Kids are sponges.  They soak all the concerned and negative talk that adults spew around them about their complicated lives.  This can have a negative impact on the children during their

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developmental years.  They are growing up in a very stressful world environment and it will shape them for the rest of their lives just as past generations were formed by wars and social hot points.

When celebrating holidays like Easter lets keep in mind to provide as much as a stable life-style for our kids as we can.  Passing on family traditions and the like can help a child stay developmentally stable.  Coloring Easter eggs, going on Easter eggs hunts, and celebrating with loved ones surrounding them will help immensely.

Ensure to teach moral lessons during these times as well.  Easter is about eggs, chocolate bunnies, yes, but there is a different fundamental reason that we (for thos who do) celebrate the holiday.  It is about sacrifice, love and second chances.

In life, we have been taught to give people second chances after they have made mistakes in life. That sometimes we screw up when we are younger and should be forgiven as we mend our ways. In most cases that can be true. Someone commits a crime and they go to jail. They serve their time and learn their lesson. When they are let out then they should be allowed to try to obtain a normal life. However, like in everything in life there are exceptions to all rules. 

I do not believe this to be so in the case of child molesters. See child molestation is not just a crime committed. It is also an addiction. A desire within the predator that surpasses physical sexual need. In their heads, they know it is wrong. Some even hate themselves for having such desires but logical vs. addiction is a dangerous game. Especially when others put them right in the middle of temptation.

There is a church one town over who believes that child molesters can be cured. At least that is what they verbally say. They befriend them in prison. They bring them the word of God, which is great, but when these people get out of jail they move them into poorer neighborhoods in our town. Neighborhoods where there are children and lots of them.

About twelve were moved out into our neighborhood of about twenty to thirty trailers (Give or take). To the left and right to these men are children within the age range of 6 to 9 years of age. About the age of their victims. It is like moving a drunk into a bar and saying, “Now don’t drink!” Eventually that person will fall off the wagon. That is the fear within the community. Not that they might fall off the wagon but when.

There is even one right now who has been watching the children when he comes home from work. Slows down when he sees them playing and just watches until he realizes the parents are watching him. Then he hurries away. 

Everyone deserves a second chance in life but this form of sickness cannot be cured. I mean every day we see on the television more and more about children who have gone missing only to find out later that the person who killed them had just gotten out of jail for molesting children. They were able to chance. They changed by not leaving anyone who could tell on them after they gave into their urges. 

Are we really willing to risk our innocent children in order to see if child molestation can be cured? Do we really want to tempt fate in such a fashion? The truth is that not all the drugs to date can stop the urges. The whole lure to it all is the power they have over their victims. Do we really want to continue to give them the open door to that power? Is it really worth it to give a second chance to those who threat the most precious resource on Earth? Our future.

Giving a person that has caused you harm and much pain in the past can be a very tough decision. There is that part of you that desperately needs reconnection and closure while there is the irking voice in your head that states that this may happen again.   The voice of rationale ricocheting that this person will hurt you again and that you need to put your feet into your hands and run away as far as possible.  You wonder if you are setting yourself for heartbreak. You may question your rationality and sanity for allowing someone that has pr oven beyond doubt to be untrustworthy, unreliant back into your life.

 Your brain tells you that this individual is bad news yet your heart and body yearns for his presence. Logic dictate that you must run away as far as you can from this person but the intensity of your souls desire inches your closer into the arms of the object of your desire and confusion.

                Giving an ex boyfriend a second chance is a very important decision. The outcome of taking this step may go in any direction. Your ex may disappoint your again and break your heart once more or he may man up and become the spouse that you have always desired.

The important thing to consider when giving an individual second chance is how vital do you need this person in your life. It is fundamental to conclude how this individual will be able to enhance your life and experiences. Will this person generate the ultimate wholesome intimate experience e that you need from a relationship?

