If whole milk is milk, then what is the rest of it if it’s only 2% milk.

If fat is where it’s at, then where is “At”?  If thin is in, then how can fat be where it’s at?

Some people say the glass is half full. Others say the glass is half empty.  I say,”it depends on which part I look at first.”

If it’s called a fortune cookie, then how come there’s no money in it?

Why would someone throw another person “under a bus?”

It used to be said that a person can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.  Now it’s being said that a person can’t drive, text and talk at the same time.

Big brother is watching.  Who is big sister, and who is she watching?

Every retailer says that they have the lowest prices in town, but have you ever heard someone say, “We have the highest prices in town?”

Gas prices keep going up.  After how many years now people are starting to notice?

Some people might be better off by making this years resolutions to keep last years resolutions.

The sign says, “Ample parking.”  What if you don’t drive an Ample?

A stich in time saves nine.  Try telling that to a person who can’t sew on one button.

The tag said, “Wrinkle free.”  The old man said to his wife, “See that’s what you need.”

If a person is iregular, then does that mean their sewer bill is lower?

If a person refuses to shower in order to save the environment, how does their smell save our enviornent?

If a dog left his deposit in front of an ATM, would that make it more tolorable?

If cows eat grass, then why would anyone want to smoke it?

If dogs recycle, then shouldn’t we?

If no news is good news, then maybe more people should stop watching the news.

On a crowded train or bus a person might offer their seat, but a place to sit is sufficient.

If it’s lonely at the top, then city officials should move to a lower floor.

Have you noticed that no one robs donut shops?

Is it better to be under house arrest than a homeless criminal?

“Hey that was my parking spot.”  “My name isn’t Spot!”

Maybe the cause of so many accidents on the road is the absense of back seat drivers.

Too many hands spoil the soup.  That’s why people should wash their hands before they eat.

Renting is just another way of saying, “I’m paying someone elses mortgage.”

People are not buying houses like they used to.  Would it help if more people played monopoly?

If a person dies broke at least they will be picked clean.

If a person washes stolen money, is it still called dirty money?

If a piano should be tuned every 6 months, then how often should it be detuned?

Teenagers think they are smarter than everyone else.  Is this how they become polititions when they become adults?

A lucky break won’t help if you hit ice.

Money laundering still doesn’t make it clean.

Tax right offs still leaves the left empty handed.

If America is the land of the brave, then why are there so many cowards in Washington?

If one person took prayer out of the schools, then why can’t a million put it back in?

If drinking makes a person feel better, then why are there so many sick drunks?

“Time flies like an arrow; Fruit flies like a banana.”

This is an example of a ‘Garden path sentence’. This basically means it takes the reader up one path of reading, but then forces the to re-read it in order to derive the correct meaning as it ceases to make sense. In this case:

It could mean that time travels in the same manner as an arrow through the air, whilst if you were to throw fruit it would travel like a banana (a piece of fruit.

OR

It could mean that Time flies (an insect) like arrows, whereas fruit flies (an insect) like bananas.

Another example:

That that is is that that is not is not is that it it is

This one is really quite simple. It’s all about the PUNCTUATION.

It could be: That that is, is. That that is not, it not. Is that it? It is.

Or: That that is is that that is. Not is not. Is that it? It is.

Or: That “that is” is that “that i not” is not. Is that is? It is.

I could go on forever with that one, mostly it creates examples of philosophical movements and ideas.

It was and I said not are and and and are are different. (”It was ‘and’ I said, not ‘are,’ and ‘and’ and ‘are’ are different.”)

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

This can be cleared up by changing the sentence via homonyms:

Buffalo bison Buffalo bison bully bully Buffalo bison.

Ok, I opened this can of worms and although I never have yet to see canned worms in my lifetime, shall we begin to get a better understanding of how we need to be?  Shall we?  We are agreed, good, at least for now.   Politics and religion is the most we need to work on.  Facts are facts, and this just in, to have a vary opinion, is good, so stick up that chin, and grin with a grain of salt, because we are agreed are we not? Yes, No?

