Then, there are those who know the value of silence.

One of the most traumatic responses I have ever witnessed was when a Mother who had been pointedly ignored by her children, ‘disappeared’.  The kids didn’t notice for awhile then when her phone was no longer in service and there was no response to emails, they called someone who knew someone who knew their mother.

Their mother had sold the house and moved.  They weren’t exactly sure where she went.

The kids now became frantic and finally went to where their mother had lived to find out she had sold the house they coveted to a stranger. 

As they had been so divorced from their mother they had difficulty in finding anyone who knew anything, and finally after weeks found someone who told them, with a shrug that she’d migrated to ….

After so many years of not returning phone calls, or telling her how ‘inconvenient’ it would be for her to visit and other such clever ways to avoid her, they now didn’t have to; she was gone.  Gone without a word.

In another case a man simply didn’t show up for work one day.  His boss, one of those from Hell, ranted and raved and threatened in absentia. 

After the next day when there were telephone calls to a dead number, the Boss sent someone to the address. The man had moved.  No one was available to say where.

One of the co-workers ran into him a few months later, and he said; “I was going to tell the Boss exactly how I felt, in detail.  Then thought, why bother?”

If you have a lot to say to say someone, write it down, but don’t send it.  Silence can be more powerful

They sneer and chant with simulated blood smeared signs at anti-war demonstrations,  what some may refer to as the animal act of copulation and the other animal act of war.  Not only that, but they shout that the act of engaging in weaponized conflict with opposing aggressors to safeguard individual rights compares with participating in sex to preserve or regain chastity and purity within the couple involved.  Yet, if this imprecise utterance is viewed in the context of procreation and emphasis is then placed on the development of an embryonic diploid eukaryote, then it is valid and an absolute verity.

Baby-making time

The destructive nature of bombs dropping on sections of cities in some foreign land to promote serenity for some distant day may seem difficult to conceptualize by the time search crews begin to recover human remains. The notion is so far removed from the idea of exchanging bodily fluids in an act of passion and pleasure in the bedroom. On the battlefield, it includes your adversary’s blood squirting into your eyes upon thrusting a spear into his neck, or enjoying watching as he shuffles off the mortal coil, gives up the ghost, and suffers the last blast of the buffets of fate and chance.

It is pertinent to remember that a babe is but a whole, perfect, untouched being.  The ultimate example of virginity lies in the womb of the mother, not the mother herself nor the father, indeed.  But that potential infant carries on the legacy of man as hateful as spite and as brilliant as the halo effect of an atom bomb’s detonation.

Go to sleep little babies.

There are many great leaders who are introverts like Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt who lead not because they want to but because, as Susan Cain, a Wall Street lawyer and a self proclaimed introvert puts it, they are driven to do what they thought was right.

According to Susan Cain, introversion is more on how to react to a stimuli. She said it is often mistook for shyness which is the fear of social judgment but they are different. The problem with our society is that institutions like schools and workplaces are designed for extroverts. In school or in the office, you are forced to work with a group even on tasks that you can and would rather work alone on. According to Adam Grant, introverts make better leaders because they deliver better outcomes by letting their members run with their ideas unlike extroverts who tends to get too excited with their ideas. (More of this on the video below).

According to science, introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Their counterpart, the extroverts on the other hand, cant get enough Dopamine and so their brains require Adrenaline— the hormone that’s responsible for the increase in heart rate, pulse rate and blood pressure. Needless to say, extroverts are “out there”, gregarious and the life of the party while introverts become more alive and switched on in the wilderness.

We often hear that we can find true wisdom and peace only in solitude and silence. Even in the Bible, God spoke to Moses when He was alone. God spoke to Elijah in the calmness:

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper — 1 King 19: 11-12

Sometimes I find it unfair when people force me to go out and tell me to have a break or let loose or relax a little bit and have some fun because I am having fun! It may not appear as so because I don’t move around and talk a lot but it is in the quiet that I am more comfortable and happy. This is where I thrive and where I find my bliss. It may not seem much, but to me, it’s everything.

