Time, as I like to refer to it as, is potentially the only thing that’s going to save your relationship with me.  I never know how much I’ll need, so don’t fret if I go a few days without talking to you.  It doesn’t mean I’m talking to some other guy and it also doesn’t mean I never want to talk to you again.

Guys, if she doesn’t answer your phone calls, she’s doing you a favor.  Personally, it means I value our relationship.  (However, if your girl starts the whole answer/hang up thing never allowing it to reach voicemails or ring more than 3x – you’re a gonner.)  If you really want to fix your relationship with her, don’t blow her phone up. (Um. literally or figuratively)  Eventually she’ll answer it, yes, but it’ll just hurt her more talking to you sooner than she wants.  Plus, it’ll start to annoy her.  If your girl is anything like me, a persistent annoyance is something I cannot tolerate.  It’ll only ruin your chances.

If you do make it to the voicemail: DON’T LEAVE RIDICULOUS VOICEMAILS ABOUT HOW SORRY YOU ARE/HOW MUCH YOU’VE MESSED UP/HOW YOU REALLY WANT HER BACK.

I’ve gotten voicemails of exboyfriends crying at 5:30 in the morning apologizing, MORE. BAD IDEA! If you’ve been blowing her phone up and leaving voicemails similar to this all hours of the day: EXPECT THEM TO BE PLAYED FOR EVERYONE. You’re really going to make yourself look like a fool.

Also, if this whole “time” thing doesn’t work for you. DON’T DRAW ASSUMPTIONS. (You know what they say about assuming…) I would HIGHLY recommend that you DO NOT let your anger get the best of you.  Sending her tons of threatening texts & leaving similar voicemails about how you want to harm her exboyfriend (the one you assume she’s wants instead of you) will get you in some serious legal trouble, bud.  

It sucks, but depending on your “crime” and whether or not you’re a repeat offender it’s hard telling how much time she’ll actually need.  Sometimes, going months without talking is the best thing. (DON’T WORRY: You don’t have to wait around forever, but if you really care about this girl “wasting your time” won’t even be a phrase that crosses your mind.)

Plus, long periods of time show her whether or not you’ve really changed.  If that’s what you’re trying to prove to her. (Especially if you’re a repeat offender)

All I can is: You do the crime, you do the time bro.

Throughout the years, I’ve found that running away from my problems seems to be the easiest way out for me.  I hate confrontation, so the thought of actually telling somebody how I actually feel kills me if I feel like they’ll react in a negative way.

My last relationship started out absolutely perfectly.  We hadn’t known each other for long, and neither of us were looking for a relationship.  However, all of the time we spent together just made our unanticipated connection stronger.  Anytime one of us was bothered by something, we were honest about it.  We communicated with each other about everything and that helped to build the strongest bond of trust I had ever shared with someone.

When family problems arose for him, I started feeling guilty about sharing things with him.  I didn’t want to put more worry or stress on him than he already had.  Big mistake.  Not only did all of my stress and frustration from my final weeks of school start building up, but not feeling like I could share anything with him started pulling me away from him.  When my communication with him decreased, his trust for me decreased.  While I wasn’t doing anything untrustworthy, (i.e. cheating – I could never do something like that to someone. ever.) our lack of communication turned our relationship sour.

It got to the point where heated arguments were the only ways we could figure out how to tell each other things. (Sure that is communication, but when anger is the main source, it totally cancels out the positive effect.) If we could have gone back to the way things were before (telling each other things when they arose) instead of letting things build up, things could have turned out a lot differently.  Instead, more petty arguments full of misunderstandings and things that should never have been said, followed by tearful apologies became daily habits.

Despite the heartbreaking turn of events, I prefer to note the part in our relationship that was unlike any other I had ever had before him.  For the first time in my life, I had truly experienced what it was like to 100% trust somebody with my life.  It was the most amazing feeling in the world.  I know now, that the only way that, that can be achieved is by communication.

I’ll still admit that I loved this guy, but sometimes things just aren’t meant to work out.  However, if you’re able to turn your relationship back into the “happy days” then congratulations.  That is something I’m still trying to learn how to do. 

The one piece of advice I’ll give to anyone in a troubled relationship: If it comes to the point in your relationship when you feel like you have no more fight left in you & you find yourself very unhappy & not yourself, wanting to give up doesn’t mean you don’t love that person.  It just means that you might love them in a different way then you thought you did. Also, NEVER settle if you have any doubt.  It might hurt their feelings, but that’s a time when you have to be a little selfish and do what’s best for you.

