Is he into you?  (Photo credit: epSos.de)

This situation is very destructive to the woman. Many times she blames herself, thinking that she is not attractive enough, she is doing something wrong, he does not love her enough, etc and she seeks for ways to become more attractive to him, without understanding that this is not the real problem. Therefore, it is important to figure out what is the problem as soon as possible and try to fix it (if possible).

The right way to handle this situation is to start an open and frank conversation between the couple. The woman should approach the man and ask him nicely and calmly to have a talk, and then ask his strait forward what is wrong.

In the easy case, it will turn out that the man is also confused and seek to an answer. In this case you should seek answers as a couple. Go to doctors and make sure it is not a medical situation. If it is, than it is probably treatable. If not seek the help of a trained sexologist.

However, it the man deny having a problem, it will be harder. They question now is why his he denying it? Now there are two possibilities:

1. This “no sex” condition is something new. In the fast everything was OK between the two of you.
2. There were never normal sexual relationships between the two of you.

The first case is easier, since in most cases the reason is medial or a psychological state, something that can be treated. However, sometimes it also reflects a change is the partner’s emotions toward the woman. So, while we all understand that the man might feel embarrassed about it. The woman must insist in getting an answer, since it is either treatable or a sign that their relationships are coming to an end.

The second case is harder, and most of the time it is irreversible, since many times it means that the he was never really “into the woman”.

There are numerous reasons why those men do not want to have sex; I will only name a few:

1. He is gay.
2. He married you so you will be the mother of his children, not his lover.
3. He is addicted to masturbation, porn or hookers (stay away from those).
4. He is punishing you. He feels that you control him, so this is his way to control you,
5. He is depressed (treatable!).
6. He is suffering from a medical or hormone condition and he is embarrassed about it (most of the time it is treatable).

The most exciting wild sex with making love with a long time. Some people think they have to tease and excite. Even if this is true in many cases, your wife can easily reach the summit as soon as you do. Not on the length of time for life to improve your over-voltage protection, many women think that men take up business. Although traditionally a woman should be obedient, do not wait. If you are a woman and want to have sex, first to act. You will find that you are in control and change the speed, the advantage to give you. Retained control over your partner can do wonders to increase self-confidence, explore fantasies, along with her husband or wife, build intimacy and show them a vulnerable side. Many people forget that because they fear their partner has rejected the idea, or thought they were strange, because their inner desires. If you open with the desires of your partner without judgment.

Have another misconception that couples often face is that both have an orgasm or not. There are many more men and women to enjoy the pleasure of your partner or pleasure, if you think that you both have an orgasm, so that sex as okay, you’re wrong. Some women do not easily accessible orgasme.Jika you know that you always have an orgasm together, then you really look at your relationship. There are times when you’re more in my mind, or if your spouse has a lot of heads. There are times when you do not get to orgasm. It takes a lot of work for a partner to reach orgasm with up to 50 percent of the time.

He took me to his room for our man-to-man chat whenever there was such an issue between us and told me why I should be there as his first son and I reluctantly obliged him his annoying request. I had arranged with my girlfriend on how we would tour some exotic places in Lagos. Such places like Silverbird Cinemas, Shoprite and Alpha Beach in Lekki. Now my father had taken the pleasure of such fun and closeness with my beau away from me. My girlfriend was inconsolable as she and her people would not be traveling to the Eastern part of Nigeria where we all came from. My mother helped me pack my luggage, making sure all that I would need to look the perfect picture of the newest Osuofia’s son were achieved to precision. I felt so gutted and empty. At my age, my parents are still running my life and those of my younger siblings.

Of course it has been so when you realize I’m one of my father’s empire’s biggest beneficiary – after my first degree and second degree in different courses that have to do with Business Administration, I came back to a brand new position as an Executive Director with all the trappings of the office – I don’t think I have much reasons to upset the apple’s cart of my life. Let it be said now that my half-educated father is my backbone. He is a man among boys who call themselves men. I’m actually thirty years and they – my parents – have been giving me hell to settle down in life as they settled down when my father was only twenty-six.

