many cases none of that happens. Some are unable to function without something to hold on to. They travel from place to place with lonely feeling bottled up inside them and their bodies begin to wear down. They become weak and look for something that will kill the pain. We have a habit to think that  entertainer’s who live in their lavish homes have no worries. This is far from the truth they have worries alright. They have to pay Uncle Sam a whole lot of money and in many cases their money is stolen from them. Again there is no excuse for the destructive behavior but there may be more clarity  as to why they become more prone to such behavior. We need to be more understanding and create positive environments for entertainers. There’s a price for fame and popularity.

Would you want people around you all the time who do nothing but bark at you with their demands? They have to put so much time and effort in every endeavour that their exposed to. The media want allow them to rest and the world can place so much judgement that, some can’t deal with it. Many times they never let go of the past and bring it in their music or on screen. The world just needs to be more understanding and give them some space. We all need space from time to time and surely hate when we are judged. We have lost many and we should try and help save lives. They contribute so much and deserve so much more than they have been getting. Love is always better than hate. Love and you’ll find better results.

Maltreatment of adolescents either physical or sexual consists of any non-accidental physical wound caused by the adolescent’s guardian. It might consist of injuries caused from flaming, whipping, blowing, and so forth. Whilst the wound is not an accident, neither is it automatically the intention of the adolescent’s guardian to hurt the adolescent. Physical abuse might outcome on or after intense regulation or from punishment which definitely is unsuitable to the adolescent’s age or mental state, or the parent might face regular drifts in strength of mind caused by immaturity, strain, or the substance use or unlawful drugs.

The assessment of a child alleged of being maltreated is familiar and severe issue for any doctor who cares for adolescents. A past incompatible with the health assessment and specific patterns of physical findings have to alert the examining doctor to the probability of child abuse. Additionally to the traditional tasks of identification and healing management, the doctor at the same time has the duty of proof compilation, alerting the Authorities dealing child abuse agency and protecting the adolescent.

It at the same time is vital for those working with adolescents to be sensitive to comments regarding severe physical clashes between the parents that may point to the occurrence of domestic violence. An adolescent who talks about guardians who sleep a great deal in usually restless hours might be living with substance abusers or individuals affected by psychological dejection. Exceptionally unpredictable behavior depicted by the adolescent on the part of the parent may recommend other kinds of psychological sickness. Educators must learn to listen between the lines as adolescents make comments regarding their homes. Occasionally this would give very important clues regarding the conflict with which they are dealing.

Whilst indications do not automatically point to abuse, any alleged child abuse lawfully has to be reported to Authorities dealing child abuse to be assessed or examined. Directly communicating with Authorities dealing child abuse or utilizing the school’s code of behavior, in combination with the educator’s commonsensical approach and distress for the school going children, would assist recognize what information would be needed in order to file a report.

But her upbeat and resilient spirit isn’t just surface.  Comes to find out that Lisa has a few demons….no quite a few. She has had to go deep to keep her upbeat demeanor and focus.  This is one focused girl too.  This young woman was physically and sexually abused as a younger person.  On her season I didn’t know that.  But if anyone has watched this Season of the All-Stars and watched her with an unbiased opinion (in short not having such a fanatical desire for someone else to win) you may have witnessed a girl that was very confident in her challenges, took directions quite well, tried her best and pulled from a very talented area.  In real life she is actually a Singer/Entertainer so she has some things going for her already.

Lisa wanted to win, you could tell.  But more than that, it seemed that she wanted to leave a good impression, probably far better than the slightly mixed up one she left in her own Season.  I remember her in a scene in the pool where she had had too much wine and the girls ratting and talking about her so badly.  She spent a lot of time alone.  She was the type of girl that the rest just chose to pick on and she stood out for that.  I had a sympathy for her, but more I felt that she deserved a second chance.  I had no idea that America’s Next Top Model would do an All-Star so seeing her participate because of her memorable appearance before, made me happy for her.  You talk about a whole 360 degree turn around?  She was completely different and she just shined right through her competitors.

Now maybe 31 is considered ‘older’ to the very young but to me, she is very young.  I remember being 31 and looking at my pictures from that era, I looked quite young.  So does  Lisa but Angelea, the girl that is rumored to have been the actual winner until she let things leak out, could be considered just a little ‘fresher’ looking to some but not particularly for me.   The world is opening up, people are living longer and Models don’t have to be 18 or 19 to make a splash.  The win for Lisa can only up the stakes in her career.  She’s just that good and deserving. 

