I forgive the person or persons responsible, and I move on with my life with my integrity intact. This present life is merely a moment, and it is far too short to dwell on negativity or start nonsense with people. Those that really know me will not let someone elses malice or attacks color their view of me.

I pray that whoever started the rumors, or whoever bought into them, will not continue to propagate them.

I am through with this post, and may God bless you all.

Gossip Girl (Photo credit: 成长ING的Terrancé)

Dangerous gossip reaches so high as the business office as low as the hair salon.In nearly every business. It may seem funny at times, but it can become condemning and deep. Perhaps you have seen programs shut down because of gossip, or a person terminated or removed from a position.

There are ways you can protect yourself and your business against gossip. but how? You have to first realize that gossip is everywhere. Gossip is defined as idle chatter, light or heavy conversation about private matters. The dangers is the destructive and often untrue communication among the workplace, home and the neighborhood you live in.

Here are some signs to recognize and stop gossip:

1. Look for complaining or slander.“Half of the employee’s are stealing”, or “The accounting department are making big mistakes on client accounts. This might be untrue upon inspection, but it can flow easily and float it’s way into conversations and become a lie about the department or group. In the example above about the (employees were stealing), the result was that many customer’s closed out their bank accounts because of the “employees”. This resulted in lack of poor communications between the customers and the accounting department, and a problem when it came to opening up new accounts. Pay very close attention whenever someone lays out a “rumor” about an entire company department. It’s almost guaranteed to be a rumor or false gossip.

2. Be careful of negative talk. In a workplace very often, negative speaking can be damaging to a workplace. If someone is speaking negative about an employee’s job skill or performance it can ruin their reputation on the job. These “opinions” can be very damaging. If you pass on negative speaking of someone it can wreck their relationship with other people.

3. Check for “gossiping liars”. Gossiping liars are those who like to ruin others reputaion with gossip. Avoid them. Nicely excuse yourself from the conversation, especially if it’s around a group of people. why? because if they are gossiping to you about others behind their back, they will later gossip about you. Don’t get caught in the trap of gossip. Try to talk positive about the conversation when subjects come up.

4. Inspect false conflicts.When arguments beyond parties in a room become serious, ask questions about what was said behind this gossip. Get them to list out everything about the person that’s negative. It will be false. Sometimes, the same person who is starting all this negative gossip will soon vanish away! As soon as thy see what is happening. Make sure you get a few names of people who were stirring up the conflict. This is good in teambuilding, Sometimes it’s more than one or two persons that keeps the conflict going.

It is very easy to get caught up in gossip in almost any workplace. People have lost their jobs, and dangerous gossip have led to violence in the workplace. The danger of gossip should be educated amoung the workplace. Stay around positive people, your life and business will be a happier.

MOVING BEYOND DIVORCE

You fell in love (or at least you believed you were) and you got married with every intention of having a happy and full life together.  You are realistic enough to not believe in fairy tales and have no doubt you will have your differences from time to time but you honestly believe that nothing is going to happen that the two of you cannot work out and get through together.  That is the way it is supposed to be, two people in love, pulling together, sharing the weight of all life’s ups and downs, being best friends, always there for each other…and it was like that for a little while; and then the hammer fell and you find yourself standing in a divorce court and suddenly it is over.  You and your spouse are now among the ever growing statistics of the divorced society.

This is no time to play the blame game.  Truth is; it takes two, two people to make a marriage work and two people to destroy it.  Don’t blame third parties if there is a third party, don’t blame your children and don’t blame your extended family.  You and your spouse are both adults; responsible people (who may or may not have participated in irresponsible behavior; we all do from time to time) and need to hold yourself accountable for your own actions and decisions.

Don’t feed on gossip and rumors or allow your imagination to play head games with your emotions.  The bottom line is that the two of you either couldn’t or wouldn’t work out the situation that was pulling you down and in different directions and you both played your part and now there is no fix to it; it is broken and you both need to pick up the pieces and move on…and don’t play the blame game.  You both made mistakes.  Admit it and learn from them.

You were married, partners, a part of each other’s life for a long time and even though you both may agree divorce is the only option for the two of you there is still that feeling of loss, failure, emptiness. You have that torn feeling, like there is a hole in your life that needs to be filled but you don’t know how to fill it.  A part of you is missing, no matter what the situation was that brought your marriage to an end and you into that divorce court and you feel that loss.  That is normal. 

