The Struggle To Find One’s Identity

People are fake. They are “phonies” as Holden would call it. Driven by their narcissistic needs, people strive for self-improvement and self-gain. There is no one in this world who can say they do not. In The Catcher In The Rye, the main character, Holden, struggles to find his place in society. He is a bird that fails to grow into his wings. And in many ways, I have felt the same way. I have been searching for my identity – of who I really am, and it is only this past year that I have discovered many truths about myself – truths that I have hid from not only the people around me, but also from myself.

            Having friends is a simple way to find security. I know that I could not have lived through all the stress and anxiety in my life without friends. They provide relief and a person to vent to. But much of the time, I feel that I made the majority of my friends so that I feel belonged. I wanted to feel as if I were important – an accomplishment everyone seems to look for. This is why it is so difficult to find genuine people that truly care about others and their interests. Everyone is too involved in finding that genuine person that they forget that others are searching too. Finding one’s identity is collaboration, a group contribution between many people. We find who we are when we search for it, and in doing so, we also help others find who they are.

            The transition from middle to high school was tough for me. Knowing only about twenty people coming into high school, I was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in, and I bet others worried as well. To assuage myself, I found a decent group which I could identify myself with. Three years pass and I began to notice small nuisances. I began to realize that my group of friends hardly listened to what others had to say, even though what was said was more logical and sometimes more valid than their own reasoning. I also found that most of their conversations and laughters were from the defaming of another “friend”. I understand that in order for a friendship to form, there must be some sort of bond, but the repetitiveness of the ridicule and teasing became unbearable. In the end, though I have never taken part in the ridiculing and teasing, I found myself ashamed to be a part of that group Yet, I am, in one way or another, a part of that group to this day. I still talk to them as if they were my friends. Why? The sole reason lies in the fact that I never wish to be alone. I would rather have acquaintances than to be all alone in this world. This is similar to Holden’s hypocritical views on others. For example, Holden cannot stand Ackley. He finds Ackley to be very annoying and inquisitive, but he keeps him as a friend. Holden also exudes the same behaviors as Ackley to his roommate, Stradlater, and does not recognize it. He is so self-absorbed into what he wants from others that he forgets the words he has spoken about such “phonies”. He has failed to discover that he is no better than his peers. Friends have become a vital part in my life as well as Holden’s. They have provided the comfort and security that the void cannot, and to Holden and I, we value the comfort and security.

            Holden also finds security through his constant revisits to many familiar places, such as the bar and the history museum. Just as I go to my friends for help and security and a place to learn more about myself, Holden finds this place in his memories. His frequent visitations to the museum, particularly the history museum shows Holden’s unwillingness to change and grow up. It is in these memories that he feels most secure about his future. He discovers that he does not want to grow up, and more than once, he has set the museum as the meeting place for his younger sister, Phoebe. In this context, we can see Holden’s goal in life – to prevent others close to him from growing up. Hence, a catcher in the rye. His newfound occupation is further reinforced when he brings Phoebe to the amusement park and urges her to go to the parasol. He not only wants people to retain their youth, but also live it while they still can.

            More recently, I have found myself with another group of people. I have tried to reinvent myself into a more outgoing and social person. And to some extent, I have succeeded. I have found my identity through that group and that has allowed myself to be more open with others. I no longer have anything to hide my true self away from anyone. Similarly, Holden does not restrain his thoughts about others with the audience. He presents his story the way he sees it, uncensored and untamed. This unique characteristic about Holden brings out part of his identity. As the novel progresses, the audience unravels Holden piece by piece. We know that Holden understands that he has lost his youth and that he can never obtain it again. This realization allows Holden to find himself. Just like I have been struggling to find my niche in high school, Holden struggles to find his future. He only finds himself when he is presented with the opportunity to “save” Phoebe. His ambition comes from one source: his younger brother’s death. Throughout the book, he reminisces about his little brother. He tries so desperately to hang onto his little brother that it has stalled his own growth and has delayed his discovery of himself. It is only when he forgets about his past and starts focusing on his future that he is able to recognize who is wants to be. Although I have never lost a family member like Holden, I have lost someone very close and dear to me in a different manner: my grandma. She had lived in the United States in my early elementary years. I created a bond so strong with her that I thought it was indestructible. I felt that nothing could get in between my grandma and I when we were together. But I wrong. She eventually had to leave and return to her homeland, and the hundreds of miles separated us. Distance disintegrated the bonds. I have looked back on this event many times and could never forgive myself letting her leave. But now, after visiting her in 2008, I realize that the past has only prolonged my struggle to find myself. And so I let her go. Today, I have a better understanding of who I am. The obstacle that was my past has vanished, but there is still one more obstacle I cannot overcome: high school.

