• The Drama King/Queen - This type usually makes a huge deal of nothing at all and can cause sheer pandemonium in settings where others aren’t aware of what is happening. Kind of like ‘New York’, Flava Flav’s infamous groupie from The Flavor of Love Show a few years ago. This woman deserved an award for blowing things out of proportion!
• The Victim - Woe is me! These are the ones who feel as though the whole world is out to get them. They believe others are plotting vicious schemes against them for some reason or another and can come up with the most elaborate stories of who has wronged them in the past.
• The Narcissist - They think the Earth revolves around them. Everyone must stop in their tracks, throw down their coat for them to step on and let them in! Me, me me! What about me???
• The Controller - These are dreaded the worst. They want to have absolute power over the situation at all times and find it difficult not to tell you what to do. They always think they have the answer and usually start out by saying, “You know what you should do…”. They would love to dictate your words and actions, even your thoughts. IF YOU LET THEM!
• The Talker - Oh my Gosh! Ever tried squeezing one word in edgewise but can’t, despite all your efforts? Well, this type believe they know it all and want the rest of us to believe it too! They ramble on and on and when you do, somehow, gain a second or two to comment on something, you find that you are either cut off…or…re-routed to an entirely different topic!

This can be totally frustrating to anyone to the point where you just want to end the conversation altogether. In my 28 years on beautiful Earth, I have experienced the dreadful ’suck’ of countless amounts of these beings. Sometimes on a daily basis. Oftentimes, you don’t even realize you are a victim of such an ‘attack’ until after the encounter has ended. In order to better discern a mere monotonous conversation from a true ‘Twilight’ moment, here are a few clues that show that the life blood is being sucked from your veins:

• You suddenly become physically drained and feel as though you want to lie down.
• You’re short of breath and anxious. Eagerly anticipating the end of this experience.
• You’ve suddenly gotten ADHD and can’t seem to focus on any one thing anymore.You’re trying your hardest to preoccupy yourself with other things.
• You crave a chocolate bar, pastry or even a cigarette to give you a mood boost.

I was watching a TV show a few days ago and lady gave an interesting remedy for this problem. Simply, in the case of:The Narcissist - Do notice their good traits and don’t take them too seriously. This will only lead to frustration because of their disregard for your feelings or concerns.The Victim - Try not to get too deep in their self-pity. The complaints will be never-ending so if you’re not a licensed therapist, don’t try to keep up!The Controller - These are the ones you have to ‘wear loosely’. They will try to break your confidence so remain strong and assert your opinion. In many cases you just have to agree that you two disagree on many things.The Drama King/Queen - Go about your activities as you normally do, avoiding the temptation to try and protect them from themselves. When they see that you’re not being phased, they more than likely will calm it down a notch.The Talker - Use distractions such as the television to tune them out or leave the room for air.Remembering to set limitations and be in control of your own experiences will go a long way in dealing with these types of people. I find from my own experiences that being active is a great way of avoiding these types of people. Being sedentary and bored is the only way they have so much time to think of such mental manipulations. The saying goes, “Idle hands are the Devil’s playthings”. The same goes for idle minds! Surround yourself with folks who bring you joy and make your life feel more meaningful. Emotional vampires try to take away others’ power in their own twisted ways. You must remain in control and never let your conscience trick you into feeling guilty for wanting to be happy. Life’s too short!Posted by Suerenity

When everything is boiled down to its simplest form, there are only two types of personas in this world, the talkers and the doers. The main trait that separates the two is simply, talking vs. doing. A talker is one that uncontrollably works up emotions and says he will do something or go somewhere and never acts upon it. It’s a personal empire systemically built upon lies on top of lies; a non-conclusionary set of mental gears that the user believes in every time, even after failure. The doer is one that takes explorative action upon his dreams and is often spontaneous. The talker fables about what he will do, the does speaks of what he has already done.

Speaking from experience, I know that there are some people that always speak of greatness, and never try to achieve it. It’s something that is probably that is most likely deeply rooted, and goes further than just being called a confidence issue.

There is a girl I know, and she always says what she will do, and how amazing and wonderful it will be when she does this thing. Being as observative as I am, I’ve noticed that every single thing she’s spoken of accomplishing has remained just that: words, and nothing more.

We were all about the same age, and we were all high school graduates moving on to college; she said, with complete confidence, that she will be going to Western Michigan University (it’s a very prestigious college, for those of you who don’t know), but she never went. Then she mentioned taking a vacation and going to England, but she could never save her money, even though she makes so much money and has very little expenses. She has been saying she will move out for nearly a year, but never has. There are so many more examples such as these, which come from all sorts of people, not just her.

