You should be looking at them everyday and remembering that you love them. Remembering why you feel in love.

Make time to cuddle up, talk a walk on the beach, sit at the dinner table, watch a movie together and just talk to one another.

Hold each others hands. Say good by and hello. Ask how was your day and LISTEN to the answer.

I didn’t get married to continue to do the things I did when I was single. We got married because we wanted to spend time together. 

We got to the beach , movies, walks, gym and just hang out. Sometimes we just talk and we still laugh with each other. We actually not only love one another we like each other.

Sometimes people get so caught up in their lives they forget to do small things. When your partner comes home ask them how was their day, then stop and listen.

When you make dinner turn off the TV, sit at the table together and talk to each other. Put away the mail, phones and other distractions and just talk to each other.

When it is time for bed you don’t have to shower alone. Save water and time, do it together. 

Have fun again. Grow older together not old. Learn to laugh again. Learn new things together.

The lil things that irritate you..let them go, for those will be the lil things that make you smile, when they leave this world. And remember there are the lil things you do that they also deal with and never say a word.

Love is give and take. It takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot laughter inside. When you learn to laugh at the little things it makes them seem unimportant. You learn to not make crisis out of everything.

You learn to not let your feelings take over. So what they forgot to put the top on the toothpaste. So what they didnt replace the roll of toilet paper? So what the trash can needs emptying? DO IT! It should not cause feelings. It should not be a crisis.

If the person isn’t cheating, beating, stealing or calling you names is it worth the drama? Are you bringing in old stuff from your own past?

Look over at your partner….Do you still love them? Do you still want that life you dream of? Then go get it.

Don’t let your friends or no one else come before them. Stop living HERE on the computer. Go do it with THEM. Do it in REAL life.

Folks grabbing that real hand, seeing that real smile, hearing that real voice and hugging that real person….THAT is real!!!!!

Now go get that love you want……Let go of the past….Fight for your future….

So deal with the present….That is what is in front of you right now….

So make Valentines day everyday…..

Valentines Day can also be a hurtful time for some. Many can be confronting a cheating partner. The arguments to work late or get away from home that day. The phone with lock codes or left in the cars so you can’t see calls or messages. The I am hanging with friends that day. Anything to be away on the day that is nationally known to be with the one you love.

So a person has to face reality. They have to decide do they face reality or continue to live a lie. Do they pretend to be happy or fight for the relationship.

Only you and your partner can decide that. Maybe if this is you, it is time to sit down and be real with them. If you are cheating ask yourself why are you doing it. Do you need someone else to validate your worth? Is your partner not enough? Are you not happy with them? Maybe you should leave. Maybe you should be grownup enough to talk to them and tell them what it is. It isn’t fair to let another person think everything is okay while living a lie. It is pure selfishness.

If you are being cheated on you have to decide if that what you are willing to live with for the rest of your life. You have to decide if you deserve more or are you ok with living a lie. You also have to look at the health part. Are you ok with the fact they they may not be using safe sex? Are you ok with the fact that you maybe putting your own life at risk? Are you able to ask them and believe them? Could you believe someone that is already violating the vows?

You have to decide whether to fight for your relationship. People do make mistakes and maybe people change. Most never do.

But you are the one that has to live with the decision no one else. 

But remember, If you want things to change you have to do things different. Things cant remain the same. Both people have to do things differently. One person can’t make a relationship work it takes TWO.

It is what makes TWO people make it. A relationship does not consist of one person. Actions speak louder than words!!!

  ”Saving Private Ryan”….This whole movie had one main point…the memory of what one man did for Ryan in saving his life, changed Ryan’s life completely….It was dramatic and very moving.  Ryan kept this memory alive and fresh by visiting his hero’s grave periodically.  This memory was important to Ryan’s existence.  It actually made him the man he became.

  Just take a look at memory and what it means in defining intimacy.  If you really love someone and want them to know it, you will remember things like anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, weddings, special days, etc..  To forget sends a message of indifference and is detrimental to relationships.  The more you remember about them and celebrate it, the better your relationship with them will be.  To remember someone’s name you have only met once, impresses them.  To remember their wife’s name will make them admire you.  To remember their children’s names will make them stand in awe and to know the number of hairs on their head?  Well, that will cause you to help them up while saying, “Be not afraid”!  