Don’t get me wrong though. It’s not that I hate extroverts or I’m anti-social or that I’m an agoraphobic. In fact most of my friends are “socially active” and we have tons of fun when we’re together. Carl Jung, a psychological theorist said extroversion and introversion are typically viewed as a single continuum. According to Carl Jung:

No one is a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. Jung compared the two processes to the heartbeat-there is a rhythmic alternation between the cycle of contraction (introversion) and the cycle of expansion (extroversion). However, each individual tends to favor one or the other attitude and operates more often in terms of the favored attitude. Introverts see the world in terms of how it affects them, and extroverts are more concerned with their impact upon the world.

So balance is the key. I wish I can say that I am an ambivert and I live in euphoria but I cant. I am and I think will always be primarily “inward-oriented”.

Still, I think I am blessed that I know my strengths and I embrace my flaws that I don’t need to try and fit in so that people will approve of me or accept me as I am. I have a gift. I am special. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am rare. I am exquisite. I am an introvert.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=c0KYU2j0TM4]

My Unexpected Journey:

My experience, thoughts and observations drawn from my journal and notes:

Men’s Retreat, January 26-29, 2012

Our Lady of the Oaks Retreat House

Grand Coteau, Louisiana

by William David

(Some names have been changed for the privacy of those involved)

Laughter Came from Every Brick

Just these two words he spoke changed my life.

“Enjoy Me”

What a burden I thought I had to carry – a crucifix, as did He…

Love once said to me, “I know a song, would you like to hear it?”

And laughter came from every brick, from every pore in the sky.

After a night of prayer, He changed my life when He sang

“Enjoy Me”

Teresa of Avila

Today is All That Matters…

My father is Roman Catholic and my mother is United Methodist. Needless to say I was raised in a very devout home. My three siblings and myself attended both services every Sunday with our parents whenever possible for several years. My parents agreed we would be baptized and raised primarily as Catholics, even sacrificing much financially to put us all through Our Mother of Peace Elementary School. The priceless experience I took away from this was the unique first-hand knowledge of a very different, although still Christian, faith tradition. During my formative years and through most of high school I became a very devout young Roman Catholic – sharing my faith with my peers through a wonderful youth retreat team and pursuing a vocation to the priesthood almost through my senior year.

It was always very obvious to me that I asked questions, probed meaning and sought out alternative interpretations of the scriptures more than most of my young fellow Catholics. There were eight young men in a very close group, including myself, that spent most of our time together as we all divined our own vocations. We called ourselves “The Priesty Boys” and were steadfastly dedicated to supporting each other through the trials of very publicly acknowledging God’s call in our lives at that age. Two major differences between myself and the rest of the group were my appreciation for a different Christian faith and my participation in organized sports, specifically high school football. These two factors would lead me down my own path that for better and for worse has led me to where I am today.

During my junior year in high school three major changes occurred. First, I realized that all the other members of the “The Priesty Boys” were seniors already and would be graduating one year before me. I’m sure I’d thought about this before, but it never really hit home until they were all applying for colleges and making their plans for the future that would take them out of my everyday life. Next up (and most devastating to me at the time), the young priest who had organized the youth retreat team and served as spiritual adviser to so many of us – was relocated to a different parish. The retreat team was dissolved as there was now no one with enough experience and time available to lead us. And finally, during spring training of my sophomore year I’d secured my position on the varsity football squad for my junior year and suddenly found myself moving in different social circles. Being a young and impressionable teenager this exposed me to many new experiences which would change me dramatically.

During the next several years, as I graduated and went off to attend college then entered the working world and started to become an adult (at least in age, if not in behavior), my faith slowly began to dwindle and fade. My desire to fill the void that left led me to explore many other Christian faiths and in time to research other belief systems entirely. Always searching for that perfect bliss, that pure joy of spirit eventually brought me to where I was before attending the retreat this weekend. To put it simply I was lost, confused and scared. Lost because I’d misplaced the map that guided my soul to its own inner peace. Confused because I’d let so many other “things” and “desires” replace the very basic needs we all share. Scared because I was unwilling to admit to myself that there was such an emptiness inside my heart. This weekend has changed my life. By recording this I not only hope to share my experience, but to create for myself a permanent beacon through the fog and darkness of monotonous, everyday life.