Quietly, I put a call through my girl friend’s phone to inform her of the disappointment. She took it not in good faith after asking me for how long we would be in the village. I corrected her by telling her that my community is not actually a village as it has most of the infrastructures existing in Lagos as well. We laughed over that. Her next concern was on the grave issue of kidnapping. I dissuaded her from worrying about that as my parents had arranged with the Commissioner of Police in Lagos for a dozen policemen to accompany us to anywhere we chose to go to while in the East.

The chartered flight in a friend’s private jet took off at the local wing of the Murtala Muhammed International Airport and landed at the newly constructed Asaba Airport within an hour. It was a record sensation for us. There were about fifteen different brands of latest Toyota and Nissan jeeps all encapsulated in intimidating metallic black colour waiting to ferry us to our community with an escort and our own team of policemen to complete the picture of power, regality, opulence and wealth. That was on the 24th December 2011. The only snarl was the atrocious traffic jam that we met at the gates of the Asaba Airport which stretched behind us within seconds. The escort in our convoy made it easier for us to spend less than forty minutes to get to the other side of the Niger. Onitsha city’s traffic was in its glory but we had to use the failed Enugu Expressway to get to Nnamdi Azikiwe Roundabout before hitting the well-tarred road that led to our community.

Believe you me, I love my father and respect him a lot for sundry reasons. He is a man of grandiose show who knows how to handle serious issues in the world of business wheeling and dealing, and communal politicking. As soon as our convoy got to the border of our community with a neighbouring community, cannon gunshots started exploding to herald our arrival. Waoh! I was initially startled but thanked God in my mind that Boko Haram wouldn’t dare.

On getting into our expanse compound, our town’s women welcomed us with a frenetic dance involving measured but frenzied gyration of their entire body. I was thrilled. There is fun in my town too. I didn’t know when, ‘thank God I’m here,’ escaped me. My immediate younger sister smiled affectionately at me and squeezed my palm.

Within time, our palatial residence became a Mecca of some sorts. People started trooping in not minding the presence of our fierce-looking policemen who had taken positions guarding our near-supernatural residence. What grand taste my parents have! I couldn’t stop admiring the picturesque look of our residence.

Damn! My town is cool! I quickly settled town and started doing things. Girls-girls -girls! Choice alcoholic beverages and more, my parents ensured it would be fun for all. It was 25th December the day of my father’s conferment with the title of Osuofia – the trailblazer of our community – we all woke up feeling more royal than royalty themselves. I was carrying out my morning ablutions in readiness for the days’ activities in my suite when a maid came to inform me of my mother’s summon. I left my room immediately for our Obi where they had started receiving people who were coming with cattle gifts and other sundry gifts to support my father on his big day.

I was saying in my mind, “What a carnival going on around me?” while walking into our Obi when this pretty sight hit me. I did a double take and almost missed a step on the long flight of descending steps that led to my mother’s presence. She was grinning from ear to ear when she noticed my obfuscation while staring at her for what seemed an eternity without figuring out what had hit me.

My mother stood up and embraced me in the most regal manner while I kept at looking at the prettiest face I ever saw. I grinned at her and ate her up with my eyes.

With her arms spread, my mother announced to me in the most sonorous voice,

“This is our dear Igwe’s first daughter. She just came back from the States for our conferment. Darling son, say welcome to Pearl.”

Without wasting time, I enveloped her in a sweeping embrace and suffered instant hard-on as I exhaled her opulent cologne. There was this magnetic device that crushed us into one another as I saw her melt into me. If not that my mother was there with us, I would have suffered my mind other devices, but I let her go with my best smile.

“Pearl, this is Emeka my first son – a jolly good son – I know you two will find each other amusing.” My mother the match-maker had continued.

We made light conversations and promised to hook up with each other during and after the conferment ceremonies. It was a fait accompli.

The conferment ceremonies came and went by without me taking my eyes off Royal Princess Pearl. The conferment train and party moved down to our residence and you guessed right, I sent a jeep to ferry Pearl down to my arms of love. I had plied myself with passable alcohol to boost my confidence before she was ushered into my suite.

