At the age of eighteen, I married the first young man who swept me off my feet, saying all the right words that I wanted to hear. We entered into holy matrimony, two children who had no idea what it meant to make a life-long commitment. Ten years and two kids later, my husband made a shocking announcement, that pretty much floored me. He announced that being married wasn’t quite what he had expected it to be. My mate, along with three other of his buddies, decided that they all tied the knot, at way too young an age. They had decided to get a divorce and start dating for a while. ‘And, who knows what the future may hold for us? Some day, maybe he and I would fall in love a second time and get hitched up, all over again!’ Was this hair-brained remark suppose to soften the blow and make this easier to accept?

I felt nauseated, like I was gonna throw up, then realized this was because my heart had just dropped into my stomach. Emotional pain was gripping and gnawing on my insides, without any mercy at all. This made death look like a place of relief, from the unbearable hurt that I was being forced to endure.

What ever happened to all those ‘repeat after me’ promises we had made to each other, at the altar of a church? Were those just a bunch of words we said, to get it over with and to make our relationship legal? The man who made all these touching vows to me, was about to walk out the front door and leave me with two little kids, to raise alone. He was robbing me of the family bond I thought we had established together! I felt like ‘life’s rug’ was being jerked out from under my feet.

After many years have passed, time has definitely brought about a lot of healing. But, the very hardest lesson has been, learning how to trust again. If we are constantly looking for hidden motives in every dark corner of life, the one who gets hurt by this the most, is ‘SELF’. Reality is, not everyone is out to get us, nor does everyone have an evil motive behind the things they say or do. ‘TRUSTING’ is just like learning how to walk, all over again. You just have to put one foot forward, then pick the other foot up and put it down systematically, in front of the other one. Keep this up and soon you will be able to run!

Throughout the years, I’ve found that running away from my problems seems to be the easiest way out for me.  I hate confrontation, so the thought of actually telling somebody how I actually feel kills me if I feel like they’ll react in a negative way.

My last relationship started out absolutely perfectly.  We hadn’t known each other for long, and neither of us were looking for a relationship.  However, all of the time we spent together just made our unanticipated connection stronger.  Anytime one of us was bothered by something, we were honest about it.  We communicated with each other about everything and that helped to build the strongest bond of trust I had ever shared with someone.

When family problems arose for him, I started feeling guilty about sharing things with him.  I didn’t want to put more worry or stress on him than he already had.  Big mistake.  Not only did all of my stress and frustration from my final weeks of school start building up, but not feeling like I could share anything with him started pulling me away from him.  When my communication with him decreased, his trust for me decreased.  While I wasn’t doing anything untrustworthy, (i.e. cheating – I could never do something like that to someone. ever.) our lack of communication turned our relationship sour.

It got to the point where heated arguments were the only ways we could figure out how to tell each other things. (Sure that is communication, but when anger is the main source, it totally cancels out the positive effect.) If we could have gone back to the way things were before (telling each other things when they arose) instead of letting things build up, things could have turned out a lot differently.  Instead, more petty arguments full of misunderstandings and things that should never have been said, followed by tearful apologies became daily habits.

Despite the heartbreaking turn of events, I prefer to note the part in our relationship that was unlike any other I had ever had before him.  For the first time in my life, I had truly experienced what it was like to 100% trust somebody with my life.  It was the most amazing feeling in the world.  I know now, that the only way that, that can be achieved is by communication.

I’ll still admit that I loved this guy, but sometimes things just aren’t meant to work out.  However, if you’re able to turn your relationship back into the “happy days” then congratulations.  That is something I’m still trying to learn how to do. 

The one piece of advice I’ll give to anyone in a troubled relationship: If it comes to the point in your relationship when you feel like you have no more fight left in you & you find yourself very unhappy & not yourself, wanting to give up doesn’t mean you don’t love that person.  It just means that you might love them in a different way then you thought you did. Also, NEVER settle if you have any doubt.  It might hurt their feelings, but that’s a time when you have to be a little selfish and do what’s best for you.