* * *

Today I’m not lost. Today I’m not confused. Today I’m not afraid. Today I am spiritually whole and my heart, mind and soul are open to listen, to receive and to share. The most important thing to understand is that I haven’t made the journey, I’ve only taken the first step of many to follow on a path that stretches out before me for the rest of my days. Belief will come or not in its own time. Faith will come or not its own time. Peace will come or not in its own time. Today I am listening, thinking, feeling and stepping ever forward into a future that holds wonders beyond my imagination! Today is a gift, a song, an exclamation of all that is life! Today is all that matters because yesterday just a memory and tomorrow waits to be discovered in its own time.

* * *

On my pilgrimage, faithful Lord

go with me, to be my companion on the way

go beside me, to befriend me

go behind me, to hold me up

go above me, to watch over me

go beneath me, to lift me from my sorrows

and always go before me, to show me the way

Day One – Thursday evening, January 26:

Arrived just before 6pm expecting to be one of the early arrivals only to realize very quickly I was one of the last ones to arrive. Out of the nearly fifty men attending this retreat only seven of us were first-timers – James Harper has been going every year for forty-two years. Checked in with the retreat captains in the library and got my room assignment (#12), then was briefly greeted by Robert Parks and Marcus Hampton as I passed through the reading room. Got settled into my room after Jeremy met me at the front door with my jacket – great timing for once. After that of course my first priority was to locate the designated smoking area, finding it rather easily under the big wooden gazebo just off the cafeteria hallway. Dinner served at 6:40pm (red beans and rice with a nice garden salad) followed by orientation and the initiation of silence that will be in force the entire weekend. We meet Fr. Michael Martin, our retreat master, as he gives his first of many conferences. Tonight’s lesson is called Learning to Hear . . .Learning to Speak. Fr. Martin’s style and wisdom is immediately apparent as he explains: 1) “One size does not fit all” – we all experience God in our own way; 2) As important as it is to hear God, we must also learn to answer him; 3) Prayer is a commitment of faithfulness and loyalty in both directions; 4) We must all come to terms with our own definition of prayer and find a method of prayer that is comfortable for us. Leaving this conference with several recommended scripture readings and a list of inspirational prayers we are free to retire at will for the evening. Enjoying the peace and serenity of the retreat house and reveling in the silence, I spend some time exploring the grounds. In no particular mood to start looking up bible verses, I decide to get comfortable and read some of the novel I brought along until I’m ready to fall asleep.

* * *

“ I have a question for you… why did you come here this weekend?”

Fr. Michael Martin, S.J.

“How long will grown men and women in this world keep drawing in their coloring books an image of God that makes them sad? It is a lie – any talk of God what does not comfort you.” – Meister Eckhart

* * *

Day Two – Friday, January 27:

Woke up an hour before the 7am bell feeling well rested so decided to go for a walk and check out Jack Fox road – a pleasant walking path suggested to us during orientation. Rather chilly this morning, but fortunately my cap and gloves were in my jacket pockets. Met the very friendly dog Fr. Martin mentioned and then headed back so I wouldn’t be late for morning prayers and breakfast. Set my first goal of the weekend: to wake up earlier tomorrow so that I can explore the path further. Bowl of Rice Krispies, scrambled eggs and grits for breakfast followed shortly by the first conference of the day: What does Jesus say about God?, “Change your minds. . .about God!”.

We are encouraged to get rid of our poisonous, false ideas about God (“stinky thinking”) and embrace the image of Jesus as an entertainer. The crowds that gathered to listen to him would have been in awe of the crazy notions this charismatic man was talking about. Imagine these poor peasants who worked all their lives to get a mere five percent return on the yield of their crops listening to parables where a farmer tosses good seed onto rocks or the master of a vineyard generously pays those who have worked only a few hours as much as those who toiled under the hot sun all day. Jesus used these parables to shock people into a different way of thinking about God and the heavenly kingdom. He paints an image of God that is not so restrictive or judgmental and certainly not totally in control as they have been taught all their lives to believe. Immediately following this conference is my first private meeting with Fr. Martin and I’m getting very anxious about how he will react to what I have to say.

