Sometimes bullying results from people thinking that the victim doesn’t mind being bullied or teased. If you are a victim, make sure that you let them know the FIRST TIME that it isn’t funny and they should stop. 

2. Control your emotions…at least in front of the ones who are hurting you

A vital aspect to dealing with bullying is to make sure that you have enough self control. When you are bullied and you have the urge to cry or even worse, jump around while flapping your arms like Donald Duck, don’t. This will signal to the bully that you are easily harmed and will wrosen the situation. The best thing to do is to pretend that it doesn’t affect you, and then release your negativity while alone. Remember, do not release it on someone else because then you will be..

3. Do not sink to their level

I know some victims of bullying that are so severely harmed – they resort to being horrible to others to let off their negative vibe. To make things worse, they think that they can justify that because they are being treated the same way. I’ve been there before, too, and trust me it does not work. It will make you hate yourself and will possibly turn your loved ones..the ones that you can go for help..away. In short, do not bully others because you are being bullied. 

4. Speak out to a friend

Sometimes bullying is an issue that you do not want to share with your parents. It is strongly recommended that you do but if you really don’t want to then make sure that SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST knows. They may be able to provide the mental support that you desperately need and may even help you take the last step…

5. Tell an adult

I know, I know. Everyone tells you to do this but sometimes you don’t. Why? Because it can certainly be uncomfortable. However it is vital that you do, and I cannot stress this fact enough. I was recently a victim of severe prejudice and discrimination, and telling an adult made miraculous changes. I felt safe again, and I recieved so much support. People backed off and now I’m much happier. Whatever the cause of bullying is, whether it is your sexual orientation, your fashion sense, your dreams and ambitions, or even just because you’re different, you have to let an adult know. If you’re uncomfortable talking to your parents, that’s ok. There are lots of help organizations out there and you can also go to your school. Trust me. Once you take this step you will feel alot more secure. That’s a promise. 

6. Rebuild yourself

Sometimes bullying can damage a person so badly that they will be left in ruins. The most important thing to do at this point is to start rebuilding yourself. Start socializing with more people, engaging in new hobbies, or even starting to follow a new tv show. Remember, rebuilding yourself is extremely important and will make a you a stronger person.

7. Get back that self esteem and confidence!

Last but not least, it is important to know that being bullied is not your fault, nor will it ever be. Self esteem and confidence are vital attributes that make up a person, and hating yourself because other people are being horrible to you just does not help. It may even lead to suicide attempts, which will not only harm you but also the people that love you. This is a long process and takes a lot of determination. Listen to some sad songs that will make you cry, and then immediately switch to upbeat anthems about being strong, such as “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga or “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. Remember that no matter what, you have people on your side.

And remember..

If you ever come across someone being bullied, don’t just stand there. It will create a bad impression of you in that person’s mind because they will assume that you agree with the people who are harassing you which is not true. Stand up for others, and others will do the same for you.

Good luck, and act today!

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for all the pain I’ve caused you. For everything I put you through, I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry for everything I do, and for that fact that I love you, but I had to put my feelings on that line. All I wanted was a shot at once upon a time, too bad everyone lies, nothing ends in a fairytale storyline.

All I needed was one chance to get it right, but as per normal I screwed it up again, and I’ve been lost since then. I was to young to know I was walking away from everything I ever wanted, because at 16 you’re stupid, you don’t know a damn thing. The sad part is it didn’t take me long to realize I walked away from my reason to be.

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for all the pain I’ve caused you. For everything I put you through, I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry for everything I do, and for that fact that I love you, but I had to put my feelings on that line. All I wanted was a shot at once upon a time, too bad everyone lies, nothing ends in a fairytale storyline.

Everything about you invites me in, calls my name, can’t you see it’s always been that way. I tried to hide it, tried to run from it, but my heart kept pulling me back to you. I was scared to tell the truth, and now the reasons why are so clear, because they are real. I was hoping for a story worth telling, but this story has a less epic ending. My heart is gone, an empty space you never knew you used to take. You sing about sweet tragedies, that’s all our story seems to be.

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for all the pain I’ve caused you. For everything I put you through, I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry for everything I do, and for that fact that I love you, but I had to put my feelings on that line. All I wanted was a shot at once upon a time, too bad everyone lies, nothing ends in a fairytale storyline.

And all I wanted…
Was a happy ending to my wanna

Image by Phalaenopsis Aphrodite via Flickr

be fairytale story line.

