I saw this quote on my friend timeline on facebook and it made me think for awhile……

And Yes why do you hold on to a relationship that only gives you half of what you deserved. And why with someone that only treat you like an option, when you know it is just hurting you and your pride. You still hold on, hoping that things will change for the better.

When friends ask why do you do that, why not just let go and move on…Your reasons are never ending, you put excuses to all that he/she does and even if you complain, you still try to understand.

Who does not like to be a priority, even not to the whole world but just to one person, it make us feel special, wanted and love….The feeling is just great!

When he/she forget about a Special Occasion that you are so excited about, the feeling is so bad that you want to cry so hard and yet your mind have the right reasoning that you are just an option but your heart refuse to believe.

And you often wonder how long you can stay on that relationship, maybe you will give up soon or maybe you will stay longer….it is like a battle between your heart and mind, Yes It Is!

It is never easy to be Just An Option To Your Priority!

Then I come to the conclusion, which i am sure some of us still believes……The reason why some choose to stay being an option, is because the love for that person. You maybe Just An Option to his/her life but to you he is Your Priority, your life, your happiness!

But then again…….Never missed the chance to show your LOVE, Never missed the chance to show he/she is Your Priority or you will end up being just An Option!

When we hear the story of a soldier who uses his own body to shield his comrade from the explosion of a grenade and died, most of us would categorize the act as an act of courage. When we hear the story of a teenager who fall down a cliff because he failed to check the brake of his car before playing a game of chicken race, most of us would categorize the act as an act of recklessness.

Both people died because they choose to do an act that would put risk on their own lives. In fact the act of the soldier in the paragraph above is more risky than the act of the teenager. But while the degree of risk involved is an important part for an act to be considered as either courageous or reckless, it is not as decisive while we actually need to further categorize the action as one of either.

To understand the characteristics of an action that we actually used to categorize it as either, we will need to examine the thought process that we actually used when we do the categorization.

First, we will need to realize that human action is a deliberate action aimed to get a definite end. Both the soldier and the teenager in the example above didn’t do their actions for nothing. When the soldier decided to sacrifice himself, he did so to get a definite end, which is the safety of his comrades. When the teenager decided to play chicken race, he also did so to get a definite end, which is to earn recognition from his fellow racers.

Second, we need to realize that our act of categorizing is actually an act of valuation. Specifically, when we categorize an action as either courageous or reckless, we compare our subjective valuation of human lives with our subjective valuation of the definite ends each actor tried to achieve by doing their respective acts. If we in the end of our valuation, decided that the definite ends to be reached by the risky act is greater than our valuation of the specific human live that might be sacrificed, we would consider the act as courageous. Otherwise we would consider the act as recklessness.

Third, an act of valuation is inherently subjective to the subject who does the valuation. This is where we realize that each of us have priorities and have the tendency to sacrifice our lower priorities in favor of our higher priorities. Valuation over the priorities held by another person is an important factor when we need to consider whether we would hang out with that person or not. For example, people who prioritize human lives over fun, tends not to hang out with people who readily sacrifice human lives to get fun.

In the end, that is what courage is. As Ambrose Redmoon said it, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

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A divorce is called divorce by Abandonment when one of the parents leaves a marriage willingly and the relationship ends legally because of this reason. If such a person has no intention of coming back again and does not provide any kind of support for his family then other parent can use this divorce option. So in this case court will be favorably not giving any custody to such a person who abandons his marriage.

If one spouse has abandoned marriage and he or she has left home. The first responsibility of the other parent is to report the missing person to police. If there is no positive outcome of this police report then the other parent can demand for court. For this purpose the parent has to follow regular procedure and meet the merits to get divorce on the basis of abandonment.

Reconciliation Policy

Reconciliation is a best option in case if two parents are separated due to any reason. Suppose if one parent has demanded a divorce due to abandonment and other parent returns. The other parent is willing to give second chance to the marriage then it is better to batch up with your life partner. Divorce should a person’s last priority. If nothing is working out in the marriage then this option can be used by any of the spouse.

Merits

There is a proper merit set for divorce on the basis of abandonment. If a parent who left home has given the address of his new home and has promised to support his family then on such basis divorce due to abandonment cannot be given. So if one parent has left home without telling new address. On this basis the second parent can demand divorce due to abandonment. This is the merit set for this kind of divorce.

There is a time limit specified for this kind of divorce by courts. If one parent has left his family and has gone by this time then the other parent can submit a divorce on this basis. Time limit is very important to follow because may be the parent who has left home can come back after few days. After this time limit has passed the parent can file a divorce case on strong grounds.

