I also get a lot of people who claim to be an agony aunt contact me asking me for advice on how to set up their business and get customers.  If they were any good at being an agony aunt  they would not need my advice.

So how can you choose a good agony aunt? What qualities does a good agony aunt  have? A good agony aunt is sensible with a lot of common sense, logical thinking. They cannot learn this. A good agony aunt really cares about the client. A good agony aunt is knowledgeable about a lot of different subjects.  A good agony aunt is good at talking to people. A good agony aunt has the humility to put the other person first. So if they have no qualifications  they are  happy to be tested to prove to themselves and others they are as good as they think they are.  If the judge decides they are not a good agony aunt they accept that and step down. Their ego is not the most important thing to them. Sadly I have come across a lot of agony aunt who say they are good but have no proof and are rubbish.   So why do they do this? Why pretend to be an agony aunt when you are not?  Usually the fakes fall into one of these categories…

1.   Housebound and leading a boring and lonely life. They need something to fill their time. They need a purpose. They cannot get out but they have a computer. They think being an agony aunt is as easy as typing words on a keyboard.  It makes them feel important to think of themselves as an agony aunt rather than a disabled person or a housebound person or a lonely person. It sounds better to claim to be an agony aunt than say you are unemployed.

2.  Housebound and leading a boring life.   They are desperate to earn money,  they do not have much money coming in, they have no proper qualifications or skills or a profesion,  so they think if they set up a cheap web site offering agony aunt services they will start to do well with money.

3.  Mothers who are stuck at home with young children decide to be an agony aunt. They have an imagination and an active mind and could do with the money and have a computer. They forget it takes more than being able to type to be an agony aunt.

4.  Chatty women who like to gossip become an agony aunt.  They think that because their friends confide in them and listen to them they can sell advice to strangers!

5.  Frauds who know they are no good at it and do not care.  They do not really want to help other people. They set up dozens of  businesses.   They may well have a psychic business. They pay people to do the work as cheaply as possible. They would not bother to be an agony aunt themselves. They just want to own the business and run it and take in most of the money from it.

How do I know all this? Simple. I often had to advertise for an agony aunt to work for me when I had my business.  Because it was a genuine business and I cared about people I did not just take on anyone who was chatty or charming, they had to be good at being an agony aunt.  If 100 people applied to me for the job I would be lucky if just one was good enough to take on as an agony aunt.  What does that tell you?

If virtually anyone who can listen or speak or type could be an agony aunt there would be a lot more agony aunt about.  The job of being an agony aunt is about giving advice and helping others, not stopping you from being bored or lonely or making you feel important or giving you a lot of money.

I cringe when a so called agony aunt offers advice about business, yet they have never set up and run a business, or they tried to and it failed.  Or the agony aunt offers advice about money yet they are terrible with money and are in debt.  Or the agony aunt offers advice about love yet they are single and cannot get a partner or the agony aunt is always arguing with their partner and  unhappy with them and unable to sort it. So look for this when consulting an agony aunt.  One who has succeeded at the things they say they can advise you on.  Advising others on what they should do is a huge responsibility.

Unless a person has been through traumas and problems – rape? divorce? money worries? family troubles? health troubles?  how can they understand or advise you. So watch out for the very young agony aunt who has no idea. With the best will in the World the young agony aunt cannot understand or help, not yet anyway.  Likewise if you talk to a very old agony aunt who has never had problems and always had a very predictable and easy life, they cannot understand.  I know a so called agony aunt who is 94 and  has been trying to sell advice for about 50 years  This agony aunt has never been in love. She has never had sex. She has never had a close or good relationship. So how can this agony aunt advise on such things?

I have noticed that if you go to sites where you are offered the chance to give advice to others there are always lots of agony aunt offering free advice to others about romance.  Yet when asked for advice about family, health, money, business and other important things they go all quiet and do not say a word. Why?  Because an agony aunt can guess about romance, and you cannot guess about practical and material things.A proper agony aunt knows about lots of things.  A proper agony aunt will know the basics of law, health and many other subjects.  They cannot just tell clients to go to a doctor.

A person who gives the wrong advice is doing harm. Not only are they not a genuine agony aunt but by giving the wrong advice they could cause a lot of harm. Even if the agony aunt gives that advice for free.

