Mothers of the world, do you feel incapacitated by thoughts of defeat where you can no longer hold down a full-time job, make improvements with your house, support your husband when he gets downsized, go swimming with the kids, find a nursing home for your sickly parents, volunteer for the school gathering, and run a little business out of your house in your spare time? Chances are you are stressed! You are most likely perceiving these your life events as difficult, threatening, unpleasant or challenging. Although you may want to change your situation for the better you simply cannot. As a result, you have succumbed to these thoughts of defeat.

This is what is causing your feelings of incapacitation. Physically, your hypothalamus, or master gland in your brain has sent hormonal messages to your adrenal glands to produce stress hormones. These stress hormones, adrenalin, norandrenalin, and cortisol are increasing high levels of activity of your nervous system. When this happens, you feel stressed.

Are your muscles tense, your heart racing, or your palms sweating? Are you developing knots in your stomach? Are you feeling tense? Are your pupils dilating and your hearing becoming more acute? (Are you “seeing” and “hearing” the enemy better?)

Do you wish to prevent illnesses leading to hospitalization? Do you wish to prevent your immune system from depleting its ability to fight off potential diseases?

If the answer is “yes,” then it is time to take charge of your life. How can you begin to live a stress-less life when everything you do and everywhere you go brings on more stress?

The answer is ultimately “YOU,” because stressful situations or events remain a fact of life. There are good stresses as well as bad stresses. Biochemical changes occur in your body whether you’re feeling great or miserable. It doesn’t matter whether you’re planning for a graduation or a wedding or being called into your angry boss’s office.

You can control your stress reactions. As soon as you perceive something stressful going on, you may choose to either allow it to overwhelm you or you may choose try to stop it in its track. You may think about it differently, avoid it entirely, or you may learn of ways to combat it. Your goal ought to be to achieve balance where you are relaxed so that you can fight the stresses that come along your way.

How do you feel?

The following open-ended questions are intended to provoke some deep contemplation of who you are. They are designed to put you on a path of self-awareness. It is a path to being more aware of your strengths and joy. The questions are also to bring you into an awareness of your weaknesses and stresses. There is no right or wrong answer to any of them. Simply answer each honestly and thoughtfully.

• How do you feel right now?
• What are you thinking right now and how can you relate those thoughts to your feeling?
• How would you describe yourself?
• How do you see your future?
• What kind of work do you like?
• What kind of leisure do you like?
• When do you feel most yourself?
• How have you changed since puberty? In what ways are you exactly the same as you were as a teenager?
• What kind of people do you respect?
• How are you different from or similar to your mother? To you father?
• What are your greatest strengths?
• What are your greatest weaknesses?
• What goals do you have for yourself?
• In what way might you work on those weaknesses to modify them that they could be managed?
• What would you be proud to have written on your tombstone?

We do not have just one role in our life, all our roles inter-link and thus makes us who we are. Each role comes with its own set of challenges, how we manage the challenges is how much stress we accumulate.

Here are some easy to follow tips to control your stress level.

Prioritise

Sometimes it feels that you have too many pots on the stove and they are all going to boil at the same time. That being the case, you have to know which pot you have put on the stove first, BUT at the same time, you must know which will take a shorter cooking time (hmm, this is beginning to sound like a cooking class! Sorry about that). Sounds complicated, and it is. Some jobs need to be attended first, either due to date-lines or that your child is waiting impatiently for you!

Pace yourself

Don’t take on too many responsibilities, sounds selfish right, but it’s true. If you have too many obligations, you will find it difficult to fulfil some of them. This will cause you stress as you try to do too many things. People that you try to help will be disappointed with you, they may not know the full picture, but that doesn’t stop them from feeling that you let them down.

Share your woes with a friend

When the stress gets too much for you, talking about it to your friend will be a great help. As you discuss the areas of stress, your friends can help you identify what the causes are and they can help you eliminate the stress or at least offer some suggestions how to reduce the stress.

Take a day off

It does work. Sometimes, being bogged down by too much stress from the same area, you need to just step away from it all and give it a rest. Have a good break, recharge! Many people are afraid to take this step, as they feel guilty that they are not trying hard enough. Then when you come back to the problem, you may see it from a different angle.

Laughter

The cup is half empty or the cup is half full. Taking a positive outlook in each situation is a better choice and make you a happier person. Being angry and upset all the time doesn’t make the stress go away. However, with laughter, at least you bring joy to others around you as well as being healthier (something to do with the chemicals floating around in your system! I will try to do an article on that some other time).

Write it down

Sit down in front of your computer or pen and paper/diary if you prefer and pour it all out! You will be amazed by how much stress you are putting yourself through for sometimes inconsequential things or even get stress over things that you cannot control (like the number of readers coming to read my articles!) Better still write an article for Triond and de-stress.

Reflect

You must know yourself. Take time to reflect on your behaviour and what are the triggers that will help you control or lose control of your stress level. Don’t be in self-denial, not now. The more you know yourself, the better you can have control over your stress and change your behaviour for the better. Many people are afraid to take this step as well, as they fear they may not like the person they see in themselves. Don’t worry, if you can see the faults in yourself, that is the first step in your reflection. The next step is to change the behaviour.

Remember, Rome was not built in one day. Take one step at a time and see the change in yourself and be a happier person!

Good luck. You can do it!