Men Will Talk About Feeling

• Was your guy raised as a traditional, stoic, man’s man? Relationship secrets, gathered from  study gender roles. Secret No. 1: It may be easier for your man to talk about feelings indirectly. Ask what he’d do during a romantic weekend. Or what he thought the first time he met you. His answers will reveal how he feels and bring you closer.

Men Say “I Love You” With Actions

• Some men prefer to express their feelings through actions rather than words. Your guy may say “I love you” by fixing things around the house, tidying up the yard, or even taking out the trash — anything that makes your world a better place.

Men Take Commitment Seriously

• Men have a reputation for being afraid to commit. But the evidence suggests men take marriage seriously. They may take longer to commit because they want to make sure they are on board for good. In a survey of currently married men, 90% say they would marry the same woman again.

He Really Is Listening

• When you’re listening to someone talk, you probably pipe in with a “yes” or “I see” every now and then. It’s your way of saying, “I’m listening.” But some guys don’t do this. Just because a man isn’t saying anything doesn’t mean he’s not listening. He may prefer to listen quietly and think about what you’re saying.

Shared Activities Form Bonds

• Men strengthen their relationships primarily through shared activities more than by sharing thoughts or feelings. For many men, activities like sports and sex make them feel closer to their partner.

Men Need Time for Themselves

• While shared activities are important, men also need time for themselves. Whether your guy enjoys golf, gardening, or working out at the gym, encourage him to pursue his hobbies, while you make time for your own. When both partners have space to nurture their individuality, they have more to give to each other.

Men Learn From Their Fathers

• If you want to know how a man will act in a relationship, get to know his dad. Some say men learn about their relationship role by watching and listening to their fathers. How they are with each other and how the father relates to the mother can predict how a man will relate to his wife.

Men Let Go Faster Than Women

• Women tend to remember negative experiences longer and may have lingering feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. In contrast, men are less likely to dwell on unpleasant events and tend to move on more quickly. So while you may still want to talk about last night’s argument, your guy may have already forgotten about it.

Men Don’t Pick Up on Subtle Cues

• Men are more likely to miss subtle signals like tone of voice or facial expressions. And they are especially likely to miss sadness on a woman’s face. If you want to make sure your guy gets the message, be direct.

Men Respond to Appreciation

• Showing appreciation for your guy can make a big difference in the way he acts. Take parenting. Studies show that fathers are more involved in care-giving when their wives value their involvement and see them as competent.

Men Think About Sex … A Lot

• OK, so maybe this one is no secret. The majority of men under age 60 think about sex at least once a day, compared with only a quarter of women. And that’s not all. Men fantasize about sex nearly twice as often as women do, and their fantasies are much more varied. They also think more about casual sex than women do. But thinking is not the same as doing.

Men Find Sex Significant

• It’s a myth that most men think sex is just sex. For many, sex is a very important act between two committed people. And just like most women, men find sexual intimacy to be most satisfying in the context of a committed relationship. One reason is that long-term partners know how to please one another better than strangers do.

He Likes It When You Initiate Sex

• Most guys feel as though they’re the ones who always initiate sex. But they also like to be pursued and wish their partner would take the lead more often. Don’t be shy about letting your guy know you’re in the mood. Initiating sex some of the time may lead to a higher level of satisfaction for both of you.

Guys Aren’t Always Up for Sex

• Men, much to many women’s surprise, aren’t always in the mood for sex. Just like women, men are often stressed by the demands of work, family, and paying the bills. And stress is a big libido crusher. When a guy says, “not tonight,” it doesn’t mean he’s lost interest in you. He just means he doesn’t want to have sex right then.

Men Like Pleasing Their Partner

• Your pleasure is important to your man. But he won’t know what you want unless you tell him. Too many women feel uncomfortable talking about what they like and don’t like. If you can tell him clearly in a way that doesn’t bruise his ego, he’ll listen. Because he knows he’ll feel good if you feel good.

Guys Get Performance Anxiety

• Most men get performance anxiety on occasion, especially as they age. Your guy may worry about his physique, technique, and stamina. If you can help him learn to relax and stay focused on the pleasures of the moment, sex will become less stressful.