            They say high school is a place to find oneself. But they never said how hard it would be. For me, finding my identity meant finding my sexuality. I have spent countless hours in middle school and the beginning of high school trying to figure out who I am. At first, it was tough. I was drowned in confusion. I knew that society looked down upon gays. And I knew I would be made fun of for proclaiming myself to the world. But was I really gay? I wasn’t sure. How could I find out my identity when even mentioning the thought of it scares people away and makes them think I am different? The sad truth: I couldn’t have, not in high school, and especially not in junior high. There are too many ignorant, closed-minded people in this world that are unable to accept the fact that people are different. Even Holden freaks out on Mr. Antolini’s “flitty pass” and uses a derogatory term to describe gays. Societal views blockaded my discovery. It was only through the encouragement and security of my new group of friends that helped me discover my true self and the love of my life.

I am no different than any other person. Let that be known. And there is a reason for every action. Identity defines who we are, but it should not be mistaken for personality. I have found my identity through the help of my friends and through the dismissal of part of my past. The immense pressures from society have lengthened the time it took to find my identity, but I am thankful I have been able to find it. I no longer have to pretend, as everyone already knows, and I am forever grateful that I have associated myself with such amazing people – people who don’t care whether their friends are gay or straight, people who provide the sanctuary for the ones that need it, and people who support one another to find their place in society. Once lost, but now found. That is my story.

 Now I could see it..the difference between in and out. In was real cause it had a relation to all that existed. And out didn’t feel as real..cause it was just passing by..fluctuating…Also cause it had only meaning for each one around projecting it or just thinking it might be real… 

 Now the paradox was clear….in was out of the bubble and out was caught in the reality of that bubble. Now, I could from inside, see how I was keeping that world together. I could also see in what way..it was just a lie..comfortable. The main difference was the amount of light that was naturally there out of the bubble and in me, and the total absence of natural light in that place around me. There was a separation, somehow…that looks like any movie with the good and evil. In my mind, it really seems so obvious, that good and bad were separated, giving meaning to one another, by their opposition. But from inside me, it made no sense. They were melted together and in that vision, I was free from them. At least, as I could see it, free from any interpretation, free from the fight between them…Now deep down within myself…there was a special kind of good…The good with no principles, the good that could hurt for the good…the good that was just the natural expression of the nature of man, the good that made the world a better place..for everyone. In the bubble, the good needed principles to support it. People had to think that they had to be good..it was the moral thing to do..but for principles, from what I see, you would have to fight against your will to hurt..your own need for good..No! now I knew…there was absolutely no need for life to be a struggle against oneself.. or any part of me. In the bubble, we tend to separate everything..so it will have a reason to fight..and fight and opposition was in the nature of that place…

  Now, here in my self, empty, I was full…full of all the life. I had no idea, and didn’t need any.. Now I knew…I could be sitting anywhere in the world…throught my heart…cause the world, right there around.. was just a made up idea, shared by a lot of people… Well strange enough, it didn’t make it real….

Some people are also of the view point that respect should not be made a part of war for any one gender. Men and Women should respect each others equally and it should be expressed at every event. Women expect hearing truth from men. They like men who take active part in the life’s struggle. Vinkas suggested four steps of moral ethics in view of today’s age that can be implemented 1) Take initiative in opening the door for any women 2) Keep standing until a woman takes her seat 3) Whenever you go with a woman for outdoor meal pay the bill 4) While traveling in a public transport, give your seat to a woman.