“Love is joy.  Don’t convince yourself that suffering is a part of it.” – Paulo Coelho 

GOD IS GOOD; ALWAYS

It’s fairly early still, this new day has just begun and I think, from what I see in these early hours it is going to be one of those gorgeous days that is filled with warmth and renewal and new life that comes with the spring after the bitterness of winter storms and struggles when life is filled with slippery paths and ever present dangers. 

The sun rose brilliant over the mountaintops, its rays filtering down through the canopy of leaves in their springtime green gowns, crowned in jade and emerald with touches of olivine.  It is wonderful to wake up and see a new day, new dawning come to life and spread its light into the darkness.

I watched the sun (or was it the Son) spread light across the newly planted fields that glittered after last night’s rain and the light spread its way into the village casting what seemed a zillion sparkling diamonds on the river as it rippled its way through the heart of the village.  I heard the birds begin to sing their morning praises and watched a couple of squirrels skitter down from somewhere in the high branches of the old oak in my back yard.  They almost bounced onto my deck and then froze.  They weren’t expecting me and I startled them.  I didn’t move.  I just watched and took a sip of my morning coffee.  Their goal had been a visit to the bird feeder at the opposite end of the deck but there are no treats there now.  Of course they were going to check it out anyhow, just in case.  It looked like a good and promising path they had chosen. 

Though I think they must know I won’t hurt them they didn’t chance skittering by me.  In a flash they were gone in the opposite direction to show up again on the stone wall across the yard from my deck.  They scolded a bit and I went inside and cut up an apple and spread it with just a skimming of peanut butter and a sprinkle of chopped walnuts.  They didn’t get all of it.  I kept three sections for myself.  Carrying the pieces of apple outside, I put them on the stone wall and went back to the deck to watch and wait and enjoy these quiet and peace filled hours of this new day.  I didn’t have to wait long.  The squirrels were back and happy with their morning feast. 

I really shouldn’t do that; feed the squirrels, this time of year.  God provides well for His creatures.  There is plenty for them to eat.  I enjoy their company though so now and then I slip them a special treat and it makes me happy to see them enjoy it.  As that thought crossed my mind it was quickly followed by another; God enjoys our company too and now and then He gives us a special treat, something really good we are not expecting.  God is good, always and always provides for us when we need it, and gives of His store house according to our need.  My birdfeeders are empty now.  I don’t feed the birds from spring through autumn.  They don’t need me now or my handouts.  Everything they need is all around them.  All they have to do is go get it.  

I will soon be placing some potted plants in them for the summer and fall, until winter comes again.  I really don’t want to tempt the skunks, raccoons and possum to my dooryard along with other possible creatures from the wild.  As much as I enjoy watching these creatures that venture into town from the wild, they don’t belong in the village.  They could get hurt and they could hurt us.  Sometimes we don’t belong on the path we have chosen either and if we continue on that path we can get hurt, no so unlike the wildlife that venture into the village tempted by thoughts of something better and their own way. 

“I slipped them a special treat;” those words seemed to hang in the air around me as I watched this new day come to life.  God had slipped me a special treat this morning too, sort of like I did with the squirrels, only better.   This morning shed new light, a different point of view, new perspective.  I’m thankful, more than words can ever express.  God is good, always, even when we think life is bad.

My life lately has been filled with a lot of sadness; I’ve been deeply grieving and have gone through and still am facing a lot of fears, intimidation and having to be confronted with gossip and emotional hardships.  I’m seeing a lot of hate and anger going on and have felt like my life is shrouded and suffocating beneath a heavy shroud of gloom and doom, not knowing what tomorrow may bring; hoping for the best but anticipating even greater sorrows before all this comes to end.  I’m seeing loved ones being terribly hurt, a hurt that seems nearly unbearable and a situation that is so unnecessary if people would lay down their greed and jealousy, use some common sense, look in the mirror and quit playing the blame-game.  The gossip, the rumors, the vile tongue, the false accusations, the bold faced lies and twisting of the truth, the slander and stalking, the bullying are overwhelming. 

