Now I am blinded by hate.

Nevermind, it isn’t too late,

Wake up to the injustice.

Try and stop this corput practice.

I don’t follow any religion,

Except one called rebellion.

Go ahead, and play with fire,

You shall get burnt.

But most certainly courage,

Is what you’ll acquire.

Getting close to the sun,

One by one.

Maintaining world peace,

Piece by piece.

Let your eyes do the talking,

And let your actions speak.

Get in line,

With the evil streak.

Stop drowning in your emotions,

They are thin as water.

Don’t throw around your temper,

It can get hotter.

Words are enough,

To wound a soul.

Atleast the sarcasm,

Will eat you whole.

it’s not like everything is ironic, nor is it sarcastic. there are things that are serious, and there are things that are humorous. but if you think about it, when someone says something meaning to be ironic, or humorous, in response to something someone else thinks of as serious, the person trying to be humorous accidentally hurts the other persons pride, or feelings even.

irony is nothing to be taken lightly. not any more at least.

i am a victim of irony, and sarcasm, and many other things.

sometimes i get really angry, but i don’t let any one else know. i figure, if i silently suffer the anguish, the anger, then no one dear to me will have to suffer. its an odd sentiment, if you think about it. the people you hold close are supposed to be supportive and helpful. if you fear they will suffer if you suffer openly, then are they really worth the time?

i think they are. it just shows how much you take in to consideration their emotions. it shows exactly how much value you put on friendship and relationships.

in my oppinion, i am a horrible person, because, after roughly twelve years, i am no longer the girl i used to be, i can’t hide my pain, my anger, or my confusion. i can’t take anyone elses well being into consideration any longer.

i am, in fact, baffled by how many friends i have made and kept, as well as the boyfriend i am with. i am rather confused as to why he stays with me, considering all the drama that seems to follow me. but he has stayed with me, so he must love me, right?

well this is an interesting thing, i am open and honest when i have something bothering me, and no one around me is free enough to talk.

Merriam-Webster defines sarcasm as, “a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain.”

For many, sarcasm comes naturally; it’s almost a second language. For others, sarcasm is something they can try to learn and understand, but it’s not the easiest task. To those who don’t understand sarcasm, they may look at sarcasm as mean and hurtful. For those that do understand and speak sarcasm fluently, it’s just who they are, and it’s their sense of humor.

Often times, people use positive language to imply a negative intent. For example, if someone double parks, the sarcastic remark would be, “You obviously did really well on your parking test.”

Being able to make sarcastic comments is not an easy accomplishment. If you aren’t known to be sarcastic, your comments may come off as mean, which makes the situation awkward. If you really want to try it, practice with close friends. After making a sarcastic comment, ask yourself and your friends questions like, “Was that sarcastic?” or “Was that clever?” If you’re stuck, think about the definition.

Remember to choose your target carefully. If the person you are interacting with is not a sarcastic person, and you normally are not, either, the comment may get you in trouble. Also remember to be tactful and tasteful. Joking about an issue in which someone is insecure about will also land you in an awkward situation. Listening carefully to someone during a conversation will give you plenty of material to turn it around with a sarcastic comment.

If you want to learn to be better at speaking sarcasm, use this guide from the National Sarcasm Society. Additionally, you can use this flow chart to determine if the person you are speaking with is being sarcastic.

In honor of October being National Sarcastic Month, get out there and practice your best sarcastic remarks.

            We can’t deny that it has been a difficult couple of years for most Americans, with the 9% of lazy unemployed lower-class citizens trying to steal our hard-earned money and meaningless bickering in the Middle East raising our gas prices. That is why I believe, a kind and caring mother is exactly what the United States needs.  We need a friendly face to tell us that it’s okay to make mistakes, like multi-billion dollar wars and to protect us from those mean teachers who want to hold us back for failing all our classes and think they deserve basic union rights.