  When in love, the more you know about someone and still love them, the deeper and more stable the love relationship becomes.  I’ve been married for 44 years to the same woman and there is absolutely no way our marriage could end in divorce.  Out of the question!  Not a possibility!  It’s way past that.  And the interesting thing is, my wife still doesn’t know everything about me and visa versa.  But we know more each other than anyone else.  Except God.  And our love for each other is not only deeper but more mature and stable….and everlasting.  God  knows me best and loves me best.  I mean, good grief, He knows the number of hairs on my head!  And I have to ask you, “Who cares!”   Well, He does.  And that’s the point.  God cares.  About everything concerning us.  He values us so much, He not only knows all about us but wants to.  Start counting the hairs on my head and I guarantee you, you will go to sleep before you are done.  I know I will. I don’t require it in any of my relationships, either.  But I have noticed that our Father goes WAY past what is required in a love relationship.  Look at what it cost our Father to become our Father.  So don’t make the mistake in believing that this knowing the number of hairs on our head just means that God knows everything.  It doesn’t.  It means that God chooses/desires to know everything about us because He is in love with us and He is revealing this want so that we will want intimacy with Him.  God is making Himself vulnerable to our love.  After all, we could reject Him.  And to differing degrees, we do.  Let’s love God with all our hearts, minds, soul and strength.

  Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father knowing. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

There’s an unconscious re-creation of emotional trauma – we all experience various degrees of emotional hurt and trauma growing up. Unfortunately, we form part of our identities around whatever we experience, be it love, distance, drama, or verbal or physical abuse. As adults, we may feel most alive or most like ourselves when we are feeling the same way we did as children, and so we may do things unconsciously to get our partner to trigger those feelings. For example, a person who grew up with a lot of distance may feel uncomfortable with closeness, and may sabotage it by picking fights or avoiding intimacy. Or a person who grew up in a chaotic, dramatic home may be uncomfortable with harmony and quiet and always seem to trigger chaos or drama in their relationships.

Also, as adults, our fantasy is that we will find a person who will finally give us the love we never got as children. If we can’t get the love from our original parent or caretaker, the next best thing is to get the love from someone who has a very similar personality to the person we originally feel wounded by. We’ll generally feel a lot of attraction, chemistry and intensity in our love with such adult partners, due to the interlocking nature of our emotional baggage.

But what we may not realize though, is that this person that we fall in love has the perfect tools and personality to emotionally re-create our childhood hurts. After the initial infatuation wears off and we are in a deeper, committed relationship, their fears (and ours) often get activated. And when they get afraid, they will strike out in exactly the same way that our parents or caretakers did. The result? We get wounded again. Only now it’s worse, because the very person who we hoped could give us the love we never got, is hurting us. Not because they ‘love us most of all’, but because they are unaware of their own unconscious defenses.

Another is we lack the knowledge and skills of how to communicate our feelings constructively – many people may realize how they hurt their partners, and feel like they want to change that behavior, but simply not know how to change, or how to communicate what they are feeling in a constructive manner. Our culture does very little to teach us how to relate to our own feelings, and how to communicate those feelings to others in a safe, healthy way. Men especially may feel uncomfortable dealing with feelings of fear or vulnerability and may feel safer expressing anger or control when they are really scared.

So what can we do to stop hurting the one we love? We all have to take responsibility for getting clear and resolving our own emotional hurts from the past. We need to learn how to make it safe for our partners to express how they feel. We need to learn how to create a loving presence where we genuinely listen and validate our partners’ experience. We need to learn how to express feelings in ways that bring us closer, not in ways that create more distance and hurt. We may need to do some work together to understand how and why we trigger each other to lash out in hurtful and destructive ways. We need to respect the fact that in an intimate committed relationship, we have access to the most private and vulnerable aspects of each other’s lives. We need to treat that as a sacred privilege that we relate to with the utmost respect, not as an entitlement to trample upon for our own ego gratification.