I went online and looked through the hundreds of agony aunt sites. It took a long time. Most of them were the bored housewives, some of them were the frauds.  Eventually I found a site that I feel happy to recommend. The site is owned by a famous and highly qualified agony aunt with over 30 years of experience. She has had famous clients and written for newspapers. This agony aunt could have retired by now but prefers to carry on. This agony aunt could charge a lot more than she does and she is not doing it because she needs the money.  This agony aunt could have gone down the route of passing on all the work to junior staff but wants to do it herself. This agony aunt cares and can help and is knowledgeable.

Things I like about this agony aunt. Her site has a chat room and an agony aunt forum.   There are always up to date articles on this agony aunt site.  You can make friends on this agony aunt site.  You can chat on this agony aunt site.  You can become a professional agony aunt if you are good enough. The site askagonyaunt.com offers a great deal, much of it for free.  If you choose to consult the agony aunt Charlotte Craig you can do this by email or phone so it does not matter where you live.  Charlotte Craig also offers advice on which clairvoyant, life coach or therapist to go to if you think that is better for you.  Really this agony aunt has covered everything. 

If you have what it takes and want to be a paid agony aunt then go to this site. You can end up working part time as an agony aunt choosing your hours working from home.

The only criticism I have is that Charlotte Craig is too cheap.  People may look at her prices and not believe that she is a qualified agony aunt.  Or a famous agony aunt. Or an agony aunt who has been doing it for a long time.  It may be that she will put her prices up when she realises this.  Also as she is not young she may retire, so make the most of this agony aunt before she does.

All it leaves now is for you to have a totally free look at the site at askagonyaunt.com.

Do Your Part

This sounds like an obligation, and it is, but it should be easy.  Being in a relationship implies that there is a mutual understanding or expectation of conduct which usually comes in the from of how one ought to relate to the other.  Again, if both people love each other this should flow more naturally.

A long distance relationships, like any other kind of relationship, is advanced through communication and contact.  The long distance constrains this to such things as letters, phone calls, instant messaging, online social sites, and so on.

This means that in a long distance relationship, one ought to stride to contact the other person on a regular basis through these means.  If one is busy, one ought to make time.  Remember, this is how the relationship will be advanced and experienced, so the degree to which two people will have a relationship during the distance is determined by the degree to which the two contact each other.  Regular contact is very important.

Variety is the spice of life.  If one calls the other person everyday at two in the afternoon, that’s great, and it would be even better if a few emails were sent out every now and then or even a few calls here and there at different times.  It’s nice when one can expect contact from one’s other at any time or can at least expect something more than a mere routine and habitual relating.

Be Aware of the Other’s Dimensions

As human beings, we can often have many layers and even many minds.  We can receive input and give output in a variety of senses and methods.  Without getting to far into this for the moment, there are a few things to be aware of in this line of thought for long distance relationships.

There are stories of couples who went through a long distance relationship and then upon meeting found the other person to be intolerable.  A couple could meet and stay in touch via email and get along very well but then, upon meeting, find that they can’t get along at all.  How could this be?

Corresponding by writing is all good and fine.  One should be aware though that it is a limited experience; the other person’s voice cannot be heard, the eyes cannot be seen, and all the other nonverbal communication is lost.  Getting to know what a person is like by email is like trying to figure out what someone looks like by looking at pictures of that person’s shadow.

This limited ability to fully experience the other person is one of the most difficult parts of long distance relationships, and one should be aware of this.  One should strive to enrich the communication as much as possible.  Instant messaging is better than just emailing, because instant messaging tends to be more casual and personable.  Calling is better yet because the voice can be heard.  Video chatting is better yet because the face and voice can be experienced.  One should be creative and resourceful in communication, and know that nothing beats actually being with the person face to face.  If the distance isn’t too far, a weekend visit will prove valuable to see what the other person is truly like “in person” and whether a future with this person is feasible since many more dimensions of that person can be experienced in this way.

Even if all one can do is email or write letters, stay positive.  Any contact at all is worlds better than no contact.  One should make good use of the resources available so that one can experience the other person as fully as possible.

Make the Distance Temporary

One of the worst things to happen to a long distance relationship is for it to become habitually long distance.  A guy would not want to become just someone who the girl always flirts with online but nothing more.  If there is not a planned time for the distance to end, then where is the long distance relationship going?  There absolutely must be an agreed upon date or time when the distance will end.  The point of a long distance relationship is to one day be together and to end the distance, so this should be worked toward.

Conclusion

One should fulfill one’s obligations to the relationship, be open to the other persons many dimensions, and have a plan to end the distance.  While long distance relationships may not be ideal, they can succeed.  As in any relationship, it is helpful to have an open mind, keep a positive attitude, and to follow one’s heart.