Men May Stray When Needs Aren’t Met

• If a man doesn’t feel loved and appreciated in his relationship, he may turn elsewhere for satisfaction. For one man, that may mean burying himself in work. Another may develop a fixation on sports or video games. And some men cheat. To avoid this, partners need to work together to meet each other’s needs.

He’s Vested in You

• Most men realize there’s a lot to lose if a long-term relationship goes sour – not just each other’s company, but the entire life you’ve built together. If you’re willing to work to strengthen your marriage, chances are your man will be, too.

So, how do they come up with that idea of labeling me as “makapal ang mukha”? Maybe because they always see me on stage or talking in front of an audience? For the past years, I have emceed or hosted several events and have also delivered a few speeches. This is one thing a lot of people avoid, right? What people don’t know is that I used to choose to lock myself in my room than mingle with other people. I feel so safe alone because no one could ridicule me for whatever I would do.

It all started with singing. But as much as I wanted to be on my own, I used to only sing when I’m alone. Then here came our Filipino subject in high school. Our project was to compose a song and sing it in front of our classmates. I was so proud of what I had done, which was about the Philippine heroes. When I presented it in front of my teacher and classmates, it felt like the magical bitch fairy took away every ounce of my voice. “Ma’am, I lost my voice,” I was almost in tears begging for my teacher to spare me from singing. “But you are talking now,” she replied with a frown on her face. I opened my mouth and attempted sing but my voice won’t really come out. My classmates began laughing at me so I exerted more effort to at least recite my composed poem.

I had gained a little confidence a few years later. I began jamming with my high school classmates during school presentations. In my senior year, the teachers chose me perhaps out of prior influences and eavesdropping of our jamming, to sing solo. Though hesitant, I said yes. Then they invited me to practice in front of 5 of them at the principal’s office. There, my voice never came out again.

Those were some of my embarrassing moments in front of other people. I began asking what’s wrong with me. Of course nothing was wrong with me. I think that was how my body reacted to the stressful situation I was in. Being in front of other people is stressful enough, let alone speaking or singing. But I can’t be like that forever. I can’t be in front of future employer and be silent. I needed to do something for myself. That’s what I’ve been telling myself. I needed to convince myself I can do it.

When I got the opportunity to do it again, I grabbed it and practiced doing it. And there is no point of believing in myself without really doing it. So, I put my “self-assuring confidence” to actual test. One experience is definitely not enough to master it so I had to do it as often as I have the chance to. Every time I got invitation to host or deliver speeches or sing on stage, I would take it. And another perfect avenue where I could practice it is through the toastmasters club. During slub meetings, you really have to do things on your own to learn.

It is not easy to overcome stage fright. But when you believe and convince yourself you can do it, you really can do it. And by doing what you believed in, you can conquer a lot of things you once thought you couldn’t do including stage fright.

Stage fear cannot be just the fear of the stage. Standing on a completely normal and safely constructed, bright platform is not going to bother us much if the audience comprises of a a few of our friends… unless one is extremely afraid of horizontal surfaces and flash lights. What makes the experience of standing there absolutely terrifying is the people sitting before the poor performing soul. Well, that’s not much of a news to anybody. But this might be to some – that stage fear is just another form of the fear of being judged. It’s the fear of how the people might judge the performance… Like all other fears one may face, stage fear is also a fear of the unknown, because one never knows how the audience’s mind might work or how the performance will go. When the performance is a speech, it’s just gonna get worse.

Fear of Being Judged

This is one fear which haunts some us everywhere we go. It’s like the mother fears. Being afraid of how people might judge us will make us afraid of not just the stage. It will make us fear getting into new endeavors, using our talents, and even totally silly fears like that of donating for charity and talking to people or commenting about something. In short, it’s hell. But luckily, we are not afraid of being judged on such microscopic scales. However, when it comes to the bigger arenas, like being judged by hundreds of people all at once, we go all jittery and shaky. When you perform, every jerk who decides to yawn widely or check his watch importantly will get on our nerves and give us that horrible sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs.

What Can be Done

“Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death” ~ Anon.