I am glad for her, after all, I did prefer her, Allison, Dominique, Brie, Alexandra and Laura over most of the others.  I must say I am getting good at this.  I should be on the panel because actually, I have picked quite a few winners.  When I feel sick and don’t like them but know that they will win, I’m right.  When I root really hard and watch their actions, they usually win.  I need a job….maybe I’ll be the ‘Predictor for ANTM” the next show.  After all there are a lot on YouTube and sorry, they are usually wrong!

If you are in a practice of punishing your child physically often, then beware, you are letting your child to believe that physical punishments are not a bad thing and he too has the complete rite to hit somebody. It’s obvious that none of the parents would want t get this notion in the mind of their kids.

Many of the parents hit their child being in an angry mood, but this is not going to give the solution to a problem. It can temporarily improve a child’s behavior, but in long run, such practice may make them stubborn. They get used to these punishments and they no longer fear of getting punished again.

Physical abuse not only leaves marks on the body of children, but also it leaves unrepairable dents on their personality and mental status. After a time, child starts telling lies to safeguard himself from punishments and once he/she becomes habitual of lies, his future is nothing but dark dungeon.

Besides, there are other ways to discipline children. Whenever, he/she is doing anything wrong, make them aware of the consequences. If your child gets angry, give him some time to cool down first and then speak to him about the problem and the consequences of his activity. Slowly he/she will realize that to follow you is the right thing for him/her.

The Elderly are abused annually by the thousands, and this happens in their own homes, when with relatives and in facilities.

You  may notice  the elderly being abused, emotionally or physically by the caregiver, and being preyed upon financially.  Learn  of the signs and you will be able to strengthen your defenses for the future.

What is elder abuse?

When people become frail physically they take it all in from others, including bullying, the act of fighting back is weak,  to see or hear may not be the same like when they used to,  others take advantage of this situation. 

Where does elder abuse take place?

The elderly is abused at home, by family members, like grandchildren, or spouses of the elders.  Long term facilities also abuse them.

The different types of elder abuse

There many different forms of elder abuse, some involve intimidation, threats against them, neglect, and financial chicanery. 

The following are the most common types of Elder Abuse:

Physical abuse

Physical elder abuse is non-accidental, this involves physical pain from force against the elderly person, causing impairment, this also includes physical assaults like hitting, or shoving, and the inappropriate use of drugs and restraints or confinement.

Emotional abuse

Here,   it is about the way the elderly is treated and emotional  pain and distress is caused

Verbally abusive, like being intimidating, yelling and threatening the elderly

Humiliation and ridicule

Blaming or scapegoating and becomes habitual

Ignoring the elderly person

When the elderly becomes isolated, and just ignored by the relative or caregiver

Menacing  and terrorizing

Sexual abuse

Without consent, sexually abuse to the elderly, also when showing pornography, and forcing the person to perform these acts

Financial exploitation

You get scam artist taking advantage of the elderly funds

An unscrupulous caregiver might

Sometimes one can misuse the elderly’s credit cards, steal cash, cheques, or household items

Engage identity theft, and get into personal accounts

Typical rackets that target elders include

Announcing prizes to be won in  fake competitions, phony charities, and investments

Health care fraud and abuse

At hospitals doctors and nurses found out that health care was not provided for, but charges were made for it.

The overcharging or double-billing for medical care or services.

Certain drugs are prescribed for just getting a kickback, the overmedicatiing or undermedicated

The fraudulent remedies for illnesses and other medical conditions

Signs and symptoms of elder abuse

The signs are not notices right away, and not taken seriously, and appear to be of dementia, most of the symptoms overlap with that of  mental deterioration, and can’t be dismissed

The following are warning signs of some kind of elder abuse

Often arguing, the tension between the caregiver and the elderly person, personality and behaviour changes, and if you think there is abuse with the elderly but not sure, then look for the following signs, physically and with behaviour

Physical abuse

You will notice unexplained injuries, such as bruises, scars, welts, this is when they appear symmetrically on both sides of the body.

Sprains, broken bones, and dislocations

Drug overdose, failing to take medication regularly, the breaking of eyeglasses or frames.

Rope marks on wrists, when being restrained, and when the caregiver does not allow you to see the elderly person alone.

Emotional abuse

With the above-mentioned signs, and involved  are threatening, belittling, and controlling, from the caregiver or family member.  Rocking, sucking and mumbling to oneself is noticed.

