But there’s two things odd about this picture …

The first I understand is normal – Am I doing the right thing, am I going to regret this the moment I say I do? Last minute nerves..?
The second is a member of the upstairs club (spirit) who is standing in front of the old man with his face so clear and highlighted but petrified and shaking his head looking straight at me wording `NO` with his lips!
I must admit, I’ve got some dam good advice from the powers that be over the past few years and I’ve thanked them for it. But should I have taken his advice and hot tailed it out of dodge?
Before learning to say the words ‘no dear’ in my marriage, I’d became an empty shell, I had left the building and there was only a cardboard cut out of me standing in my place.

Every decision a person makes, makes the person they become. Every wrong or right turn you make, teaches you something new to add to your book of life. Life’s not about making the right choices, its not about thinking ‘Am I doing the right thing’ or regretting the things you did or didn’t say or do. Its about living it, running up and down the scales no matter which way or how often they tip.

Remember this – For every door that shuts in your face, another door opens.

(Dedicated to anyone whos gone or going through a sh*t time – everyone)

However, it is very important to be in a deeply relaxed mind and body state to gain maximum benefit.

Soft rhythmical music is a great way to put you in the mood.

Try this gentle relaxation below before attempting the whole script.

For maximum benefit record the following script onto a recorder and play back through ear phones.

Relaxation Procedure

Begin by settling yourself down and making yourself comfortable.

Then when your ready allow your eyes to close and begin to completely relax your body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

Now as you relax, I need you to remember not to try to hard, don’t try to make things happen, don’t try to stop things happening, just allow your mind to wander, where ever it may wish.

Because as you relax you will notice things going on, maybe interesting or curious thoughts, sensations, inside or outside your body, even both, maybe at the same time.

So just remember, you don’t have to think or try to do anything, anything at all, just relax and let go.

Now as you relax and go deeper, let your breathe guide you.

Take a deep breath, as deep as you can, and then slowly exhale, as you do, notice how that deep breath as made you feel inside, maybe you feel lighter or emptier, or more in control.

Maybe it has help you to free yourself of all tension and tightness, stress or anxiety, but just remember, one things for sure, that deep breath has allowed you to relax even more.

You see each breath you take, allows your entire body to completely relax, totally relax, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

Feel how your head, face, neck, shoulders, back, chest, arms are all completely relaxing, you are automatically relaxing with each breath you take.

Freeing yourself of tension, tightness, stresses and strains, notices how you are beginning to feel more safe, secure and at peace with yourself.

The more you relax, knowing that there is no one to please, no pressure, no need to rush, no one to satisfy, as this is your time to relax, relax and rest and enjoy the gentle peacefulness of letting go.

Just let go, quietly and gently with nothing to bother you, nothing to disturb you, just relax quietly, listening only to the sound of your breathe.

Now as you relax, notice with each breathe, how your body feels differently inside, feel how the relaxation is beginning to spread, spread throughout you, multiplying, magnifying with each breath you take.

This feeling is only something you can do, do it for yourself, just allow yourself to fill with relaxation,let it multiply with each breath in, feel it as you relax even deeper.

Imagine the relaxation to be imaginary waves or ripples, running throughout your entire body.

Feel it increase, as it ripples through your body, filling your entire physical body, relaxing you as it slowly moves throughout you.

Feel it flow, flowing down, ever downwards, down through your neck and shoulders.

Down your arms into your hands and enter your fingers, swirling and twirling as it flows through out you.

Take a deep breath and feel the relaxation fill up your lungs, flowing in your chest and tummy, so relaxing as it spreads through out you.

Feel it enter your back and hips, spreading, swirling, twirling throughout you, relaxing each and every part of you.

As you simply just relax even more, relax and let go, let go completely now.

Now its time to go even deeper, deeper than you ever go before.

To do this all you need to do is simply count down from ten to one, remembering with each number down you will go more and more relaxed, more and more deeper.

Then when you reach the number one you will automatically enter your own natural deep level of relaxation.

OK, count down now, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Entering the realm

Now you have entered your own natural state of relaxation, this level is where you may move to any other level with complete awareness.

In fact you may function at will, you are in complete control, control of every level of your mind, this is what you wanted, it is here and it is now.