Everyone knows how dreadfully despiriting stage fear is. But what can be done about it? One way is to rough it out – Keep going to the stage no matter what happens… The old policy of building houses with the stones people throw at you and cooking with the tomatoes and eggs that fly to your side, missing your head by a few inches. But the thing is, we’ve got to be pretty strong for that kind of thing – Not muscly strong… mentally.

Practising over and over again, being ready for improvisation and hitches, calming yourself down, raising your confidence… All of these are temperory solutions. They are important, of course, but sometimes, it’s more important that we arrive at the solution from the roots of the problem. And that is why before we try to rough it out, it’s better if we have a clear understanding of that feeling inside.

On the stage, it’s not about us. It’s never about us. And we are never performing at the audience [it's both grammatically and philosophically wrong], we are performing to them, which means that it’s just as simple as talking to a group of people at the corner of the street… Except the group’s a lot bigger and the stakes a lot higher. We need to realize that we’ve got the right to do what we’re gonna do and the freedom to do it wrong, till we get it right.

Exprerience can teach us a lot more than a few pointers in some book or webpage. The trouble is, many of us don’t allow ourselves to experiment and observe… We’re just too afraid for that and would rather be invisible for years than embarassed for a few hours… Because believe me, no audience is going to remember how we flopped the show for more than a few days. They definitely won’t be sitting at home at dinner and talking about how bad the performance was. Believe me people, if it was really that bad, they just wanna forget it like we do. The next time you’re a part of the audience sit there and observe what you feel about the performers. At the end of the day, you’ll be surprised how much you had forgotten, and how much you don’t really care.

Besides, the fact that there are thousands and millions worse off than we are must give us some consolation. If it’s of any consolation to you, I’ve stood blinking clue;ess of what I had to say next, in front of the school thrice, just this year alone. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget that one time when I literally fell off the stage [I swear I did it's true]. But there’s nothing that’s gonna stop me from trying again and again and again… Even if it means I have to wear a helmet the next time.

^_^

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         After that disaster I strived and become adroit at avoiding parts in programs that require delivery of lengthy lines. My stage fright was such that I contrived to forsake being top in the class to avoid delivering a valedictory on graduation day.
          In college I maintained the same demeanor, earning honor grades, skippering the intramural basketball team and avoiding speaking before an audience. I never ran for a position in the Supreme Student Council despite the prodding of classmates and colleagues.
         After graduation from college I landed a job somewhat easily. Advancement opportunities came and I grabbed them. Higher in the ladder I realized I could no longer sidestep the task of addressing an audience. After some embarrassments I decided to face head on and conquer the monster I have been evading from my whole life. The decision proved to be a turning point in my life.
         In no time I got to become acquainted figuratively with authors like Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino and a host of other inspirational writers. Their books were outstanding best-sellers and had emboldened millions of its readers to step out of their shells and embrace the glorious experience of overcoming feelings of inferiority and attaining self-confidence. And savor the hush of anticipation of an audience as they approach the podium to speak.
          The long transformation  process boils down to changing one’s attitude, believing in one’s self and having faith in one’s abilities.”You can if you think you can,” writes one of my author-friends. Inferiority complex, stage fright and shyness, whichever came first are universal afflictions. Millions have suffered them, millions have conquered them. Those who conquered had worked hard.                                 

           They had uttered these words everyday, “I will persist until I succeed.” Public speaking was the ultimate weapon that slew the dragon. Practice, determination and constant application  of the techniques of public speaking is necessary to become a good public speaker. Speaking at every opportunity offered or available is a must. Joining clubs like Rotary or Toastmasters is a fine supplement. 

           A person who has attained proficiency in public speaking the arduous way – overcoming the stumbling block of stage fright could be deserving of admiration. For he has conquered shyness and feelings of inferiority. He has cast away these demons from his doggoned life.

There are times in your life when you are asked to speak before a large crowd.  Saying a few words about a topic or delivering a long and either prepared or impromptu speech is like an insurmountable punishment.  It gives you so much anxiety and stress.  Most probably and soon during your presentation, stage fight will overpower you.

Stage fright is an acute attack of shyness (Castillo-Espina, 2004).  Manifestations of it include feeling uneasy, stammering, sweating profusely, and worst forgetting your lines.  This nervousness roots from what Cabrera and de Asis (2008) noted as speech fears.  These include:

1.       Fear of Being Stared at

As a conscious speaker you may be disturbed by the thought that you are not just being watched at but is stared at.  Every movement is closely monitored by the audience.