We may agree to disagree, but you see sometimes you and me just don’t see eye to eye. You are shorter then I am so when we do agree to disagree can we at least agree on that and most importantly, I do not lie?  Unless you only have one eye, that would be unfair for me to say, “Touché”

Arguments are so yesterday, Passé, wouldn’t you say, hooray, so we can agree on something. This doesn’t make you less intelligent, only as you are, for when you agree to disagree, opinions differ, you see, but the conversations can take us very far.

Hold on, looking in your eyes, I can see you have been playing me all along. Why don’t we set aside all our dribble, and have a sip of wine, over dinner, by the fire. and let words take over because you know I am right, you have to agree, oh their you go again. See how you are, you will never see things my way, ever, I am talking words, words. oh boy, she stopped talking to me. Victim of my own device and that should suffice.

“DAYS  OF  LAURA  INGALLS  WILDER” (By the way, that is a book series).

“DAYS  OF  LAURA  INGALLS  WILDER”. Hidden in that phrase is the words “YOUR  ANSWER.” You will also be given clues in the form of puns.

So here is the Christmas carol quiz:

(1)   A  JOURNEY  TO  THE  OTHER  WORLDS

Think of a Christmas carol that makes Heaven and nature sing. I guess you will enjoy this easy one. The whole title is not too hidden in the given phrase.

(2)   ITALIAN  SOCIAL  MOVEMENT  NATIONAL  RIGHT

You may need to have everything quiet around you to concentrate on this one. The whole title is in there – somewhere. You will not get it overnight. Or maybe you will.

(3)   BEWARE  THE  GREEKS  BEARING  GIFTS

That hint is way too close to the words in the song. You may get it at once depending on your orientation.

(4)   WHAT  DO  YOU  DO  WITH  A  DRUNKEN  SAILOR?

The last part of the title of this carol is “what I hear?” What are the first three words of the title? You do not need more hints, do you?

(5)   GEOFFREY  ST. GEORGE  SHILLINGTON  CATHER

This hint is an actual person. The last word in the title of the carol is “mountain.” What are the first four words? I tell you that it is not as hard as it looks. I can foretell that some will be stumped though.

(6)   GODFREY  STANLEY  WILBEE

Yes, another hint that is a real person. The title of the Christmas carol ends with “merry gentlemen.” What are the first three words? That is all I can say. It is so easy you can rest on your laurels for this one.

(7)   DISMISSAL  WITH  PREJUDICE

This short title ends with the word “ships.” What are the first three words? At least I think it is three? Tell me how much you see. By the way, anywhere I see prejudice it is an eyesore to me.

(8)   AN  OLD  RAINCOAT  WON’T  EVER  LET  YOU  DOWN

I am not sure how true that statement is but I am sure it will help a little in any town you live in. Yes, it will help a little. You can go to town on this one when I tell you that the last part of the carol’s title is “of Bethlehem.” What are the first three words?

(9)   BEIJING  DIALECT and EMBELLISH

Sorry but for the whole title of the carol to fit I needed two separate phrase clues. Who knows, maybe I made it easier? Does any word here ring a bell?

(10)                       CONCACAF  WOMEN  PRE-OLYMPIC  TOURNAMENT

The additional hint is that this carol’s title ends with the name “Emmanuel.” I guess you might get the first four words automatically now. O come on, it’s easy.

If this quiz was a give-away, well, it is Christmas – my gift to you. If it was not, it is still a gift. Unwrap it or, in this case, unravel it.

THE  ANSWERS

Stop. If you have not yet finished the quiz you are not allowed beyond this point.

(1)   A  JOURNEY  TO  THE  OTHER  WORLDS – JOY  TO  THE  WORLD.

This carol makes “Heaven and nature sing” as I said. That is a repeated line of the carol.

(2)   ITALIAN  SOCIAL  MOVEMENT  NATIONAL  RIGHT -  SILENT  NIGHT

No wonder I said that you need “everything quiet around you to concentrate on this one” and that “You will not get it overnight. Or maybe you will.”