Arrive about five minutes early for my 10am meeting and notice that his office light is green so I went ahead and knocked. “Please, come in.” We sat directly across from each other in his rather sparse office and after thanking him and the Society for offering the retreat in this wonderful environment I got right to the point. Knowing Jesuits and their reputation for having “been there, done that” literally in their formation time I wasn’t expecting the small amount of wonder he displayed as I explained that I was no longer Christian. He didn’t interrupt while I rambled through my monologue about coming to doubt the accuracy and authority of the Roman Catholic Church and eventually the Christian faith tradition in general. Simply nodding his head to acknowledge his understanding, he waited patiently until I was finished stating my basic belief in a unified consciousness shared between us all as humans.

He paused and looked introspective for a moment then asked, “I have a question for you… why did you come here this weekend?” My answer was simple honesty. Told him how when Dad first mentioned the idea I immediately dismissed it. The last thing I wanted was to waste an entire weekend listening to folks go on and on about religion. Then I realized something, I always talk about wanting people to respect my beliefs, but don’t practice what I preach – have completely closed myself off from any point of view that comes from organized religion. That’s when I called James Harper and after he described the retreat to me it became obvious that it would be the perfect setting for me to push all the excess influences aside for a few days and clear my mind. Fr. Martin smiled and agreed that it would be a positive experience for me as long as I was willing to be open and listen to my heart. We agreed that I would not attend the masses nor take part in the sacramental offerings of confession or anointing. He thanked me for my being so up front about everything and it was time for his next appointment. Honestly didn’t think at that point that Fr. Martin and myself would have any more private conversations during the retreat.

Fried fish, new potatoes and stewed carrots (the carrots were in a sweet sauce almost liked candied yams) for lunch today. Feel its necessary to explain how integral mealtime is to the experience here. Silence stays in effect, the only sounds in the dining room being the spiritual music playing and the clinks and clanks of dishes and silverware. Everyone arrives together, reciting The Angelus in the chapel right beforehand. The door is closed and everyone stands at their respective places during the Grace Before Meals. We all sit down, the music is cued up and the staff brings out the food. Everything is served from a common bowl or dish, passed around the table with each person taking their portion. Without ever speaking directly to the other men at your table you quickly become aware of the habits and idiosyncrasies of each of them and by supper the second night easily function as a team. When everyone is finished, the music is turned off, we all stand and recite the Grace After Meals and then the door is opened and we are free to go.

The next three conferences explore the early life of Jesus from conception right up through his young adult life. Fr. Martin is in his element, offering up historical and cultural references into his interpretations of the scriptures. My personal favorite was his insight into the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Perhaps the reason the father runs out to meet his son in the street and publicly acknowledges him is to prevent his young, foolish son from being stoned by the people of the village. Suddenly these simple narratives so richly embroidered with new context speak so clearly to me with a new voice after having heard and read them so many times before. By midday I am reading and re-reading all the suggested verses from the bible in my room as well as reflecting on their significance to me through mediation. It has become very apparent to me that not only did I make the right choice coming here this weekend, but rather I was meant to be right here, right now.

Just back from dinner and realizing I completely forgot to mention the apple pie a la mode we had for dessert at lunch – much better than the lime green jello we had tonight. Alas, they can’t all be winners, right? The shrimp etouffee and delicious green beans were certainly winners this evening. Going over all the material we’ve covered today I’ve got an entire page of scribbled notes and questions to go over with Fr. Martin tomorrow so I sign up for the 10:15am slot and lie down to rest wrapped in warmth and peace. For the first time in so long I feel in tune with the world around me instead of diametrically opposed to it.

When I look at your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars

that you have established;

what are human beings

that You are mindful of them,

mortals that you care for them?

Psalms 8: 3-4

Serenity Prayer

God grant me serenity

to accept the things I can not change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

enjoying one moment at a time,

accepting hardship as the pathway to peace,

taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

and supremely happy with Him in the next. Amen.