It is your empty space, a space where you can create anything, but today you will create a beautiful, safe, relaxing and peaceful room.

A room, where you can go to any time you like, a room where no one else knows about, a room just for you and your spirit guide.

Begin by creating a very comfortable chair, or piece of furniture you wish to relax upon.

Just imagine it, create it, create it in your minds eye. It maybe something you already own, or something you so desire, or perhaps its a cloud or a magic carpet.

You may choose a soft recliner or even an over stuffed feather bed, whatever it is, it is your creation.

So go ahead and see all it’s details now, notice it’s colour, the texture, even the smell of it.

See it clearly, clearly as you can in your minds eye.

Then imagine yourself sitting upon it, or perhaps lying upon it, this is your special place to rest, rest and relax.

Now as you do rest and relax, I want you to continue to create your special room, create the walls around you, they can be what ever you want them to be, anything you may like, the only limitation is your own imagination, so go ahead and create your special walls.

Then create your floor, maybe you will choose a wooden floor or perhaps it is made of clouds.

Create your floor and make it special to you, whatever you may like, make it any colour you so wish, see it clearly in your mind.

Then when you are ready look around your room and add your own special touch, perhaps a window or door, or any other permanent fixture you so desire.

Add your personal touch, soft furnishing, flowers, ornaments, pictures, create and personalize your special room.

Make it comfortable for you, add all those little things that make you happy, safe and secure.

Now commit this special room to your memory bank, remember every detail, every detail, so you can come back here when ever you so wish, at any time you like.

Also remember when you do come back, you can change details, add new items, remove out of date fixtures, this room is yours to redecorate any time you like.

Remember this special room, as clearly as you can, let it sink deeply into your subconscious mind, so that you can return anytime you wish, come back at any time you like.

Just by remembering that all you have to do to enter your special room is take a deep breath, relax and remember all those details.

This room is now a part of you, a part where you will always feel completely safe, comfortable and relaxed.

No harm can come to you in this special room, you are totally protected, protected from all negativity.

Now in this room you can communicate with your spirit guide, your own special guide, a guide unique to you.

You can invite your spirit guide here any time you so wish, in fact you can invite anyone here to your special room.

You can ask anyone to visit, to talk to you and they will present themselves to you, talk to you, answer any questions you may want to ask, as this is your special place, away from the world, that only you and your guest know about.

Now as you relax in your comfortable room, completely safe and secure, become aware of the footsteps outside, listen carefully, just listen as they get closer and closer to the door, your guide is here, here and in the now.

Now in a moment you will met with your guide, you will see your guide, for the first time maybe, you will know everything there is to know about your guide, the very moment you see them, you will know and remember their name, they way they look, you will be able to ask all those questions you have been seeking to ask.

So go ahead now and just take a moment to think, think about what you would like to speak about or what you want to find out, what kind of information would you like to know or learn.

Get it fresh in your mind, just think about it, know what you want to ask, think about all those things you want to know or would like to ask your guide.

Now mentally begin to invite them into your comfortable room, just by thinking about them.

Notice how the footsteps have stopped, this is because they are just outside the room, waiting for you to invite them inside, listen for the knock and watch as the door begins to open.

Notice every detail as the door opens and you see your guide, maybe for the first time, look closely at their face, features, hair, clothes, physical body, look at how happy they are to see you, and how happy you are that they are here.

Greet your guide now and notice how you recognize them immediately as if you have known them all your life, you are comfortable and relaxed and so are they.

Focus upon your guide and go with the first thoughts that you feel or come into your mind, believe in yourself and your guide before sitting down together side by side.

Keep focusing upon your guide and remember all their details, ask questions such as what country they where born in, how old they are, what is their purpose in your life, what is the role they will play in your life time, how will they help you achieve your goals or life purpose, what ever you so desire ask them now, knowing that each answer will be committed to your deep subconscious and easily achievable on waking.

Spend 5 minutes talking to your guide

OK, now it is time to start to finish your conversation, and say goodbye to your guide for today.

Watch as your guide gets up to leave and thank them for all the answers and wisdom that you have received today, remember now that you can speak to them when ever you so desire, just by thinking of them.

Now escort your guide to the door, say your goodbyes for today and close the door firmly before returning to your seat.