Her record of commitment to her position as Governor of Alaska should show us how capable and trustworthy she would be as President.  Not only does she work well under pressure, but defeat does not get her down.  After a disappointing defeat in her campaign for Vice President under Senator John McCain, she did not wallow in self-pity, but went on to become a TV star in her new hit series, Sarah Palin’s Alaska. 

In addition to stardom and motherliness, Palin also portrays contiguity and creativity, both things I admire in a President.  Palin’s great contiguity is proven by her proximity to Russia.  If Nixon could open up China from sitting in the oval office, just think what Palin could do by sipping hot-cocoa on her back porch and gazing out over Russia.  Her famous wink might be enough to bring about the fall of Socialism!  And what finer example of this woman’s creativity than her own offspring.  The five Palin dwarfs, I mean children, are uniquely named Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig.  Palin says the unique names of her children came from simple inspirations.  For example, Track was born during track season.  With this kind of ingenuity we could see sweeping reform in the United States.

While I am admittedly seduced by her expensive wardrobe and sophisticated accent, I believe there are many personal qualities of Palin that would make for an excellent President.  I therefore encourage the people of the United States to join me in supporting Sarah Palin for the next President of the United States.  If we simply acknowledge the importance of off-shore drilling and the ever-so classy Tea Party movement, we could find ourselves staring up at a beautiful woman riding a white moose, wielding a hockey stick and a tube of red lipstick.

I am sure by now that most online writers have come in contact with at least one “commenter” who has been unnecessarily nasty.  Usually, this person is someone who disagrees with your point of view. They are unable to disprove your opinion, so they attempt to make you feel foolish for having it. To do this, they resort to sarcasm and outright ridicule in an attempt to make you feel that they are right and you are wrong.  

They never use reason in their argument; for as I stated earlier, they have no basis for disputing your claim.  All they know is that they have a different opinion and, in their need to feel smarter and superior to others, they will go to battle with anyone who disagrees with them. It’s even better when they can get a group of others (who agree with them and are also incapable of using reason) to “pile on” and join in against you. This is the sort of behavior that we see occurring in many internet forums and blogs.

This cyber bullying is made easier by the fact that the posters can remain anonymous, hiding in their homes and taking potshots at innocent bystanders. I, for the life of me, cannot figure out what they get out of it. Except, perhaps, in their immense insecurity and lack of self-esteem, they need to feel better than someone else. It has been said that men despise other men that have qualities that they themselves lack.  So when the troll finds that someone is willing to voice their opinion or put their writing online for the whole world to see (something they generally don’t have the courage to do), they hunt for someone with whom they can argue and the ridicule begins.  

Here are a few quotes about those who use sarcasm and ridicule to put down others which I found posted on quotesdaddy.com by Mike E. Knezevich, Jr.  (http://www.quotesdaddy.com/user/Mindmovr/my_quotes/1)  

• Bullies are those pretending to have self-worth and self-esteem, but only through the humiliation, exploitation, or domination of others.
• Some people are sadly oblivious to the fact that knowing how to say something negative or sarcastic does not in any way equal knowing how to say something that is actually intelligent or useful.
• It is a common tragic irony that the loudest people with the least education or variety of life experiences are rarely the ones who are the smartest or most correct, yet they are more often the ones with the most unsolicited advice on how everything should be.

I say kudos to Mr. Knezevich! I couldn’t agree more.

©2011 – Andrea J. Shannon

    Hi, my name is Professor ThePreppyScribe, and today I will be teaching you how to live your lives. Life is a complicated mess of relationships, experiences, opportunities, and emotions. Life is a game which everyone wants to win. Winners achieve fame and riches, but the losers sink down into poverty and nothingness. As with all games, in order to play, you must follow a set of rules. There are 3 fundamental laws which everyone must follow to succeed. Often called the 3 commandments, they are nose goes, fives, and never leave a brother hanging.  These instructions may sound simple, but beware; there will be dire consequences if you disobey them. They are unquestionable, unalterable, and undeniable.