2.       Fear of Failure

When delivering a speech, you want to establish a good first impression that you get conscious of your appearance, pronunciation, and movements.  A slight mistake may affect and/or ruin your presentation.

3.       Fear of Not Meeting the Listeners’ Expectations

To speak about a topic means you are expected to give sufficient information or ideas about it.  Therefore, you fear that what you share would not suffice the audience’s expectations and standards.  They may lose interest in the middle of your talk and consider you not competent enough to talk about the matter.

4.       Fear of the Audience

The most common cause of stage fright comes from the fear of facing a large crowd that could include your teachers or superiors, classmates or colleagues, and the people whom you consider are more knowledgeable or credible than you are to talk about the topic.  They may give their comments and feedbacks, positive or negative.  And you expect and choose to hear the negative.

5.       Fear of the Unknown

Thinking about what will happen when you walk up the stage and hold the microphone and if whether you will be able to open your mouth with ease make you shiver.  Your future on stage is yet blurry until you get there and finish the talk.

You may have most of the abovementioned fears, but you should be aware that not only amateur or neophyte speakers experience stage fright.  It can also attack even the experienced and well-trained speakers, but theirs is of a lesser degree. 

To minimize or control stage fright, consider the following steps or pointers:

1.       Be positive and confident about yourself and your knowledge about the topic. 

2.       Be prepared and make sense.

3.       Concentrate on the “now” and on what you are saying.

4.       Trust your audience.  Think that they are not there to humiliate you but to listen to you.

5.       Circulate and use body language to support your words.

6.       Accept that stage fright is normal and understand that you are not the only one who experiences it.

7.       Practice until you feel ready and very confident.

8.       Breathe deeply and drink a glass of water to wet your throat before you step up the stage.

There are limitless ways to overcome stage fright.  If you can add more to what are mentioned above, feel free to do so.  Listen to yourself and follow what you think is best for your upcoming presentation.  And, if things do not go well, do not brood on your failure.  Instead, grow from your experience and examine where you went wrong.  Let yourself improve through more exposure.  Maybe your nervousness just needs an outlet.  So talk!

References:

Castillo-Espina, M. (2004).  Efcom.

Cabrera, L. & De Asis, B. (2008). Effective Speech Communication for Filipinos.

                Alvarez St., Sta. Cruz, Manila.

The art of talking publicly is confined to those who project their personality, retain their composure, as well as know instinctively in advance as to what they are prepared to talk about.  Stuttering, stammering, fumbling around for words and tripping over your tongue could do a great deal of harm to your image and might even adversely affect your career.

In spite of your writing and literary ability, you lack self-confidence and invariably falter miserably when you stand up to speak before a business meeting, sales conference or convention.  Before you could attempt to enter the “open highway” of facing an audience, you begin to fumble around for words, as a result of which, you run the risk of harming your image and, perhaps, undoing all the good that you might have accomplished in the past.

It is absolutely imperative to be able to express your thoughts clearly, precisely and vigorously, dress up your ideas and suggestions in simple, crisp language, as well as project your personality, emotion and mannerism, in order to score your initial points of credit, as a preamble to what must follow.

Professional speech-makers know the art of entertaining, while applying the subtle nuances of wit and wisdom to impress an audience. They know how to get rid of nervousness, cold feet and stage fright, and are adept at expressing their thoughts with zeal, as well as an occasional joke or humor, in order to engage the attention of the audience, already swayed by your introductory approach.

The following are tips that might be helpful:

l)  Before you begin your pending project, you should examine your attitude toward people in general and audiences in particular.

2)  Bear in mind, a large audience is only one person, multiplied by twenty, fifty or a hundred.

3)   One or two members might generally be too polite to confront you with your inadequacy, but a crowd might not hesitate to do so.

4)   Study your audience by sheer observation, some of whom might be hypercritical, uncharitable, hostile, vicious, and scandalous, ready to tear you apart.

Finally, you should begin the process of getting accustomed to face your audience, equipped with the knowledge of what you are ready to say, with self-confidence and the ability to remain necessarily relaxed, calm and composed.