Reinhold Niebur

Day Three – Saturday, January 28:

Success! Despite waking up with some mild lower back pain (can only assume caused by sleeping in a smaller bed) and a killer headache, decided to head out for a walk anyway and made it much further down the path. After a splendid walk that cleared my head and giving the friendly dog on the corner a proper petting this time, made it back by 7:30am feeling spry and ready for the day. Pancakes and sausage this morning – even drank my entire glass of V-8 and I’m no fan of tomato juice. Unfortunately I don’t recall a whole lot of the morning conference today as so many thoughts and ideas were flowing through my mind as I eagerly anticipated my session with Fr. Martin almost immediately afterwords.

The session was cut a bit short due to the fact that he ran a bit over with the appointment right before, but still got to go over the questions I’d written down concerning the scripture readings from the previous day. Here, I will try to outline the basic questions I had and his answers:

Psalm 103: “So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s”

Was there a cultural myth about an eagle’s rebirth, similar to that of the phoenix?

No, the statement simply refers to strength and vigor of an eagle being desirable.

Psalm 130: “My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning”

Does the repetition of the line signify some deeper significance?

Yes and no, refers to the watchers of sunrise and sunset who blew the trumpets.

Psalm 116: “The pangs of Sheol laid hold on me”

How does the idea of Sheol resemble/differ from the concept of Hell?

Sheol is not a place of suffering and torment, more like an empty place of sorrow.

Luke 2: 41-50: The account of the boy Jesus found in the temple – “Did you not know I would be in my father’s house?”

Why do you think there is so little recorded in the gospels of Jesus’ early life?

Apart from a historian’s point of view, its probably not very interesting.

Matt 18: 23-35: Slave begs for mercy and is forgiven his debt, then punishes another who is indebted to him and is in turn punished when his master finds out about this.

What is the significance of the slave’s lack of forgiveness for others?

Probably added to the parable at some future time to make it seem more relevant, does not sound like Jesus’ vision of God’s forgiveness.

The reason I wanted to include some of those notes was to show just how much my attitude has changed about studying scripture since I arrived here, but oddly enough for me it was a pop culture reference that really caused the breakthrough of the weekend. While pondering the humanity of Jesus, several different references popped into my head, everything from Monty Python and the Holy Grail to The Last Temptation of Christ and even an old routine by Sam Kinison – finally, I recalled Kevin Smith’s film Dogma. For those of you not familiar with Kevin Smith you can click on his name in this sentence to read all about him. Dogma is, in my opinion, his coming to terms with his own religious doubts and asking the questions he always wanted to ask after being raised Roman Catholic and later leaving the church. The movie has always resonated with me on several levels, but one bit of dialogue popped into my head and wouldn’t let go. During a scene in which the main antagonist, Azrael the demon acted brilliantly by Jason Lee, describes Hell before humans arrived there as not a place of torture or suffering but instead, “Hell was nothing more than the absence of God? And if you’d ever been in His presence, you’d realize that’s punishment enough.”

The profound nature of that statement transcends religion, it speaks to our very basic desire to be part of something more than ourselves, that yearning of the spirit for peace and comfort that never seems to be satisfied. Suddenly I realized that’s exactly what I’d been denying in myself all these years, I was suffering from an absence of God. Back in my young adult life, I remember the warm embrace of God’s grace that surrounded me and that feeling is what I’ve been yearning for ever since. Was my faith magically restored? Simply put, no. My fundamental beliefs remain the same, the only difference is that now I have the courage to admit to myself that my soul yearns for something more. How awesome would it be if I could just snap my fingers and be right back in that wonderful embrace, but this is a journey and I’ve only made the first step. Not knowing where the journey will lead me makes it so much more worthwhile.

We had quite a silent chuckle at lunch today as the beets were passed around the table and no one took any. Roast beef, rice & gravy and sweet peas were soon followed by bread pudding for dessert. Attended all but the early afternoon conference today, spent that time writing down most of the notes from today and exploring my revelation. Participated in the Way of the Cross along the front drive, the stations each done in beautiful stain glass under a canopy of ancient oak trees. The weather has been magnificent all weekend, could not have asked for a more beautiful couple days here. Dinner tonight was cole slaw and spaghetti in meat sauce. Knowing this will be our last evening together makes me realize just how much I’m not going to be ready to leave tomorrow. Back in my room by 8pm after the last conference of the day and eager to try my hand at Fr. Martin’s assignment for all of us tonight – to write our own version of the Our Father that asks God for what we want most.