In my last post ”23 Life Lessons I Have Learnt In 30+ years of Living“, I mentioned about getting chickenpox, three days to my wedding.

One of the good things about blogging is the ability to turn an every-day ordinary occurrence into a blog story. 

How awesome is that.

I love telling stories…not just for the sake of a good story (otherwise I would just keep a diary). 

But I like to tell stories which bring hope, which inspire and challenge us to see life as full of many possibilities instead of many obstacles. 

I tell stories about marriage, relationships, success, growth and development, personal leadership. I know that there lies true life lessons in them, not just for me but for others too.

The story

My nephew swung by our house on the week of my wedding. 

Weeks earlier, he had come down with a bout of fever and rash, which later turned out to be chickenpox. At the time of his visit, he was past the most contagious stage which is the first five days (or so we thought). Nonetheless, we did our best keep the environment ”clean and contained”. 

But one morning and typical of an absent-minded teenage boy, he grabbed my towel after his shower, used it and then put it right back on the hook. 

I did not know he had done this as I merrily used my towel hours later.

By evening I was itchy, feverish and my neck had bumps on both sides. 

So what did I learn from this? (besides never trust a virus-carrying teenager around my house)

1. It is important to feel another’s pain before I offer solutions.

When my wedding rehearsal swung by (one day to the wedding), – I was heading to full-blown – weak, nauseous, inconceivably itchy, swollen, lathered in blisters, feverish and in pain. Needless to say, I was neither feeling nor looking chirpy. I thought my day was rough already…until my team, high on wedding-adrenaline,  arrived. 

Many were gracious and sensitive. 

But others, and just like the many phone conversations and texts I had received in the past days, were full of “encouragement”. 

Not a bad thing, I know. 

It’s the normal “nice” Christian thing actually. Tell someone to be strong, keep praying and believing, have hope and not give up, focus on the good things e.t.c

I will tell you though that at time, I did not need to be told how to think, what to feel or say or pray or fast about, not even how to look! (One spunky young lady told me “cheer up, why look so sad? This wedding is going to happen!) 

Yeah, like I needed a reminder. 

You see, in our rush to encourage, be strong, fill up awkward silence brought about by pain and things that we do not understand, we say all manner of things, make statements, ask questions, draw conclusions – basically muddle up things we should not be touching in the first place. 

Hurting or grieving human hearts are such – sometimes they don’t need a director, just a comforter, a kindred spirit. 

 I can’t tell you the difference “how are you doing? or “I know this is hard for you” or ” I can’t imagine what you are going through,” would have made. 

I know that a hug would made me feel better without loads of solutions attached to it. (Okay, I know I was contagious. Just saying). 

As a Christian, balancing spirituality and reality does get tricky sometimes. 

We desire to keep a heavenly perspective. We are spiritual creatures. But then we also live in bodies. 

And in times of grief and pain, these bodies just need a hug, not a sermon. 

2. It is possible to go through situations which feel impossible. And not die.

Well, I know that a virus in a bride-to-be’s body is not a near death experience..but to tell you that truth, it did feel as though my careful beautifully-crafted wedding plans were up in flames! 

Yes, a bride’s health, especially the condition of her skin – her face especially – are very important.

But the heat was not just on the plans. 

It was quickly spreading to my mind. 

I began to wonder what I had done to “attract” the misfortune. Maybe I had not prayed enough, believed enough, fasted enough. 

I struggled with hopelessness, feelings of unworthiness, fluctuating faith and gloom. 

I was in deep self-examination (nothing wrong with that by the way, just make sure you come up for air). 

But then the longer I stayed in that state, the deeper I sank, the tighter and darker my situation felt. 

I had other things going on, not just a pimply weak body (O did I mention that my beautician canceled last minute, the cake lady decided not to deliver the cake, we didn’t have enough money for the food and other small details?). 

So it was crucial that decide where my focus would go. 

The main thing for Saturday, August 16th 2008 was joining in holy matrimony with my best friend. At the minimum, all I needed was enough strength to walk down the aisle to say “I do”. 

Other things were just details, pretty add-ons that had no bearing on the main thing. Yes, they were important (typical Kenyan weddings are big elaborate affairs). 

But they were not the main thing.

When life nose-dives or rather circumstances seem to nose down, we can stay sane by keeping a simple perspective. 

Instead of focusing on the many tiny details surrounding the major thing, we can instead choose to look at the main thing, keep a determined focus and shake off other weights. 

