His main point was that you pretty much get what you demand, or simply put; the higher a woman’s self-esteem, the better the treatment she’s likely to receive.

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Some of the points covered by Steve Harvey, all of which are in his book included:

Men Always Have a Plan

Men know from the beginning of a relationship just how they would like a woman to figure … or not figure in their lives. One of the ways a woman can determine if the relationship is going anywhere, he says, is how a man introduces her to others. For example: “This is my girlfriend, Sarah, or “This is my future wife, Sarah suggests a long-term relationship; while something like, “This is Sarah,” suggests Sarah is simply someone he knows. Period.

Women Set the Standard

Harvey strenuously cautioned against “one night stands.” He used the analogy of a job he had once at an automobile plant, saying … “I had to work 90 days before I could receive any benefits.”

He didn’t receive medical, dental or any kind of benefits until it was determined he was someone the company wanted to keep. His point being, why would women give away something that is (or should be) held in high regard to some guy on a first date. Harvey made it clear that if a man really likes you, he’ll stick around, adding, “Men know when you’re desperate.”

That is a point I made in my spiritual fiction, “The Secret of the Veil’. The character, Alexis goes on a date with her former employer, a handsome, wealthy bank executive and realtor. As they discuss their personal lives, he mentions that although legally separated from his wife, they are still “friends”. Alexis, a woman of high self-esteem is surprised and saddened because she clearly sees where their relationship is probably going; nowhere. She is a woman who clearly understands that men always have a plan. She wisely bows out.

Women Should Use Their Intuition

“God has given you this incredible thing called intuition. Use it,” Harvey said. It’s a fact. That inner voice, or those indefinable feelings (instincts), are often ignored. In our hi-tech society, we have come to depend more on our things than on ourselves. In my article “The Power of Intuition: Listening to Your Feelings ”, I discuss how intuition is one of the most powerful tools in the human arsenal, yet is often ignored.

Although Harvey didn’t use the word self-esteem, that is exactly what his book, and the conversation with Oprah and her audience was really about; women thinking enough of themselves to demand that they are treated well. It seems simple, but for too many women, it’s anything but simple.

Some might argue that Steve Harvey, a comedian might be a questionable source for relationship psychology, but if it’s good advice, the source shouldn’t matter. The segment went so well, Oprah promised to devote an entire show to a discussion of his book at a later time. I hope so. The topic is one that could use as much discussion and examination as possible.

Later articles I wrote on Harvey’s book include:

Steve Harvey Gives Women the Skinny on Men and Relationships on the Oprah Show: Part 2

Steve Harvey’s Book Touches Sensitive Nerve

That admonition started me thinking about the importance of intuition or instincts, but how little attention we pay to them. Unless we’ve been in a situation where our instincts saved us from something horrific, or prevented us from making a really big mistake, we rarely even think about the role it plays, or should play in our lives.

What is Intuition

Comprehension without effort of reasoning. Instinctive knowledge. The state of being aware of or knowing something without having to discover or perceive this.

In short, intuition doesn’t come about as the result of any particular processes … it just is. It’s not something that makes you think as much as it’s something that makes you act. Not that thinking isn’t involved … after all, intuition can direct us to think a certain way about something; and that can lead to an action.

Many times, I believe we actually think intuition to death

“That’s just my imagination. No body’s following me.” Not that it’s always appropriate to follow your feelings rather than your mind, but at least acknowledge your feelings and if it’s compelling ask yourself why.

Instinct, which has been around since the dawn of man was probably a reliable source of survival for cavemen … especially against ravenous dinosaurs. It seems, however that the more scientifically advanced we become , the less intuitive we become as we rely more on our things and less on ourselves.

Intuition as a Deterrent to Violence & Crime

There is more discussion of intuition today, I believe in large part because of the increase of crime in modern society. There are many books written on the subject, such as Gavin De Becker’s, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence.

In an excerpt from the book, De Becker tells the true story of a young woman who allows a nice looking, friendly young man to help bring some heavy bags of groceries to her apartment door. Once at the door, he insists on taking them on inside for her. Against her better judgment (and instincts), she allows him to come inside.

Three hours later, after raping the young woman the predator assures her he isn’t going to hurt her; tells her to stay where she is, and goes into the kitchen.

Her instincts tells her differently. Somehow she knows he has gone in search of a weapon and plans to use it on her. Snatching the sheet off the bed to cover herself, she stealthily makes her way through the house, and out of the door to find help.

Later she would learn that her attacker had indeed previously murdered his victims, so the instincts that led to disobeying him were absolutely right.

Intuition As a Guide in Every Area of Life

Although De Becker’s focus was avoiding violence, we can improve our lives in so many ways simply by learning to listen to that little voice inside that guides us in taking a certain action.

• Getting the résumé updated

  For indefinable ( or very small), reasons you feel the company may be in financial difficulty; or despite assurances, that less than stellar evaluation tells you trouble may be looming on the horizon.

• Looking behind you

  Although you didn’t hear anything, you sensed something.

• Not going out with the cute guy/girl you met at the party last night

  Something about the way he/she looks at you; or some small comment makes you feel uneasy, or puts you on guard.

• Choosing the least attractive college

  Although college X has the best curriculum, the best campus, the best everything, for some reason you just know you would be much happier at college Y.

• Refusing his marriage proposal

  Although you’ve been dating him for a while, and really care about him … possibly even love him, something tells you those small problems will turn huge, even insurmountable over time.

In my fiction novel, The Secret of the Veil, the heroine senses a sinister presence in her life. Of course, she ignores her instincts and tries to rationalize the strange incidents that are happening to and around her, until rationalization becomes impossible.

One of the reasons I feel intuition is so important is because I believe it is divine. Our Father is trying to guide and help us with small and large occurrences and events in our lives, and sometimes in the lives of others; if only we would slow down and listen to what we’re feeling.

When looking back on my own life I can honestly say, if I had paid attention and actually listened to my intuition in certain cases, I would have made some different, and better choices along the way. Luckily for me, I had some experiences early on where my intuition saved my butt, therefore I learned to listen.

The Sixth Sense

I’m betting the same is true for most of us. We have become hardened to what some people call the sixth sense, which is in fact, more defined in some people than others, but is present in all of us. When we do ignore our feelings, in the end we often suffer the consequences.

Then again, maybe I’m totally wrong and intuition has no place in today’s high-tech society.

Nope, I just don’t feel that’s true.

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