For over three years now I have been working with professional actors at an institution for the continuing professional development of professional performers. One of my most popular classes at the centre is a workshop dealing with stage fright. You might think that professional actors are the last people in the world to suffer from this condition: in fact it is endemic in the profession. Stage fright can strike at any time in an actor’s career. Laurence Olivier was at the height of his fame, acting in and directing a play at the National Theatre in London when he started to worry about forgetting his lines. He was so affected by stage fright that he was unable to continue his stage career for a considerable amount of time. Daniel Day-Lewis was similarly affected.

In fact, stage fright is common among professional actors and musicians. The search for a treatment has encompassed medication, hypnotism, psychotherapy, relaxation techniques, meditation and a host of main-stream and alternative therapies. While no one person’s stage fright is exactly the same as another’s, I have found one technique to be very successful in treating this condition. Pretend to be a person that does not suffer from stage fright.

Modeling

We all know people who excel at the things they do: they might be excellent salespeople, successful with the opposite sex, exceptional communicators, bungee jumping adrenalin junkies always trying something new and exciting. One of the most exciting developments in corporate training involves the concept of modelling excellence.

It works like this: in any large organisation devoted, for example, to sales, there will be people who excel. People who consistently outsell others and can always make a pitch and close a deal. The concept of modelling comes from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a discipline developed in the ’70s by Dr Richard Bandler and John Grindler. They looked at people who were pre-eminent in their field and dissected what is was that they did that made them successful. How did they talk? What kind of non-verbal communication did they use? What sort of language patterns did they use? They then found that other people could be taught to use these techniques to improve their success. In other words, by subjecting the good salespeople in an organisation to deep scrutiny, then by teaching others to copy what they are doing, you can increase the effectiveness of the whole sales force.

How can this be translated into dealing with something like stage fright? I would ask my students to think of someone they knew who did not suffer from stage fright. I would then ask them to pretend to be those people. The results were astounding.

Students were asked to prepare an audition speech to perform in front of their peers – a very nerve-wracking experience. When they performed as themselves, they exhibited all the signs of stage fright: trembling, quavering voice, fast breathing, muscular tension, shuffling of feet, loss of diction, stomach churning. I then asked them to do the audition again, but this time pretending to be the person who did not suffer from stage fright. As soon as they entered the room we could see the difference: relaxed and confident, eye contact with audience, mellifluous vocals – and the biggest difference of all, they looked as if they were actually enjoying the experience.

Facial and Postural Feedback

We know that there is a link between our psychology and our physiology: when we feel depressed, our friends and family know immediately because we adopt a depressed posture. Our facial expressions change. Someone you know well will walk into the room, and immediately, without a word being said, know that something is wrong. What is less well known is that the link is circular – our physiology also affects our psychology. Adopting a relaxed and confident posture will make you feel relaxed and confident. Smiling releases serotonin in the brain, a powerful mood enhancer which makes you feel happy. A famous psychology experiment involves 100 people in a room. 50 are asked to hold a pencil between their teeth for five minutes. The other 50 simply sit and observe. They are then asked to rate the funniness of cartoons.

The people who have held the pencil between their teeth rate the cartoons as more funny than the others. Why? Because holding a pencil between your teeth forces the mouth into the semblance of a smile. This physical action is what causes the release of serotonin and the subsequent enhancement of mood.

When the actors were asked to pretend to be people who did not suffer from stage fright they changed their posture and facial expression to one of relaxed confidence. This fed back into the brain which released a combination of chemicals which caused them to feel relaxed and confident. Pretence became reality.

Does This Work With Anyone?

Yes. I was recently asked to work with a young lady who could not swallow pills. She had no problem swallowing food, but was unable to swallow medication in pill form. She had to ask her doctor for liquids, or grind up pills to swallow (not a good idea, because sometimes pills are designed to dissolve slowly). She was desperate to change. I had the shortest therapy session I have ever had with this lady. I asked her if she knew someone who could easily swallow pills.

“My friend Mary can take pills, no problem”.

I handed her a vitamin tablet and asked her to show me what Mary would do with it. She showed me. And swallowed the tablet. End of session.