(3)   BEWARE  THE  GREEKS  BEARING  GIFTS  -  WE  THREE KINGS

I said “That hint is way too close to the words in the song.” In the very first stanza the song says “Bearing gifts we travel so far.” I also said that you may get it at once depending on your “orientation” alluding to “We Three Kings of Orient are.”

(4)   WHAT  DO  YOU  DO  WITH  A  DRUNKEN  SAILOR?  -  DO  YOU  HEAR (WHAT  I  HEAR)?

I stated that the last part of the title of this carol is “what I hear?” I used the first two words of the answer in two different ways by saying “You do not need more hints, do you? The first hint was really the hint though.

(5)   GEOFFREY  ST. GEORGE  SHILLINGTON  CATHER – GO  TELL  IT  ON  THE  (MOUNTAIN).

I said that the last word in the title of the carol is “mountain.” The I used the main word in the answer by saying, “I tell you that it is not as hard as it looks. I can foretell that some will be stumped though.”

(6)   GODFREY  STANLEY  WILBEE – GOD  REST  YE  (MERRY  GENTLEMEN).

I stated that the title of the Christmas carol ends with “merry gentlemen.” No wonder I said that it is so easy you can rest on your laurels for this one.”

(7)   DISMISSAL  WITH  PREJUDICE – I  SAW  THREE  (SHIPS).

I mentioned that this title ends with the word “ships.” I then asked “What are the first three words? At least I think it is three? Tell me how much you see. By the way, anywhere I see prejudice it is an EYESORE to me.” Yes, eyesore is “I saw.”

(8)   AN  OLD  RAINCOAT  WON’T  EVER  LET  YOU  DOWN – O  LITTLE  TOWN  (OF  BETHLEHEM).

I noted that an old raincoat will help “a little in any town you live in. Yes, it will help a little. You can go to town on this one when I tell you that the last part of the carol’s title is “of Bethlehem.” What are the first three words?”

(9)   BEIJING  DIALECT and EMBELLISH – JINGLE and BELLS

No wonder I said “Does any word here ring a bell?”

(10)                       CONCACAF  WOMEN  PRE-OLYMPIC  TOURNAMENT  – O  COME,  O  COME (EMMANUEL).

After giving the hint of “Emmanuel” being the last word I said “O come on, it’s easy.”

Merry Christmas! May you not throw away baby Jesus with the bathwater!

For similar quizzes see: 

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For a message of hope see:

Mnemonic – Remembering The Promises of God to Comfort Us in Our Trials | Relijournal

We could all name a dozen celebrities in a matter of seconds, but would we be able to reel off some of their children’s names? Probably not. There has been a trend with celebrities for the past twenty odd years, where they seem to think the more weird and wacky their child’s name is, the better. So what do you think of the top 10 list, and would you call any of your children these names?

10. Pilot Inspektor

This is what actor Jason Lee, who is best known for starring in My Name Is Earl, named his child. He is an incredibly funny person but maybe calling your child this should not be classed as funny. Apparently the reason for this is because he heard a song by his favorite band. Talk about bad spelling…

Cover of My Name Is Earl – The Album

9. Tu Morrow

It must be an actor thing i think. You would probably know Rob Morrow best for being in the hit TV show Numb3rs. In some respects it is very clever and creative, but on the other hand it could be quite sad. I suppose he already had the last name sorted, it was just finding something that could go before Morrow, and what better than Tu. It is similar to ones like Mary Christmas…

8. Fifi Trixibelle

Bob Geldof & Paula Yates decided that they wanted to call their daughter after Geldof’s aunt, Fifi. However i hate to say it but they all sound like dog names, do they not? I could imagine calling Fifi, Trixi and Belle for a dog. Could be classed as sweet but stupid in my opinion.

7. Kyd

David Duchovny & Tea Leoni went a bit silly with this name. Obviously they wanted something clever, so maybe when they shouted, “kyd are you home?” they could perhaps share a little chuckle. This is one of those in a way insulting names. Who wants to be called Kyd?

6. Memphis Eve

Bono wanted to make a statement- as he always seems to want to do. However Memphis Eve does not really have a ring about it that even some of the other names do, despite the weirdness of them. A strange one.