In the modern age, majority of men do not express moral ethics due to the fear of cheating. Ponam Singh of American College Dubai opines that ethics grow with different cultures and their expression can be seen in crises as well. On 14th April 1914, when Titanic was sinking in the sea, why it was decided taking women and children first in a life boat away from the ship. Reality is that even in severe crises nobody forgets expressing morals.

However, the meanings of ethics have changed with the time now. Now, paying other’s bill, opening door for somebody, giving your seat to anybody and helping any injured person also come under ethics. In societies, where men and women both play their roles in the life’ struggle, pay attention to the mutual respect equally in the society, In Asian countries these values are found comparatively more.

Katty Foster has been associated with the public relation’s field for the last 25 years. She met her husband after 20 years of separation. The attitude of her husband didn’t change during these years. Mrs. Foster says that respect and ethics are such codes of conduct that enables a noble person passing a better life.

Good manners and ethics are correlated in many people with their DNA also. They do not think much before doing any good work. They keep true respect for others in their heart. Katty Foster says that in spite of living away for the long time, we both give respect to each other very much in any dinner party or amusement site.

Foster says, “I am unable to understand why people do not follow code of conduct? Why do you not think any good for a person who sweeps roads or safe your shoes from going dirty?”

Mrs. Foster says, “My husband respects me and when he cares me without limits I start thinking myself as a queen. The expression of respect from man for women is actually a way of giving honor to a woman.”

Sticka Maria works as a therapy practitioner. In her opinion the respect and honor emotions mostly relates to men. For some people, it is also a matter of ego and prestige that they would open door for some women or offer them theirs seat.

Some people never feel shy even after committing a fault while some others ask pardon immediately. Such a person learns much from his faults and stands up at the top level of ethics.

By Muhammad Irfan Zafar

Content Writer

I have lived my life being poor and I know in now days society, a lot of us are struggling paycheck to paycheck. The messed up thing is we technically make too much? How the heck is it that you make too much when you have to take pay day loans, title loans, sell what little valuables you own, walk to work because you don’t have a vehicle, or if not walk you are taking some sort of public transportation because you either don’t have a vehicle or you can’t afford to get to work (if you even are employed). Those who aren’t employed can’t even afford to go to find a job either.

Today’s society has showed and increase in our amount of our society who are homeless! Does this not mean anything to our politicians?! A rise of unemployment and homelessness. They say they are doing everything they can to help us…but are they really? They have time to make up stupid laws over what a cigarrette can be called, but they cannot make time to actually bring employment to the people who are out of work?

I remember getting denied to have my light bill covered, I was only asking for half of it! I was told that I made too much. I looked in shock. How can I be making too much. The guy said that accoridng to my “gross” pay I made too much. I looked at him on verge of tears and I said, yes I see what my gross pay is but that is not what I bring home.

I am not the only one declined for this same reason. In my honest opinion, they should not be going by what our gross pay is, but our net pay…the money we brign home to feed our little ones. The future generation of America is starving and the politicians say there is not a problem. How can they be so blind to the problem? Our nations is turning to chaos! People are stealing, robbing, or doing illegal things such as drug dealing to feed their families…but there is no problem?

I read in the paper one day of a guy’s attempt to use fireworks in his car to blow up an ATM at a PNC bank branch. Now I know your first reactions were one of many. Some sway towards the immediate criminal label, but the guy had an absolute clean record. He had never done anything to get a criminal record before. Hten there are those who would say, omg what an idiot. Ok, this may not have been very smart to try for one nor leave his vehicle as evidence for him to be tracked…but he is not a criminal master mind he was a hard working American man! Then there are those who react with sympathy and wonder what drove him to these actions. This is how I felt honestly as I heard his story. He was a local man who was facing repossession and foreclosure. See the site address for the story.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/19/man-tries-to-blow-up-bank_n_651728.html

This is shocking and the politicians still ahve their public aid offices running the same. People are exhausting their options to feed their families and to survive. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the middle class struggles to make it. I remember my parents saying this all my life when things got tough.