Practise Being Someone Else

The next time you are tempted to say, “I can’t do that”, think again and then just pretend that you can. If you have a specific problem, think about someone you know who would deal with that problem very well and then pretend to be them. You will be pleasantly surprised at the results.

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Stage fright is a normal feeling of nervousness or dread prior to a performance in front of an audience.  It is really up to you to look at stage from a different perspective. Remember, it is not unusual to be scared.  At least 90 percent of performers feel the same way.  What gives you the edge is preparation. In fact, the fear of messing up will motivate you to work on and practice your performance until it becomes second nature and almost effortless.

Here are tips to avoid stage panic attack:

Practice. This is the single best way to gain confidence in order to control stage fright.  Start working early.  It is necessary to have a head start by practicing weeks ahead of the performance.  Know your lines, speech, music, actions, gestures, steps, etc…and when you’re tired of practicing, practice slowly.

Use positive self-talk.  Stop thinking “I’m going to fail; I’m not going to make it.”  Motivate yourself with positive thoughts often and everywhere, during class, while eating, when you awake, before going to sleep.  Whenever you feel like saying or thinking “I can’t” replace it with “I can and I will.”

Use your imagination.  Picture yourself giving a flawless performance.  Watch the audience nod in approval, smile, and applaud.  Listen to the fantastic compliments.  Instead of imagining yourself making a mistake, practice well and soon you’ll witness that positive scene in your mind take place in reality. 

Perform to a smaller audience.  Rehearse in front of a mirror.  If you’re going to sing or do a speech, you need to hear yourself saying or singing the words properly.  Same is applicable if you’re playing an instrument.  Later, ask your family and friends watch you perform.

1. Practice
This seems obvious. Prepare what you are going to say. Write it down and practice it. Have somebody else read through your slides, or notes, with you. Have somebody listen to you practice. Yes, this is obvious… but if you are anything like me then you will feel nervous just practicing! You will be reluctant to show your work to anyone and will feel the urge to keep it out of sight until the last second.
Honestly though, the more times you practice the better it will be on the day. Whenever I have to do a presentation I always practice at least four times with my girlfriend the night before (and am thankful that she forces me to do so!). The first time is always a complete disaster (I shudder to think what would happen if that first practice was actually the real thing)! The second tends to be a little better and by the end I usually have some idea of what I’m going to say. Simply preparing the slides and writing the notes does not help you when you have to speak out loud.
Practice, in my case, does not make perfect. But it really does help! 

2. Don’t rely on cards
Know your slides, or material, well. Practice what you are going to say as many times as you can. But don’t rely on reminder cards. Trust me, they may seem like a life-line while you are writing them, but they are really just a trap.
First of all, you will spend nearly the entire time looking down at them instead of looking up at your audience and, secondly, if you do lose your place you will panic and spend flustered seconds searching through them. Once you become flustered you will find it very hard to regain your flow. Far better to look up at a slide every so often, or to pause for a moment while you think your sentence through, than to read off a card!

3. Remember to be calm
This is easy to say and extremely hard to do. But think about it: remembering to be calm is not the same thing as actually being calm, but just the idea in you mind will go some way to making it happen. Compose yourself before you start, take some deep breaths or have a look out the window. This occasionally helps me. Don’t feel rushed to start or to finish; time will seem to pass very slowly to you, but what you think of as a long awkward pause is probably really no longer than a second or two. Relax.

4. Trust your audience
Unless you are very unlucky, most of the people you speak to would feel just as scared presenting as you do (true, some folk are natural public speakers, but not that many). They will not feel the slightest bit less of you for feeling nervous. They will probably respect you more for actually doing it in the first place (like there is a choice!).
If you’ve prepared your subject and made the effort to turn up to present then a little stage fright won’t do any harm at all.
If you are cursed with a mean and unforgiving group who laugh at you and look down at you then, quite frankly, that is their problem, not yours.
But this never happens, so don’t worry.

5. You’re not alone
Final point. You are not alone in feeling nervous. The chances are that at the exact moment you are delivering your presentation there are thousands of people doing exactly the same thing all over the world! And many of them will be battling exactly the same fears you are. Welcome to the club!