    Nose goes is the most ancient and honorable of the 3 commandments. Whenever there are 2 or more people who don’t want to do something which must be done, nose goes comes into play. How it works is that somebody declares, “Nose goes,” and everyone must touch his or her nose as quickly as possible. Without exception, the last person to do so must complete the task. This is the most basic form of government, and without this, civilization would quickly fall to pieces. Occasionally, an evil-doer may attempt to disregard or defeat this sacred rule, so it is up to upstanding members of society to enforce it. A notable example of failure as a result of disobedience or negligence is the leaning tower of Piza. Shortly after its construction was completed, workers noticed the foundation had been laid improperly. All that was needed was an additional brick to fill in a gap. They did nose goes, and a young Italian named Francisco was chosen to go back and correct the mistake. For some reason, he did not, and today, the magnificent leaning tower of Piza, a national landmark, is dangerously close to falling over completely. Some notable underground variations of nose goes such as old fashioned nose goes, have emerged, but they are all crude, unacceptable, and downright sinful.

    Fives, like nose goes, traces its origins back a long time ago. Fives is what you say when you leave your seat for a moment but want it back when you return. If the sitter calls fives before leaving, then no matter how crowded it is, no one may sit in the seat until the sitter returns. However, if the sitter does not return within 5 minutes, then the seat becomes available for anyone to sit in. This tradition goes back to the times of chivalry, where honor and pride were of paramount importance. There have been no recorded instances of the rule of fives being violated, but most often the burden is on the sitter to call fives. A famous instance of the sitter not pronouncing fives is when Catherine the Great of Russia gained the throne. Her husband, Grand Duke Peter, was the rightful heir to the throne. However, he made a fateful decision one day by leaving the seat of power to use the bathroom. His fatal mistake was that it was so urgent that he forgot to call fives. Ever the ambitious wife, Catherine seized this opportunity and claimed the seat of power in Russia. She had the Grand Duke Peter held in captivity, and she ruled Russia for 34 years until her death.

    Compared to the two others, never leave a brother hanging is more recent law. It was adapted from its archaic predecessor: why won’t you shake my hand? When a close friend, often called a brother, bro, girlfriend, or girl, offers you either a high-five or a fist bump, it is simply unacceptable to decline it. When you do, your friend is left holding out an arm awkwardly; this is called hanging and is arguably the most traumatic experience a person can go through. It will scar him or her for the rest of his or her life. This rule is probably the most difficult to follow because it applies to high-fives and fist bumps not obviously noticeable as well. You must always be alert and on the lookout for them, for if you don’t comply, you will quickly make many enemies. Never leave a brother hanging caused Napoleon Bonaparte’s defeat and downfall. Napoleon Bonaparte was a brilliant French general; his armies swarmed all over Europe. Bonaparte is instantly recognizable because he always had his hand tucked into his coat. Because of this, he let many powerful people hanging, and made many powerful adversaries. Eventually, the majority of Europe allied against him and eventually exiled him. His promising future was destroyed because he failed to follow this rule.

    What separates us, humans, from animals? I would argue that it is our ability to obey the basic rules of life. The 3 commandments are what define us as people. Regardless of social status, wealth, skill, or looks, just stick to the rules, and life will open up to you.

Western Telegram

———————————————————-

April 25th 1911

TO: Sid Myers

From: Your Brother

You’re the local manure Boy? (Laughing) You could have been running a major farm and you take one of the least wanted jobs in a town?

Reply:

It pays $300 dollars a day. (Smiling)

Whether through politeness or through sarcasm I will list the ten most popular polite comments and then their real meaning!

1. “That dress is great its, err, its so colourful where did you get it?”

1a. “Jesus did you see that dress it was a pair of curtains wasn’t it! I had to put sunglasses on just to get near it! She looks hideous!

2.  “Ah a new Electric Car, smart aren’t they and so good for our environment well done you”

2a  “Electric Car! Is he mad or just a frustrated milkman! Two pints today milko! And where is he going to refuel it? the electric station? Good luck in finding one of those bastards!”