I’ve been feeling crushed beneath the weight of it all. Feel like I am drowning in the tears being shed with nothing I can do to stop the onslaught and it has little to nothing to do with me personally, directly, just with those I love unconditionally.  All I can do is continue to love them despite all that is going on.

Thinking about this as the morning spread out its light before me I couldn’t help but think how God must feel as He watches us; all those things we do that cause Him to grieve not so different from my own grief.  He loves us unconditionally, despite our mistakes, the wrong things we do.  He doesn’t like the wrong but He still loves us very much and God is always good and blesses us and gives to us even in the bad times, even when we do wrong.  He doesn’t like the wrong but He loves us, even those who are doing the evil that is causing us such pain.  How deeply it must hurt God to see His children ignoring Him, refusing to listen and behaving in such manner as we do, destroying, abandoning His blessings but scrambling for the special treat, putting want ahead of need, our selfishness first. 

I thought about these things as I watched those two squirrels.  Had they proceeded on their original path there would have been no reward at the end.  The feeders are empty.  Instead they used common sense, some discernment and didn’t confront the danger but avoided it by not following the path they were on.  Even though it wasn’t their way or maybe what they wanted in the beginning their needs were met by using common sense and they even got a special treat as well.

God has given us a new day filled with His light, a fresh start, a chance to do things right, follow the right path, make good and wise choices.  When we do that He provides for our every need, even a special treat now and then…But we need to keep our trust in Him and follow as He leads, not get caught up in the sorrows around us and not let the world around us trip us up or block our path and try to go it our own way.  There is danger lurking out there, pitfalls and snares we can get caught up in if we don’t follow the path God directs us on.  All we can do is help where we can, do our best and let God do the rest…get out of God’s way so He can bring forth that special treat, the happiness we hope for.  God knows where we need to be, what steps we should take and how to get there from here.  Sometimes we need to be like those squirrels, be discerning and not walk into a situation that has an ever present and possible danger staring you in the face where temptation lurks with its snares and traps and false promises.

God never said life would be easy or that we would not see sorrows and know pain but He did say we never have to go through it alone, that He is always with us and will guide us if we will follow Him.  God is always in control even when our life may seem out of control.  When we keep our trust in God we have nothing to fear, no matter what the world may throw at us however vile and humiliating it may be.  When we trust God, use common sense and a bit of discernment and listen to God, He provides all we need to get through each day, gives us the strength and courage to keep moving forward.  He fills us with hope and song. 

Life still may be tough and the walking rough but even in the darkest moments there is light that comes with each new dawn…and sometimes an apple with peanut butter and walnuts on it. God is good; always.

The same applies to you. You shouldn’t have to change who you are. Your values, your beliefs what you feel is important. 

Compromise is important, but you should change WHO you are for anyone.

When you are in a relationship or even a friendship that person should not have to change. You accept them as they are. If there are things they have to do to be with you, then you should move on and so should they.

If you met a woman why do you tell her how to dress? Or who to hang out with? How to think and feel?

Women if he hangs out with the boys and watches sports why now do you insist he stop? Why are you blowing up his phone and freakin out because he doesn’t answer?

You know confidence starts within. If you aren’t confident in the relationship that person can’t do it for you. If they are doing something that justifies distrust, maybe it is time to step back and re-evaluate the relationship. Just make sure it isn’t your own insecurities.

If you want them to change their personality to accommodate your insecurities then you aren’t accepting them as they are. You can’t ask a out-going person to become a recluse because you are afraid they might laugh, smile and talk with others.

You can’t ask a person who loves sports to stop watching them all together because you feel so lonely during a game. Not only is it unfair , it is selfish. 

Remember why you liked them, not loved them but liked them. Many people can’t even say they like their partner, but will say they love them. 

So remember why you liked them. Remember why you were so attracted to them in the first place. Differences can compliment each other, but to many can cause huge problems.

Don’t try to change someone to accommodate you and don’t let them change you to accommodate them. Compromise is okay but no one person should do all the bending.