5. Prince Michael/Blanket

Michael Jackson was perhaps the worlds all time wackiest person and pop star. The reason he is not higher on this list, is because everyone knows just how weird and wonderful he really was. His first child he named Prince Michael Jackson- which is not slightly pretentious or anything… Then he had another child and in all his creativity he named him… Prince Michael II. However he started to nickname PM II Blanket. Hmm….

4. Audio Science

Actress Shannyn Sossamon isn’t a very well known actress but trust me her daughter with a name like Audio Science will definitely be big. It just does not sound like a baby name, but one of those hideous science books we all had to read at high school.

3. Moon Unit, Diva Thin Muffin, Dweezil, Ahmet

Frank Zappa was another funny person and he certainly got a few chuckles out of his children’s names. All four of his children had somewhat peculiar names. Moon Unit sounds like something NASA will want in the future. Diva Thin Muffin sounds like a new brand of diet food. Dweezil, well let’s be honest sounds like a dumb cartoon character and Ahmet could well be the only one that may well be taken seriously in life.

2. Moxie Crimefighter

Wow what a weird and wonderful name. Crimefighter sounds like something that James Bond is likely to be chasing after in a film in twenty years time. Honestly where do they get their names from? Penn Jillett in this case.

1. Jermajesty

A Jackson had to come top of this list one way or another, but it is Jermaine this time. It is in fact one of the sweeter names from this list but he has obviously been taking pretentious lessons from Michael. Do the Jackson’s think they are royalty? or do they think one day their children will become royalty. In my eyes they will only be a royal joke with these names.

There are plenty more names that celebrities have called their children, and perhaps in the future i will list some more for you.. who knows? But, it is worrying that celebrities seem to name their children what they want, and it is the people that are obsessed with them that also name their children one of these names. It is those children that will be picked on.

More Reading By Emmie:

Weird Medical Condition Where The Sufferer Eats Non Edible Products

10 Celebrities Who Smoke

10 Celebrities That Have Been Inked

Being hopelessly inept at it doesn’t change the fact that I am inordinately impressed whenever I hear somebody press home a point with a succinct, hit-the-nail-on-its-head, idiomatic phrase. In gatherings or social affairs, you won’t be hard-pressed to find the life of the party or the social wit — more often than not, (s)he is the individual who rolls off glib remarks at a drop of a hat, and who leaves the audience chortling, nodding in agreement and inwardly wondering if they’ve somehow missed the point.

I am forever waiting for that opportune moment when I, too, could be imbued with such smooth, rapier-like timing and say something slick like " The eleventh pun always gets a laugh, even if no pun in ten did ." Or at least a just tiny fraction of Piers Anthony’s fertile punny concoctions for his Xanth novels (e.g., Centaur Aisle, Air Apparent, the perennially late character Justin Thyme).

But sad to say, I just don’t have it. More often than not I’d be hampered by a slow mental process (er, slow on the uptake?), sloppy timing, inarticulateness, and occasionally, consideration for the subject (person). Usually, by the time I can think of some sleek repartee, the moment has already passed and everybody else has jumped on to a new topic. If ever I blurt out anything remotely clever and funny at the same time, it’s more of an accident than by design.

Sometimes it makes me wish I had Adam Sandler’s remote control (Click) to make time stop while I reach for my dictionary or ‘List of Witty Things to Say for Every Occasion’. That sure would things simpler, except that it could spoil the momentum or something (spontaneity?).

I guess that’s one reason why I take refuge in writing. Collecting witticisms and devising ways in which they can be delivered with perfect timing and the right amount of deadpan panache isn’t all that hard when you have full control of situations and characters. Moreover, you can always rewrite or dispatch certain characters if you think they’re getting too big for their breeches (or too incoherent). Or something.

While I’m floundering around for a nice clincher to finish off this brief note (*thinking hard*)… uhhh, okay, I give up. I haven’t thought of anything yet, but I’ll get back to you on that as soon as I’ve come up with something subtle or sublimely witty.