If the reasons for re-establishing the relationship far outweigh the rational for discontinuation then you need to give this person a second chance. Whether or not take back an ex partner varies depending on what your values are. If a man is a father, bread winner and takes care of you financially but ignores your emotional needs then you have to think carefully before you reconnect with this partner.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

                Some individuals may have eighty percent of the qualities that you desire but yet have a dangerous temper and are abusive.  You must decide if you are willing to live in the lap of luxury at the expense of your happiness and your sanity. Do you think this person is worth letting back into your life? Think about the long term advantages.

 Do you see yourself with this person ten years from now?

 Do you anticipate this person providing your relational needs for the rest of your life?

Would you be able to handle another disintegration of the relationship, if your spouse decides to leave again?

At the end of the day, the choice is yours? Just be prepared to suffer the consequences.

In today’s society, we make assumptions about people by their appearance and where we meet them. As a society we need to take a look if that is the right thing to do.

Take for example, the case of 37 year old John , a former Military Police Officer in the US Army. Divorced twice with three children a respectable person, if unfortunate in love, most would agree.

A man who loves his children and supports them in all that they do. A man who would help anyone if they simply asked him to.

Now come forward to the year 2000 the same man who is now a resident of the Texas Department of Corrections.

In 2000, John was tried and convicted of Sexual Assault and received a sentence of 60 years with his earliest parole date being April 2031. He has also been disowned by his family and all those he thought cared about him.

Despite this John is a gentle mannered man who accepts his punishment for what he has done and admits that he was wrong.

Quote

(John: June 15^th, 2008)

I did wrong and deserve to be punished. I admit that, but I was not so unsalvageable that society should give up on me.

But what contributed to his crime?

In John’s life there is a long history of abuse and “learned behavior” This is his story. He is not asking for your pity or your sympathy.

Even to this day, John finds it difficult to admit he was abused physically, emotionally and sexually and by the people who were supposed to care about him the most.

John’s Story

Quote:

John June 2008:

I will start from what I see as the beginning for me and I will explain the things that were factors in the choice’s I made. I do not, by any means, blame anyone else. Ultimately I made the choice but there were things that affected the choices I made.

In approximately 1967 John’s parents met. John’s father was 32 years old and his mother was only 15 years old.

Between 1968 and 1970 John’s mother was to give birth to two sons’ neither of whom would live longer than 24 hours.

Then in the early morning hours of December 12^th, 1970 in Kahuku, Hawaii John was born.

John was the first child born to his parents to live longer than 24 hours and was viewed by his parents as a miracle child. They adored him and for two years he was the center of their world.

In 1972, his parents were blessed with a second son, Matt. John was no longer a miracle. For a child who had been the center of his parents world it was difficult for him to adjust to having a brother and it caused some resentment.

Circa 1974/75, John’s father passed away and the young boy was left without a male role model until his mother met her new partner. From here all form of a normal life stopped.

From 1978 – 1983 John’s stepfather would watch him shower; this had an adverse effect on his self confidence and self esteem.

In 1979, on what should have been an enjoyable trip to Burger King in Wahiawa, Hawaii, John was Sexually Assaulted in the bathroom by an older man.

This experience left John scared and withdrawn for some time.

In 1980, John went out on a school field trip, the children stayed in cabins with a dorm monitor from the University of Hawaii.

For some reason there was not enough male dorm monitors so John’s cabin had a female monitor approximately 19 years of age.

Again John was singled out and the female showed John how to do things of a sexual nature. John thought it was a game and showed no fear. This was to further blur the lines regarding acceptable sexual conduct.

The following year (1981) his younger brothers had a baby sitter a girl of about 18 who again showed John how to do things of a sexual nature.

Things deteriorated further in the summer of 1983, when John was raped by two older male cousins.

In 1985 and after eight years of abuse, John began to fight back resulting in physical confrontations with his stepfather. His step father did not like either John or Matt as they were his “white” step sons. (Hawaii is the only state in American where Caucasians are a minority.)

John recalls one such incident.