Signs of Sexual abuse

The visible bruises on breasts otr genitals

Veneral disease and genital infections, also vaginal or bleeding from the anus,  all of which are unexplained

Underclothing torn or bloody

The neglect or self-neglect by the caregiver

Weight loss is unusual, malnutrition, and dehydration

Bed sores untreated, the unsanitary living conditions, dirt , bags, and soiled bedding, not having the regular bathing, and having unsuitable covering for the weather conditions.

No heat, and running water faulty electrical wiring

Leaving the elderly deserted in public places

Caregivers are often under stress and this leads to the mistreating for the lives of the elderly.

In most families they don’t care for the elderly, due to poverty , also when one is not able to help themselves with such stressful lives for such kind of families, the elderly becomes more of a burden.

“It’s shocking,” growls Zsuzsanna Jakab, Director Regional Office for Europe. And the risk of developing these practices is present. In 2050, one third of the regional population will be over 60 years. Care of older people require more and more economic means, social, family, and more investment for the establishment of new structures. Result, an increased risk of develop such abuse.

The victims are more numerous in developing countries and among the most disadvantaged social categories, the authors of the report. The physical and mental weakness is also enjoyed by perpetrators.

The authors put forward several proposals to the governments concerned. Let us include the development of “national plans to fight against abuse,” the development of information gathering and implementation services to help victims.

Here are some of the Signs of Elder Abuse:

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse against the elderly is most likely committed by a relative. For example, unexplained broken bones, bruising. Physical abuse can be acts of violence; acts like shaking and slapping. Physical abuse can have health consequences when committed against vulnerable elders. Factors influencing physical elder abuse include mental health problems, childhood abuse and social isolation for the abused.

Emotional Abuse

Many forms of emotional abuse can occur such as verbal insults, threats, ridicule and harassment are all forms of emotional elder abuse. Emotional elder abuse is more likely to be committed by relatives or caregiver of the victim; professionals are more likely to engage in fraud or financial abuse of the elder. Sometimes the elder person can suffer from many conditions that many contribute to emotional abuse. Friends and family members may have negative reactions and be frustrated.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can occur with elders. Sexual assaults and rape are more likely to be committed against seniors. Elders are more likely to engage in sexual abuse by their caregiver. Sexual abuse patterns include a history of sexual assault in the abuser.

Neglect

Neglect is a form of elder abuse. Neglect occurs when a person trusted with the care of elder fails to provide required services to the elder. For example, if a caregiver or relative fails to provide the necessary meals to a disabled home resident, malnutrition may occur also. That caregiver may be guilty of neglect. The factors most likely to influence neglect include emotionally stressed caregivers, overly busy relatives and under-staffed care facilities. These are some of the signs of elderly abuse.

Financial Abuse and Fraud

Financial abuse and fraud are common forms of elder abuse. Financial abuse maybe committed by anyone close to the elder, whether they are professionals, caregivers, family members or friends. Financial abuse may include theft (e.g. take $50 out of the Seniors wallet or purse), denial of services (not giving the elder something they paid for), or fraud.

Financial abuse is most likely to occur when the senior has handed control of their accounts over to a caregiver or relative or when the abuser stands to inherit money from the senior.

Relationships are difficult and sometimes you want to escape but it could be too late,  once in a commitment it is not simple to get away.

It feels like love but do really think so?

You may not find the right person, love is blind and unpredictable, often you will never know who is right for you.  Looking at the world through a rosy coloured glasses is normal,  the early stages of relationships are often so perfect that you don’t  think  of anything else but of the current actions.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

You are so into your relationship that you are blinded by the everything else that really matters, being swept off your feet makes you feel or so special but how long can that last?

Mutual Respect

Does your partner know anything about you?

The respect in any relationship should be about each person’s values, and understanding, if you are not comfortable doing anything you shouldn’t be forced to, it will make you unhappy, like,  if you don’t want to go to  mingle with your partner’s friends talk about it,  don’t forever put yourself in an uncomfortable position. Don’t challenge the other person’s boundaries.

Trust

Partners should have faith in each other  and not think of the worst when you see your  girlfriend or boyfriend speaking to another of the opposite sex,this  causes one to be jealous.  A little bit of jealousy is fine but sometimes it becomes an obsession. An healthy relationship won’t be if you don’t trust each other

Honesty, this goes hand in hand with trust, telling lies makes problems and if you really want to be with someone why the lies?