Patient Trust

Trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient

in everything to reach the end

without delay.

We would like to skip

all intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being

on the way to something,

unknown, something new.

Yet it is the law that all progress

is made by passing through

some stages of instability,

and that may take

a very long time.

And so I think it is with you,

your ideas mature gradually.

Let them grow,

Let them shape themselves

without undue haste.

Do not try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time -

that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will -

will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit

gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing

that His hand is leading you,

and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself

in suspense and incomplete.

Above all,

trust in the slow work of God,

our loving vine dresser.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J.

Day Four – Sunday, January 29:

Slept in until 6:15am this morning. Didn’t feel too bad about not getting a walk in today as it was entirely too cold out there anyway. Took advantage of the little bit of time I did have after my shower to get packed up and get all my linens together. Now its just time to enjoy the last few hours of blissful time I have here before I have to return to the real world. Breakfast was a bowl of raisin bran, grits, scrambled eggs and toast. Was totally caught up in the moment last night. Remembering what it felt like to feel God’s presence as a young man; how it felt so much like being made of light, a warmth and radiance that did not burn or excite but simply filled me and overflowed onto those around me. Signed up for the 10am slot with Fr. Martin and very excited to share my own personal Our Father with him. Most artists will tell you that their most brilliant work wasn’t created by them, it was there all along waiting to be discovered:

Prayer for Renewal of Faith

Dear God, my Father,

Have mercy on me your troubled son.

Build within me a vessel

to contain the love and comfort

you shower down upon me.

Unite my heart and soul and mind

with the faith that can sustain me.

For everyone who asks receives,

and everyone who searches finds,

and for everyone who knocks

the door will be opened.

Amen

Wow! Simply wow! Fr. Martin not only thoroughly enjoyed it, he asked me for a copy. My heart is soaring right now! Made a hand-written version of it for him today, but definitely wan to create a special rendition of it as a thank you gift – framed and with this heartfelt dedication:

Inspired by the spirit of God’s love

and the faith and wisdom of Fr. Michael C. Martin, S.J.

Silence is broken right before the final meal and the dining room is full of conversation and laughter as we all share our experiences and finally our names with each other. Dirty rice, baked chicken and a scoop of chocolate ice cream close out the retreat as we all get up and make our separate ways.

Dedicated to my loving father who made all this possible.

Thank you Dad, thank you with all my heart, I love you.

With all those modern gadgets — cell phones, speed dials, e-mails, search engines, websites, Facebook, and similar stuffs, it’s impossible not to have a word from him. If a guy really wants to be with you or would want to talk to you (if only because he thinks his voice is glorious to you), he will find a way to connect : no alibis.

An alibi is worse than no alibi; it makes the fault worse than the alibi. Alibis are forms of deceit. Deception is deception in any language. There is no justification for it; it just does not happen. On the other hand an alibi could be a form of polite rejection or polite evasion. Either way it hurts, definitely not in the job description of true love. If you have lost him to someone else, remember that no man is stolen or allows himself to be stolen. Nagging him would only give him a chance to say NO louder—- to inflict the wound deeper. It’s like beating yourself, digging the hole deeper for your grave. It’s painful to be left licking his chops. Unfair.

Missing someone is a sign of a healthy relationship. If he likes or loves you enough he won’t forget how nice you are. Ever. He promised to call or come but didn’t, making you appear like a creep. All right, he did call but told you that he had an insanely busy day. That’s a load of crap. You should be after a guy who’s good as his word. To waste time with a guy who’s not serious is to waste time and feeling— feeling stupid. “There’s no cure for stupid.” Time enough to sniff the bad news: he’s just not interested. A guy who wants a woman to be part of his life will work for it.

While those omniscient books advice patience and understanding, this time it should not be the case. Listen to the knell of parting. Assume rejection no matter how much he is worth dying for. Being dumped or taken for granted is an insult. He makes you feel so unattractive and meaningless. Why should you feel needy and obsessed and allow yourself to be stepped on like a doormat?