Quote:

John Teixeira June 2008

“One day my stepfather forced my brother, my cousin (his son) and I to fistfight saying that the first one to stop was going to get beat. It ended up in my cousin (his son) stopping first and my stepfather did nothing to him but he began beating my brother and I with a stout stick.

When my mom came home and she asked about the many bruises we had he had told her we had gotten into a fight. When we told her what happened, she refused to believe us.

I can remember several incidents like that.

If this physical abuse was not enough the young John and Matt had to contend with their mothers’ constant emotional abuse. His mother took every opportunity to yell at her two eldest sons’. They were constantly told that she wished they were dead and that she wished they had never been born.

When John’s mother was not blaming John and Matt for all her problems she would lecture them on how they should revere women and not abuse them.

The formative, impressionable years that most people receive nurturing encouragement and kindness both John and Matt were subjected to abuse. The switch from being blamed for everything to being preached to about how to treat a woman both John and Matt became shy and awkward around women.

In 1986, John, his mother, his two half brothers and half sister went to stay with his Grandparents. His mother and half siblings only stayed a year but a lot happened in that year.His grandparents both worked and his mother found work in the local convenience store. John was often left with child minders who had little to no time for the children.

John was now sixteen years old, tall and well built his mother asked him to stack the shelves with her and be a deterrent to trouble in the store. John recalls this in his own words:

Quote: John

June 2008

My mom was working at a convenience store. At least once a week I would go with her and help her by stocking stuff and I was a general deterrent to trouble. One of the things I discovered at this time was a magazine called “Forum”. There were several different ones and they were filled with letters and stories about sex. They were better than pictures to me. I would read them when I could and steal them when the chance arose. I can still remember some of the subject titles “Back yard play”, “A family that plays together, stays together” , “Randy Rivals”. I haven’t read anything from any of these books for about fifteen years it is a wonder I can remember any of this. I guess you can see the impact

By 1986 John was regarded as a “nerd” he was a big fan of Dungeons and Dragons, but due to the fact, John was also athletic and on the school’s Boxing team not many people teased him because of it.

By 1992, John had quit school, fathered three children and was in his second marriage. He was 21 years old and working with the developmentally disabled a job he enjoyed immensely.

In 1993, his probation for burglary ended and he entered the US military training as a Military Police Officer.

He thought his life had changed for the better.

After a tour of duty in Korea where he made several good friends he remembers in particular a fellow MP of African ~ American/ Native American mix whom he was caught in the middle of a Korean mob with and needed to fight his way out of.

Such fond memories are rare though.

In 1996 he was billeted to Texas, a state where he was not near his family and he was away from the abuse of his Stepfather and mother.

Now the army started to notice problems with the now twenty six year old man and sent him for psychiatric evaluation they concluded that he had a borderline personality, a factor that they feel influenced his later decisions in his life.

Quote:

John

June 2008

This all happened to me prior to moving to Texas in 1996. And even though I do not look badly on all of the experiences, I do see in retrospect that the incidents affected the way I viewed sex and age difference.

John is currently a G3 Custody prisoner due to the length rather of his sentence than the actual crime. There are inmates with the same crime only receiving a 10 year sentence.

In the last two years, since his last Custody Classification Review, he has not had a disciplinary hearing for fighting, nor has he ever made an escape attempt, assaulted a Corrections Officer or taken a hostage.

Despite spending the last seven years in incarceration John has tried to improve himself and learn why he did what he did.

He has sought out organizations that can help him understand why he behaved as he did and has even written leaflets about preventing such things happening again.

He is currently attending classes with the goal being a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology.

1994-1995 ~ Central Texas College, Kileen TX. ~ Law enforcement

(34 credit hours) ~ GPA ~ 3.57

April 2000 – Jan 2001~ San Antonio College now Kaplan Institute ~ Core Classes

(33 Credit Hours) ~ GPA 3.97

2005-2007 ~ Lee College, Bay Town ~ Core Classes ~ GPA 4.0

Were John a free man he would be considered an honor roll student, (Honor Roll starting at 3.5) his 4.0 translates to an A grade.