Support each  other, not only in bad times. 

Fairness/equality

Give and take in a relationship, make it each other happy, take turns to do stuff together don’t make it one-sided, balance out often one partner gets his or her way all the time.

Separate identities

Compromises are made in  healthy relationships, don’t change and forget your lifestyle when you meet someone you shouldn’t forget your friends and family, your hobbies and other interests. Don’t forget you.

Good communication.

Often you hear of how couples don’t speak the same language, miscommunication is avoided when you talk to each other openly.  Don’t keep things bottled up.

What’s an Unhealthy Relationship?

Relationships become unhealthy when one gets abusive, disrespectful, controlling, or when you feel everything  is lost.  Verbal or physical abuse for some maybe normal while others will find it disturbing.

Sometimes you have to work on your kindness and qualities if you don’t have these requirements, and if you do this together your lives can be fixed. 

Warning Signs

When you start to belittle each other in the presence of friends or family, use abusive  language, nasty put-downs,if one gets slapped or hit, is forced into sexual activity, or any other abuse your relationship is going down hill.

Anger sets in when something is dropped, criticize when dressed, and say things like, you will never find anyone else, or nobody else will love you.

You are kept away from seeing friends, and can’t take part in activities even though you love to,  but  is impossible.

If you  are hurting  and still love him or her, it is not a healthy situation.

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

It is hard for someone to love you when you don’t love yourself, it is a roadblock in your relationship, and  is a  problem with your self-esteem.  You got to make yourself feel good your partner won’t do that for you. Don’t take the responsibility of  worrying about someone else’s happiness.

If the relationship becomes like a drag or a burden instead  of a joy then it is time to think of what you must to do.

Feeling troubled and insecure is not how it should be, also for intense relationships  it can be hard for some teenagers, because they are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that there is a lack of emotional energy.  Don’t  worry too much if you are not ready, take the time-out.

Challenging and one of the best, relationships are part of your world, you can have fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and an occasional heartache, single or in a commitment, be choosy about who you get close to.

Work on developing your qualities, and  remember be yourself.

Recently, an acquaintance asked me what if anything she should do for a friend that’s in an abusive relationship. She described how her friend’s boyfriend constantly belittles her and always stops short of “smacking her around.” She has a feeling that, if her friend doesn’t get out soon, she will be physically abused. I told my acquaintance to voice her concerns to her friend, but to not expect results, immediate or otherwise, as the decision to leave or stay is ultimately hers alone. My acquaintance, obviously discontent with my opinion, moved onto someone else for advice.

We all have this image in our minds of what an abuser looks like. For me, he’s a burly, uneducated man in a once pristine, but now heavily stained white undershirt who smacks his fragile housewife around for the slightest infraction. From time to time, the wife is replaced by an equally fragile child who “got on daddy’s last nerve.” It is hard to imagine that a clean-cut, well-awarded college graduate could be an abuser or that a brilliant and highly-respected business whiz could become their victim. It is unnerving, but abuse has the potential to affect us all.

For me, it started off as a “joke.” I was in a relationship with someone a year younger than me who was known at our college for having “emotional issues.” They frequently got into trouble with campus police and, by the time we got together, had been given their final warning to behave or to find another college. When we got together, no one could figure out why someone like me would want to be with someone like them. Was I rebelling? Was I being a Good Samaritan and taking them on as my pet project? Everyone was disappointed when I’d reply that I was in love with “J” and simply saw in them what no one else did.

As our relationship progressed, I gradually lost “friends,” but I didn’t care because I had “J.” For a short time, we had a wonderful relationship. However, things began to unravel when they made it clear to me that I would never be as important to them as their friends, their drugs and their alcohol. They’d send me early morning text messages telling me that they had heard one untrue thing or another about me which made me be one derogatory statement or another. If they were too drunk to text, they’d call me to scream these things and then sob about how much they loved me. At the time, this wasn’t abuse, but merely proof of how passionate a person they were. It wasn’t until it became physical that I began to mind their behavior.

The first time “J” hit me we were on a date. I had decided to take them to a nice restaurant to show them how much I appreciated them. We were waiting in the parking garage below the restaurant for the elevator to arrive. As the seconds passed, “J” became more and more frustrated. They kept alternating between pacing and hitting the elevator button. Suddenly, they stopped in front of me and smacked my arm really hard. When I asked why they did that, they simply said they were “tense” and only “joking around.” I let it slide and laughed because I was shocked and because I didn’t want the strangers waiting with us to get involved and for our night to end at the local police station. “J” got “tense” a few more times before they dumped me, each time the bruises got bigger and bigger, but luckily never made their way onto my face or into my bones. When our relationship ended I was, to put it mildly, crushed. I’m grateful now, but it took a lot to find this gratitude.