Don’t allow the fall-off to rattle your world. Cut him off. Get on the saddle again. Don’t ever give him the chance to ever reject you again. You are simply fabulous in your own way. Out there is a guy who can’t wait to love you. Find him, keep moving. Look no farther than your own happiness. ###

His introspection was blatant. He could drive with others and never utter a word.  His sister was just like him, which suggested that their family situation was toxic. 

The mother was average.  She didn’t ‘make’ conversation, however. If she didn’t have to speak, she didn’t but her quietude was not as obvious as the children.

The father was a tyrant.  Everything was ‘his’ way.  If one tried to talk, to explain, he cut them off.  He had a saying; “Too much talking!”  People who associated with him, whether co-workers, employees, friends, did not speak to him unless called upon.

Another older child, who did not live with him, would approach him, give the information he needed to, take whatever response he gained and go away.  There was no friendship, no sharing. 

I was fascinated about how this man could chat to others on the phone, be they clients or peers, in a jovial tone, then turn tyrannical when he spoke to those around him.

Although there was no physical abuse, the mental abuse this man poured on those around him was terrific.  Being in his presence one wanted to get away. 

His first ‘layer’ was warm and cheerful.  His second was a bit less friendly. However his core was the dictator, his way or no way and no explanation was permitted.

The Wife, who had grown in a ‘normal’ environment was capable of communication, although the ‘regime’ under which she had lived made it problematic for her to ‘make conversation’ as talking was not ‘permitted’.  The children who knew no better were almost afriad to talk. Silence was safe.  Silence did not threaten.  If they said nohing they could not be attacked.  

Common behaviour of just talking, just having friendly conversation were as alien to them as levitation.

Too many times people do not recognise this kind of toxic relationship.  The mother, probably opting for economic stability or having come from a more abusive situation, does not appreciate the psychological damage, the permanent damage this home situation does to the children.

Malcolm will be thought cold and uncaring, and will have great difficulty iexpressing himself.  He may be alexithoric; that is unable to verbalise his feelings, unable to name them. When an interpersonal situation arises, he will not be much comfort or assistance, and his ‘zombie’ style will be translated into the most negative light.  His sister will have difficulty in forming relationships as people feel she doesn’t like them or isn’t interested. 

Economically they will have difficulty with co-workers. Unable to participate in light repartee they will be left out. Their employer, experiencing their ‘zombie’ style will assume the job isn’t important to them. It will be assumed they are there for the pay cheque.  Not being a ‘team player’ will, unless they can gain ‘hermit’ jobs, cause them to find unemployment quicker than the worker everyone likes, who becomes an integral part of the business.

Being ’secretive’ they will be suspect, and it is not a great leap of faith that their honesty, their competence, will be questioned.

Although we can see the abnormal environment in which Malcolm and his sister exist, for them it is the ‘norm’.  For them, other people are not to be trusted. 

Just like their father, a stranger may seem ‘nice’,  but they ‘know’ that there’s a vicious monster lurking. Hence staying a few steps back, saying nothing, being sluggish and hiding in the environment is safe.  Don’t open, don’t trust, guard your tongue, and you’ll get from now until then without being inflicted with the repulsive response.

     We need change and we always try to find new things which can make our life easier . We need amusement and we need silence as well . Everything depends on our state of  mind .

    I have a question for you , does silence make you uncomfortable ? If no one chatting around you , if there is no crowd or if you are alone at home without any music , you feel sick . Then, it can be a state of disturbed mind .

     Noise and busy environment can make you stressed and dizzy . If you work for a long time in a crowded , congested and noisy place , you become used to it but your internal subconscious mind still wants peace for a while.

     You may think yourself happy and you look healthy as well without silence but in a long-term it can harm your concentrating power , learning ability and other psychological phenomena .

     Even silence makes you uncomfortable and bothers you , you have to practise to keep yourself silent by choosing a quiet environment .  Even though you want to escape silence , your body and mind need it all the time .

    Once in a while , keep yourself aloof  from your hectic,troublesome,busy and noisy routine and give your brain a sound treat .

