Developing a great personality is never by chance but through deliberate actions. All one needs is the right information’s and the right frame of mind. Just as it is with every good thing, you have to pay the price for it.

Do you ever wonder why great friends are attracted to certain people and not you? You dream of pleasing certain people in other to get them attracted to you ;but instead, they try to get close to the other fellow who is not even interested in them. frustrating right? What makes the difference? Understand that every personality attract certain kind of people. To attract great people, you need a great personality.

Develop a super personality with the following points:

  Always look presentable.

Don’t ever ignore the following if you must look presentable: your hair, your mouth, your fingernails, and the clothes you put on. These little things tell a whole lot about you. Take your personal hygiene very seriously.

Learn to work with your body type. Wear only fitted clothes. Avoid wearing your tie too long or too short. Avoid over size clothes and shoes. Pay special attention to your shoes and belt. Learn how to combine colours; stop wearing off colours.

Lastly, if not allergic, endeavour to use good perfumes or deodorants. They can save you lots of embarrassment.

  Smile and always be approachable.

The most important of all the things you wear is your expression. If you are interested in someone, smile at them. Smiles shows a happy and approachable personality. Since nobody wants to be embarrassed, what most people do is to keep their cool, and buckle up their feelings until they can find a smiling face. Look at the eyes, you can tell if the smile is from the heart.

  Give genuine compliments.

Personally, I hate flattery; and I belief that nobody likes it. You don’t need to flatter anybody. If it is not true, then don’t say it.

There is at least one thing fantastic about everybody; find it  and give genuine compliments.

  Keep your  self respect.

This point is specially important if you must attract the opposite sex.

Guy do not like ladies that are “too cheap”, also ladies do not like guys that are “too nice”. Whatever your sex, having respect for yourself will go a long way to determine how much respect of the opposite sex you attract.

Guys, remember that ladies always fall for guys that are a little bit unreachable. Ladies also remember that guys love the chase and persuasion (just don’t overdo it).

  Be a good listener.

One fact about life is that everyone loves to talk, no one wants to listen. Everyone, regardless of age, sex, or race wants to be listened to.

When you listen to people talk, they find you very interesting and friendly. They also find in you a companion, and would like to tell you everything; even secrets.

  Be informed.

Don’t ever open your mouth unless you have something reasonable to say. Great minds attract other great minds. People can easily tell how informed you are by the words that comes out of your mouth.

Gather information at all cost. Don’t ever ignore any piece of information no matter how small. That information might be useful tomorrow to you, or to someone else. When people find sense in what you say, they will want to know you better. This can only be possible if you are informed.

  Lastly, keep your complains to yourself.

Some people simply complain too much. Nobody want to hear about the miseries in your life. Keep your unpleasant stories for intimate friends and family members.

Complains are like virus; they kill happy moods. So if you don’t want people to avoid you- change your story!

 The above points are very simple and easy to ignore; but if you must develop a superb personality and attract great people, then these are the basics.

Talk to me at-tine775@gmail.com.

Now is the time to take control. Stop people from abusing, mistreating, disrespecting or unappreciating you. One step at a time. It becomes easier as time goes on. You began to demand respect. You can do it quietly, you don’t have to yell.

You can simply start by saying NO when you dont want to do something. You can tell your kids you arent their maid or slave. You can tell your parent to stop treating you like a child. You can tell your friend NO. If these people care they will still be there. If not they didnt anyway and you may be better off.

Empowering yourself becomes easier as you take baby steps. Your family and friends may suddenly ask , “What’s wrong with you?” I had to say I know you love me, but loving me is not enough anymore. I want respect and appreciation. It may shock them initially but as you stick to your guns it works.

You feel better and become confident. I am doing it everyday. Everyday I get stronger where it counts. Taking control of my own self worth. Demanding that others realize it as well.

Good luck on your journey. Baby steps…You will get there

I love to go over old sayings, many we say without thinking about them. They just become a norm, a saying that we heard for years and just repeat over and over.

The old Silence is Golden. Yes it is sometimes. Parents said it when kids got unruly or when someone lost their temper. So maybe it is appropriate at those times.

Don’t let it become a way of life. Don’t let it become the way you allow others to control you or a conversation.

If you have something to say, say it. You don’t ever have to be rude, but don’t let people just walk over you.