In conclusion John’s unfortunate life clearly shows that despite the abuse and mistakes he has made the lack of support from Children’s Protective Services (CPS) in Hawaii and his crimes that no one is unsalvageable or without a chance of redemption.

As a society we often complain that the inmates have it “easy” in prison and how they are waste of our time and will only re – offend.

A prisoner re-offends due to feeling outcast in “normal” society and that “They belong in prison with their own kind”.

These people, for that is what they are, were our kinsmen and women, friends, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and partners before they went to prison and are still the same on their release. Should we not look at the root causes of their crimes and learn by what went wrong so as to prevent it happening again. No one is beyond salvation if people are simply willing to listen and learn.

By accepting them into society again we break the cycle of re- offending as

In 2031, John will reenter society a released felon and a sexual offender. Yet this man was not a predator he was an abused child whose boundaries had been blurred by the conduct of his elders and those who were supposed to protect him.

He has paid for his crime with his freedom and liberty. I hope that his recent application for an I60 assessment is granted and he receives the help he so desperately needs. But as a society will we give up on him on his release as unworthy to walk amongst us?

Before you decide ask yourself this one question:

If I had lived that life, could this person be me?

Please note that all quotes are taken directly from correspondence with John and I have typed them with the same punctuation that John used in the original letters.

Being convicted of two counts of Grand Larceny in 2002 for writing checks against my own checking account without available funds has changed my entire life. Unable to secure employment due to criminal background checks is very frustrating. In retrospect, I would never have made that stupid mistake, knowing what I know now. How am I supposed to support my five children and family? That is the unanswered issue. Society has it set up so that once you are convicted of a crime you may as well continue that lifestyle because the community will not allow you to move forward. Constantly reminding me of what I did in my past. I regret what I did. However, I paid the price, and now I would like to move on with my life as an upstanding citizen, work everyday, pay taxes, vote etc… How long will this last? Not for the rest of my life I hope. It’s been 6 1/2 years, no probation/parole, no additional criminal acts. Yet I am still unemployed.

Seeking employment can be very frustrating for a convicted criminal. The application process is a joke. “Have you ever been convicted of a crime/felony” is the question. “Answering yes to this question does not automatically band you from the position that you are applying for”, now that is the joke. I have found that although answering yes to this question is required if you have been convicted. However, not getting a callback is always the end result. All I receive are letters from employers stating that “due to information on your background report we are unable to offer you a position at this time”. What is the point in conducting a background check if I already explained my situation on the application? I currently have a civil suit against a company that actually stated to me that they were unable to offer me an employment opportunity due to my felony convictions, they received after conducting an illegal background check without prior knowledge nor consent from me through a third party Credit Reporting Agency (CRA). It is unlawful for a company to state that to a person especially if the conviction has no relation to the position that you applied for.

When I went to court for the initial hearing, the Judge stated to me that I was wasting my time because convicted persons are not in the protected class. I wanted to cry. Being that I am representing myself it is very difficult to understand the complex Law system. However, I have found that according to Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employers from discriminating in employment decisions on the basis of race, color, gender, national origin or religion. The EEOC has determined that policies that exclude individuals from employment on the basis of their arrest and conviction records may violate Title VII because such policies disproportionately exclude minorities, in light of statistics showing they are arrested and convicted at a rate significantly in excess of their representation in the population. The EEOC has noted in its policy directive regarding the consideration of conviction records in the hiring process that four relevant factors should be used when an employer assesses the job-relatedness of an applicant’s conviction record:

1. The nature, number and circumstances of the offenses for which the individual was convicted;
2. The length of time intervening between the conviction for the offense(s) and the employment decision;
3. The individual’s employment history; and
4. The individual’s efforts at rehabilitation.

However, most employers ignore these policies.