Walking into that house or apartment and knowing he/she is not coming home, (no matter how bad the coming home may have been or the dread of that moment you may have felt before you separated) knowing you will not share another meal or sleep in the same bed again, share any more holidays, ever do those things you once enjoyed together again; is the loneliest feeling I have ever known.  That is normal.  A part of you is missing…but you can rebuild.  Life does exist and go on after divorce.

For the first few days (up to a week or so) you will probably just need to go through the motions of living, make yourself do what you need to do; eat, sleep, care for your physical being, go to work, do your shopping, pay your bills; all those day to day things that must be done.  This is a good time to change your furniture around, pack up or get rid of all those constant reminders of what might have been (your now ex-spouse’s things he/she left behind or special gifts from each other that are sitting there to remind you of the loss you are feeling.  Pack away the pictures of the two of you for now and replace them with something else.)  Take this time to digest the decisions that have been made and take an inventory of what you have left.  It is what you have left that you need to rebuild on.  It is okay to feel hurt and feel sad.  It is okay to feel angry.  It is okay to cry.  Give yourself permission to have those feelings and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t and to just get over it.  Those feelings are real and it is okay but don’t let them consume you to the point that you can’t or won’t move on. 

Now is the time to pamper yourself a little and push yourself into doing something, anything that is productive for your own life.  Get yourself involved in one of those projects you always wanted and intended to do but never found time for in your married life.  You have time now.  Keep yourself busy and don’t dwell on yesterday.  It is over.  You can’t go back and undo or change one yesterday.  You don’t know what the future may hold but you have today and today you need to make the most of it.  Be creative and set up a new routine for your life including those fun things you like to do; you can rework and adjust it later and you will.  Eat healthy and get some extra rest.  Your life has just taken an emotional beating and needs time to recoup. 

Don’t allow yourself to crawl into a shell of loneliness, shame and failure and sit there on your sofa feeling sorry for yourself while you munch on potato chips, cookies and ice cream and stare at the boob-tube not even comprehending what is going on in the programming.  Exercise some damage control by getting active and involved in your life instead.  You are not the first person, nor will you be the last to ever go through a divorce.  Knowing this may not make you feel a whole lot better right now but knowing others have survived should help you realize you will too.

You are not responsible for your ex-spouse or your ex-spouse’s decisions or actions.  It is no longer any of your affair or business.  You are only responsible for you (and your children if children are involved) so don’t waste your time checking up on him/her or listening to gossip and rumors that only serve to stir up old negative feelings and resentments.  The only contact and communication necessary between you and your ex-spouse are where it involves the welfare of your children.  For now that is all you need to be concerned with.

This is no time to put your life on hold and wait around until you feel better, start feeling happy again.  Trust me when I tell you that there is no fairy-godmother that is going to show up and sprinkle happy dust all over you and make life all better and all that hurt go away.  Your happiness, contentment in life, building a full and productive new life for yourself is up to you.  You have to make it happen.  Get out there and do it.  Think positive and believe in yourself.  It really is not the end of the world. 

Remember the story from your childhood about “The Little Train That Could.” Well that is you, and you can.  You will probably spin your wheels a few times and make a few mistakes on your way back up that steep hill but you will make it to the top if you just keep chugging along and you will find yourself building new strengths and confidence and power and you will make it to the top but only if you believe you can; “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can,” and suddenly you realize you made it, you did it.  Hurray for you.  Good job.

One other very important thing, and I am telling you this from my own experience and learning the hard way, you do not need another special he or she in your life right now to make you feel you “have a life.”  It is good to have friends and share time with friends and family but don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire and couple up with someone, try to build a new relationship right now.  Don’t let anyone try to push you into it or goad you into dates or blind-dates, especially single dating.

Your emotions are still too raw and it takes time to heal.  Loneliness and feeling like you are on the outside looking in can lead you down a very dark road if you let yourself get involved too quickly. 