If you don’t want to do something say NO

If you don’t like something say no thank you

If you don’t agree say so

Remaining silent or following the crowd is being a coward. It is not standing up for yourself or being who you are or can be. It is allowing others to run your life.

That is what gangs do. That is what people that hang out in crowds do. They are to afraid to make their own decisions so they cowardly let others do it for them. It is easier to do that and blame others when tings go wrong. They never accept responsibility for what happens.

Same as seeing someone abuse a child. Remaining silent is condoning it. To afraid to tell the person they are wrong for hitting that child. To afraid to say you are wrong for cussing at a 5 year old. To afraid to tell them to stop stealing, gossiping or lying.

To afraid to just walk away from the drama. So they silently suffer or silently condone bad behavior by becoming part of it.

Silence is not golden if it hurts someone. Silence is not golden if you dont have control of your own life. Silence is not golden if you have to blame someone else for everything wrong that goes wrong in your life.

Silence is golden if you are only silent when it counts. When you hold back because you dont want to disrespect an elder. When you hold back anger to your child. When you hold beck because a fool is trying to engage you and it isnt worth your time. Those are times when silence is golden.

Dont let someone else make that determination for you. YOU do it.

 If you have something to say and you wont regret it later say it calmly and with integrity. 

Silence can be very rewarding…but silence can also hurt.

You determine when to shut your mouth. You determine when not to.

Dont let someone else tell you when.  Dont let someone else control your world.

I believe the video speaks for itself.

It is very moving and one every young woman should have a listen to.

Could you imagine Sara Baartman’s reality?

Do you think it is present today in the glorified way the commentator mentions?

If so do comment and let me know your thoughts.

Thank you for stopping by.

PS- In relation to this video my question to you would be what can you do today?

      Do you think there is something to be done or is what is just is.

Love you…….

How you say things, who you are saying them to and how you want a person to hear what you are saying. There are certain words that hold a certain meaning no matter how you try to sugar coat it, it doesn’t change the meaning of the word.

Allow…..Permit……

In a relationship there are two people. My husband and I talked about these words last night and about a post I read yesterday. You see we are a team. We work together. We discuss our plans, we decide how to do things and we compromise if we see things differently.

That is why they took out the word obey in the vows. There is no need for another adult to lead another. It is two grown people in a relationship.

We don’t allow or permit one another to do things. Those are controlling words, no matter how you sugar coat them. You see them on street signs. You are allowed to park for 2 hours, You are permitted to park in the green to unload. 

We don’t need permission to do things in a relationship, both are adults. You give kids permission. You allow kids to do things. Employers give permission and so forth.

In a relationship why should your partner permit or allow another adult to do anything? Adults know what their limitations already are. If they don’t then they don’t respect your relationship.

If you have to set guidelines, rules and barriers maybe you picked the wrong person. Maybe you don’t have the same values and morals.

When we give advice to others regarding marriage or relationships we should always be careful of the words, especially women. We can’t say something one way then pounce on a man for saying something the same way except using the word woman instead of man.

I recently saw a post about how to change a man into prince charming. Oh the women were all on it. But if the post were about changing a woman into a princess and what a man wanted the women would have a fit. So women have to be fair about language..words……

So yes language…words is everything…You cant play word games…..So I dont like the words permission or allow in a relationship nor does my husband, that is our preference.

So in a relationship …..

If you have to give Permission or get permission to do something

If you have to allow them to do something or be allowed to do something

Maybe just maybe…..Hmmmmm….My personal feeling is if I was in a relationship like that…I would feel like I never left home. I would still be under my parents control.

Well this person’s name is John Bird!  Still doesn’t ring any bells?  Well what if I were to tell you that he is the founder of Big Issue, the magazine you’ve probably seen been sold by homeless people outside shops and on busy high streets.  Now while you may feel that the Big Issue is simply a capitalist venture which exploits the poor, let me now tell you that nothing is further from the truth.  Instead, it is designed to give homeless people a chance to make some money for themselves and teaches them all about saving bit money so that they can further buy their next bundle of magazines (and make subsequent profit).  I have even researched further and found that according to many who been homeless; Big Issue enabled them to gain the money to rent out a small room to live in, taking them off the streets.