“Love is joy.  Don’t convince yourself that suffering is a part of it.” – Paulo Coelho 

Mabel Mabelmybeauone is 25 years old. She has an amazing sweetheart and a wonderful relationship. She loves him. She is happy and content with him. She sees him as a part of her whole life and future. She is sure that he would be a good husband and parent. She is very happy to spend time with him. She says that he is confident, loyal, protective, gentle, patient, generous, loyal, caring, supportive, responsible.
 
He loves her. He does not ask her to compromise her morals or ethics. He understands her better than anyone she knows. His love makes her feel excited and alive. He makes her happier than any person she knows. He makes her feel special, important, calm, at peace, alive. He says that she is optimistic, reliable, honest, charming, fun-loving, spontaneous, wise, kind, open-minded, romantic.

They have a lot of consideration and respect for one another. They are totally honest and open with one another. They do their best to make things work. Their relationship is free of jealousy and insecurity: it has a fairly equal balance of give and take. Their friends and families approve of their relationship. They have discussed plans for the future together. They listen carefully to one another. They truly try to understand each other. They are both willing to make sacrifices for the relationship. They always do everything to stay together. They face problems together and grow. They agree on everything. They always respect and do not try to change others’ faith or spiritual beliefs.

Once I realized and accepted that he was not going to make a commitment to me: I walked away.  Sure, it was a painful decision, but I knew it was a very necessary decision that I had to make before I invested any more time in this dead-end relationship.  I cried like a baby the day that I left.  His making it painfully clear  that he was not going to make a committment to me was like a slap in the face.  Essentially, for him it had became a free ride.

Consequently, I love like many women do: with my heart and not with my head.  I ignored warning signs in the early stages of our relationship that came back to haunt me and caused me indescribable pain.  One sign that I ignored was the fact that he had several long-term relationships with women that lead no where.

To illustrate, he dated one woman for seven years. He dated another woman for two years, and still another  woman for five years.  Do you see the pattern?   Well, I ignored this obvious pattern, and I paid for it.  Another, major sign that I ignored was his obvious discomfort whenever I would broach the subject of marriage.   Seven months into our relationship, I asked him if he saw a future with me. Instead of offering a reply, he just looked away. Needless to say, his refusal to give me a reply cut my heart like a knife.

Even then, I knew even then that I should have walked away, but again I loved him and truly hoped that he would eventually make a committment to me. Incidentally, his words and actions lead me to believe that he wanted a long-term committed  relationship for he and I looked at homes that ”we”one day buy.

I later learned the hard way that our looking at homes to buy as a couple, was just a ploy to lead me to believe that he wanted a long-term committed relationship and to keep me engaged in what he already knew would be a dead-end relationship.   Essentially, he sold me a fantasy,which I bought.  

 One thing that I have gleaned from dealing with men, especially men who are commitment phobic: believe what he does not what he says.  Whatever is in a man’s heart will definitely come out through his words,and most definetly through his actions.  It is not enough to just hope that a man will one day make a commitment to you.  Waiting around and hoping for a man to make a commitment to you one day is just that: hope.

Furthermore, it allows for him to keep manipulating the relationship to keep you  holding onto false hope, and ultimately locked into a dead-end relationship.  When it becomes crystal clear to you that the man that you have been dating for some time has not even broached marriage, and is showing by his actions that he does not want to make a commitment to you: WALK AWAY!

Take it from me, the longer that you remain in such a relationship it will be harder to extricate yourself from the relationship.  Like me you’ll cling to false hope and find excuses to remain in the relationship.   Lastly, the longer you remain in such a relationship, you will lose valuable time that you could be spending with a man who truly wants to give you  the commitment that you deserve.

For reasonswhy you some men find it difficult to make a commitment check out ‘Girl Gets Ring’ by T Dub (Travis Jackson) and Johnathan Green, which is a unique program designed to help women get the committment that they want and deserve.

But, wait a minute, before you kill yourself over your ex, remember that the past is a cancelled check, the future is a promissory note and the present is the only time you have.  So, spend each second of it wisely since what happened has happened and you can’t alter a thing. Take time to reflect on what went wrong and all you had to go through until the end. First you may find you sacrificed a lot to make the relationship work; however the more effort you invested in, the worse it became. All your constructive and developmental ideas that may have led you somewhere from the situation you’re in now weren’t fully attended to-to become realistic and materialize because of the relationship. Your strong self-esteem may have deteriorated as He degraded you or considered you old-fashioned.