Why do people allow themselves to be abused? Some people say it’s because they deserve it. Some people say it’s a tradeoff for their own negative behavior. For me, I was just in such shock that it was happening that I didn’t know how to come to terms with it enough to stop it. It was easier to just trick my mind into thinking it wasn’t happening to me. I noticed the bruises, but wrote them off as bumps I got on my own due to clumsiness or another non “J” related reason. I saw the phone calls, texts and face-to-face fights as “J”’s way of showing they were passionate about life, our relationship and me. I was too blind by my love for “J” and my desire to see beyond their flaws to stop things. In hindsight, I should’ve walked back to my car and driven off without “J.”

As naïve as it will sound, I didn’t know that abuse could be emotional until the year before my relationship with “J.” We were assigned a short story to analyze in one of my British literature classes about a pair of spinster sisters who were contemplating how different the house felt now that their father was dead. They no longer had to tiptoe around the house at night for fear of waking him and being scolded for not abiding by the sleep schedule he had set for them. They no longer had to censor their mealtime conversations because he wasn’t there to tell them they’re opinions were unwanted and ridiculous and their aspirations were impossible. Now that he was gone, they had a chance at leading lives of their own and possibly finding love.

Reading this story, I was amazed at the similarities I could draw between the father and my maternal grandmother and the sisters and my mother and I. It was unsettling, but I made myself find humor in it. At the next class, I listened to student after student go on and on about how this man had no redeeming qualities and that, had the story been written after women’s lib, the women would’ve stuck up for themselves. The story was one-dimensional to my classmates because “people like these characters don’t exist nowadays.” When it came time for me to share my thoughts, I scraped my notes and blandly spoke about the author’s word choice instead. It would’ve been too embarrassing to say the speech I had been piecing together in my mind for days.

Like many children, the children in my family were raised to respect our elders. If they had something to say, you listened intently and did your best to live by their standards. Unlike her brothers and sisters, my grandmother never loosened her grip on her children especially my mother. To “keep the peace,” my mother sacrificed much of herself (and still does to some degree) to make sure that my grandmother’s needs were always met and her wishes carried out. Growing up, if my live-in grandmother didn’t like what you had to say or something that you did, she made it known and didn’t stop making it known until it was righted. If someone outside of the family found fault with my Gram’s behavior, this person was cut out of our lives. I used to joke that Sunday wasn’t Sunday until my grandmother singled out one of us and my mom spent the afternoon in my Gram’s part of the house alternating between fighting with her and groveling. This was how things were and, while I knew it wasn’t right and that not everyone spent their Sunday this way, I didn’t see it as abuse until after I read this story.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I saw myself emulating my grandmother. I was in year two of a long-term relationship and we had been faced with a major problem. “N”’s luck had shifted substantially and, due to a misunderstanding, we were spending more time at court than out of it. We both became increasingly emotionally, physically and financially drained as the weeks progressed. Though we never were an entirely peaceful couple, by the third month of this ordeal, all we did was fight. While it was clear from the start that “N” hadn’t done what they were accused of, the truth was they had done something to bring us to this point and this angered me deeply. I had finally started on the road towards the life I had always wanted and resented having to stop where I was and begin taking steps backwards. Without the support of our families and the infrequent support of friends, we were scared and depressed and “N” clung onto me with all of their might. I wanted to run away, but instead I stayed, publically playing the role of the supportive girlfriend and privately screaming until I went hoarse. In my opinion, “N” was a failure who ruined our lives with their carelessness and who showed by their actions that my long-held secret theory that they believed the world needed to revolve around them in order for them to be content was correct. Blinded by my frustration at life and my fear that I was going to see them sent off to jail, I verbally abused my best friend every chance I got. At the time, it felt like a fit punishment. In hindsight, it was unnecessary and wrong. I should’ve just taken some time off to be alone and re-center myself instead of researching court cases in my spare time and allowing myself to only get an hour or two of sleep a night.