We can decide to stop wasting precious energy keeping all the chips from falling, working hard to please everybody and working circumstances to perfection. 

Sometimes, the greatest thing to do, when there are too many balls in the air is to choose to catch the most important ball (the main thing) and and leave the others to drop wherever they may. 

Ultimately, this life has this tendancy to serve you what we ask. 

Maybe not immediately..but eventually it delivers what we insist on. 

3. God can do the impossible.

I have seen adults who have gone through a full blown case of chickenpox. I am yet to meet anyone who’s raging illness stopped dead on its tracks. 

On its own. 

Like mine did. 

On the eve of my wedding and three days after the break-out, the existing blisters suddenly began to dry off. New ones stopped popping (even on existing red spots). The itching reduced. My appetite began to return. 

And yes, a new make-up person who had superior kit showed up (did I tell mention that my face needed a miracle?), a sumptuous meal for the guests was in place, the cake lady did deliver the cake. All other important fussy details fell in to place. 

And on Saturday morning (wedding day), and at the exact moment I stepped out of the car, my previously weak body began to hum with energy. Real joy filled my heart for the first time in several days. I could not stop laughing and dancing the rest of the day. Unless you were in the know, you could not tell that I had been been previously unwell. 

I know for sure that I had none of these by myself. 

It was a gift from God. 

I know there are those who will argue that the illness had somehow blown its course. But you cannot argue with personal experience. 

I know the difference between an illness finishing its course and a miracle of healing.

God gave me a miracle. Not because I deserved it. 

Because He is goodness itself.

We live in a world that rewards smartness, goodness, courageousness, being outspoken, manipulative, star-like, productive. But then we all know that there comes a time when our qualifications are unable to give us what we need. When we need a miracle, someone to see us and accept us are we are, love us and be good to us in spite of ourselves. 

When we just have to rely on God’s goodness and not our merit.   

If it doesn’t kill you, it can only make you stronger. 

Tommy only relaxed when he saw saw me smile at a distance.  Only then did he know that I was all right, that I would be able to go through the day.

This man received a swift introduction to some of the vows we would take  that day i.e to love each other for better or for worse! 

All these served to show me that I married a good man.

The very things that look like they are about to kill you can confirm and affirm your very decision. 

You may have a different story but the premise is the same –  areas of your life are heading south, you feel you cannot handle it anymore. You are stuck in endless self-examination, paralyzed and unable to move on. Guilt for real or imagined sin is keeping you in a mental prison. 

There maybe no one to extend kind words or warm arms right now… but I can tell you that there is One who can provide all you need.

All you need to do is just ask.

What life-lessons have you derived from your own difficult circumstances? 

Twirl me into happiness, and sing me into joy.
Show me more important things than one cold-hearted boy.
Open up my eyes to laughter I have never known.
Make me strong so I can know I’ll make it on my own.

Rivers beneath my smiling eyes are steaming into hearts.
They keep a warm a different place for each of this song’s parts.
People awe and tremble when my true joy pushes through.
Now they see the river’s steam is making smiles too.

Whisper close into my ear that they can see the steam.
Remind me why I broke my heart and let this river stream.
They’ve wondered where I’ve gone as I’ve been swimming underneath.
They want me to return before I hang my Christmas wreath.

“I’m back!” I say, “I’m stronger now! At last, I see the light.”
It’s time I wrap it up, I think, this long and dreary night.
Goodbye, my love. I held you close. You meant so much to me.
Dancing with the broken-hearted turns grief into glee.

- Be a man

- Show that you care but don’t lose sight of being a man

- Don’t become a female and whine about every little thing

- Don’t cry over nothing

- Be strong no matter what happens and don’t be weak

Religious

The Philippines is one the most religious countries in world, particularly in Catholicism and Islam. Families would encourage and strengthen the values of their children and would at least have one day a week for worship and at the same time strengthening family ties.

Religion is the foundation of most of the country’s morals and values and sometimes, the church greatly affects the minds and opinions of the general populace, affecting its decisions. Sadly, this also applies to the government as they are troubled by whatever the Church’s stand is in every matter, as people see their opinion to be the “right” one. Thus, many of our politicians go with whatever the Church says, fearing that they would lose vote if they go against it. This profound belief in something greater circumstances enable them to be resilient in the face of even the most threatening problems  be it poverty, natural disaster, injustice, abuse, or death.

Strong family ties

Filipinos have tightly-knit family ties. In the country the people put family ties and relations as one of their top priorities. Filipinos would do all they could to provide and sustain their respective families. This is present in Filipino festivals where they invite the whole family and in Sundays where they would make time to use it to spend the whole day for their families.