Think about all of the wisdom, advice and guidance you have just been given and then commit it to your memory, so upon waking you will be able to access this information easily just by thinking about your experience today.

Now when your ready it is time to come back to the here and now, the present time and day.

So begin now to become more and more aware of your breath, more and more aware of your physical body, become more and more aware until you are ready to enter the room, back in the here and now, fully awake and aware of your surroundings.

Wide awake, back in the room, back in the here and now.

Today I wonder if she was speaking another language for a few foreign families had resided in the area of Deal in Kent many years ago.  After a while, I would begin to hear her walk across the hallway. At the time I had no door handle, only a round hole where it should be.  The light from the other side would vanish and I would know she was here to visit once more.  The creaky floorboards were often mistaken to be one of the three cats or two dogs we had and I never thought it would be anything else.  Slowly the door would open and Edith would suddenly be next to me again.  She was a comfort to me when my dad was absent and my mum was serving customers downstairs in the family run restaurant.  I often wonder who the old lady was and when a local baker visited (very much in tune with the spirit world and unaware of Edith) he went white when entering the building and proclaimed it was ‘full of evil’. 

I believe today she may possibly have been a nanny in the past and someone whose life was devoted to caring for the family she lived with.  In a building that was once a public house in a smugglers town, there could have been an endless amount of danger for a child my age over 350 years ago.  For many years I believed and felt Edith was an imaginary nanny to me whom only my eyes could see.  My parents told me there was no one there and eventually as I grew older, I began to believe what they said was true.

It was during a regular afternoon where my mum and dad had just walked the dogs along the seafront and I would soon be home from my day at school.  Out of the blue the family who used to live there came to visit.  They were Italians who ran an ice-cream factory for over twenty years before we made it into a restaurant.  Interested to see the property a year on and revisit the home they once had, they entered the ‘evil house’.  The upstairs promptly became the hot topic of conversation.  They began questioning my parents about a ghost they encountered whom they called Edith and if she had shown herself to us.  In disbelief and shock they all realised that I had been getting regular visits.  From what I had described the old lady as looking like, ‘with a long black cloak and no teeth’, the exact same words came from the Italian family’s mouths.  It all began to really fall into place for my parents when they started renovating the upstairs attic bathroom a couple of years on and found to their surprise an old oil painting of Jesus with a crown of thorns embedded in the wall.  The family had said the Priest had been in to exorcise the spirit of Edith away and the oil painting was where he had performed the ritual.  From the time they left and from that day on, none of the Italians story was ever mentioned to me. Edith became a memory and later on in my life I felt as though I had simply dreamt it all.  I was always a very superstitious child and as I remember for no apparent reason always walking around ladders!  My family were very much free spirits themselves and never acted as though they were worried about ‘the old lady’ to protect me.  They shielded me from the experience in case I simply didn’t understand or it scared me as they had no explanation for why she visited.

Twenty years on in my life I found out the truth about what happened when the Italians had told my parents about Edith.  Only now can I begin to wonder what it would be like to go back and really take in the experiences I had with her.  For many years I dreamt about working as a medium and picking up on negative spirits.  Maybe Edith was there to protect me from the negativity that was somewhere in the house.  The Baker certainly picked up on it.  But now I know the connection to the spirit world was there and why I have felt drawn to using divination tools such as the Tarot to guide me in my future path.

In 1991 and at the age of eleven we packed up house, sold everything and went on a journey to Spain.  On the spur of the moment my parents, me and my brother were driving off into the moonlight to find pastures new.  They met in the sixties, my mum from London and my dad from Holland.  Now they were returning to where they had met and taking me and my brother with them.  Very much the adventurer myself I found the whole experience so exciting travelling through France to Spain over the Pyrenees driving literally on the edge of shocking, winding and sharp drops that made me cover my eyes most the way!  When we found somewhere, we opened another business and began a new life in the south of Spain.  Beginning a new school was the next step for me and seemed exciting and although I was nervous, I was longing to make new friends.  I remember walking down ‘La Carihuela’, a promenade on the seafront full of fish restaurants and Spanish ladies sweeping the front porches during the sunrise. 