Improper Jealousy- Improper jealousy is much different than jealousy. A certain amount of jealousy is proper and normal in any relationship. An example of proper jealousy may be if you get a little jealous of the attention that your partner shows towards someone of the opposite sex. This is normal and your partner should be sensitive of your feelings. Another example may be the jealousy you feel if your partner spends too much time on a project instead of time with you. This is when you should sit down and work this out by reassuring each other that you love them and are committed. A form of improper jealousy may be when you suspect your partner of having an affair with someone else just because you don’t like that person because he or she is more attractive than you. Or if your partner shows affection towards another family member and you are jealous because you feel that you warrant their full attention. Improper jealousy is extremely destructive in relationships. It can lead to lack of sleep, sorrow in your marriage and even cause you unneeded health issues.

Infidelity- Infidelity is extremely devastating to any relationship and instantly causes trust issues. You can compare the effect that infidelity has on a relationship to the same effect a storm may have on a house. If your house is damaged in a storm before you can rebuild you must evaluate it to see if it is worth rebuilding or tearing down and starting over. This is the same in the case of infidelity. Not all relationships can rebuild. Some may be too damaged by the effects that they simply cannot heal and move on in that relationship. That is when it may be in the best interest for that relationship to separate and go separate ways. In order for a relationship to rebuild together you must be able to restore the trust and intimacy that was lost. The relationship will not be the same if you can no longer trust each other. One of the biggest steps you will have to be able to take I this case is that you will need to be able to forgive. If you can forgive then the relationship has a good chance of rebuilding and growing strong again.

 There are several ways you can work on rebuilding trust in your relationship. Some of the ways are by talking it out- talk out your problems together and find ways to work n them, not focusing on the past but rather the present and taking it slowly. Work on your relationship on a daily basis, communicate with each other, and don’t rush each other into things. Strengthening your relationship takes time and hard work from the both of you. Remember if you have trust and love in each other and are committed your relationship will be strong enough to withstand any hurdle thrown at you.

Every Republican politician wants to deregulate.  They blame the liberals for over-regulating.  They say regulations are the reason for the stubborn recession and that without regulations, jobs would grow.  

What Republican politicians don’t explain and possibly don’t care about is the reason Federal regulations exist.  I’m not talking about monitoring the actions of businesses.  I’m talking about the prelude to Federal regulations.

Originally the states created regulations to prevent unfair business practices.  Those regulations were created because of an outcry by the public about being fleeced by businesses.  Essentially, the public did not trust businesses.  In response, the states set up commissions and passed regulations to prevent those things the public complained about. 

But businesses did not confine their activities to one state. Businesses sold their products and services to people in other states. Any enforcement of local state regulations on businesses located  out of state violated the laws of interstate commerce.

Interstate commerce laws are enforced by the Federal government and not by the states. Hence the Federal government had to step in. 

The Republicans claim regulations were created by the liberal politicians as part of a war on business. 

Regulations are a product of mistrust. Mistrust is caused by the perceived business actions and the real business actions.

Politicians cannot rectify this by repealing regulations.  That only creates an endless cycle because after repealing the regulations, the public would once again demand that those regulations be implemented.  

If careless activities of a business cause environmental damage or fleecing of the public, then the outcry of the public will cause Congress to pass regulations preventing it from happening again.  

An example is the crisis over illegal immigration.  The new tough state laws regarding illegal immigrants was the result of an outcry from the public.  The complaint was that illegal aliens were robbing jobs from US citizens and that the Federal Government had not done enough to prevent illegal immigration. 

The only way to end this cycle of regulating and deregulating is establishing a mutual trust between businesses and people.  Establishing  a mutual trust between businesses and people is not government’s responsibility. Businesses must establish that trust via fair pricing and real concerns for the environment and the people. 

A parents job is to build a child UP not tear them down….

My goodness how can a parent stand by and know they are the reason for the child’s fears and tears? Low self esteem, sexual promiscuity, abuse, gangs, drug abuse, alcohol abuse or self disrespect?

How can a parent ignore a child? slap them, beat them neglect them allow others to mistreat them or call them names? 