Use this breakup period, as hard as it may seem, to amend the wrongs in your life and move on. Think of a small project that doesn’t cost you a fortune and get going such as knitting, learning a new language or trying out writing your feelings on a paper that may result to a book or some other achievement. You will be surprised what you’re capable of achieving personally. Instead of wasting this precious time crying or longing for him to call or knock at the door, which may never happen, make yourself useful and utilize this chance to explore new opportunities.

 REMEMBER LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS; LIVE EACH DAY AS IT WAS YOUR LAST.

I make it a point now, that whenever I venture out into the world I listen to people and the conversations they have with one another. It is amusing to me to hear what people say about any given topic. It is also amusing to me because I don’t fit in one side or the other when it comes to arguments. I’m the person sitting there and watching from between the cracks in the sidewalk while one side battles the other on whatever the subject matter is.

So this one viewpoint I have on people is the difference between independence and co-dependence. I’m not sure if I fit in either one because I have a bit of both of these types of dependence that make up my character. The type of dependence in this article is what happens when people are in relationships and the types of dependence a partner may or may not have.

So independence in a relationship to me means, you don’t need to be with your partner 24/7. It also means you don’t have to rely o your partner financially and emotionally all the time. They don’t need someone’s approval or consent to so do something. They can love who they wish whether it is one person or more or something like that. I can classify myself in this area I think, at least partially.

Co-dependence is someone that needs someone there with them all the time! They need support emotionally and financially. Without it their life is meaningless! They need approval and consent and can’t move on without it. They need someone to hold and love, even if the love they are feeling isn’t exactly real. Though to be fair that’s an extreme viewpoint and doesn’t necessarily describe ever codependent person out there. By the way, I can put my own self in this category partially as well.

(I think a person should love themselves before they can love anyone else!)

As for these two forms of dependence I think having a little bit of both to make up your own personal character is a good thing. In a relationship I believe everyone should have some form of independence and co-dependence. If not, what’s the point of the relationship?

So if you and your partner wish to move in together and make it work then its probably a good idea to set some ground rules. Follow these rules and you should be living in perfect harmony.

Set up ground rules before moving in together – decide who will pay for what and who is doing what chores. Make sure you stick to that and don’t let it slide, otherwise the yelling will begin.

Be Romantic – Just because your living together doesn’t mean you could stop making an effort with each other. Its important to set aside some special time to be together as a couple as not as two people who are living under the same roof.

And last but not least – Don’t rush into it, get to really no each other first before you decide to live together. If you take that step too soon it could be what pulls you apart. If you really feel you want to live together stay over at each others houses a few nights a week and see  how that feels.

I look at older married couples and wonder how did they stay together for 20,30+ years. It seems so rare to see a couple last longer than a year or so. Which brings me to my first question…Why has chivalry died? Is it because marriage is not viewed and honored sacritly by most? Maybe it’s because single mothers have become the head of household? Have we forgotten how we all entered this world? Woman are designed and built to carry life and to endure pain to find paradise. The pains of labor is awful,yet most woman feel a bond of unconditional love at the same time.

In today’s society all relationships are not made up of man/woman,some are man/man or woman/woman.In my mind that doesn’t really matter, there’s still usaually a dominant spouse in each equation. In my younger years I would watch these princess movies, and like most children I wanted my very own knight in armor. It may have taken me a decade or two but I learned I’m no princess..and no one was coming to sweep me off my feet. That was when I had a life change and went from a dreamy little girl to a self proclaimed business woman.

Doing things on my own was so fulfilling and reassring for me…I forgot about my knight. Once I accomplished my goal of becoming independent I starting feeling lonely. When your stable and looking for love you may find more than what you bargained for.When I dated someone who was my financial equal,we didn’t seem to have anything in common but capitol.I watch so many celebs.. marry for money and then I watch them divorce for infidelities. They cheat because they were never in love,they were in an arrangement. Which to me is just painting the wrong picture of love for the youth and a mockery of family values. The lessoned I learned then was that money really can’t buy you love.

With my new lesson in mind I started opening myself of to ppl who seemed to have some of the same interest as I do. I thought if I had a mate that shared my pleasurable past-times,I would feel completed. The relationship started out great..until I started to notice that my partner had champagne taste…with beer money. There was also the issue with changing all of my shopping habits and the self splurging I had become accustomed to. It really made me feel guilty when I bought myself exspensive gifts, only because I knew he wanted to do those things for me. In my defense I would wait for months while he tried to save his money to buy a item for me that I could have purchased six times over.Eventually I started to feel like his loan shark and he felt co-depenant. The relationship ened horribly and I felt awful.Was my ego the biggest issue in our downfall or was it his pride?