Understand the Circumstance

To understand under which circumstances the parent left home without telling anyone is very important. There may be any need due to which the parent has to leave his family for few weeks. May be a parent has left home for his children betterment. So first find the facts then after that file the case.

Best Security Measure

There is a burden on one parent if the other parent abandons his all family. In that case the other parent has to suffer a lot in raising children without any support. In that case divorce on the basis of abandonment is best option to get rid of this stress. The court will surely do justice in that case.

This law is actually for the betterment of that parent who has left by the other parent. The parent who has left his home and relations has no chance of getting his children’s custody. So this divorce provides a strong ground for future custody cases and other divorce issues.

Counseling Sessions Importance

For such disturbed parent and children family counseling sessions are best option in order to motivate them. In these sessions both parent and children is moralized. They are told that life must go on. The stuff like divorce is a misfortunate reality and one must get over it. The children realize the fact and they support their parent to live their life happily.

If you want to know how well you are keeping your life on track take inventory. Make a list of the five most important things to you. Then right next to that list, list the five biggest parts of your day. If these two lists are miles apart, you have lost track of who you really are. If the very top of the list on both sides are congruent to each other, in ideology and practice or behavior, then you are right on track!

If you have around three out of each list that work together to fit your most important priorities together with your behavior then you probably are in a much more comfortable place in self-regard. You have a higher and healthier opinion of yourself than most of the world as you know it. That is 60% congruency from your ideals to your life. 

Even though we are able to juggle things, there are items that will have to take a back seat while we take care of business daily to keep our lives running in a fairly stable manner.

George Miller decided to check out how much information a human can process in a given space of time and found that five to nine items was what the human brain can handle back in 1956. Seven seems to be the magic number depending on how coordinated you are; how many people we have close to us, what we can remember, and the number of choices we can have to make a decision without freezing up or procrastinating. So to make the simplest form, five seems to be the best number to work the lists out.

 There are many ways to interpret this kind of information, most people do not get to organize their lives around what they consider is the most important currently with what they do on a daily basis. Most people’s list changes when their living or family situation changes. Then their priorities and their very lives have to take a big change, sometimes people never recover. This is when you not only lose sight of your ability to adjust their needs from their wants or even lose part of their identity just trying to organize their lives. Most of us who have children laugh at the concept of organization! But to sum up, if you have the top of both lists working together or three from both lists in any order then you are doing good. If you have nothing in common with the top of the lists or the majority of the lists then you’re probably not in a very good place in your life.

With all this you might just want to chuck the lists you made. So what is most important to you and do your daily activities reflect this?

                Survival brings people together. Have you ever noticed that in scary movies the characters that hate each other in the beginning end up being friends in the end? This is because they survived together. The challenges that are in our lives bring us nearer and make us learn from them. For example, whenever I have to face a difficult problem and I survive it, I learn from it and avoid the situation the next time.

                The way of surviving has been developed since the beginning of mankind. Although conditions have changed, survival has just adapted. Surviving is still and will always be the number one priority.

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At 16, you are usually torn between the need to keep your dream glowing and the need to keep your heart where everyone else says it should be. You keep playing the game by the rules others had set, just like a helpless 6-year old kid. No matter how boring and uneventful the game gets, everyone urges you to stick on to it, because that’s what really matters, when it comes to your future.

You feel like you don’t belong in that particular game, but unfortunately, you don’t trust yourself enough to abandon it all together. What if that one choice to give it up turned out to be the greatest mistake that you would regret ever doing it years and years later? And how can you be so sure that the people around you are not right and that you’re not wrong? How do you even know if what you think is your dream or passion, isn’t just a whim of which you’ll get bored later on? It’s baffling at times and that’s what makes you so confused about your priorities and where they lie.

Being Ambitious

Let’s just consider that one takes academics as his/her priority. That will mean you won’t have enough time for anything else. You’ll be engrossed with your books and neither look to the left side nor right, but just go on like a half-blinded horse down the only path it’s directed. Then there’ll be huge success in academics and you’ll get into a highly reputed college and get a seat [say, medical] out of pure merit. Then you’ll study like hell and get the PG degrees too. By the time you’re 25, you’ll be working and soon you’ll be married. Then there’ll be competition for the priority in your mind – family or work. And no matter what you choose, in the end, you’ll be able to start your social work only at the age of 25. Suppose your spouse is extremely understanding, you can then get your dreams fired up.