We are all on a journey of awakening, and intimate relationships provide us with a powerful opportunity to see ourselves and our psychological and spiritual lessons more clearly. We can hide from ourselves, from our therapists, from our bodies, from our spiritual teachers and from our friends, but we cannot hide from the one we love and who loves us. All of our stuff will eventually come to light through this mysterious and wonderful process we call love. And when it does, we can choose to defend, judge, attack and run away. Or we can choose to be present, to look inside with acceptance and love for ourselves, and to feel gratitude that this aspect of ourselves has revealed itself. Then can we clearly see that any part of ourselves that hurts others is simply a part of ourselves that needs more love. From this perspective, we hurt the one we love so that we can learn to love ourselves and others more unconditionally, more deeply, and more completely. And by loving and healing ourselves, we ultimately heal our partners’ wounds as well, because we make it safer for them to fully be who they are, and to experience the deeper Oneness and magic that only love can bring to our lives.

Coming out of a bad relationship can affect you in many ways, and the changes that you have undergone may not be obvious, except to those who really know you. My article looks at ways that we can change after a bad experience with a partner.

1.      You used to be up on the dance floor partying the night away with friends and admirers around you. Now you sit on the side line clutching at your Martini and hardly daring to catch anybody’s eye.

This could be because you have lost your confidence, especially if your ex was a control freak accusing you of flirting with other people, or a cheat who often went too far with the opposite sex.  Either way you are protecting yourself by being hurt again by keeping away from the action. It may take time for you to realise that not all relationships are bad ones and that there are good people out there.

2.      You have begun to dress down. Once upon a time you loved your short skirts and knee high boots. Nowadays you conceal yourself under baggy jeans, jumpers and great coats. Come on, it can’t be that cold in July!

This is another self defence strategy, especially if you are recovering from a narrow escape or a betrayal. You refuse to look attractive and people have started saying that you have let yourself go. It isn’t that! You want to deflect any attraction towards you from the opposite sex in order to avoid being hurt again. Perhaps you held out for sex with your ex and then after it happened they left. You don’t want to risk being vulnerable again and wearing heavy clothing is like a security blanket. You may even go as far as pushing your friends into the limelight with a suitor that likes you.

When we dress down and fail to make the most of ourselves we may feel in a better position to judge who likes us for us and who just wants us for sex. However, it’s a shame to look frumpy and unfashionable just for these reasons. Get back out there, strut your stuff and find a partner who wants you because you are sexy and for the great person you are.

3.      You turn down social invites by claiming you have to work.

Before the break- up you couldn’t wait to get away from your desk in the afternoon. Recently you have found 101 excuses to do overtime and put your friends off.

It is perfectly reasonable to throw yourself into work as a distraction from your heartbreak but unhealthy to avoid doing anything else. We all need a break and time to unwind and catch up with the people who are important to us, so when Friday night comes around don’t volunteer to do any more work. You’ve done enough already. Go for a slap up meal or drinks in a cool bar. Those things will distract your mind too!

4.      You feel anxious with the opposite sex and even sometimes with friends and colleagues.

In the past you enjoyed the excitement of dating and getting to know new people, today it feels like a minefield. A guy from your street has asked you out but you are trying to think of an excuse not to go.

 It is inevitable that you will still have your ex in the back of your mind but this is preventing you from moving on. Even if he treated you badly at least you knew what you were into, whereas this new bloke is unknown territory. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous, but don’t let the past get in the way of the future. Get a friend to give you a lift to make sure there’s no chickening out. Even if things don’t work out at least you have taken a brave step back onto the playing field.

5.      You have lost your trust.

They say that trust has to be earned. If somebody has betrayed your trust by punching you or doing something behind your back then it is difficult to move forward. All too easy to fall into the mind-set that all people are deceitful and you will never let anyone gain your trust again. That’s gonna be a lonely life! I’m not saying that you should give people your confidence freely but choose your lover carefully and make sure that they understand that if they deliberately abuse or deceive you they will be out of your life.