I know for a fact that plenty of society out there has honestly been on the decline. I recall walking out that office to see a guy put a link card in his wallet and walk to a 2010 Cadillac with chrome rims that was lifted slightly and put on about 22-24inch rims! I’m looking in shock at this guy as he gets in the vehicle. I am sitting here driving a 94 Ford Thunderbird with a crap load of problems and still am people who have been rewarded link because they claimed simply…I’m homeless and unemployed. These individuals have nothign wrong with them and can work, have a working vehicle but are too lazy to even try looking for work! How do I know their story because I knew them. I don’t speak with them anymore, but I knew them and I seen the proof of their lies. They had a home to live under even though it was their parents’ roof and chose not to work because they didn’t want to and figured the state could support them. I have been told by reliable sources that their drug dealers were getting food stamps somehow! What the hell is wrong with our system?! I feel more information is needed before someone could get state aid. I also feel that it should go by net income not gross because gross doesn’t all come hoem to pay bills but the net income does. Some of us are paying arm and a leg for taxes, benefits, or child support. Now, I understand this stuff is mandatory for the most part, but seriously how come is this not considered when you look in our faces and tell us we are on our own and the state will not help us. The sate’s favorite word to those of us who actually need it is DENIED!

Come on America, a petition is our right to our government. Petition our right to have the system change their ways and figure out if we need help by our net income!

I know the rich sit in their mansions saying things like well why should we help those who won’t help themselves. Problem is, many of us a trying drastically to help ourselves and when we need help, a blind eye is turned. People are spending their hard earned cash on lottery in hopes to win big to get out of their hell! The rich have also gone to the extent of saying we earned this, well yes you have, but is it too hard to ask compassion of you to help those who need it. If you suddenly went broke would you not want help?! I am not talking about help the drugees, the drug dealers, or the maniacs. I am talking about helping those who honestly are trying to help themselves!

Finally, an important U.S. representative has visited Myanmar (Burma) where she is presently meeting with members of that country’s military dictatorship, as well as with Aung San Suu Kyi,  the opposition leader and Nobelist, with the hope that the illegitimacy of that administration be terminated and a new dawn of freedom ushered in the light of a long-nursed democracy. One has to wonder as to why it took so long to get involved in Myanmar’s nightmare which seems to be gradually giving way toward perhaps a brighter future. There seems to be a faint light at the “end of the tunnel,” with the possibility that, after years of tyranny, the turn to a new chapter might be in the offing.

I happened to be born in Burma when it was a British Colony, but after World War II when the rest of the world had celebrated an exhilarating victory, as well as freedom from fascism, Burma had lapsed into a nightmarish military dictatorship which is still clinging to power. Ironically, it seemed as if the rest of the world cared less about the intolerable condition of that country’s much-maligned subjects, as if they belonged to a different planet.

Prior to the military takeover of Burma, there were leaders that dreamed of freedom from colonialism, hoping to establish its independence at the end of World War II, after the Japanese occupation of that country, but it wasn’t meant to be when it was suddenly overwhelmed by yet another calamity that continues to this day.

Perhaps, the visit of our Secretary of State will open a new chapter in Myanmar’s long struggle to establish its true independence on the groundwork of democracy.

Captain Charles Boycott, the land agent of an absentee landlord, Eme, who lived in Lough Mask House in Co. Mayo in Ireland had to face with some revolts of the tenants living in the estate. That year the crops had been very poor and the tenants told him that they couldn’t pay their rents and asked him for a 10% reduction. Then, when the landlord went to the House, they asked him for a 20%, which he refused. The tenants stopped working on the land and in the House until they reached a deal. On the other hand, the landlord was condemned to social ostracism. Nobody would speak to him. Goods wouldn’t be delivered in the House and the postman refused to bring in his mail.

Lough Mask House, owned by absentee landowner, Eme, in Co. Mayo in ireland.

Since those legendary Irish revolts, the word boycott that comes from the land agent´s name is used to this form of struggle. It is an efficient one, if it is staged by thousands of people.