You are still carrying around a lot of old baggage that needs to be dealt with, dumped and getting involved in a new relationship in the first few months or year after your divorce is a bad decision.  You will carry all that old baggage into the new relationship if you don’t get rid of it first and you will only get hurt and probably hurt that new he or she in the process.  Neither of you need that and it will only serve to cripple or maybe even destroy what might turn out to be a beautiful friendship if you don’t get involved too quickly.  It is okay to have friends, even good, and to share time together; and if you do decide to date, keep those dates in public places and not where temptation can lure you into something you will regret later.  Build on friendships but leave the relationship until later; once you have really got your life together again. 

You don’t need a significant other to live your life or have a life of your own. Now is the time for you to enjoy your new independence, your freedom to be you and involve yourself in those things that make you the person you really are inside.  Go back to school.  Finish that degree.  Get involved in a sport or creative activity that you enjoy, the theater, music, pottery, learn a new language or something else you have always wanted to do, whatever interest you.

Get yourself involved in life outside of marriage again.  Get actively involved in your church or other organization you are interested in, the PTA or school sports booster club, scouting; start enjoying that old hobby you loved but put on the back burner for a time, join the writing group or book club at your local library, the garden club, the community band, choir or theater group, take up skiing, skydiving, go to the gym; make new friends in new circles that bring joy to your life.  Keep the old friends so long as they remain truly your friend, otherwise, there is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from them.  Make your life happen and enjoy the freedom to do so.  However, don’t overdo it.  Don’t stretch yourself so thin that your involvement becomes only superficial and you cannot truly enjoy it.     

Above all, don’t neglect your children if there are children involved.  They are children and your responsibility and their welfare need to come first.  Include them in your life where possible and is appropriate and stay involved in theirs but don’t smother them either to cover up or try to fill your own emptiness.  You can still be a whole family and unless there is a justifiable, legal reason not to, you need to let your children be a part of both their parent’s new life and don’t ever, ever make them feel they are in any way to blame for your broken marriage.  They are not. 

Your children need to know that it is okay to love both parents and be a part of both of your lives no matter which one of you is now the custodial parent.  Children adjust well when it is made acceptable and they are given reasonable explanations, without all the details.  No matter how you may feel toward your ex-spouse, do not cut that person down to or in front of your children or allow others to do that.  That is not acceptable behavior.  Your ex-spouse is still their mom or dad.  They love both of you.  Be glad.

Your “I love you truly, happily ever after” dream didn’t happen.  You’re divorced.  Learn from the mistakes you both made and move on beyond the circumstance.  There really is life beyond the divorce court but it is up to you to make it happen and to live it.

I was no stranger to the concept of being on the receiving end of a terrible customer.  Prior to this I worked in retail at a large chain record store and eventually a high end fashion shop.  Hospitality was one category I was yet to work and I became excited at the thought of who I would meet and what I would say.  I imagined meeting many people who traveled on business which would give me the opportunity to spark conversations that would leave them home sick but comforted or completely uncomfortable and validated their hatred for work travel.

People would be delighted to speak with me and it would allow me to learn more about our wonderful country without traveling to every state.  I imagined asking them about their local produce and to compare the ugliness of our citizens to those in their city.  It is important to know how much uglier people are in other states; not just for curiosity’s sake but also to feed egos and have extra leverage in a never ending argument.  “Oh yeah…well…I heard everyone in Tulsa has questionable amounts of space between their eyes and significant overbites.”

Of course I knew there would also be standard moments of frustration and tension.  Meeting all different types of people meant conversations with personalities that clashed with my own.  I also imagined talking myself down from heated discussions about the city’s large gay population or the amount of liberals allowed to protest the streets in heavy traffic with large signs and bold letters telling us to stop eating our pets and start growing our own vegetables.  I prepared myself for more of these moments than anything else.  I guess that is why I appreciated the pleasant bonding experiences with customers so much more.  These type of coin toss extremes was what made up the unpredictability of being responsible for the comfort of complete strangers.  There were times when people would be wonderfully delightful or make me fear for my own life.

The hotel was a hotspot for gatherings such as weddings and meetings due to the spacious halls and second largest convention center in the state.  About every three weeks or so we would sell out and be overbooked for events such as the National NA conference or batmitzvahs for the overly spoiled and obnoxiously needy.  On these days we were quite busy with lines of people to check in, heavy calls for extra towels or damaged air conditioners, and confusion of who booked when and was discounted what.  It was chaotic but fun because it kept me busy and too tired to notice when someone living by the phrase “The Customer Is Always Right” was verbally expressing their dissatisfaction.