The Scope of Speech

We use speech inter culturally.  We communicate inter personally.  We turn to our telephones and talk with machines that are able to recognize speech and give answers.  For some, this can be rather tedious and annoying especially if a person is seeking an immediate answer to a pressing problem.  We want to speak to a person.  But there is no one on the line.  Talking machines are the face of many businesses today.

Intercultural speakers are always intriguing.  Some have different accents which are difficult to understand unless a person is from a particular country or region.  Some insensitive individuals laugh about this, while others become irritated or exercise patience.  It is always a challenge to watch a foreign film where the speakers are supposed to be English speakers and much of it we do not understand because of the accent.

There are remarkable differences between an Indian, Nigerian, Spanish, Italian, and British speakers of English.  Many in the West considers the Queen’s English as being the perfect English.  Some cockney speakers in England may not be understandable in the West.  It is however noteworthy that broadcasts from the BBC are well received in the United States.  It leaves a person to conclude that generally the well educated have no problems communicating among themselves.  They tend to set the standard for us to follow.

Speech Limitations

To many being behind a microphone on the radio is one thing, but in face-to-face conversation is another.  Here we learn that speech communication is also reinforced by non verbal cues.  Speech and non verbal communication go hand in hand.  A person may be saying one thing but his body language is saying something else.  Some people believe that body language does not lie.  Others may fake sincerity by being emotional.  Their voice may crack and  they may even cry.  An experienced observer may look for these clues to determine their sincerity. 

There are those that argue that words cannot describe the way they truly feel.  This is also true.  A person may be shouting and screaming.  What does this mean?  Is it because that person is in pain?  Is it because that individual is experiencing a flight of ecstasy?  One could never tell unless we know for sure under which conditions these sounds are occurring.       

Speech in Therapy

A person may be able to benefit through speech via a trained therapist.  While in therapy such a patient may be able to recall painful and not so painful events in his life.  These are analyzed, discussed, and an understanding of the issues that have been troubling him are explored.  The therapist and patient are able to tap into the root causes of his problems and the patient eventually learns to deal with them.

These revelations may take weeks, months, or years.  At first, this patient may resist opening up to the therapist for he considers much of the information that has been eating away at him private.  Nevertheless, as they proceed, there are moments when both the therapist and the patient encounter glimmers of hope.  The patient eventually comes to trust his therapist.

Trust

Regardless how great a speaker a person may be, if there is no trust between the speaker and his audience all is for nought.  In most situations, like the therapist and the patient, this trust may build gradually.  Some prominent people may be fortunate for they have developed a reputation that precedes them.  These are generally film stars, authority figures, and opinion leaders in the society.  In politics some may argue that they only trust democrats while others say that republicans are the real deal and so it goes.

Having trust in the leaders of the country is essential.  Much of it comes from the things that they say.  That is why in order to make us believe in their positions many politicians appeal to fundamental identifiers like patriotism, the flag, and love of country.  Those are core things with which many citizens identify.  They may have nothing to do with policy statements which can be controversial and some go so far as to drive fear in our hearts to win our trust.

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Speech is a common denominator on which we all rely.  It takes different forms and are spoken in many languages 

Image by bitmask via Flickr

Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr

around the world, but regardless where it is spoken, it serves as our guiding light.  Without it society would be a completely different place.

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If you have decided you are going to give it another shot there are things you can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again, or at least if it does you will know the second time around that you put your all into making it work.

First thing you need to do is find out the reason that it happened to begin with. For some it can be as simple as they have been feeling ignored or unappreciated in the relationship. For others it is all about sex. Talk to your partner/spouse about why they believe they felt to need to go outside the relationship.

You must actually listen to what your partner/spouse has to say. No one likes hearing what they are doing wrong, and it may just be how your partner feels, but perception is reality. How someone feels about a situation is their reality, and it must becomes yours as well for you to understand what has happened.

Finally you must start taking the steps necessary to fix your relationship. Say your partner/spouse has been feeling ignored. Make sure you set aside at least a few mins a day just devoted to them. If they are feeling unappreciated make sure you tell them everyday how thankful you are to have them in your life. If it is a sex problem make sure you spice things up and figure out what it is they are wanting from you.