3.   “Yeah you look great I always thought you could do with a few more pounds on you, you’re looking great if I wasn’t with someone I’d ask you out myself!”

3a  “Pounds more like stones! Gees what’s she been eating! When she said she was going to McDonalds I didn’t think she meant to eat the restaurant! Including the staff and tables!”

4.  “You look great after the operation, you have a great colour now boy you look healthy”

4.a  “He ain’t gonna last the week out! What did they do to him? Why are his eyes on at an angle! His face didn’t used to be orange!”

5.  “Congratulations you look radiant in your Wedding dress, all I can honestly say is, I hope you are going to be as happy as I was in my marriage”

5a  “Yeah sleep with your husbands brother then father! Become pregnant by his father, then piss off with your boss at work!”

6.  “You know what I like about your new house is? Well you can sit on the toilet and still be in the conversation in the living room excellent!”

6a.  “This place ain’t big enough to be a dolls house! My action man doll had a bigger tent than this place! How do they get in? take off the roof!”

7.   “Excellent Mr Brown you have made the short list for the new position, no need to call we will let you know, hope to see you soon. Goodbye”

7a.  “Strike him right off the list and now! Retard! and did you smell his breath! No don’t even send him a rejection letter stamps cost money! He probably couldn’t open the envelope anyway!”

8. “Was that ok darling its just I’m not very experienced with men. However going by the noises you were making you loved it honey”

8a.  “Finally! I had to change hands twice! I was praying for premature ejaculation! I’m sure my car was taxed when I came round! Not sure now, what day is it anyway”

9.  “That was a lovely Shepherds pie, its just I ate at lunchtime I’m just a bit full up, great topping; must dash”

9a  “I must get round the corner quick then put my fingers down my throat or get to the Hospital ASAP!”

10.  “Yes that was lovely dear, its better than grinding away all night getting hot and sweaty. Err no I didn’t quite orgasm its just me”

10a “Orgasm you cheeky git! I’m not super woman 2 seconds if that. Yes that’s it just roll over and go to sleep you fat git!”

You never really know what someone is thinking beware!

Lord Banks

Compiled by Bello Musa Dankano

145: Fondness for the hen doesn’t stop one from slaughtering it.
146: What is in a fly much less its sauce?
147: Is it all because of this tiny thing? asked the wizard after being caught snatching the soul of a baby.
148: I love to have a dish of owl, just that the eyes are scary.
149: The leper isn’t eyeing you harshly, that’s how his eyes are.
150: It’s my own decision, says the hen on getting married to a cat.
151: We rely on God, says the courtier on missing out on horse booty.
152: Just bathing, says the lunatic at attempt to save him from drowning.
153: At the cattle ranch, milk flows forever.
154: The wizard can’t remain sluggish when possessed.
155: The looks of a wild cat is the picture of valor.
156: Those who live by the sword must die by it.

Look at this extract:

‘It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife’ From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Austen is being ironic- firstly, no ‘truth’ is ever ‘universally acknowledged’ and secondly in her times, women were desperate to marry a rich man and find security. The single, rich men did not neccessarily share the same desperation. Austen means the opposite of what she writes.

Irony: where language or expression are used in opposition to the meaning. Sarcasm is a type of irony, used for mockery.

Read this extract as well:

‘in 1999 we recorded torture cases in 132 countries. We believe the real statistics to be much higher. Take the case of 24 year old Nang Mai. Nang was seized by soldiers in JUne 1997 in her township in MyanMar- not for any particular offence, but simply for belonging to an ethnic minority. She was repeatedly raped, covered with wood and burnt alive’ From an Amnesty International leaflet

Here the language is heavily emotive to get us interested in the work of Amnesty International. For example:

-a statistic is used to shock us, but then Amnesty follows this up saying that they think ‘the real statistics to be much higher’ which increases the reader’s sense of shock

-to add to the emotive effects, a person is named to make them real to the reader (more than a statistic)

-the verb ’seized’ suggests pain and suffering

Emotive Language: language that appeals to our emotions and feelings.