When no events were occurring, time slowed down significantly, and I would even wish for conflict to nudge my brain awake, get my heart beating to heat my blood, pulse it through my veins and energize myself to get through the remainder of my 8 hour day.  On these days I would keep myself busy by organizing the front desk.  I would organize the pile of key cards and key card holders so all images were right side up and faced one direction.  I would even stack cards next to the key card maker in adequate amounts in such a way that when an associate pulled one from the pile no others fell after it.  Eventually this only took me about 20 minutes or so and I was set back to boredom.  Watching people roll their luggage in and out of our lobby, ask for the occasional direction to McDonalds’ and eavesdrop on cell phone conversations to home only took up so much of my day.  I would then move onto cleaning the front desk which included dusting behind computer monitors, underneath keyboards, tossing trash, finding all of the pens to fill the pen cups and sometimes vacuuming our crumb ridden navy blue carpet.  Even if things appeared to look immaculate I knew there was no such thing as an overly clean hotel and an overly OCD front desk associate.

During one of my routine cleanings I was neatly stacking the fresh Daily News newspapers when I noticed a customer satisfaction card tucked behind a key card maker.  We would pass out postcard sized surveys to all customers checking in to fill out and share about their experiences.  They were free to rate us on scales of “1″ being  “extremely dissatisfied” to “5″ being  “extremely satisfied” on everything from housekeeping to room comfort.  They were then asked to return such cards to a friendly associate who would place it into our survey bin and all would be reviewed by management at the end of each week.  I slowly moved the key card maker as to not disturb my pile of key cards and key card holders to retrieve this mystery survey.  Upon doing so I noticed all circles were in the “5s” for “extremely satisfied” along with a stapled piece of paper in the upper left corner of the card.  I walked to the back employee area and tore off the paper, placing the survey card in the survey card bin and finding appropriate light to read.  I looked around to ensure no one noticed I was not working and unfolded it.

It contained one sentence: “I Spooged In The Bathtub”

Just like that.  No additional details, no names, no room numbers.  Just these words written in Catholic school script on this withered piece of paper.  I immediately crumpled it in my hands as if reading it to myself had inadvertently also come out of my mouth and into the intercom that connected to all of housekeeping’s’ walkie-talkies.  When I finally realized that no one had heard me read what I had in my hands I began to uncover  it again and slowly read:    “I…Spooged…”

I held it tightly in my palm and slowly opened the connecting door to the front desk and noticed my coworker was reading in the corner.  I refolded the paper, following the natural crevices created by the original author, and slowly slid it in front of her like a deep dark secret from an exclusive club only she and I were members of.

“What is it?” she asked.

I did not say anything and only smiled at her with laughter in my eyes.  She put down her book and unfolded the note, reading it once, then turning it side ways as if it were written in an entirely different language.  Her brows furrowed and she frowned.  I was fixated on her face when she held it upright again and stared back with the type of look a girl has the first time she see a penis in Playgirl magazine.  I nodded my head and held my mouth from laughing.  She did the same and we both just stood there in silence grinning.  After a few seconds the stares we gave one another were a bit awkward because we both knew we were playing out the scenarios of bathtub spooging in our heads.

“Was it an accident?” I thought.  “Perhaps there was a toilet seat jerking moment and the man was standing when he was startled by someone knocking on the door during the finale so he immediately turned and exploded all over the bathtub.”

“Was it on purpose?” I also imagined.  “Perhaps we had a hardcore bathroom BDSM couple that loved the feel of cold porcelain against their skin and being spanked on dangerous surfaces where they teetered on the edge of severe head trauma.”

I had only known my coworker for a few weeks now and had never once had conversations about bodily fluids so I did not know if it were appropriate to discuss the possible details.  Neither of us said anything for the remainder of our shift but I could tell we were both humored and overly suspicious.

Whenever a customer came up to the front desk to check out I would casually smile but over analyze them in my head.  “How was your stay Mr. Paul?” I would ask.  All the while thinking “Was there spooge in your tub Mr. Paul?”