The point here being that even though it is clearly obvious that with a bit of commitment, she could’ve easily taken a vacation, got her license, moved out, or anything else she desired. All it takes is even the smallest bit of commitment. Why is it so difficult for a person to simply put some time and effort towards something they’ve wanted to accomplish for a long time? Aren’t we all supposed to chase our dreams, not let them sit?

That’s what life is all about, really. We must face the terrible fact that most of us will never be rich, or become movie stars, so we definitely ought to work with what we already wield, what we possess. Sure, something like moving out might not seem like a big deal, neither might taking a vacation. But, for the smaller people, the little things are what count the most. Each little thing, every tiny experience, it all adds up and molds together like pieces of a puzzle to form a complete picture; that picture is one’s life, and each small experience is a piece.

Remember to never take anything for granted; every experience is a treasure. Also, work on being a doer, not a sayer. You can accomplish anything you set your mind on, and you should take any opportunity that comes to you. Love who you are and be thankful for being able to accomplish everything you’ve ever wanted.

Good communication skills are among the most important traits we as humans can be gifted with. They are up there with charisma, positive attitude, and knowing when to keep your mouth shut. Many of the world’s highest paying jobs are lost or received because of an individual’s ability to communicate well with others. Knowing the correct way to do this, and how to do it well, is beyond importance.

3 Styles of Communication

Since the time when the human race only conversed in grunts and whistles, something some of us still seem to do today, three major styles of communication have occurred: two extremes, and one worth achieving. They are aggressiveness, passivity, and, you guess it, assertiveness.

Aggressiveness-

Those who do not respect people’s personal “bubble” if you will, and commonly end up hurting them, even unintentionally.

Passivity-

Those who are too afraid to stand up for themselves, and often find themselves under the influence of those who communicate aggressively.

Assertiveness-

The perfect combination of the two. Assertive people respect others, but are not afraid to say what is on their mind and stand up for what they think is right. 

Being Assertive

A few traits stand out in a successful assertive person. They are what defines the individual from aggressiveness or passivity, and sets them apart as a better person.

Self Confidence

Remember the saying too much of anything good is bad? The same concept applies for self confidence. Assertive people possess just the right dose of this. They have just enough to put forth effort in what they are doing, to not be afraid to speak their mind and defend their arguments when they feel they disagree with something, and to feel that they have the ability to influence others, whether it be positive or negative, and not abuse that. At the same time, they don’t have too much so that they become too sure, or even corrupt. The key to having just the right amount is to respect others and listen to what they have to say. Other people’s opinion matters, too.

Treating Everyone Fairly

With good means of communication comes the necessity to not be judgmental towards anyone, no matter the situation. Do not let other people’s opinions influence your own. You MUST create your own opinions, with reasons behind them that you have decided for yourself. Just because someone else has developed a negative attitude towards someone does not mean you have to. There is always room for you to form your own mind-set.

Controlling Your Anger

Anger plays a huge role in human communication. What starts as a minor disagreement quickly snowballs into a full-blown brawl. Just like the line between being passive and assertive is confidence, the line between being assertive and aggressive is anger. Assertive people learn to control their anger because they respect the thoughts and beliefs of others. A good metaphor of all this is to think of an aggressive and an assertive person as two cities at war. The aggressive city uses his anger to destroy the other city by whatever means possible, regardless of later consequences or effects. The assertive person, thinking more rationally, channels his anger into building up his city faster than the other city can tear it down. Thus, no matter how hard the aggressive person tries, the assertive person can never be brought down.

Assertive Techniques

Broken Record

The age-old Broken Record technique is possibly the most simple and effective one. It consists of repeating your thoughts, beliefs, or inquiries over and over until you are given a mature, appropriate response.

I Statements

I Statements are also a very effective technique. An I Statement is a way of expressing how you feel about something, (commonly starting with “I feel…”, thus the name) without fear of hurting others. They can be used as an effective discussion starter with two or more debating sides.

Negative Assertion

This technique is used to deal with criticism. To do this, you acknowledge and accept any criticism given without relenting your argument. No matter what anyone has to say in attempt to bring you down or make you come to a stop altogether, if you believe your wishes and beliefs fully, you can’t let anyone keep you from expressing them.

Summary

Overall, correctly being assertive is no easy task. It takes a plethora of practice and the right mental attitude, not just once, but every day. You will be judged, criticized, even insulted, but in the end you come out as the more mature, better person. We should all strive for assertiveness, no matter the challenges we face.

Gossiping can be positive or negative. A small amount of harmless gossiping isn’t dangerous at all. This type of gossiping involves just passing on information to one another. This way you are just making conversation without hurting anyone. But the other type of gossiping can be quite detrimental to human relations and this is the negative type of gossiping. This type of gossiping is aimed at hurting a person’s feelings or making rumours. Once these rumours are made, these then continue to make matters worse for you.