Infidelity at any stage in a relationship can be devestating, but if you work hard, in most cases, you can begin to repair what has been broken.

As always if you read anything you like please like this page and feel free to comment, good or bad I appreciate them all.

If you have enjoyed reading this here are some other articles that might interest you

 http://socyberty.com/relationships/restoring-trust-in-a-relationship/

http://beyondjane.com/family/marriage/five-ways-to-tell-if-someone-is-cheating/

http://socyberty.com/sexuality/sex-and-relationships-pt-3/

http://socyberty.com/sexuality/sex-and-relationships-pt-2/

http://socyberty.com/relationships/sex-and-relationships-2/

In other words, the gang that former CIA agent Carr is trying to run after inheriting the leadership position from Irish, dearly beloved, Declan, aka Deke, now suddenly dead, is comprised of individuals who have problems with authority as well as bonding. They come with attitudes and moments of explosive doubt and discontent that goes with the precarious territory. It goes so far that a knife is brought under Carr’s neck at one point, as a psychopathic form of expression. These thieves are thick, all right. A team like this is not where you go for camaraderie or after-hours relaxation.

The knife-bearer and chief malcontent is badass Latin Mike who, for all his value to the crew’s operations as the boxman who can open almost any safe, is a constant burr under Carr’s saddle. Carr, if nothing else, is amazing for both his ability to put such threats in perspective and for his truly superior abilities to construct plans with the kind of “eye on the prize” concentration that imbue him a genius in human behavior and self control.

Which may be why Valerie, the sole woman and great beauty — who can guarantee mass engorgement in any room of men she glides through and which gives her a special operational effectiveness — has chosen Carr for her nighttime companion. It may have something to do with intelligence compatibility and that rarity among thieves, mutual respect.

Latin Mike’s continual enmity toward Carr may have something to do with envy of this perk, or might not. But Carr knows that his great fortune to have Vee in his bed at night doesn’t translate into total trust. Not long term, at least, trust always being a major issue in this line of work.

The split-of-the-take jobs come from the mysterious uber-boss Boyce. The start of an intricately devised con job begins as a nighttime heist in a Houston house belonging to a lawyer no one knows. It serves to illustrate the dynamics in play among our cast of characters as they roam through the dark house connected by closed circuit phone. They are far gabbier than Carr would prefer, and distinctly less disciplined as they search — not for money or jewelry — but for a not-yet-disclosed object.

Rounding out the team are Brooklyn Bobby, the electronics, security system and telecom line expert; Dennis, the digital nerd who gets lighter duty outside on security patrol; and, Valerie, aka Vee, same.

In everyone’s mind is the big score they’ve been dreaming about for four months. Delicate and dangerous at every step, the individual cuts if the plan succeeds will ensure all of them a beach-front mansion anywhere on earth. All they have to do is deprive one Curtis Prager of his tainted billions from illicit gains all over the world. Basically, a con job, but on a larger-than-usual scale and Herculean difficulty. Prager is no soft touch, in any sense of the word.

Before it’s over, Carr will enter the lion’s den, passing himself off as a major trader in diamonds and money launderer, using these to entice his way into the Prager fortress and, thence, to the laptop that is the manna from heaven, the score, the bounty and the promised land. It’s what all the word and gunplay have been for. The clock of suspense has been ticking all along, but author Spiegelmann now takes it to drumbeat level, right in the chest.

It seems, at first, that there’s nothing like the promise of a big money payoff to focus the cooperative spirit, but what this operation will show is how the smell of illicit gain hastens the emergence of agendas. Betrayal has never been off the stage here; the only mystery is whose on whom? All we know for sure is that the proverbial honor plays no part among this cast of thieves.

“Thick as Thieves” is a nail-biter, and highly original, superbly balanced mystery fiction. Spiegelman’s genius for description of setting and mood as well as the character depth that makes his people vivid and unique are among the highlights. The connection he builds to his cool, courageous central figure is superglued to heart and mind, intensifying every threat to his survival or well-being when tensions grow intense and when he’s dealing with his ageing father in a subplot.