Yet they call themselves parents?

How many times have you heard someone say that kid is BAD? or they have bad blood? People there is no such thing as a BAD child. You may have inexperienced or hateful parents but no child is born bad.

I hear people tell kids you are BAD. If you keep telling them it is going to who they think they are. They won’t know anything else. If you are always focusing on the mistakes they make and screaming and yelling at them and calling them names….reality check folks…that is emotional abuse. 

You see hitting them those scars will leave them. But those words, those names those evil words can last a lifetime. I KNOW. It can be what that child feels as a adult. No matter what they accomplish in life what you did or are doing will make them feel like crap.

If you had a bad day DO NOT take it out on that child. If you lost your job, got pregnant when you weren’t ready, or the daddy walked out, or anything else….DO NOT take it out on that child!

GROW UP! Stop what you are doing. Take a deep breathe and get your life back together. Own your stuff and make life good for you and that child. You owe them that much. They didn’t ask to be here.

If you don’t want them give them UP! Give them to a family that will love them. That is real love. That is better than keeping them and abusing them. Screaming, yelling and destroying their self worth all because you don’t feel good about you. That is selfish. 

So step up..Own your stuff…Stop calling your kid names. That is not cute Nor funny. You are destroying your child. And if you have guts don;t let anyone else “play” with them like that either. That is not a game no one needs to play. That kind of game HURTS.

Protect your child’s emotions. That is YOUR job, your responsibility and as a parent you should do it out of love. 

It is not cute to slap your child, pull ears or hair. Call them stupid, fat or ugly. My goodness that is NOT love. That is hatred. That is what you do to someone you dislike.

Protect your children…Choose your words and actions carefully…..Show them love not with things but with actions. 

Protect them with a fierceness. 

Never use words as a weapon with a child. Never raise your hand in anger.
Emotional abuse can will last a lifetime. Stop doing what you hate about those that hurt you!!

Stop the cycle. It can end with YOU!Welcome to my world .to be shared by anyone and everyone where they are needed…It is all about People helping themselves…….Scars remind you where you been, They do not dictate where you are going. Once you change how you THINK about yourself and your circumstances..You change how you FEEL. But if YOU realize it…

Often, grief accompanies shattered trust, as grief is a perfectly natural reaction to the loss that one experiences as a result of betrayal. Yet it’s possible to heal and learn to trust others and yourself again. This process may occur one moment at a time.

Trust is a Choice

Make a conscious, concerted choice to nurture yourself. There is no guarantee that you will avoid betrayal in the future, but you can learn to nurture trust. Be in integrity with yourself. Getting to know your real wants, needs and feelings and disclosing them to yourself is important. Be honest with yourself; this makes it easier to be honest with others.

One Bible passage suggests that you can build your house on sand or you can opt to build it on rock. Uplift, nurture and love yourself and you will set a firm rock foundation to learning to trust again. Let your intuition, that gut feeling be your guide. Your inner voice will always warn you of signs of danger; heed the warning signs. People will show you whether they are trustworthy or not. Learning to trust ourselves teaches us how to trust others. Know that you can make the changes that will help you learn to trust again by doing the following:

• Acknowledge how you are feeling: If you are feeling, angry, hurt, scared or wanting revenge allow yourself to feel these emotions. Let them all out. Pound a pillow, scream if you have to, but allow emotions to flow outwards in a safe place where you won’t harm others. When you have calmer moments acknowledge them also. Don’t judge any of your feelings just let them flow. In time you will begin to feel calmer and these moments will last longer.
• Start rebuilding trust within yourself: Once you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling you will begin to see that there are many things in your life that are good and going well. Begin to look for trustworthy moments in your life and slowly open to trust. Healing a broken heart doesn’t happen overnight but takes time. Start where you are and work slowly outwards to trusting others and situations again.

Learn How to Trust With Time

As you begin to trust yourself, you will trust the world around you . Trust your intuition, your common sense and your intelligence to know who, what and when to trust. Slowly, betrayal is overcome and trust is cultivated.