Like you guessed right too, I had sex on my mind and we took care of that business. It became a regular chill for us for the next few days. On 31st December, I left my community for the Asaba Airport where I went back to Lagos to continue with my responsibility as an Executive Director while my parents continued to play host and hostess to people coming to pay them homage and stuff like that. Pearl and I agreed to keep in touch. She had come back after her first degree to embark on her Youth Service programme. I promised her I would talk to my friends in Abuja to see her posted to Lagos for her national assignment in March.

Two days to Valentine, Pearl and my mother walked into my office. I had just come back from a little shopping for my girl friend in the spirit of St. Valentine’s Day celebrations. I embraced her affectionately even as I was a bit troubled by her presence in my waiting room. My mother went into my office with me and had a long conversation with me. The verdict came out fast. I must marry Pearl and make my family blue blooded or else I would be disowned. My father my mother had told me is in support even as she told me Pearl wouldn’t agree with her less. She is two months gone. A true son of my parents who wouldn’t miss an opportunity whenever it came knocking, I quickly sent an assistant to get me a new SIM card from MTN’s Aromire – Ikoyi Friendship Centre. I went into my waiting room and took Pearl in my arms and kissed her tenderly.

And yes again, you guessed right. I gave the engagement ring I had bought for my girl friend to Pearl in a top Bar on Victoria Island. Our grand wedding would be in a month’s time. My girlfriend has been going to our common friends and calling me a gold-digger for turning into royalty. She has a point, but there is nothing I can do about it.

What came to your mind when this gory news got to you? On our Family/Marital issue for this special edition, we brought to you the reactions of Nigerians to the question that beggar for answers: WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN SUDDENLY YOU REALIZE YOUR DEAR CHILD HAS LOST HIS/HER SEXUAL INNOCENCE? Read the reactions from fellow Naija peeps and send your reactions to our e-mail address – editornaijapeeps@yahoo.co.uk or call +234 803 3537679

This has always been a recurring issue with our children. As a parent I know what sex is all about and I equally knew how I lost my innocence. For the sake of my children, I will help them by preparing them for the journey into sexual knowledge. It is a fountain they will definitely shower in; for my boys, use condom and for my girls, cleanliness and dangers of unprotected sex. Mrs. Adams, Abuja

As a parent, I’ll not loose sleep seeing my children begin to go out and gain practical sexual experience. The catch here is not to build castles in the air around your children. Let them be free and learn stuff by themselves. When you realize they have lost their innocence, you begin your responsibility of teaching them the best sexual practices. There is no need cutting off a fellow man’s penile beauty and tool. It is callous and evil. No man has such right to dismember another man’s joy-stick.  Joseph, Jos

To be honest with you, when I heard the news, I knew I can do such a thing. I’m yet to come across the print copy of this newsbreak so as to see the man’s reason for dismembering a man’s joy-stick. This kind of thing happens when a man is close to his daughter as fathers are wont to be. A man like that wouldn’t believe his angel of a daughter would one day have carnal knowledge of a man not that he would want to do the job himself. I believe it is a psychological thing for the man. But whenever I observe my daughter has started seeing boys, I will pray for God’s protection and guidance for her as I know I will not ever open my mouth and make her tell me she has lost her virginity. If I do, I know I will definitely go after her carnalist. Mr. Ade, Lagos

As a believer, I know the dangers of raising children in this generation. I must have started teaching my children that fornication is against God’s dictates. Their manner of dressing will also help stop evil predators from attacking. To make heaven, you must abstain. But like your question suggests, I’ll raise the tempo of my moral teachings if I realize they have lost their innocence so that by doing so, I’ll make heaven and not have any of my children stop me like the children of Eli in the Bible wasted him. Mrs. Ijeoma, Lagos

I know of a friend who threw his daughter out of his house for having and keeping a boyfriend against his instruction and the child ended up a prostitute today. On the issue of cutting off another man’s joy stick, it is left for God to judge but I will not do that. All I will do is sit my adolescent children down and talk to them one on one. Make them your friends if you are finding it difficult broaching the topic of sex education at home. That way, they will tell you more about their sexual knowledge from the streets and you will give them your best teachings knowing that they now see you as a friend and not that autocratic father who always screams and shouts at them. It makes our children begin to hide such things from us and at the end of the day, what we tried to prevent will explode into unwanted pregnancies and STD’s. Mr. Smart, Lagos

Doc. Thinkstock

When the above situation occurs woman confused how to deal with it. On the one hand you do not want to hurt or upset even pairing, on the other hand you were lazy to get laid.