Why do people abuse others? One mental health professional will tell you it stems from how one was raised. If you saw your parents beating and/or belittling each other there’s a chance that you might do the same to your significant other. Another in their field may say that abusive people have low self-esteems and lash out at others to build themselves up. For me, I began the abuse because I was angry and didn’t know how to cope with my emotions and continued the abuse because I could. “N” felt they deserved my cruel treatment and didn’t tell me to stop. As a result, things progressed in this direction for quite some time. Ironically enough, I didn’t cease this negative behavior until my grandmother overheard me saying something nasty to “N’ and criticized me for it. From that point on, I did my best to swallow the nastiness and treat “N” the way they should be treated.

From time-to-time, I do still lose my temper, but I’ve gotten so much better. I have an internal set of buttons that, if pressed, set me off every single time. Admittedly, two of them are easier to press than the rest. One button is for when someone lies to me. It goes off especially easily if I’ve given this person a chance to own up to their lie, they’ve decided not to and I’ve found out the truth from someone else. The other is for when someone repeatedly does something (driving while tired, being late, answering the phone while we’re talking, etc.) that I’ve specifically asked them not to do for one reason or another. I try to never attack on the first offense choosing instead to politely, but firmly let the person know that they’ve hit a nerve and to try to not let it happen again. Realizing the damage that I’ve done, I do my best to stay calm and not revert to the monster I was before.

If my acquaintance had asked me for advice years ago, I would’ve told them to butt out. They don’t know why the abuse is happening and, unless they have solid reasons to fear for their friend’s life, they should stay out of it. Perhaps their friend is an expert at pushing her boyfriend’s buttons. Perhaps the abuse is mutual and she’s only seeing one side of it. There could be so many reasons why this abuse is taking place. However, that’s the wrong way to look at things. Abuse is abuse and no matter how or why it happens it shouldn’t be happening. If you’re in an abusive relationship you should take steps to remedy this. The generic advice is to get away from your abuser and call the police. However, to the best of my knowledge, the police don’t step in for verbal abuse (unless of course threats are made) and physical abuse can be a slippery slope.

My advice as both a former victim and abuser is to force yourself to step outside your situation and try to see things as you would want to see them a year from now. What steps would you need to take to get yourself to that place? Would couple’s or individual therapy get things back on track? Or have things gone so terribly wrong that the police need to be called in order for you to get to next year? Having seen things from both viewpoints, I can tell you that both sides make you feel lower than low. No one wants to be abused and no sane person wants to hurt the one they love. I also can say from experience that both positions aren’t reached overnight. There are warning signs, but are you willing to heed them?

Writing this article, two questions kept popping into my mind. The first was why is someone as private as me being so honest about something I worked so hard to hide? The second was why isn’t emotional/verbal abuse taken as seriously as physical abuse? After contemplating these questions, I’m surprised at how interlocked my answers are.

Until recently, I didn’t think my past was a big deal because, in my opinion, it wasn’t affecting my future. However, it has come to my attention that I’m once again not fighting fair and, in order to truly remedy my problem, I need to closely examine why I do things. I need to care more about being honest with myself than about my privacy because, if I don’t, I will undoubtedly chase away some people I love deeply. I need to not care about who reads this and the judgments they might make and just be happy that it’s out there and no longer festering inside of me, feeding the monster who is always a second away from escaping.

In my opinion, we don’t take emotional/verbal abuse seriously as a society because we have so many ways of excusing it (“They were only joking.” “I’m just being overly sensitive.” “It was meant to be constructive criticism.” etc.) and because, unlike physical abuse, it’s not so easy to see. Yes, people can die because being told cruel things made them commit suicide, but no one accidentally lands in the morgue because their significant other repeatedly hit them with an insult. We are told (or at least I was) from a young age to be strong and the thing about sticks and stones and we buy it. No one wants to be seen as a cry baby so we swallow our tears and grow ever more private. We foolishly write off this type of abuse because society only admitted that there truly was a problem with the other kind of abuse in the past few decades.

I am a flawed person with a past I’m not proud of and a future that can be free of any and all kinds of abuse if I keep working towards that goal. I have atoned for my mistakes and stopped wishing “J” would atone for theirs some time ago. I hope that one day we can become a peaceful society and that abuse can be eradicated from the world through education, increased self-control and self-worth. Yet, from the stories we hear on the news and in our social circles, it seems that that day is unfortunately still far off. Until then, as the saying goes, all I can do is work to change my part of the world and, in writing this article, I sincerely hope I’ve put you on the road to changing yours.