You will find that it is common in the country to include the extended members not just the normal nuclear family. It is not unusual that in a single household it would reach up to ten members of a family living under the same roof. They value each other’s company, and everyone strives to provide for the whole and not just for them.

Even grandparents still have an active role in the family. It is now the norm in the society that both parents are out working, leaving the care of their children to the lolos and lolas, especially if the family cannot afford to hire a nanny. Grandparents therefore become responsible for instilling into their grandchildren the values and morals they taught to their own children, further increasing the importance of the elderly in our society.

Hard-working

Filipinos over the years have proven time and time again that they are a people with an industrious attitude. Sadly, this is seen by others as Filipinos being only useful as domestic helpers, working abroad to help their families in the country. This is also present in the country’s workforce particularly the farmers. Even with little support, technological weaknesses and the country’s seasonal typhoons, the Filipino farmer still strives to earn their daily meal.

Even though the government provides small support to the country’s workers, many people choose to engage in micro businesses—the so-called sari-sari stores and tiangge, the Filipino version of local markets and ukay-ukay, or second-hand stores.

Some would also pursue engaging in transportation with jeepneys, tricycles and such to offer low-cost transportation to the ever mobile masses.

Though these are some examples on how Filipinos get by with everyday living, these work opportunities offer only minimum pay but Filipinos still pursue them in hopes of giving their children a decent life and proper education so they could elevate themselves to a higher standard of living.

Honesty

Being a hard-working people, the Filipinos are also honest. In general, they would prefer to work hard for an honest day’s pay than to find an easier way like stealing or cheating.

As in the case of overseas Filipino workers or OFWs, they are mostly domestic helpers and though given a job which requires a lot of trust from the employer as they are left alone with their belongings or children, it is rare that Filipinos would do anything to betray or lose the trust that is given to them. We see so many Filipinos working in the homes of other families precisely because they can be trusted.

But even in our own country, Filipinos have displayed honesty in various forms, may it be from a taxi driver returning a dropped phone or wallet. Filipinos would choose to do the right thing, though sometimes this is not necessarily true.

Resiliency

The Philippines is a hotspot for disasters, natural and otherwise. Couple that with poverty, and one would think that Filipinos have the most reason for being a depressed people. However, we have demonstrated time and again that Filipinos can bounce back from a tragedy, emerging stronger and better than before. In the middle of a disaster, Filipinos can still manage to smile and be hopeful that the next morning brings new hope.

We have shown the world that by working together as a nation, we have what it takes to recover from a bad situation. This is something that all of us should be proud of, no matter where in the world we are.

With all of these good traits (and more!), one would really be proud to say, “I am a Filipino.”

Filipinos have shown the world that by working together, we have what it takes to recover from a bad situation—and this is a trait that we should all be proud of.

How many people do you see today giving thanks, or credit for their actions, to Christ? These days, you hardly ever see a public official praying in, well, public. But, Sarah Palin, will proudly raise her eyes to Heaven and give praise, or silently bow her head in prayer, wherever she may be. She gives us an example of what this country used to be before Christ was taken out of everything we do.

Mrs. Palin is also a huge supporter of anti-abortion. She chooses life for these babies who have no reason to lose their lives. Palin is a prime example of what a family could be without abortion, as she is one with a large and fulfilling family. I admire her because even though she was told her beautiful son would be born with Down Syndrome, she didn’t take the road most travelled. She and her husband, Todd, CHOSE to keep their baby and raise him along with their other four children.

Sarah Palin is also a voice to women everywhere, not just America. She teaches us to rise above the men who are trying to keep us down and quiet, and take a stand for what is right. She leads us to a new “revolution,” where being president is obtainable by a woman. And she inspires us to reach as high as we can, and even further, for what we want. We, the women of America, make up a big part of this nation and I haven’t met one woman who doesn’t support her.

Sarah Palin doesn’t give up. She laughs in the face of adversity, she pushes on when the “lamestream media” try everything they can to bring her spiralling down, and she strikes back and takes lead when one strikes at her, or her children… Especially her children. Mrs. Palin is intelligent. She was raised by a great teacher, and she’s smarter than a lot of people give her credit for thanks to the lamebrains, for a lack of a better word, every little word she says.