Psychologist Dr. Noelle C. Nelson explained that there were some women given reaction when not in the mood for sex, but instead invite their partner to make love. These reactions are:

1. You immediately call the conclusion of her husband and make love with enthusiasm.

2. With a look of a little lazy, but later agreed to have sex with his invitation but also lazy.

3. Complained and then refused to go to sleep.

According to experts, domestic relations, if you give your first reaction, to be sure you are a woman ’super’ which could raise the mood in an instant. Husband was pleased with the reaction and admire you.

Meanwhile, if the reaction number two and three you gave,if you continue to do so, he’s notimpossible for long lazy sex with a partner.

Husband may feel you do not appreciate it.

Does that mean the wife must always be prepared when invitedto make love though not in the mood? Of course not suggested that Dr. Nelson. When this condition occurs, you can still reject the request but with a more positive phrase.

Like the politician when he was campaigning, gave the couple a sweet promise that you should definitely keep it just when the mood for love has come again. How sweet the content of the promise?

Author of Your Man is Wonderful that explain, tell your husband if you can not really enjoy sex activity is that done now. Promised to him, other activities will take place the day when youreally get excited about, such asthe weekend.

Here are some ways to know the shrewdness of a man during sex. No need to test drive first, ladies.

1. He’s a gentleman. For real man, the little things become very meaningful if it is done to please his partner. Opened the car door, often calling to ask questions about the news, to remind you to prepare the material for a meeting at the office later. Why would a shrewd gentleman in bed? Of course, because he will do anything to make his partner happy.

2. Not selfish. On his head there is only ” me, me, me “? wow, very selfish. A true lover would ask for news of his partner first before he talked a lot about what passes today. So also in bed, he will make sure his partner is satisfied before it came his turn to reach the climax.

3. Relaxed and not rushed. If the daily course always panic and a rush, how about in bed? Men are able to satisfy their partner in bed has a principle of “slow but sure”. Although calm and relaxed, he’s likely to quietly washed away. Hmmm… seems to point that one does not apply, if you and your partner are trying to quickie sex.

4. Makes you feel special. Achieve sexual satisfaction is when you feel free to express yourself because you are his most special person. When partner makes you feel like a beautiful woman in the world, then that confidence will grow and grow, so the session to share love in bed feels more leverage.

Online poll involving 1,000 Americans describes the facts: 32 percent of poll participants chose missionary as their favorite position: 23 percent chose doggy style, and 22 percent chose the style cowgirl (woman on top). Then, only 7 percent who chose 69 positions, 6 percent chose spooning style (sideways), and 4 percent liked the reverse cowgirl style (woman on top but the style of the woman facing the opposite direction).

However, the poll by Adam & Eve fan on Facebook showed different results. More than half of poll participants apparently chose doggy style (53 percent), followed by the woman on top (29 percent). While the missionary and reverse cowgirl style was only 6 percent of those voting interest.

Survey through the website Adam & Eve also reveals another fact. If you often use sex aids, chances are you also doggy style enthusiasts. Adult toys company concludes, those who like to involve sex toys during sex tend to be more adventurous or more wild in bed than those who do not use it. While they are not fond of experimenting with props and then choose a style that is “mediocre”, in this case the missionary.