Put another way, it’s an oft-times breath-defying character-motivated, poetically described, high-tension-wire journey, dotted with satiric humor and irony. As though that weren’t enough, the final challenge — the denouement — raises the voltage to a level that just won’t allow inattention or the “I’ve got to get some sleep” excuse. All sense of gravity and real life is held in suspension by the power of Spiegelman’s creative juice. He will hold you in suspension to the final page. This muscular read is really exciting.

Such type of approach requires sympathetic consideration on another’s points of views. These people are sensible enough that they learn from their fights and do their best avoiding them in future. However, acknowledging the reason is one of the most important parts in the reconstruction of a broken relationship. Understanding each other’s feeling is the beauty in a healthy relationship. It includes the things that were right in the relationship and while considering what went wrong, it is important to understand the feelings of both the parties. Once you become conscious enough to start recognizing the reason for the misunderstanding, you will also be able to understand the expectations of both the parties that they need to fulfill for future betterment.

Another aspect to consider in the process of reconstruction is the agreements and decisions that have been taken by both sides. Not only considering but also honoring their decisions and agreements is also equally important.

Avoid making half promises. Promises are meant to be honored and kept at all costs. Once you have reached to the agreements and decisions, sticking by them are equally important from both sides. By keeping the same values, you will find it quite easy maintaining a healthy relationship in future.

One of the major tips in the reconstruction of the relationship process is not using sex as the basis of reconstruction process. Since it could form a habit and you could start seeing it as a solution after every fight that could have psychological effects. Though sex has the potential of increasing intimacy in your broken relationships but it could not minimizes the risk of future fights. Therefore, it is important to have communication going for creating better understanding and mental harmony between two parties. This type of approach not only minimizes the risk of future disagreements but also be fruitful in the long run.

As you know slowly and steady wins the race, hence it is essential taking step-by-step approach in the reconstruction of the relationship. If there is still a little chance or glow present in the relationship, it is essential to cool mindedly examine various aspects of the relationship and should work for regaining the trust and love that was present before. Don’t expect results suddenly, it requires a lot of communication and time for one or both the parties figuring out their weaknesses and then overcoming them. By doing so both will be able to achieve better perspective and at length succeed maintaining a healthy relationship. Disagreements and quarrels are not as bad as thought, but virtually they gives us chance to make our relationships even better than before.

By Muhammad Irfan Zafar

Content Writer

I have known pain in my own flesh. I have seen it in the groans of others. I have read about it and I have listened to stories of how people have suffered, recounted, many times. Pain is born in our flesh. And most of the struggles and sacrifices we have to make in life is about escaping pain and suffering. I will tell you the truth, the more you run away from it, the more you get hurt with it. That isn’t a haughty statement, in any case. The greatest pain is that born from the fear of getting hurt. It is that which is anticipated.

Why not just face it? This is no joke, and I will say it again, unless you embrace pain, you will never understand it. By embracing it, it gives value to the little joys of life and make them grand. By embracing it, you “rob it of its sting” . You learn to treasure the little threads that hold your fragile life with care because you know, from a certain, secret, sacred region of of your existence, that life is short-lived and terribly fragile.

A friend shared a story to me about the pain she has had to suffer because of betrayals, you know like being stabbed in the back by the only person you have grown to love, even jealously. I listened, and candidly, I asked her why she didn’t commit suicide, after all, she has has had enough fill of pain. She looked at me, and said: “I can’t”… I didn’t not want to elaborate, to ask for questions. I knew that in that answer, there was a seed of life, of something that transcends pain and suffering, of something that gives meaning to life through the dark veil of suffering. She had something to live for.

I have always meditated on the question of suffering, death and life. And i have come to the conclusion that death and life, suffering and pleasure are two poles within which vaccinate the very life we live. We would never appreciate light if there was no darkness. We would never value fidelity in friendship except we have suffered betrayal… the very pain in our flesh opens a path through which others pass through to life… Life thus becomes giving, for in living its pain, we die daily while letting others to live. If you haven’t discovered the meaning to life, ask yourself why you haven’t yet considered suicide