“Did you enjoy your stay with us Ms. Harcum?” I would inquire.  All while thinking “Did you hear anyone ejaculating in the bathroom next yours room Ms. Harcum?”

I even went pretty far as interrogating a customer about their visit.

“Was everything to your liking Mr. Stephens?”

“Oh yes hun.  Thank you for asking.”
“How was the bathtub?  Anything out of the ordinary Mr. Stephens?”
“Oh no dear.  It was quite alright.”
“Oh?  No strange slime of any kind.  Nothing feeling funny?  No extreme stench of chlorine?”
Mr. Stephens stared at me as I searched for his invoice and cleared his payment.
“….No…” he hesitated “Everything was normal.”

Although he claimed everything was normal a spooge filled tub may be Mr. Stephens’ “normal” in all of his bathtubs.  I left him alone and decided to stop investigating through heavy questioning.  Joy juice in the tub may not be abnormal to me but to others it may be the icing on their extreme sexual fantasy cake.  My coworker and I spread the information farther among the other associates and we continued to giggle about it until the day I quit.  We never really uncovered any more details but I told them to immediately call me when someone leaves a note that says “I shat in the closet.”

Is Khloe Kardashian not Robert Kardashian’s daughter?  I had to go in and read for myself.  Wow, now it makes you wonder as it seems to have been spoken from the horses mouth.  It sounds like Robert told both his newer wives about it, that he is in fact not the father.

Good lord, why would these women lie?  They’ve been told by the father himself, so you know it might be true.

Khloe is really pissed that they have spoken up about this.  She is kind of saying that it isn’t true.

Kris Jenner is saying it isn’t true.  But you know, who can say for sure.

As I was reading, it did say that she had an affair with a younger man after her girls were born.  So it makes you wonder.

Is Kris Jenner just trying to save face to protect her empire?  Celebrities will do a lot to not confess something.  They want what little privacy they have left to remain private.  Yes, she says it was after.  She says she was there during the pregnancy and gave birth to her and that it is Robert’s daughter.

But you know, a woman can also try to take things to their grave.  Maybe there is truth to what Robert said to his other wives.  Maybe he knows about stuff that nobody else knows about.

I would have laughed and shrugged it off if it had been some stranger spreading the rumor, but it isn’t.  It’s the newer wives of her father.  Whose to say that perhaps Robert knew that she was having an affair much longer than she said she did.

Sometimes can have affairs for years before someone found out.  Maybe he found out long before the pregnancy.  You know it could be the younger guys daughter.  Maybe Khloe is really a half sister to Kourtney and Kim and Kylie and Kendall.

The only one who knows for sure is Kris.  And she isn’t telling the truth.  Why would Robert spread a rumor if it wasn’t true?  Maybe there were signs that told him that he wasn’t the father.

She could have been having an affair with the guy before the pregnancy and privately known that the daughter was his.  Women do this and try to cover it up and pretend that Robert was the father.  It makes you begin to wonder about their marriage.  They did break up and divorce.  I imagine it must have been the affair among other things that did it.  I mean, she has discussed the affair and confessed to it, but she seems to not being truthful about the timing and the seed that has resulted from it.

Now, we begin to think that Kris is a liar.  We have all heard that she has been called by many people to be pimping out her daughters.  Turning them into celebrity sluts.  And it seems that her younger daughters are on their way to the same path.

Sure, she probably is a good mother to her children, but when you have an affair and cheat on your husband, that suddenly turns you into a bad mother in people’s eyes.  People think, “Oh she cheated, what a terrible mother.”