    Improve cardiovascular health. Men who have sex at least twice a week had a healthier heart. The risk of heart attack so much lower than that just have sex once a month. According to a study.
    Boost immunity. If you regularly have sex, antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA) also rose. This makes you more resistant to colds and fever disorders.
    Reduce stress. Sex will improve your mood. Dopamine and serotonin hormones will be more widely produced and can cope with stress and create more happy.
    Ease the pain. Sex hormones trigger the release of oxytocin which acts as a pain reducer. So if you feel a headache or other pain, do not be surprised if suddenly as the pain was distracted when having sex.
    Adding age. When you orgasm, the hormone dehydroepiandrosterone is released. This hormone acts as agent immunity, tissue repair, and make the skin healthy. A study says that men who orgasm at least twice a week live longer than an orgasm only occasionally in a few weeks.
    Blood circulation. Sex causes increased heart rate and blood flow faster. That is, the more fresh blood is distributed to the organs and cells. The body also will expel toxins and the body feels a bit tired after the game.
    Improve the quality of love, the mind becomes more relaxed. When the body is exhausted with a relaxed mind, feels more restful sleep.
    More calories burned. Same sex as you exercise. Many calories you will burn during sex. One session can burn 80 calories. That is not plus you do foreplay with your partner.
    Increase the hormone estrogen and testosterone. Sex will increase testosterone in men and estrogen in women. Role of testosterone affects libido, heart health, and employment menngkatkan muscle and bone. For women, estrogen protects the heart and regulate instrumental scent.

But in reality, women do not even feel strange familiar with the vibrator. The lack of knowledge makes a lot of antipathy towards the object of women who rely on battery power to provide stimulation to the clitoris is sexual pleasure as well.

There are five things about vibrators that women need to understand, it also could be a reason to have it and treasure it in the bed.

A. Vibrators for women.
Not all women can achieve orgasm with ease, and the vibrator can help women get pleasure and climax.

Vibrator is also good for women in terms of health. Studies show women who use vibrators more frequently checked reproductive organs such as the pap smear every year than those who do not use a vibrator.

Women who use vibrators are not only giving a gift to himself, with pleasure from clitoral stimulation, but also more concerned with the health of her vagina.

2. Men do not mind.
Vibrator does not intimidate him. So, just ignore the suggestion he would feel uncomfortable if you use these sex aids.

Strengthen the study, men do not mind if their partner using a vibrator. In fact, many men are agreed that using a vibrator healthy for women’s sex lives.

3. Affect sexual satisfaction.
No need to doubt the power of a vibrator that can affect women’s sexual satisfaction.

Studies show that women who have a positive perspective on the use of a vibrator, and wear it for 30 days, have higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Both in terms of libido, lubrication is also a better orgasm.

4. Can be cleaned.
Vibrator can also be dirty because of the use or storage, but may be cleaned. The reason is not hygienic care provided indisputable vibrator can be taken. If sex toys are available in the market, the cleaner can be obtained.

In addition to using special cleaning vibrator, you can also take care to clean it regularly using soap. Use soap mixed with warm water to moisten the vibrator while cleaning, then wipe the vibrator. When cleaning, avoid the area of ​​the battery and the controller.

5. Lots of options.
Many options can be tailored to the needs of the vibrator. When buying or using a vibrator consider the durability and validity. Of course, premium quality vibrator will last longer, and have a warranty so that if any part is damaged by too frequent use, chances are you can replace or repair it.

Quality vibrator can be used for a long time, but not forever. While the vibrator which usually last less than one year if used too often.

If the vibrator is gel or rubber-containing materials, you must replace it after a year of use due to the use of more than one year may invite the risk of bacteria to the vaginal area.

“Quite often there are as addicted to gym, and can do it at least twice a day, morning and afternoon,” said Riani Susanto, ND, a naturopathic detoxification and, when the talk show “Healthy Living with Style” in Metro Pondok Indah Mall, South Jakarta, Thursday (05/03/2012) then.

In addition to the frequency of excessive exercise, but many also of those who exercised for too long, for example, for two hours or more. Their hope, of course, that the results are quickly visible. Rather than be lean and muscular body is formed, the frequency of sex you and your partner would be affected. What’s the story?

Extreme and excessive sports by Riani would interfere with your enjoyment and your sex life, because it will affect the production of male and female hormones. When a man is too tired to exercise, their testosterone production will decrease. Whereas in women, too tired to exercise would result in a bit of estrogen production.

Well, this is a reduction in the production of reproductive hormones that will result in a decrease in sex drive us. “In addition, the tiredness will also make a person reluctant to have sex,” he added.

For that Riani recommends to limit as much exercise once a day for one hour only. Preferably, in one hour you have been involved for 40 minutes of cardio exercise, and rest for strength training. For example, using dumbbell weights.