Having said all this, I would be just as happy never to have to do another presentation in my life!

What is identity, and how does it affect one in their everyday life? Identity is who one is characterized by their actions and personality. One’s identity is affected by their family, friends and environment, as they influence one’s life every day. Identity can be very influential on a person’s life, as it can shape their future. There are multiple types of identity, such as personal identity, cultural identity, and social identity. By exploring and researching each type of identity and the forces that affect them, one can gain a clearer view of their identity as a whole.

What one thinks of themselves, along with their treatment of themselves and their actions, are the foundation for personal identity. I have an average intelligence level, I am no intellect, the only subjects I can possibly excel in are mathematics and science. This is because two of my uncles are extremely gifted in the fields of math and science and the try to pass the gift on to me. Their influence has also affected my choice in occupation, as when I am fully grown, hope to be a bio-mechanical engineer. I am also extremely interested in paradoxes. Paradoxes are quite enjoyable as they help clear my mind of any hindrances and replace them with confusion mixed with understanding. My liking of paradoxes is probably due to my good friend, Brennan Harris. He at times was an enigma in both his speech and external appearance. Once I was able to solve his puzzles and actually argue facts with him, I needed new puzzles, thus turning me to paradoxes. All in all, I am quite an average person, much like Biff Brannon from The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Biff lead a very average life, he never did anything extraordinary or dull. Biff also pretty much just stood behind his counter not really talking much. Biff also enjoyed crossword puzzle, probably because they posed a challenge to his mind that others could no longer give to him.

Cultural identity is your background in its entirety, ranging from family background, to religious background, to educational background. Family background can determine how one acts and how one treats others, religious background can often give or take away faith in dire situations, and educational background can make or break one’s shot at a great occupation. I come from a family of Indian immigrants. I do not have strong relationships with my family members, me and my father are constantly arguing, then my mother gets involved and takes my father’s side, all the while my grandmother is singing bhagans in the background, while my brother watches TV. My family is very religious, they believe in the concepts portrayed in Hinduism. In comparison to my family, I can be labeled somewhat Anti-Hindu. This is because I go against a lot of Indian values, such as eating beef. My reasoning for eating beef is that seeing as how I live in America and that I am an American citizen, I should be allowed to be involved in American culture, which includes hamburgers and steak. This reasoning was in fact given to me by my mother, as she felt that I shouldn’t be forced to not eat beef, as it would be inevitable that I would one day consume it. I also eat meats (other than beef) on religious holidays, most of this is unintentional, but not always. This is because my family forced Hinduism onto me so much and they kept pushing the limitations of my temper so that I could be a very religious child. Because they pushed me so hard towards it I drifted away from Hinduism and my family, and found refuge alone.  My family also believes in a strong education, everyone in my family is well educated. This causes them to have high expectations of me. However, I may not always live up to these expectations as I do not always take my school work seriously. In this sense, I can relate to Mick. Mick did not have strong relationships with the members of her family. She would also often contradict many of their beliefs and values. Mick also had much expected of her, causing her to make many sacrifices.

A person’s behavior among others can be classified as social identity. I am somewhat anti-social. I will not talk to people unless I know them well. This poses a paradox of my mentality. I will not talk to people I do not know well, however I cannot know someone well unless I talk to them. I also have extreme stage fright. I do not enjoy being under the spotlight when the stakes are high. When such an event happens, I choke. For example in the guitar hero competition, my legs were shaking crazily, my hand was frozen for 2.5 seconds, and I was freaking out. My stage fright is probably caused by my fourth grade teacher, Ms. Francis. She made me feel stupid, as while all the other kids were playing; I was forced to write a factual story which she would harshly criticize. This caused me to become very aware of what I am doing, as people might think I am dumb. In this sense I am much like Biff. Biff doesn’t really talk to people much; he just stays behind his counter. He enjoys being somewhat alone, but still requires a friendly presence around.

All of the three types of identity, Personal, Cultural, and Social, shape the overall nature of a person. Identity shapes the way one acts, both internally (self) and externally (others). Without identity, everyone would have the exact same mentalities, and there would be no uniqueness in the world. Identity can be considered the foundation of American society. For this, we must respect individual identities, and accept them, as our identities, are us.