But everyone is human too and does have faults.  These celebrities just have to watch out when they do things they shouldn’t, because they are in the limelight and people lose respect for them.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted January 12, 2012

Thought you were my angel

Now it’s all gone to truth

You’ve brought me down

To the lowest low

I’m broken inside

You would know

Sometimes trying to be strong

Only brings memories

Sometimes forgetting your past

Takes a whole lot of thinking

Because I’m not the kind to forgive and forget

I want to leave now

No matter how this is

Well it’s just to late

To tell me that you didn’t mean it

That you were wrong and I was right

That you only spent the night

Trying to figure out how

You can make it up to me

It’s just to late to say you’re sorry

You hold your head up high

Never dare to swallow your pride

It’s there as long as you live

Well I call you out

You don’t mind

It’s the exact same thing every time

I’m still wishing I had said more

Damage control

But nobody that matters knows

I’m so glad that I’m gone

Well you’ve caused me pain

Well it’s just to late

To tell me that you didn’t mean it

That you were wrong and I was right

That you only spent the night

Trying to figure out how

You can make it up to me

It’s just to late to say you’re sorry

Well I don’t care how much you think of yourself

A stupid mistake

And now you call me out

I never tried

Never hurt

Now you’ve just taken me

And broken me

Now all that I have

Is a terrible memory

Well it’s just to late

To tell me that you didn’t mean it

That you were wrong and I was right

That you only spent the night

Trying to figure out how

You can make it up to me

It’s just to late to say you’re sorry

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Don’t gossip back. The first thing that can come across your mind is to say something not so nice about your neighbor to someone whether it’s true or not, but it only adds fuel to the fire. Instead, Avoid and stay clear of the neighborhood gossip and simply don’t speak, just walk away if you hear neighbors starting to gossip about everyone.

Have a talk with the gossiper. Make time out to call your neighbor. Pick up the phone and ask her when is a good time to come over and talk. You don’t have to bring up what was said or explain anything to your neighbor. Focus on treating her with kindness and ending the chaos.

Talk positive conversation with the gossiping neighbor.Get the conversation off the right foot. Never be angry when confronting about rumors to your gossiping neighbor. If she continues to keep up chaos and gossip, you should limit your interactions with them as possibly as you can. Pick positive friends who care about you.

I will be “home alone” for Christmas. My wife and youngest son are now in in another state visiting my wife’s parents and and our son’s grandparents. They did this last year. I was invited, but declined, as I lived there for 20 years, and I don’t miss my wife’s parents like she does, and I would feel like a 5th wheel. I’m not upset about this.

Last Christmas, I traveled by AmTrak and visited my brother, but don’t want to waste time and money to go to a cold, boring place again. I love my brother, and stayed with him last year, but he lives too far from the “city” and it’s too cold. Not that the city is a fun spot in winter anyway. I’d rather be warm here in Arizona, and hike, read, write, and enjoy some solitude.

My oldest son seems that he’s “too good” for me. He hasn’t said those words, but he sure acts that way. He and his wife and 3 girls live in another state. Too bad he and I haven’t talked in two years…..

My second son will be at his home (in another state) for Christmas, but plans a trip to California shortly after that. His wife’s parents live in California. Jake’s a good kid and keeps in touch often. He’s more spiritual than any of my kids, I believe, and never acts “too good” for anyone.

My older daughter is a reprobate and I don’t really want to be with her. I can’t handle her emotionally – partly from the crap she pulled last year, and partly because she is an alcoholic and drug addict, but is in denial about it. In spite of having been in jail before, she is facing yet another term soon for her 3rd extreme DUI. Lucky me that she lives in the same town I do.

My younger daughter also lives in the same town that I do. However, she is going on a trip with her mother (my ex-wife) and stepfather. She didn’t tell me about this. I had to find out from others in the family. I had also heard that my ex- had told our kids, “Don’t tell your father about” it. Nice.

Not to forget my 5th child. He’s jobless, but has an apartment that I believe he will be evicted from in a month or so. He got a job, but didn’t feel well one day and never showed up, so he lost that job. That was about 3 weeks ago. He went to a junior college last year on a grant, but dropped or failed his classes, so he tried again this fall. And, again, dropped out or failed his classes. He’s an alcoholic and drug addict, but he is honest enough to admit it and says he’d like to stop. Overall, he has been more respectful to me than some of my other children, but spending Christmas with him, while family, doesn’t seem like a delight.

Apparently, from what I had heard, my ex- has been spreading rumors about me. And they aren’t pleasant ones. She claims to be a “righteous” and “active” member of a church, so why would she want to say things that she can’t possibly know to be true, and even if she did, why would she run around and tell others?

Otherwise, I’m great. And that’s true. I love teaching college part time, and having the rest of my time to read, write, hike, and take care of my wife and youngest son. Merry Christmas!