I wondered what it would be like and began quickly learning the Spanish language so I could communicate with everyone.  When I arrived, although the school was beautiful, most of the pupils were anti me being foreign and I found going to school ending up in bullying and mental abuse.  These racial attacks never got any better and day in and out I would begin to hate it there.  The Spanish children would shout and push me to the point where I felt so alone and unable to even tell anyone about it.  I understood the difficulty my parents were in at the time adjusting to a new country with children and so simply did not mention this terrible period to them.  During this turbulent time however, I found Karma with a friend of mine who came to visit.  Together we dabbled with Ouija boards not really knowing how or what we were dealing with.  Many a time we were spooked by what happened but more importantly it reminded me of when I used to read Tarot.  Although sadly I no longer had my Tarot cards, I felt so drawn to them and wanted to return somehow to their guidance.  I can see that now, and can relate so much to my time in Spain without them. 

On return to England in 1994 and moving a few doors down from where Edith resided I immediately went to buy a Tarot Deck.  Many evenings were spent giving readings to friends and writing such spreads down as the Calendar spread to be really cryptic of myself in the future.  I was my own worst enemy in terms of finding the truth in life and so critical of myself!  It was during the daytime of Christmas Eve, which was also my sixteenth birthday, I remember it began to snow and I decided to produce a spread on love for myself.  When will I encounter marriage and who with?  The cards revealed to me that I would become engaged by the end of next summer.  I was uninterested because of the ‘long time frame’ it seems at that age, so I folded it up and forgot about it.  Six years on I found this piece of paper when renovating the house, which we ran for eleven years as a pub.  The reading was so accurate and to the day!  I could not believe it!  I had become engaged on holiday exactly as it predicted.  A card of experience and youth showed me also how adolescence and naivety in love saw the demise of this relationship.  Feeling quite taken aback I thought it was time to really begin using the cards again in my life.  Living in another 350 year old property really did give me a strong connection and feeling of not being alone when performing my readings.  Many a time I would wake up in the night and find a candle was lit and burning brighter than any candle I had ever seen before.  Obviously I was quite shocked and scared at this happening more and more often because never did I light a candle in my room for fear of fire.  Confused and unable to explain it all, again, the cards were put away and locked in my mum’s wardrobe for another few years.  Even she began to fear them and became spooked by their accuracy.  When I look back now I realise it was simply a message and way of communicating.  I was not yet ready to connect and did not have the strength to take on this experience.  Life took over from here on and time simply ticked by as usual again until my next experience.

By the time I was at University and having recovered from a year off with glandular fever, I really began to feel the pressure of my studies.  I spent eight years after school continuing to study because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life still.  This really began to get me down but life carried on and thus so did I.  Life in the pub trade with just me and my parents working also became more difficult because of a severe illness that nearly overtook my mum.  With just me and my dad working busy weekends it really did get frantic at times.  During this time my Nan also died and things were really on top of me and my family. I began to wonder if I could finish university and what on earth was I supposed to do with my life after it all.  This all changed during my exams when I had another spiritual encounter and now I know for everyone, everything happens for a reason.  It is frustrating that you cannot explain why but later everything truly falls into place.  It’s magical.

It was my Nan who came to me as clear as day a year after she passed.  It was the end of my Degree and on this day I was in an exam for Native American studies.  I had revised well but I always performed terribly in exams for fear of forgetting.  Having a terrible moment of writers block whilst in the exam I began to close my eyes and all of a sudden I felt her hand on my shoulder.  I knew it was her because I could smell her perfume that immediately reminds me of my Nan still today.  Straight away I knew she was with me and her words of wisdom were whispered in my ear saying that everything would be alright.  I was certain she was beside me and was so taken aback by the experience I could hardly believe no one else saw her.  The room was so quiet that you would hear a pin drop but no one even flinched.  I believe she was there to guide me and that night I dreamt about her and the words she whispered into my ear.  I woke up and burst into tears at the notion of it all and because it was all so vivid and real.  It was such a comfort to know she was with me and by Graduation day I felt proud I had got through it all with her help.  I believe we shouldn’t take for granted these experiences and must always trust our intuition.  It is within us for a reason and we must never shut it off.  If something has happened to you then take notice!  My dad later told me that in fact I was the third generation psychic and Empath on his side of the Dutch family.  It was all beginning to fall into place for I now knew my dad’s grandmother was renowned for seeing and connecting with not only spirits but with people on a strong emotional level (as an Empath) and predicting the future (a psychic).  My intuition began screaming out to me and I had more and more dreams and nightmares about which path I should be on.  Very much in tune with my intuition today, I can look back and see that I had always doubted my intuitive gift.   Something I regret even today and I so wish I had embraced it sooner.  Sometimes we are simply not ready.