Now I am in limbo..asking myself what ever happened to 50/50? If one party carries the bulk of a load it’s not a partnership. Couples are suppose to complete eachother. This is why I believe everyone has a soulmate/twin flame, finding them is the problem.In ancient times ppl believed that most soulmates don’t even walk the earth at the same time. Very few of us have met our equal and if you have,treasure them always. Not much in life is fare,yet I still feel some things should atleat be made equal. We fought for civil rights,womans’ rights, and many other issues. It is time to fight again…this time fight for your families,your children, equality, and most of all LOVE.With out love we are doomed as a whole, without family values are children and the next generation are oblivious to what love is. How do you know if what you feel is a healthy love if you have never been exposed to it? It’s like being a jack of all trades : yet a master at none

Almost all adults, at some point in his/her lifetime, will hear this question. And answering it always demands a pause and deep thought.

No one, no single expert or sex therapist, can impress upon everyone how different sex is from all other activities. There is just no other activity that comes close to resembling it or taking its place. Asking someone what kind of music, exercise, food, movies or sports he/she is into are usually pretty easy to answer, even if that person has a wide variety of tastes music, movies, sports, etc. But when it comes to lovemaking there is no simple way to answer “What are you into?”

Even if you do provide an answer to the question, that answer will lead to at least a dozen others. Due to the nature of this wonderful activity, one has to be incredibly precise when explaining his/her preferences because not everyone defines all styles and tastes of sex the same way. Even insisting that you’re the type of person who approaches sex with an open mind will demand the question of just how open-minded you are willing to be. Certainly, you wouldn’t be open-minded on EVERY possible scenario during sex.

Now, I would imagine that some of us who are into alternative lifestyles are probably scratching their heads wondering just how hard can it be for us, well, other folks, to answer this question. But just how do you answer it in a way that the person will quickly understand exactly what your tastes are without having to ask any further questions? Telling someone simply that you’re not into pain wouldn’t necessarily end the discussion either considering that not everyone feels pain the same way.

Can you just say that you only enjoy plain and simple, passionate lovemaking? That wouldn’t quite answer the question either because not everyone defines passionate lovemaking the same way. Even this answer would require further explaining.

As you can see, explaining someone’s sexual preferences almost always requires explicit details and as I’ve mentioned in earlier topics, many of us are somewhat uncomfortable with providing the most minute details of our sexual tastes. It doesn’t mean that they “are not comfortable with their sexuality” they’re just simply bashful about discussing it.

Instead of asking “What are you into?”, try a route that would be more welcoming to details. Try asking your partner if there is anything he/she is curious about trying or likes to do. Listen to your partner and don’t interrupt with constant assumptions like, “Oh, so you like…?” You’re likely to be wrong. Let him/her finish telling you what he/she likes before asking more questions. You got all night. At least, I’m assuming you do.

If you’re the type of person who is into all kinds of alternative methods of pleasure and it is clear to you that your partner has never tried any of it, be tactful in your next line of questioning. Go slow. Without diving into the heavy-duty specifics, ask if he/she has ever been curious about experimenting or trying new or different things. Almost any adult will know what you mean, especially if asked at the appropriate time. If your partner asks for examples of new or different things then explain some of the things you like doing or what your fantasies are.

That’s how you find out what someone is into.

The same applies to you. You shouldn’t have to change who you are. Your values, your beliefs what you feel is important. 

Compromise is important, but you should change WHO you are for anyone.

When you are in a relationship or even a friendship that person should not have to change. You accept them as they are. If there are things they have to do to be with you, then you should move on and so should they.

If you met a woman why do you tell her how to dress? Or who to hang out with? How to think and feel?

Women if he hangs out with the boys and watches sports why now do you insist he stop? Why are you blowing up his phone and freakin out because he doesn’t answer?

You know confidence starts within. If you aren’t confident in the relationship that person can’t do it for you. If they are doing something that justifies distrust, maybe it is time to step back and re-evaluate the relationship. Just make sure it isn’t your own insecurities.

If you want them to change their personality to accommodate your insecurities then you aren’t accepting them as they are. You can’t ask a out-going person to become a recluse because you are afraid they might laugh, smile and talk with others.

You can’t ask a person who loves sports to stop watching them all together because you feel so lonely during a game. Not only is it unfair , it is selfish. 

Remember why you liked them, not loved them but liked them. Many people can’t even say they like their partner, but will say they love them. 

So remember why you liked them. Remember why you were so attracted to them in the first place. Differences can compliment each other, but to many can cause huge problems.

Don’t try to change someone to accommodate you and don’t let them change you to accommodate them. Compromise is okay but no one person should do all the bending.