My point is that the common stereotype of someone who is still a virgin after his/her teen years is someone who is not attractive to the opposite sex and therefore has not had the opportunity to score that goal.

The message that we are sending our kids is that virginity is a social stigma, something that they need to get rid of as soon as possible. We think that kids need more sexual education and it needs to start very young so that we can educate them on preventing pregnancy and avoiding STD’s before they get to be sexually active.

Whenever the subject of abstinence comes up, people start rolling their eyes at the naiveté of it. Obviously kids are going to be having sex (except for the ugly, overweight and nerdy kids). No one seems to be connecting the dots here, that if we expect kids to be having sex and the cultural message is that virginity is for nerds, why would we be surprised that kids are having sex younger and younger? Kids don’t want to be nerds.

Purity before marriage and faithfulness during marriage have a whole lot of rewards. It isn’t easy, it takes a great deal of self control, but it is not impossible. We need to stop selling our kids short and telling them that they will not be able to resist temptation. We also need to stop this cultural stereotype that virginity is for nerds.

Mob mentality refers to the behavioral tendency of people
(or other social animals) to act in unison with the group of which they are a
part. (Brainz) It is used to
describe social behavior when it is characterized through ignoble consensus,
and directed to achieve a purpose that is usually hurtful in nature

An early example comes from Robert Graves’s book I Claudius.
Depictions of chaos illustrated how early Roman society was in disarray after
the death of Marcellus and people started riots on the streets, while demanding
a renewal of the Republic. (Graves) It was then shown on
a larger scale by Western Civilization Beyond Borders (fifth edition) as the
crusades of 1096 were started by Europe’s religious hierarchy when they sent “an
army of Christian knights from Europe to liberate the Holy Land from the Muslim
infidel.” Blanketing their violence under the pretexts of a “holy” cloak—these “signed
by the cross” warriors killed many in the name of God. (Noble)

Supremacists, street gangs, activist groups, community
private sector groups, and even public sectors of civil service have been shown
to participate in mob mentality. The L.A. riots were an more recent example of
how mob mentality violence—led to more mob violence as; a small group of
uniformed police officers (acting on violent tendencies) created conditions for
an even bigger mob of citizens to carry destructive energy on the streets of
Los Angeles.

Mob mentality in the area of racial and ethnic group
relations can be seen when dominating groups in society oppress other less
privileged groups, out of fear that they will lose control of the system of
divided prosperity they established. Their need for social, economic, or
political power drives them to create imbalances in society which ultimately
lead to human suffering and lack of opportunity.

It can be difficult to understand why normal appearing
people would take part in mob behavior. Perhaps a good explanation to this
comes in the area of peer pressure and the need to conform to social
expectations. In an article by Education Horizons about the Columbine tragedy
Deborah Meier explains “a lack of awareness or intentional indifference to kids
being tormented by other kids.” Attempting to understand the conditions before the
massacre a report by the Washington post describes “pre-massacre Columbine as
filled with social vinegar.” “The high school was dominated by a “cult of the athlete.
“In this environment of favored jocks—who wore white hats to set themselves
apart—consistently bullied, hazed, and sexually harassed their classmates while
receiving preferential treatment from school authorities.” (Gary K. Clabaugh)

Aside from the fact that bullying in that school proved to
be rampant, unchecked, and tolerated by administration, the two young men
involved were wrong in killing others even though their roles as social
outcasts made them targets for abuse.

Social stigma plays a major role in bullying others. The
disapproval of personal characteristics or beliefs which are viewed as being
contrast to cultural norms, can lead to hatred against people. Mr. Erving
Goffman said stigma to be “the process by which the reaction of others spoils
normal identity.”  (Goffman)When
stereotyping leads to labeling, an individual can have changes in self
perception. This can have concurrent and further damaging effects on a person—but,
perhaps that is exactly what the bullying behavior is intended to achieve.

In conclusion, mob mentality has negative impact on perpetrators
and society; it creates conditions of forward momentum of destructive energy
that consumes all in its path. Fueled by abstruse conflicts in the collective conscious—and
usually vented in anarchy; it does little more than contribute to patterns of
social regression in an already failing system that we struggle with today.

Bibliography

Brainz. “What is mob mentality.” Brainz.org
(2009-2010): 1.

Gary K. Clabaugh, Ed.
D. & Alison A. Clabaugh, Ph.D. “Bad Apples or Sour Pickles?
Fundamental Attribution Error and the Columbine Massacre.” Education
Horizons Vol. 83, no.2 (2005): 1.

Goffman, Ervin.
“Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity.” Wikipedia
(1990): 1.

Graves, Robert. I
Claudius. New York: Vintage Books, 1989.

Noble. Western
Civilization Beyond Boundaries. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Co, 2008.

I know, or certainly know of many women in a situation similar, if not more extreme than mine.

So why am I made to feel like a freak of society, in a small minority? I believe I represent a ‘fair’ cross section of Great Britain’s society, so why do I receive such negative press?

I find myself avoiding the subject, or apologising for it, both of which are totally ludicrous. I anticipate a negative reaction, and often by what someone doesn’t say, tells me exactly what they think.

Endorsement or mockery?

Watch any modern day soap opera, and you will see (or will have seen) a woman who has children of different fathers. Usually these women are portrayed as ‘less well off’ or ‘less intelligent’, which is such an unfair representation.

Think about the ‘docu-soap’ culture that we all enjoy participating in viewing. We like nothing more than to relish in the lives of women who have several women, by several different father’s, in fact it creates ’restroom gossip’ for us all the next day. But if we met the very same woman in the street, we would laugh and mock, and make inappropriate judgements.

How many women in the media ‘public eye’ are in the very same situation, but they are portrayed as heroines or public icons, it just isn’t fair.

It doesn’t make you a failure

Despite achieving success within my career, which has spanned fifteen years, this appears not to count when people choose a reason to judge me.
I find myself acceptingly laughing at people’s sarcastic comments and jokes, and considering I am a confident woman, I rarely defend my honour.

Unless someone allows the opportunity for me to proffer my ‘life resume’, they will without fail assume that I am a social sponger, relying on benefits, passing my children from dad to dad, not thinking that actually my domestic situation suits us all perfectly.

I have worked hard, to make both my children proud of me, that means a lot to me. And no day goes by without me mentally ‘patting myself on the back’ for getting myself and them to where we are now, man or no man!

The benefits

My eldest son has lived most of his life in a situation many kids would envy. He gets more presents than he knows what to do with at Christmas and on birthdays, he has two Christmas Days, two holidays a year, what more could a child want?
I avoid encouraging the creation of a ‘spoilt’ child, but at least I will never be guilty of saying that my children have ever been deprived of love or material comforts.

Our domestic situation suits us all. My current partner, and father to my youngest boy accepts my ‘past’ and does not judge me for it. In fact we live an enjoyable life, and relatively stress free one at that. After all, my eldest son goes away to his father’s every other weekend, therefore allowing my partner, my son and I, time to spend relaxing and enjoying time together without being pressured into visiting theme parks or bowling alleys!

Don’t let it get to you

I live with the fact that I am not a lesser mum to either of my children. They are both as lucky as any child within a ‘same father’ family. I cannot see one negative in our lives as they currently are, so why does society choose to treat me differently.

I really do hope people in my situation become more accepted, to think of all the genuine ‘wrong-doers’ that walk our streets, and are treated like hero’s, make me sad.