My Great Grandmother

After a time where days turned into weeks and months, I began to lose my link to Tarot again.  But, I always felt a pull towards it and it never left my mind once the whole time I was away.  I began to think it may be more powerful than I could imagine and maybe I didn’t have the ability to control it.  After university I got an office job and settled into a monthly wage where everyday was similar to the next, but, it was reassuringly predictable.  This was just what I wanted now and whilst undertaking this I began selling Silver Jewellery online.  But, nothing felt right and I still wondered how I could fit into the world and begin my path as many of my friends already had done.  Some were married with babies by now and others were off working in London.  The hustle and bustle of the city was not for me at this time and stability was all I thrived for.  The only thing that was missing in my life was a partner now.

At a friend’s wedding (I am far right in the green dress)

It was during March 2006 I met someone whom I felt a real connection with.  With him being a non believer in anything spiritual however, I had my doubts that things may not work out.  Being the spontaneous being I am, two months later I moved in and ‘believed’ that finally I had met the right person.  I did not take any Tarot cards with me for I felt I should leave it behind and begin a new phase in my life.  It seemed luck was on my side and I was really starting to make a life for myself. It most certainly did prove a new phase and undoubtedly not for the best, at all.  Violence, depression and so much unhappiness saw me spiral into a deep dark hole.  I lost my job and to top it all I got engaged to try and patch things up.  A year and a half of living in misery my parents came to take me away from it all for I was by this time toying with the thought of simply ending everything.  With my hair falling out, eating like there was no tomorrow yet losing stone after stone I started to believe I had cancer.  My body was crying out for help and I was literally on self destruct.  Having found a safe hold with my parents I began to pick up the cards again.  Through a friend giving me a Tarot reading and showing me the paths that lie ahead I knew there was more for me out there. 

All my life I had been searching for something and it was a year later I realised what I had to do.  From my experiences I have begun my own Tarot Card Reading business online now.  The cards have really helped guide me and make me realise that everyone and anyone can be re-energised and brought ‘back to life’ so to speak.  I am living proof of this.  As a ‘new’ person I believe any person can be pulled out of the dark hole that engulfs your inner spirit so unjustly.  Tarot cards were and always will be my Spirit Guide.  They truly had the answers for me and I cannot stress how lucky I am to be alive.  Of course I couldn’t have done it without my parents, but, with Tarot also back in my life, I can honestly say I am back to Tilly again.  There IS hope for Everyone out there and I say this with the upmost sincerity.  To this day I believe Edith was the first of many messages trying to tell me what to do and to focus.  Although I found I was somewhat of a loner at school and was terribly shy, I was different for a reason.  This strange feeling has been with me for many years and I have always wondered what path was laid out for me in life.  Now I realise I am here to help guide others and already I have an international link to hundreds of wonderful people around the world.  Daily readings for others and of course myself is a new way of life for me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Everybody has a spiritual connection and pathway in their life and as they say the ‘mould was broken’ but I believe, when ‘every one’ of us was made.  Follow your intuition, be guided by the Tarot and trust everything happens for a reason.  You and your path in life are unique.

You will also be recommended the best sources for personal enlightenment that is tailored specifically for you and your walk such as: Yoga, Reiki, Meditation, or other spiritual practices. A spiritual coach can also assist you in becoming aware of blessings of the spirit in your life such as divine coincidences. Working with the divine spirit, a spiritual coach will provide information about you, and how you intertwine with the surrounding world, according with your particular requested spiritual focus. Anything in your mental, emotional, physical, or even unconscious mind can be tapped into and immediately unraveled.

Stepping up your spiritual life, and uncovering past judgments, blocks, hurt, and beliefs will feel enlightened, as well as a substantial release of pressure. The first step in moving forward is accepting and dealing with where you have been. A spiritual life coach can provide forgiveness, enriched belief, affirmation, and overall healing.