Last year, the electricity went up in Spain by an 11%. It was an enormous increase for many households. Then, it was called for a general blackout on a certain day. It meant that on such a day and from 10.00 to 1030 p.m. all lights and electric gadgets had to be switched off for half an hour. It may sound ridiculous that by switching off all the lights, appliances and electric gadgets for such a short period of time could cause to electricity companies any damage. It does. When a sudden and general blackout happens, it creates problems in their generators and they have to fix them up. Not without mentioning all the money they lose in their bills if thousands of people stay in the dark if only for this half an hour, adding, of course, the compulsory VAT.

Needless to say that it was only partially followed and the millions they lost during that half an hour in darkness, with no appliances or gadgets on, were for them a pittance, but what would have happened if the whole of the population had switched off everything? What if they do it again and this time many more join in?

Another sort of boycott I heard of was when Margaret Thatcher wanted to impose the poll tax. As I had been told, hundreds of people refused to pay up. Therefore, the court houses were full of hundreds of people accused of not wanting to pay such a tax. Is it possible to have a court hearing in which the accused are hundreds of people?

We should take this form of struggle as a peaceful and very efficient one if it is followed by most of the population determined to win.

We are heading into the so called festive season in which most of the basic food items will be increased. Supermarkets and shopkeepers take good adventage that everybody wants to eat turkey, lamb, shellfish and fish. Why not swap one item for another if we think it’s an abusive price? If your turkey has gone sky high, have something else instead. You will still have a good meal and you won’t have been abused by greedy supermarkets and shopkeepers.

Thanks to Captain Boycott and the revolts of Irish labourers we have an efficient and peaceful form of struggle that can be applied to many issues we are facing these days

We may boycot the banks for their abusive rates of interest on loans. These days banks are becoming sort of estate agents as they are taking the houses from those people who can’t pay up their mortgages. These people become homeless, but they still have to pay up the rest of their mortgages. 

And there can many more issues that we could boycott. Which one do you know?

Image via Wikipedia

The new management hired new personnel and employees. But on a certain account, they used cost – cutting procedure. They used to cut on the number of employees on a certain department. The company had introduced forced labor effectively. It affected to the old employees especially. They obliged their employees to do the jobs and responsibilities as the same as supervisors.

He explained, “I handled so many loan accounts, including monitoring, collections’ procedures, and other legal documentation. I could see that there were discrepancies. Promotions and salary increases were awarded and mostly enjoyed by the newly hired personnel. I have a pending promotion that the company had promised. The harmonious relationship between the employees and the employer had become chaotic. Favoritism had become obvious and the situation became worst.”

Those strategies that the company practiced had increased Mr. Jura’s desire to organize a labor union, of about two hundred members, with the primary objective of protecting the employees against the unfair labor practices of the company.

During his active Leadership – Mr. Jura noted that some of the union members were afraid to negotiate with the employer. He said, “There was a strong warning by the company, to terminate employees involved to such activity.” But despite the management cautionary action, the union stood its ground vigorously and there were more struggles. 

“I concluded two Collective Bargaining Agreements (CBA) with the employer. The first CBA had taken us by eight months to negotiate with the employer. In the middle of negotiation with the company, they offered me promotion and money. But I had never accepted it until it ended up with deadlocked bargaining. Those eight months of bargaining with the employer had brought us too much difficulty. I really needed the money to sustain my mother’s hospitalization and to support my family. It was really hard for me to handle the situation. But this had not affected my strong desire to lead the union. But it was difficult to render a visible protest against the company’s unfair labor practices,” he said.

The plans on a Yes – to – Strike. The union members wore arm – bands with slogans, and had picketed in front of the administration’s building. It took them a month. But the company still did not alter its decision. They felt that their crusade had failed. Their struggles seemed to have no success. These were months of desolation. It affected Mr. Jura greatly. That period of his crusade with the union had made him crippled. His mother’s condition had affected him. The agony had penetrated his heart, brought by the disturbing events, but he had never deviated from his decision. Courageously, they have said, ‘Yes to strike,’ through a consultation with the Department of Labor Employment (DOLE). 