So how can you gossip and be intelligent?

Here’s how. There are two types of gossipers, the intelligent gossipers and the…well, not so intelligent ones. Below are some ways you can see which category you belong to.

First, let’s look at the unintelligent gossipers. Unintelligent gossipers always run head first into any gossip or an argument. These are the sort of gossipers that walk towards a situation where there is conflict. There is a reason as to why they do that and that is because they want to know what is happening in the argument so that they have their own source of reliable information.  But this can be unwise because if you are present in a gossip circle or an argument, you are easily targeted even if you weren’t actually involved in the argument. People can use you to back their claims. By quoting what you may have said in the gossip circle, you feed yourself to those other people waiting to exploit the gossip you have (painstakingly) found out yourself. Unintelligent gossipers are the talkers. They give out the information rather than getting it, most of the time. Unintelligent ones are the ones that look for gossip and give it out anyway.

So that was an unintelligent gossiper, so how can you be an intelligent one? Well, intelligent gossipers as listeners. They are the ones who sit silently in the corner in the friendship group or a gossip circle and just soak up the gossip without actually participating in it by talking. If there is an argument, an intelligent gossiper leaves the situation as soon as he or she senses an argument is brewing. Instead, an intelligent gossiper waits patiently for an unintelligent one to tell them what happened in the argument. The advantage of being an intelligent gossiper is that you can wait for different unintelligent gossipers to come to you and give their side of a particular story and then you can make up your own mind depending on what people have told you. This way, you aren’t present in the argument but you still know what happened anyway and you won’t be drawn into any further conflicts if there is one. Intelligent gossipers store all of the gossip in them and then one day, when they have to use the gossip to their advantage – they will! But when they do that, they will be wise! One drawback with this is, if you are approached by unintelligent gossipers and are told different takes on one particular story, hearing a wrong story and then using it to your advantage to spread it out can be silly and will make you an unintelligent gossiper immediately.

So, to be an intelligent gossiper, you don’t have to talk, you just have to soak up what you hear.  Reading the above, make your mind up, whether you want to be an intelligent gossiper or an unintelligent one.

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For me personally, to answer the topic above, I would say yes.  More often than not, people keep talking but not having the ability to listen well and properly.  When we observe careers like psychologist, counsellor, educators, doctors, lawyers and many more, these are jobs that require a good listening skill.  You don’t see these people in the professions I’ve mentioned talking non-stop.  Instead, they are very good listeners. 

What makes a good listening skill?  Is it just listening non-stop but without voicing your views?  When do information gets absorbed instead.  Say you have a friend talking about his or her personal issues like marital affairs or family problems.  Would you listen on 80% and give opinions 20%, or listen for like 30% and airing your views and keep on talking for 70%?  There is a fine line there and it makes a big difference.  I’d say different people expect differently.  Based from my own personal experience, a lot of people do not like to be lectured, and they would prefer someone whom is able to listen to what they have to say.  Reversibly, what if you are the one needing attention and am not in the mood to be a listener?  Some would keep quiet and shut themselves out and some would require advices from others.  For this, I think there is a rather direct answer in which I find that the introverts tend to be good listeners and the extroverts, good talkers.  However, there is the opposite issue of this as well and that is something interesting to analyze.

Do you guys believe that when one listens more, one gains more as well?  I believe in this notion.  For myself personally, I have 2 common sides.  I can be talkative on days and can be quiet and listen on intently at other times.  I like to look at the situation at hand, and not based on a split personality but more towards trying to discern when to apply the theory of when to listen and when to talk.  This is another theory that I observe.  In a relationship mostly, you can see 1 is a great listener and 1 is a great talker.  There are cases whereby both parties are great talkers and listeners too, but it would be kind of boring in the long run.  What say you?  I would love to be in a relationship whereby both the natural listener and talker could change roles irrevocably.  At times, the boyfriend could keep on talking and the girlfriend listening intently, while on other occasions, having the boyfriend to listen and the girlfriend to talk and giving views.  Not nag, of course.  Alright, that should be on another topic – smiles. 

Think about a classroom setting or environment.  If you have a teacher standing there trying to teach something without the students listening to what she has to say, it would be kind of chaotic.  And I used to love lessons in school last time called Listening Comprehension.  Basically, as students, we were given speaker headsets to listen and there would be a cassette recorder of someone in a dialogue or relating a story.  After-which, once the recorder has finished, we would not be able to playback but having to answer questions given and writing them down. 

This is a good form of listening exercise, in my point of view and I encourage schools to have this session at different times.  Last but not least, think about your life and how you would want to inculcate when to listen on and when to give opinions, talk and to question.  Do experiment with this theory because life is a life-long journey.  I would love to be a good listener anytime and am still trying to be.