So despite what many people may say, Big Issue has actually improved (and saved) a vast number of people’s lives, effectively turning would-be down and outs into productive citizens of the community.  Yet what is not known about the founder of Big Issue, John Bird, is that he himself didn’t come from privileged background.  He quite openly admits that as a child and young adult, he grew up in poor parts of East London, turning to crime, etc.  He spent large amount of his younger years going in and out of juvenile centres and subsequently, prisons.

Yet by the same philosophy which he brings to Big Issue, he subsequently turned his life around and has become a thriving philanthropist.  Part of his philosophy which I have found to be a great advantage in my life is the idea of taking small steps to success (or 3% rule as he refers to it).  If you would like to find out more about how intentionally taking small steps can lead to success, please read my subsequent article, ‘Small Steps To Success.’

If you would like to find out more on Bird’s philosophy to success, I would recommend purchasing his personal development book ‘Change Your Life’ from Amazon or click on following link.

John Bird Book

If asked, probably everyone would reply that they would like to be respected at work. Everyone who doesn’t feel respected at work has negative feeling about their workplace. Disrespect creates a negative spiral of hostility, paranoid behaviour, bullying and often harassment not to mention the deterioration of the working environment and the lowering of the work efficiency. Typically these negative feelings grow over time unless something is done about them.

Photo source: 

So, what can you do to gain respect at the workplace?

The first thing to do is to understand what respect means. Respect is not adoration, worship or public eulogies. Least of all it is that you agree totally with the other person. That is sheepish behaviour. In fact, two persons who seem to be disagreeing often can have great respect for each other. 

Discover the different kinds of respect

Photo source: 

There are two kinds of respect: ascribed respect, which comes form a person’s position, social standing, age, experience or family name etc. This is formally ascribed to kings, presidents, generals, parents and elders (in some cultures) or top managers in companies even if many “subordinates” don’t feel that they have earned the respect.

The second kind of respect is earned respect, which usually comes from personal attributes. This kind of respect is earned over a longer period of time. Personal attributes likes honesty, integrity, diligence, steadfastness, kindness, fairness, gentle manners, decency, professional success or involvement in social affairs are usually seen to be characteristics that earn an individual the respect of the work community in different cultures all over the globe. Even persons who are not entitled to the nominal ascribed respect can earn more respect this way.

Photo source: 

Barriers to Gaining Respect in the Workplace

Then you need to discover the barriers to respect at the workplace. Rather often these are:

• Lack of Integrity
• Conflicting Morals
• Conflicting standards of Honesty, Diligence and Fairness
• Low Self-Respect
• Too much Stress 

 Typically, workplaces where fear rules or there is a “dog-eats-dog” atmosphere, the rules of survival and prospering are sometimes very underhand. People resort to cheating, lying, being mean, making promises they can’t keep and blaming failures on others.

How to begin to earn respect

You can’t earn respect by banging your fist and demanding respect. Neither can you earn respect even if there are a thousand laws requiring people at the workplace to respect you. This is because respect is a two-way bridge.

Photo source: 

The first step is stopping to reflect and think. Real thinking and not just letting those random train of thoughts, grievance and complaints going round and round in your head, is extremely difficult. Try, and you’ll catch yourself chasing random and insignificant thoughts, which lead you nowhere.

Ask yourself:

• How do others really see me? If you can, ask someone who can and will tell you something helpful about it.
• What are my values? Are they the same as other people’s values? Am I prepared to stand for my values, face conflicts and pay a price for standing up?
• What do I contribute? How do others see my contribution? Are they even aware of what I contribute or can contribute?
• How do I see the other person? Do I really make an effort to understand what the other person really wants?
• What am I good at? Can I improve myself and become even better?
• For what do I want to be respected? What exactly am I doing to make that happen?
• What concrete actions am I taking to change the things that bother me, in myself, at the workplace?

If you can stand these questions and handle them, you will have discovered some things about yourself that you probably don’t like. Sinking into feelings of self-deprecation (“Oh! I am so pathetic!” or “No wonder everyone hates me!” is a terrible trap, very difficult to climb out of. The crucial step then is to make an action plan about what you are doing to improve things, concrete steps. Then write this action plan down and add a schedule to it.  Take it in your hands regularly, daily, every week and check your progress and reward yourself for even the tiniest progress.