It is a disability that I can not collect government funds for. How am I supposed to survive? Employers do not want to give a convicted person a second chance. I would think that an employer would be more likely to consider a convicted person for an employment opportunity knowing that he/she has to re-establish a good reputation and would most likely not continue to repeat the same lifestyle. Most convicted people if given a second chance would turn out to be an asset to an employer and become a top employee.

In addition there are incentives that are put in place for employers who would consider hiring an ex-offender. Programs like the “Federal Bonding Program”. This program provides fidelity bonding insurance coverage to individuals with criminal histories and other high-risk job applicants who are qualified, but fail to get jobs because regular commercial bonding is denied due to their backgrounds. Another incentive is the “Work Opportunity Tax Credit” (WOTC) is a federal tax credit to reduce the federal tax liability of private for profit employers to be used as an incentive for employers to hire individuals from eight different targeted groups: TANF recipients, veterans, ex-felons, high risk youth, summer youth, Food Stamp recipients, SSI recipients, and vocational rehabilitation referrals. I am not sure if most employers are even aware of these Incentives or if employers just ignore them.

There are allegedly many organizations that claim to assist people with my background. However, these organizations are either not evident or they run you around until you decide to give up. Most of the individuals that work for these organizations seem to not want to be bothered themselves. I am not looking for any handouts nor do I wish to revert back into a life of unlawful acts, which is not an option for me. All I want is an equal opportunity to employment. Is that too much to ask? Where do I go from here? In anticipation of a long undeserving journey that I Pray will conclude with a meaningful employment opportunity. I will not give up.

Writing was always my plan until life got in the way. I fell in love and had a family. Passions fell to the way-side and putting a roof over our heads and paying the mortgage became the priority. Three decades later, I am outside looking in. I watch as my daughter follows her passion which is drama. She has gotten in a prestigious school and loves everything about it. She is so sure that she is going to be a success that I have no doubt that she will succeed. It is funny; the one thing that side tracked me (having a family) is inspiring me to find mine again. My kids are encouraging me in different ways. I have always told them that they have an empty canvas just waiting for the master piece. I guess that I kind of thought that my canvas had been painted on long ago, front and back! But maybe it is not too late.

Four years ago, we lost our store, Rose In The Woods in an earthquake. Both of our cars were flattened by the roof of our building sliding down onto them. Two women died running out of the store next to ours. My daughter had asked if she could wait in the car while I ran in to open up. I thank God everyday that I talked her into coming in and helping me open because the two women were found between my car and another. Everything inside was lost inside of our store but stuff is just stuff and I would trade it all to have my daughter safe. I just can’t imagine what it is like for those families that lost their loved ones. Four years later, the tragedy is still just as raw and real but life has gone on. When I hear of fires or earthquakes or storms that are happening to other people, I never can quite look at it the same way ever again. I remember standing in the park with the other merchants on our street and thinking, life is going on, people are actually still Christmas shopping a few miles away and have no idea what we have just lost.

I have had to reinvent my life and I no longer am a business owner. I work for other people. I never thought I would ever do that again. We had a very successful business and for whatever reasons, don’t anymore.

I have learned that you have to find the good in the bad. Maybe my life had to change to allow me to find my true passions again. All I know is that it all could have been much worse. I thank God everyday that it wasn’t. I have to learn to make the best of what is now. I have to trust Him to put me on the right paths and remember to include Him in the right direction each day.

I was married for fourteen years to my kid’s dad. When we divorced I felt like a failure. I still have trouble letting those feelings go. Divorce for me was almost as bad as the death. My Dad dropped dead of a heart attack while jogging around the block when I was twenty six. And just recently my ex husband found out that he had lung cancer and within four months he was dead. He actually died on his birthday. Today is my anniversary. I have since remarried and ironically, we are celebrating our fourteenth year as well. Some people don’t get second chances. I have been given them time and time again. I need to realize just how many blessings I truly have and embrace them. I have been scared to death of happiness. Perhaps I think that if you have it, it is something that can be taken away in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes second chances are a new marriage, a new job, a financial wind fall… or maybe, it is just the realization of second chances. It is never too late to go for that dream! To realize that just waking up is another opportunity to make a difference. It is never too late to appreciate second chances. I know this as I finally am able to pick up my proverbial pen to put more of the words inside of me down on paper.