Yeah, maybe I’m just an average Jane who works from home typing articles, writing books, and raising my son on my own. But, trust me, there are a lot of women out there just like me who all support Sarah Palin. So, go ahead and run, Mrs. Palin. We need a strong leader for our country. We’ve got your back… You betcha!

It has been rightly said “Health is Wealth”. We need to focus on our self as well because it is you that matters the most at the end of the day. If our health is perfect we will be happy always without any tensions or worries. What are worries and tensions going to give us? The answer is more troubles and tensions. 

We should keep our life well balanced and should fill our world with good positive thoughts. I am writing below some tips on how to stay happy even when the times are tough. 

1. Just remain Optimistic : Tough times will always test your endurance and stamina. Be confident and face the situation without any fear. Nothing can break you down in any situation or under any circumstances.

2. Stay Positive : I know this may be the most hardest thing to do during tough times. But our main focus here is that we should not fall into the trap of Negativity. It is because negativity is going to affect our health in one way or the other. Every problem has a solution so just take any problem as a challenge. Remember this famous quote “A positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible”. 

3. Stay happy and smile : Staying happy in tougher times will not only help you find the solution to the problem but it will also make you strong enough to face any situation in the future as well. It will make you strong enough so that you can lift others also who might need you during the tough times.

4. Believe in yourself : Always believe in yourself and always tell yourself that nothing in this entire world can break you down. Believe that you know the solution and you will give your level best to solve the problem that you are facing.

5. Its now or never : Last but not the least, always make sure that you don’t skip situations or things for future. Never have such thinking. The more delay the more worse the situation will become. Act now, get to know the root cause cause of the problem and then give your best shot to solve it.

I hope everyone likes reading the above points.

Experts say this is not only changing gender roles, and economic difficulties that make men to adopt a traditional view of women, seeking a “supplier” in the woman together.

The study shows that 66% of men are attracted to career women, the percentage rising to 71% among men of 30-34 years. 

Strong woman, independent and professional is much more appealing to men today, according to a study conducted by the game company Electronic Arts. 

Now, 18% of men seeking a fun partner, 14% want an independent woman and 9% appreciate spontaneity. 

Other 35% said they like the so-called “bad girls” of Hollywood actresses Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox and singer Charlotte Church. 

Commenting on the findings, relationship expert Jo Barnett said: “Money is harder to obtain than ever, and men who perhaps were once afraid of strong women, successful, are now wiser.Also, the media fed us the taste for strong women, executive, as one very sexy. “ 

The study also showed that when it comes to looking for the perfect man , most women are not looking for a knight in shining armor. 

Men who display chivalrous behavior and policies are now considered poor one in ten women. 

Also, no man cared for is no longer fashionable, because 45% of women now prefer the look of the reckless lover , Irish actor Colin Farrell in kind or Scotsman Gerard Butler. 

Such men, and they are attracted to ambition – 60% of women said they were more attracted to men with powerful jobs. 
. 

How long has the low courage factor affected your decision making capability?

Has the sissiness stuck to you practically all your life?

Has your cry baby whining act attracted more audience than your irritated siblings?

Have you chickened out of complicated situations?

Has the nervousness been ringing in your ear in a crowd observing you?

Has the feminine recoiling part been a prominent trait of yours?

We are not only interested in identifying a wuss when we see it, because if you’re here reading this, it is pretty obvious that either you are one or you know one . We are more concerned about curing this trait as soon as possible .

Here are a few crash courses to get rid of this embarrassing problem:

• For shouting out loud , make your own decisions
• Never get intimidated by heavier more stronger built people
• Don’t complain about weather , people , mortgage , income , job , salary and  boss way too much
• We don’t ask you to follow brands and fashion but please loosen that 50s shirt tucked into your pants
• Never allow women to pay or guide you through a date
• Do not fear going over board and and telling someone wrong , when they are 
• Don’t squeeze yourself into pre-defined criterion of how you should behave , let your personality define that for you
• Live with your parents if you have the guts to carry it off but we would strongly advice you to grow up and get a life
• Keep your sentimental roller coaster ride packed off in the trunks in the attic
• Your lack of self confidence is no ones fault, get over it 
• Weaknesses are to be left behind , be a man , take charge
• Your insecurities are past , don’t be a cry baby about them
• Your fights should never look like cat fights
• You are not the old dog who can’t learn new tricks , be a puppy all your life if it has to be that way
• Lastly , you are hunter , the devil,the stalwart,the knight , the man who is responsible for all the battles and wars the world has seen , the nukes , the armies , the wrestlers …it’s you ! and you are not a wuss.