Being Dreamy

Then let’s consider the other extreme: You focus only on your dream. Your performance in academics becomes ‘fair [for your usual standards]‘ and you get into a college which corresponds to your performance and people start thinking you’re a loser. You keep up with your social work, but there is resistance all around because people don’t believe or appreciate in what you’re doing. You get an ordinary degree and by the time you finish it and get into some job, you’ve begun to work extra hard to achieve your dream and you’re nearly there. Then you get married and your spouse is definitely a person who should understand [or pretends to understand for a couple of years]. But then family comes and when you don’t feel financially secure because of your less lucrative and lower job, you suddenly realize your spouse doesn’t really think what you’re doing is wonderful. Then starts a series of disagreements and unhappy times when neither feels complete around the other.

To Sum it up…

To summarize the ramble above, extremely concentrating on academics may make it too late for realizing your dream, as the spark had long ago vanished from your heart. On the other hand, concentrating only on your dream will make you lonely and disheartened, which will make you more cynical and skeptic about your own ideas and decisions. You’re life will be fierce, but you’ll have few people to acknowledge your sweat and blood. In other word, scholars will have a life of too many soft things and fighters will have one of too many rough things.

What I should be searching for, however, is a balance between the two extremes. An equilibrium between the too much and the too little and yet achieve the same results. A safe position where you can realize your dreams and be a success in the eyes of the people, both at the same time. Whether that sort of security in life is possible or not is yet to be discovered.

In the meantime, I’m still pondering – There’s a difference between one’s ambition and one’s dream and a life that’s truly colorful isn’t made up of just one of them… Besides, who says priorities should be just one? Like Stephen. R Covey says,

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”

^_^

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We don’t think that there should any stumbling blocks on the acquisition of our happiness and fulfillment. It’s all about me.

But we’re forgetting the major thing which helps solve any problem that gets in our way.

Compromise.

When we debate, what should the outcome be? Some believe that it it should be a beating down of the opposition until they have nothing but to agree with you. A crushed debater is a happy debater? Wrong.

You should be willing to compromise. If you are willing to accept ‘give and take’ then you will achieve greater prosperity in your debates and other interactions in life. We see the better part of the world if you can accept a compromise on your own ideas instead.

People don’t need to be humiliated and treated as subordinates to your own will. If you remember that the person you are debating with also has hopes and desires, then you will perhaps understand the need for compromise. Do as you would wish to be treated.

Keep in mind the idea of compromise and you are far more likely to get a better outcome from any human interactions you have.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compromise

 Unlike many individuals think, we do not just suddenly “slip” and use again.  (Incidentally, the word “slip” stands for “Sobriety Lost It’s Priority.”)  This is an important piece of knowledge.  It clues us in to the secret of staying sober:  Don’t let sobriety lose it’s priority!  (Keep your sobriety at the TOP of your list of priorities!  Be vigilant about keeping your sobriety your number one concern at all times!)

 The relapse process begins when those first little seeds of doubt are planted.  The thoughts and behaviors that result in relapse are like the gradually weakening links in a chain that happen before it finally breaks-in-two.  For example, the thought, “It’s been months since I used anything.  I’ll bet I could use now without any problems.”  Before long, I may find myself thinking, “Gee, I’ve done so well that I don’t think it will hurt for me to skip my A.A. Meeting this week!”  Soon, one sobriety-weakening thought happens after another, “I really miss my old friends.  So what if they use!  I’ve come too far to be affected by what they do!”  These thoughts are known as “Warning Signs” because they warn us that something is not right with our thinking!  If we’ve gotten ourselves a responsible A.A. Sponsor, that person has probably warned us about this “stink’in think’in and where it will most likely lead. 

 Let’s just say that I continue entertaining the above thoughts and pretty soon skip more than one of my meetings.  Clearly, my denial of my disease is growing.  Unless I choose to intervene in this negative process, when I encounter one of my triggers, (example: I see my old boyfriend with his new girlfriend) I may be in a weakened enough state to give-in to the trigger, and “use” (the final stage of relapse.)  My proverbial chain of recovery now breaks.

 It isn’t difficult to see how the process of thoughts and events (choices I made) led to my eventual decision to use (i.e. the process of relapse.)

 Now that the term “relapse” makes more sense, we need to become familiar with the term “relapse prevention.”  This term is a straightforward one in that, just like prevention means to prevent something we don’t want to happen, in this case it means exactly that: to prevent relapse.  How can we accomplish this?  Like anything else that is important to us, we must set out to devise a plan.  (i.e. our relapse prevention plan!)