The plans on a Yes – to – Strike by the union had worried the company. So the company bribed one of the employees of DOLE to release an assumption order to stop the possible strike of the union. But the union went through with their crusade that urged the company to grant some of their demands. 

In that provision, all employees, either union members or non – union members will receive 3% profit shares from the company’s annual income.

According to Mr. Jura, the first and second distributions were in good faith, while the third time of distribution was shocking. They found that the non – members received a greater amount than the union members. This urged Mr. Jura to request a consultation with the management, but to no avail. The management justified it as their prerogative. This made the union open their second CBA. 

Their second CBA with the company was not as fruitful. Their legal counsel (union) had renewed some of the existing provisions stated in the CBA. The management (company) bribed their counsel with some money.

“We continued our struggles. We filed the case with the National Labor Counsel. The issue was for equal profit sharing. Luckily, we won the case, after two long years of labor hearings!” he said. 

Mr. Jura felt jubilation to win the case. He never sold his principle and dignity to the company. He would cherish it throughout his life span and share it to his kids. He resigned from his job with dignity and pride. He said, “Courage and Unity were the best weapons to Victory.” 

“It was really difficult to handle the situation. I lost my job. I have a family that needed my support. Those disturbing events that happened to me did not diminish my strength and willingness to live and survive, but I strive more to keep on living,” said Mr. Jura.

He added, “If it happened to you and you lost your job come down and never get mad. It is not the end of the world for you. There are more opportunities for you to find a job. Jobs are there just around you. Think positively. Don’t just put yourself in a corner, remembering those bad experiences that happened to you before. Maintain a good relationship with your family. Trust and understanding are really needed in this situation. 

“Your family is your outlet to discuss what is good. See your friends. They are willing to help you. They can refer you to another company that needs your services. Deliver yourself to the Good Lord. He is always behind you to support you, to guide you. He is the first and the last to seek for help because hope is there.”

At present Mr. Jura is working as a Secretary at a Construction Company in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

It is said that Demonstrations and Rallies are adding to the fear of investors depriving ourselves of the investments needed to kick-start the economy but they also help to check our officials wrong doings!

This article was written with the permission from Mr. Jura. 

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The man had a proposal to expand the business overseas. He played upon the emotions of Iskandar Putarul Alam who was very trusting and agreed to accept the man as a partner. It was also at this time that Iskandar Putarul Alam’s father became gravery ill. Because of this Iskandar Putarul Alam could not spend much time in the business and depended more and more on his partner. in fact he was grateful to the partner for taking care of the business all by himself. Then, he made his ultimate  mistake. Fully trusting his partner, he signed several blank cheques so that his partner could withdraw money without seeing him every time. Then one day, two tragedies struck Iskandar Putarul Alam at the same time. His father died and Iskandar Putarul Alam’s partner disappeared. It was then that Iskandar Putarul Alam discovered that his partner had cheated him and had withdrawn all the money he had.

Iskandar Putarul Alam was ruined. However, he remained calm and concentrated on burying his father. After that, he made a police report. His partner was caught in a week, but it was no use. None of the money that he had worked for and saved all those years was left. The villain had hidden it all or just spent it. There was nothing that Iskandar Putarul Alam could do except to take his partner to court and have him sent to prison.

Iskandar Putarul Alam had to sell his business in order to pay all in debt. He felt depressed and was contemplating suicide. But his wife stood by him. She told him, repeatedly, that he was a good man and a capable one. She spoke to him everyday and built up his confidence. Slowly, Iskandar Putarul Alam found his courage again. He made a vow to him self and his wife that he would become rich again in five years. Then he sold all his wife’s jewerly and started a small shop. It was in the same neighbourhood, where he and his father had opened their little repair shop so many years ago. A lot of people began to come to Iskandar Putarul Alam’s shop. In order to support him, his wife worked with him.

After a few years of struggle, Iskandar Putarul Alam became rich again. He realised that becoming rich was due to mental ability and not because of luck. He worked sincerely and with all his concentration and overcame all obstacles. He kept his vow to himself and to his wife; he became immensely rich in five years.