She wondered if she would ever stop holding the same beer, the same cocktail, the same cigarette. It was repetative and it was getting old quickly. She wondered if there would ever be a time where she wasn’t surrounded by the same people, putting herself into the middle of the same disgusting situations. She was made up of all of these things, yet she was everything but.

She thought of herself like a car crash, something bystanders observed. The only problem was that it was her life and she felt like she was watching the same car crash alongside the fellow bystanders. Her life was in a standstill, a repitious state. She was repeating the same acts over and over again. The faces changed. They are the only changing thing and she hardly even notices anymore.

She had started sleeping in every bed except her own awhile ago. She thought that maybe one day she would just wake up and realize that everything was a dream. That never happened.

She can’t get a good night’s rest unless there is somebody laying next to her. She sleeps with him or him, always critiquing mannerisms and actions because they aren’t the person she wants to be sleeping with. Even when she lays down at night, it’s difficult to close her eyes. She’ll lay awake wondering if she can be everything to a person she’s only just met when she knows that she’ll run scared before she can even let that happen.

Her cycle is her own. It’s repetitious, yet unescapable. It breaks down. It recreates itself in the form of a new face. And she’ll let it go on and on forever, but she’s never getting anywhere and she’ll still be alone.

Recently we went out to lunch and she suggested that I write this article and to make sure I put some advice in it that she recently learned in her therapy sessions.  I should mention here that she is doing a combination of both individual and group therapy sessions each week.  She told me that she enjoys both and they each have their positives and of course, negatives aspects.  After all, it is always hard to discuss personal stuff to people you don’t know.  But she has also told me repeatedly that once she got to know everyone better, it actually started to feel almost like a family.  So, what advice did she want me to write about?  I have listed several pieces below. 

“Always remember to do what is best for you and want you want to do and not worry about what another person thinks of it.  You should never feel forced or coerced into doing something you do not want to do.”

“No matter what other people may have said to you in the past, you are both beautiful and intelligent and deserve to be treated and respected like a lady.”

“Remember that respect is something you must do for yourself and then and only then will others follow along with respect for you.”

“A true man will take NO for an answer and accept it.  If he can’t then that is someone you do not need in your life.”

“There are many more ways than sex to show someone how much you like and care about them.  Do not use sex as the only means to show your feelings.”

“Always talk to your partner with whatever you are feeling when it comes to sex.  A true loving man will listen with open arms and do whatever he needs to do to make you happy.”

“There are lots of jerks out there that will try to use you for nothing but sex.  Don’t fall for their traps and tell them you need to wait for sex until you are ready (when you feel they have proven themelves to you).”

So, there you have the advice my friend wanted to me to include in this article.  We sincerely hope that these small pieces of advice will help someone going through this type of addiction.  Remember to take care of yourself because there is only one of you and you ARE special. 

Do you think you are in a relationship with a narcissist? Here are some useful info about narcissists in a relationship:

Narcissism in layman’s term…

Psychologists say that narcissists are suffering from looking at a False Self, an illusionary image of their grandiose and omnipotent self. Other psychologists, however, say that this so-called False Self is not a self at all since it does not really exist. It could be called the Imaginary Self. Narcissism is a disorder because its sufferer is deviated from reality, which is no different from one who is high of drugs. Narcissists refuse to accept the fact that they are just like someone else- mortal, vulnerable, and normal. Rather, they are convinced that they belong to the pedestal and should be given special love and reverence.

In layman’s term, narcissism is an exaggerated self-esteem.

(How is narcissism related to sadism and masochism?)

Narcissists fall in love, too.

Narcissism does not exempt the sufferer from falling in love, which is a human nature. Narcissists are human too and they are vulnerable of the Cupid’s arrow. Self-confessed narcissists sometimes deny the fact that they fall in love.

The thing is that narcissists fall in love not in the way non-narcissists do. Since narcissists have an exaggerated self-esteem, the dilemma between loving your partner and loving yourself often comes in the way. Two things can happen here- it’s other the partner is willing enough to scoot over and let this narcissistic lover sit beside or the partner is unwilling to scoot over so the narcissists will have to find other seat. It’s a matter of who is willing to give in.

(So how should we deal with narcissistic people?)

Narcissist- a problematic lover

Narcissists are made to be in a problematic relationship. You can’t do anything with that. If you are willing to be in a relationship with a narcissist, then you should be ready for the consequences. There are several reasons why narcissists are problematic lovers. First, they tend to love themselves more than their partner. Second, they tend to be promiscuous since they believe that they are grandiose so they deserve more love (which means more lovers).

(What about male narcissists?)

Do you qualify as a narcissist’s lover?

Only the most obedient, patient, meek, humble, lowly, and kind person can keep a long-lasting relationship with a narcissist. 

Josephine was noted as having an insatiable appetite for sex and would have sex with anyone who wanted her, which was practically every man in Europe. By the time she died in 1975 she was said to have had over 3,300 sex partners in her lifetime.

The first time I read these claims I was appalled. How could someone call my Goddess a prostitute or even suggest that she was promiscuous? Who would say such a thing? Then I begin to realize that not only was Josephine Baker a wonderful performer, she was also SMART!

The one thing I will give her credit for is that she had power and prestige, and was smart enough to make a fortune with it. Everyone from Bankers, Lawyers, Artist, and intellectuals followed Josephine around Europe like lovesick puppies. Hell, she even rented a castle in 1933 that she later purchased in the late 40’s.

Even Ernest Hemingway called her “The most sensational woman anyone has ever saw or ever will”, and Pablo Picasso could be seen riding around with her and her pet leopard Chiquita in her white 1925 Custom Rolls Royce that was purchased for her by one of her adoring “fans”.

How awesome is that?