In a short time, you will notice changes happening to you. Others will soon notice a change in you. You have then taken a great leap towards earning respect.

Image by oseillo via Flickr

Pornography is now regarded as a legitimate slice of entertainment and we have to accept it. Pornography robs its victims of self-respect and of an appreciation of the beauties of life. It tears down those who indulge and pulls them into a slough of evil thoughts and possibly evil deeds. It seduces, destroys and distorts the truth about love and intimacy. It is as addictive and self-destructive as illicit drugs and it literally destroys the personal relationships of those who become its slaves.

Infidelity, promiscuity and sexual indulgence, in all their forms come trailing a host of ills – life-threatening disease; the insecurity of sexual involvement without commitment or even without love, in many cases – the deterioration of ones feelings of value and self-worth; the breach of personal integrity; the threat of unwanted pregnancy and many more.

Courtesy of Triond

The challenge to recognize evil and oppose it is one that every moral, virtuous person must accept. It all begins with our own personal virtue. Reformation of the world begins with reformation of us. We cannot hope to influence others in the direction of moral virtues unless we live of virtue. Respect for self is the beginning of cultivating virtue in men and women.

Our challenge is to lift our thoughts above the filth’s, to discipline our acts into an example of virtue, to control our words so that we speak only that which is uplifting and leads to growth. When we stood back to compare the dirty surface with the clean, it was amazing to see how much better the clean surface looked and to notice how dirty the walls have become without our realizing it.

It says that both experience and Divine wisdom dictate that moral virtue and cleanliness pave the way that leads to strength of character, peace of mind and heart and happiness in life. As a great moral reformation will occur only as reformation takes place in the hearts, minds and lives of each of us; as morality is reinstated as a priority in the homes of the country; and as men and women, boys, and girls – realizing their lives are missing a critical moral component and determine to seek a life in virtue.

You might also want to read my other articles about virtues – Click LOVE and HONESTY and happy reading.

Morality requires discipline. Each of us has a conscience. We know the difference between right and wrong. We know when we have done the wrong thing. We know when we have done the right thing, which result in a sense of inner peace and happiness.

Hit Triond, Write and Get Paid.

Image via Wikipedia

One thing in this world that we cannot live without is, respect. It is a very important need of all humans on earth that it sometimes takes precedence even over our survival. Disrespect can cause  such intense rage that people can go to the extreme of sacrificing their lives or take another’s life. Disrespect over oneself, over another person, country or even symbol can be a single most issue in our lives.  Not being welcomed-,in the right manner, being ignored, our comments being brushed aside rudeness, impoliteness , ,taking casually a matter of serious concern to us, not answering, being cut off in a middle of a sentence, being joked at in front of others, talking back, hijacking or monopolizing a conversation and so on. ,

One does not crave for utmost love, trust, compassion or forgiveness. It is respect first. Others come later .Without the foundation of respect, the others will not last. Disrespect is never forgotten and not easily forgiven. It is the greatest relationship destroyer. There is no simple mechanism to handle disrespect. It is considered willful, though in reality, it may not be the case. Disrespect is an act of violence.

Respect, like love, has to be consciously indicated in such a manner that the other person has to discern with it.  Not being disrespectful does not imply respect. Many a time we assume that being our normal good self is being respectful. This is not adequate. For respect to be felt by other person it has to be emotional and effusive. The usual words, tone of voice, gestures and body language are not adequate. It requires a little more than the normal behavior. It has to become a way of outpouring, rather effortlessly from within. It is always a great pleasure to watch people who show respect with ease, finesse, elegance and sophistication. This can only happen when there is an understanding of the structure of the self and its never-ending desideratum for respect. Lot of divorces in the world would not happen if the man and the woman give due respect to each other. Money hidden or expenses not disclosed between partners would not lead to confrontation if there is respect between them. Most of the divorces in the advanced world especially the United States will not take place with this understanding and undertaking.

The greatest gift we can give ourselves in this new beginning of the year 2011 is self respect. This self of ours needs to respect itself for it to function at its peak efficiency. Self respect is to do with our character – such as integrity, taking a stand, moral courage, commitment, perseverance, hard work, empathy, fellow feeling, It is just a quality we admire in great people is just an indicator of what we would respect in ourselves.