A lot of things happen in your life when you’ve lost nearly everything; you fundamentally change on levels you didn’t know existed inside you. As you become somewhat more dependant on God and friends, you learn which ones will stand by you no matter how bad life gets. There is a greater appreciation for those people with each passing day that deepens, and you realize exactly how blessed you truly are by the Father.

In my case, life has been very rough. The employment scene in Texas has become more complex than I could’ve ever imagined. I grew up with the values Mom passed down from my Grandma; “work hard, keep your nose clean, give an honest day’s work, and you’ll get ahead”. If that were only true today, I would still be working, but it’s not.

Texas has changed in the past eight and a half years; those creeds I was brought up with do not apply here. Your ability to do a job is based heavily upon your credit score; if it is not good, then you’re automatically branded. One employer said to me “if your credit isn’t good, then you’re not responsible, and you’re an automatic theft risk to us – why should we take the chance if we can weed you out in the interview process?”

It’s funny when you think about this selective discrimination – and it is. Donald Trump went broke and yet there was a second chance for him. I could name a ton of celebrities who have nearly destroyed their careers with some business or personal mishap. This makes me wonder if the only ones who get a second chance are the rich and famous.

The other strike against a potential employee here in Texas is the unemployment gap, which is akin to “resume’ death”. No employer wants to see a gap in a resume’, whereas before, most understood circumstances beyond our control happen. A loved one becomes ill, you have surgery and need time to recover, you’re unemployed, you decide to go back to school to increase your economic worth – employers don’t want to hear it. If you’re not working, you’re automatically assumed to be lazy, and no one wants a lazy employee. If you take a job at a fast food joint just to pay the bills, then it’s assumed you’re a low caliber employee and not worth hiring back into your field of expertise. What a human resources set up – you can’t win for losing!

I was about to apply at a local grocery store chain when I read in the newspaper how they’re doing credit checks as well as personality testing. It’s hard trying to get someone to trust you with bad credit, but I’ve got to tell you, I’ve flunked every single personality test I’ve ever taken for Texas companies. I’m not sure what that really means to an employer, but it’s like flunking an opinion or urine test in my book! I will confess to having flunked an opinion test in college, but I was a screaming Republican during the 1996 takeover of Congress, while my professor was a Socialist from England. That I could understand, but flunking out at a grocery store? How much lower can you go! I couldn’t bring myself to go through that kind of humiliation.

My circumstances came about from being outsourced twice. I watched helplessly as my jobs were shipped to India. In both cases, I worked hard and didn’t fraternize, and observed with dismay as the incompetent kiss ups kept their jobs. Sometimes I wish I had the kiss up gene, but I wasn’t born with it. As time has gone by, I have heard from friends most of the kiss ups have since been fired and the companies are in trouble as a result of their bad policies. One such company I worked at had the ethics of a termite infested tree stump; they are under investigation by the state regulating entity and have lost at least 30% of their business.

Whenever I was lucky enough to land an interview, I made a point to ask the interviewer about the response to the posting. Prior to Hurricane Katrina, the average response was 160 applicants per job; post Katrina it skyrocketed as high as 600 applicants for two positions! Even those with perfect credit have found the job market to be a tough row to hoe.

The million dollar question is obvious: how do you land a job with bad credit so you can pay your bills when no one will hire you because you’re a theft risk? I don’t have the answer, but I do have God on my side. I have to trust what He’s allowing to happen has a purpose that will bring glory to His name. Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean greater things aren’t coming my way. God has turned around the circumstances of those much worse off than me.

quazen.com articles by this writer can be found here

socyberty.com articles can be located here

relijournal.com articles are here

picable.com photographic images are here