 So, how to create a relapse prevention plan?   A relapse prevention plan should consist of your own, individual warning signs and triggers (using thoughts, using friends, using places, and using events) that have led to relapse, each require safety strategies.  You may find it helpful to think of this in terms of fire prevention.  In fire prevention, we devise a plan of our escape to safety.  As we know, in the same way that the fire is our enemy, relapse is also our enemy.  (For, as we’ve probably learned by now, there is no problem that using cannot make worse!)  Thus, where relapse is concerned, we also need a plan for our escape to safety.  (i.e. it is necessary to decide upon specific positive replacement coping skills to be used instead of using!)

Fortunately, having an understanding of relapse can provide the beginning of a whole new, safeguarded and better quality sobriety!

 Copyright 2010 by JC Eberhart

Your partner becomes confrontational over everything you do!

Normally both the man and the woman will try to cooperate with each other and through understanding and tolerance build the strength and love to live together successfully. If lately your partner is arguing with you in annoyance over the most trivial of things, when previously this never happened, then chances are things are on the rocky side with your relationship. This should be the most obvious sign that screams out trouble! If this intolerance grows it will consume all of the bonds that the relationship was built upon, and gradually deteriorate the relationship into failure. If your partner does become antagonized and confrontational about what you consider normality within the relationship to begin with, intervene before it’s too late!

Other people suddenly become a priority over you in the relationship!

In any serious and functional relationship your partner becomes the supreme figure in your life. This means that nobody else’s opinion, needs and desires should overrule your partners. In a relationship when this unsaid rule gets broken, and other people are taken over your partner, it’s a sign of loss of respect and a sure sign of a deteriorating relationship. If your partner chooses to obey the wishes of others over you, it’s another way of saying ‘You don’t matter anymore, others have taken your place’!  If left allowed to occur, this will become habit, and will eventually distance the two lovers to the point of dissolution.

Your partner is avoiding making time for you!

We all need our own personal space, but this granted your partner should be an integral and vital part of your day. If your partner is purposely choosing to avoid spending time with you, in spending time in solitude or with others over you, expect it as a sign of a dwindling relationship!  If other peoples company begins to be valued over yours, and this becomes habit, the relationship is on its last legs! Things must be very wrong for your partner to avoid you, and go out of their way to spend the least possible time with you!  Take control of your relationship and talk to your partner about their distancing, your relationship isn’t a game; it’s your very life! 

Your partner is avoiding physical intimacy!

A failing sex life is a sure sign that your partner is losing interest in you, that they’ve lost the desire for you and the need for you. In any relationship we all want to feel needed sexually, desired and loved, so any purposeful reservation, and lack in sexual passion is a sure sign that there is something gravely wrong in your relationship. Ask yourself also; If your partner isn’t any longer requiring you for their sexual fix, where are they getting it from?

You become excluded in decision making!

This is another sign that clearly demonstrates that your partner doesn’t respect your decision making and opinion.  In a functional relationship the decision making is shared amongst both people concerned, once this balance begins to favor one person over the other, the whole basis of equality that the relationship is built upon becomes overturned.  Pay close attention to this sure sign that your relationship is going down the gurgler!

Your partner is depressed within the relationship. This is no matter what you do to help alleviate it

If your partner is depressed within the relationship chances are things have come to a point that your partner no longer finds comfort in having your love and care in their life. They are disappointed in the relationship, may feel neglected, and may be seeking out but lacking the courage t make the first move. This is a relationship death bomb waiting to happen. If you strike this in your relationship work to rebuild communication between you and your partner, rebuild their trust in the relationship, and work towards helping them through their mental anguish. Never let your partner deteriorate to a point that they feel they so depressed that the relationship itself becomes their very burden, the relationship must remain an emotional safe haven for both of you.

Lies and deceit begin to reign supreme in the relationship!

A normal and functioning relationship is built around trust, respect and loyalty.  Once this tri-factor becomes neglected in anyway and lies follow lies, the whole security and foundation your relationship is built upon becomes to crumble!  Once trust is betrayed it’s very difficult to earn back, and once one lie is allowed to develop into another it won’t be long before simple words become actions and the loyalty goes out the window too. Once this happens the respect is gone and with it the last remaining pillar of the relationship! If you find that lies are running rife in your relationship act upon it the sooner the best, never allow it to spiral out of control and disintegrate the relationship in result. When you catch out one lie, many are to follow, and until the issue gets dealt with you’ll have a whole lie induced wild fire to deal with!

I hope the aforementioned six warning signs help highlight relationship issues and help relationships return to a healthier pattern.  Spotting the signs early on will deter further irreversible damage, and heartache. Thank You.