We know that nasty, creepy things can exist in it. We are aware that, if given opportunity, rats and cockroaches and germs of every ilk will frolic freely in it and multiply like – well – like rats and germs and cockroaches are wont to do.

Over time, they not only multiply, but evolve – learning new and innovative methods of survival. When left to their own devices, they grow emboldened and begin to venture out from the cracks, crevices, and corners to claim the entire arena as their playground. Public showers included!

Allowed to fester in silence, they become immune to fear and constraint until eventually – they can almost wave to their buddies while sodomizing a 10 year old boy. They begin to operate where anyone could see – knowing they are all but impossible to eradicate now. Their confidence grows in tandem with society’s refusal to flip the light switch.

Ultimately, this lack of action not only enables and prolongs, it also implicates society in the very crime itself.

For example: turning a little man on boy rape into a virtual gang bang.

Is it time yet to wake up and smell the rat shit in the middle of the room?

Time yet to shine a spotlight on anything seemingly inappropriate that you may see. Or hear. Or suspect.

Where there’s smoke, more often than not – there’s fire. We can only depend on ourselves to not allow it to blaze out of control.

The embarrassment of being wrong fades to inconsequential when compared to the slightest possibility of being right.

Sadly, this doesn’t always mean that anything gets done. The systems in place to protect us fail us more often than we know. And, we know plenty!

They too seem to be deeply afflicted with the hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil pandemic. Life’s so much simpler that way.

Until it’s not.

It’s time for us to individually and collectively man and woman UP!

It’s time to report it first and worry about it later.

And when necessary?

Report it again.

Sleep well.

Because of them, it made us feel as though we had a need to fear these countries that we weren’t very knowledgable about, and this made us think things that may very well have been entirely untrue about the countries. The media made us agree to go to war to try to protect ourselves from so called weapons of mass destruction which were proved later never to have existed in the first place. I think that this is completely out of order because, if you take a moment to think about the number of people who have lost their lives because of the war, you will see that many people have died over something that didn’t even exist which is just ridiculous.

So, how can we change this? The simple fact is that the things that we read in the newspapers aren’t always true, and this means that we shouldn’t pay much attention to it. Instead of spending your money on newspapers which are often biased, you should instead watch the news on the BBC, who try to present the facts with no bias as far as they possibly can. You might find that this gives you a much better idea of what the true facts are, and you would be able to think about things a lot easier if you were able to make up your own mind about them.

We owe this to all of our soldiers who have died for our country. They were sent to war without really knowing what they were fighting against, and the government knew full well that they were going to war for no reason at all. This is completely unacceptable, and a lot of young lives have been lost over the course of the last decade simply because the media feel the need to report on things that aren’t true, and they also feel the need to exaggerate the things that are true. 

Remember that not everything that you read is true. 

A lot of people wish for many different things, however I am fascinated by the variation in the things that people seem to be wishing for. On social networking websites this morning, I have seen many things from wishing for material goods, wishing for success, or wishing for health and happiness. Personally, I don’t believe in telling other people what you wish for, as I don’t think that it comes true if you do this.

One thing that I would urge people to wish for, though, is the safety of all our our soldiers who are at war at the moment. As most of us know, the 11th of November was the day that the war was ended so many years ago, and this day has been the day to remember our fallen soldiers ever since.

A simple prayer for the families of these soldiers would go a long way indeed. You need to remember that it isn’t just about those who were killed in the first and second world war, but also that there were so many people killed in Iraq, and even more people being killed every day in Afghanistan. This is something that is still affected many people throughout the world today, and most of us will know or know of somebody who has been in the army and been sent to fight in a dangerous conflict abroad.

You should think yourself very lucky if you haven’t been affected by the war; as there is nothing worse than learning that a family member or a friend has been killed in conflict. 

We are so proud of our heroes, and know that this will continue to be the case for as long as they continue to fight for us. They are risking their lives every single day in order to make our lives safer to live, and this is something that we all have to be incredibly thankful for.

If you agree that our troops deserve praise and memory, please share this link on your social networking websites and spread the word as far as you possibly can.

Our troops deserve that.