When that trust is broken between or among friends, it can really hurt. And it can leave you wondering if the friendship you kept with the person you thought was a friend was just a one-way thing. That is, you thought that person was your friend, but that person did not take you as a friend, after all.

These thoughts about friendship have crept up my mind recently when I found out that a person whom I have considered all these years as a valued friend, someone to keep till I grow old, has had a major development in her life for some years now, without telling me or some other of her “friends” about it. I cannot say here in this piece what kind of development has happened her life in case she reads this and finds out it is me. But when I found out just a few weeks ago, through a common friend of ours, what had happened to her and has been happening to her for some years now, I was really shocked. I was shocked not because of what had happened to her, which would have been a joyous moment that any another proud person would have easily shared the news to her or his friends. But I shocked and unbelieving that she has managed for so long not to tell me or her other friends about this supposedly happy development in her life, friends who considered themselves close to her.

Well, I suppose she or anybody else is entitled to privacy on such matters. But to think that she has kept secret from her circle of closest friends that matter for years has left me wondering if she is really a person worth keeping as friend. The words “betrayal,” “mistrust,” “misled” and similar ones come to my mind. Especially since she has not yet come up with a plausible explanation on why she had kept us all in the dark about this development in her life. Not that our lives would have been disastrously affected by her early revelation. In fact, we would have been happy for her as we are know after we got to know this  development in her life. But, unfortunately, having us her friends finding out about this development in her life not even through her but through another person certainly changes our concept of being friends with her. And, especially, since she was not still forthright about the truth when some of us asked her for clarification or confirmation.

Losing a friend is really a sad thing in life.

• Govt Jobs Opportunities In Sindh Regiment Hyderabad Pakistan
• Engineer HR & Manager Jobs Lahore Islamabad, Sahiwal Pakistan
• Chief Officer CEO Jobs in Dawat-E-Islami Karachi Pakistan
• Jobs Vacancies in AI Textile Faisalabad Punjab Pakistan
• NGO Jobs in OXFAM Novib Islamabad Pakistan
• Jobs Opportunities In KESTRAl Islamabad Pakistan
• Assistant & Computer Operator Jobs in Karachi Sindh Pakistan
• Audit & Export Jobs Oppo in Karachi Sindh Pakistan
• IT Jobs Opportunities In Karachi Sindh Pakistan
• Sales & Manager Jobs Opportunities In industries Lahore Pakistan
• Teaching & Admin Jobs Opportunities in Lahore Punjab Pakistan
• Manager Jobs Opportunities in SMEDA Lahore Punjab Pakistan
• Jobs Vacancies In Public Sector Organization Lahore Punjab Pakistan
• Jobs Opportunities in Teleshopping Company Islamabad Pakistan
• Govt Jobs Opportunities in Interior Ministry Islamabad Pakistan
• Jobs Opportunities In Olympia Lahore Punjab Pakistan:
• Purchase Accounts & Export Jobs Opportunities in Lahore Pakistan
• Sales Manager Jobs In Master Rickshaw Lahore Punjab Pakistan
• Marketing Jobs in CCL Pharmaceuticals Lahore Punjab Pakistan
• Female Public Relation Officer Jobs In Islamabad Pakistan
• NGO Jobs Opportunities In Mercy Crops Islamabad Pakistan
• Jobs Vacancies in Al Shifa Trust Eye Hospital Rawalpindi Pakistan:
• Jobs Vacancies in Public School & College Abbottabad KPK Pakistan
• Manager Accounts Jobs Opportunities in Institute Lahore Pakistan
• Admin & Account Jobs in Textile Group Karachi Sindh Pakistan:
• Sales Jobs In K&NS Islamabad Lahore Karachi & Peshawar Pakistan
• Jobs Opportunities in Cirin Pharmaceutical Karachi Sindh Pakistan
• Jobs Opportunities In Rawalpindi, Multan & Karachi Pakistan
• Marketing Jobs Opportunities in exp Karachi Sindh Pakistan
• Doctors Jobs in Kidney Center Opportunities Karachi Pakistan