The fundamental Book figuratively describes the value of conducting a moral inventory when it compares the 4th Step process into a business proprietor taking inventory of the value of salable merchandise when discussing, “An enterprise which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Getting a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and fact-facing process…. hit-001 In the event who owns the organization will be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.” If we examine ourselves with the use of the metaphor with the business which could go under somebody who is inventory seriously isn’t taken it really is clear which our own “searching and fearless moral inventory” should be applied so do not end up spiritually bankrupt and looking for the “drug of choice”.

I liked the thought of rigorous self-examination but knew little about how precisely to start it and most importantly I need to someone to clarify for me personally some tips i could expect to gain out of this seemingly arduous task. hp2-z17 More specifically my question, plainly put was: what was within it to me?

I did received many opinions and admonitions by what would happen to my opinion basically shirked this task nonetheless it hasn’t been until I completed my 4th and 5th Steps that we fully understood in which you payoff for me. All people have known individual blessings that include the successful realization an inventory and also the sharing from it with God, another man, and ourselves but mine am fundamental that I was surprised I always missed it.

I had spent a long time managing my hurt as well as other emotional challenges by formulating ways of being superior to others or developing strategies that may let me equalize with people who had hurt me. In the long run, I was still hurt as to what I had become and that I had been able to injure numerous others, nobody deserves it. st0-91w The insights I managed to get on account of completing my 4th and 5th Step work solved the problem to consider editorial liberty with the adage that we had heard many times growing up: “hurt people hurt people

Hurt people oftentimes hurt people however it is not required!

My inventory helped me to acknowledge the hurts that we had endured in several circumstances and also at the hands of the many others. The analysis of the people injuries along with the resentments that started out them could easily be addressed instead of obscured with the wrongs which I had done in the name of “getting even”. I did not have to get despite the presence of those who hurt me but I did need to comprehend so what happened along with the resentments that developed as time passes. Likewise the wrongs i always had perpetrated in the lives of others were no longer excused from the “eye on an eye” rule that we had used in the last to deal with the injuries I suffered. The “hurt people hurt people” proverb did start to undertake new meaning when I found see individuals who had hurt me as “sick people”. mb3-859 Being hurt wasn’t any longer destined to be a reason or justification for hurting others or withdrawing into my self-constructed prison of isolation. I’d personally need to comprehend what drove me to hurt others I would definitely get the help you need in a honest study of my very own defects of character.

The 12 steps are a road to recovery – either for the sufferer of the person who is living with the addictee.

The 12 steps are not religious in the classical sense but it can be off putting for atheists, agnostics and other religions when they read a lot about God in the literature.

The truth is that to start a 12 step program, the own belief required is one of the existence of a higher power. It doesn’t actually mean God in biblical terms, although for some people this belief works for them. A higher power is something spiritual that you believe in that holds the key to your recovery because when someone is suffering and needs help – they have reached a point where they feel the only way to recover is by means of divine intervention.

The first step to recovery or step one as it is known is to surrender yourself and acknowledge that through whatever suffering or addiction, your life has become unmanageable and you are powerless to overcome your situation without help.

The second step or step 2 is to acknowledge that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. This is not only true of the alcoholic but also the many loved ones and friends that live with an alcoholic or someone who has an unhealthy dependency.

Step 3 is the first mention of God and it puts many people off when they think the program requires them to be religious in the common sense. Infact the clue lies in the step itself as it states that they must turn their life (at present) and their will over to the care of God – as we understand him. As we understand him, her or it actually. It doesn’t really matter what you understand of God – it is what you believe in as a higher power than yourself.

When people suffer either directly or indirectly from substance abuse, alcoholism or addiction to nicotine, food or other such thing – they often reach that place of despair. The 12 steps help them acknowledge that they are not alone. They are not the first person to travel this path and sadly not the last but with courage and conviction it is possible to gain a state of sanity and recover fully.

To some people, the God of their understanding is a spiritual force. Unexplainable. It doesn’t have to have form or personality, a history or a solid presence. It is a guiding force and an external source of power to help you recover.

A friend fixer addict is a person who will, to the exclusion of themselves and sometimes their own family, do whatever it takes to ‘save’ their friend from themselves. Simply because, they think they can. You cannot save someone who does not want saved though. No matter how hard you try, no matter what you sacrifice to help them, they will always ‘need’ more and more from you. This is when you have crossed over from being codependent to being a friend fixer upper addict.

The first step to overcoming this addiction, as with any addiction, is to realize you have a problem. Sounds simple enough right? Wrong! In accepting you have a problem, you have to accept the fact that you have to fix yourself. Which in essence is exactly why you are fixing everyone else. To avoid looking in that mirror at yourself.

I’m sure we all know or have at least heard about the 12 step program in AA and NA. I suppose the same basic theory could be implemented here. However, for the sake of reality, those things rarely work unless you truly want them to. And, most people really don’t even know what those steps mean.

So, here is my two cents worth on summarizing the steps to overcome ‘friend fixer’ addiction.

• Realize that you have a problem.
• Ask for help, don’t always think you have to be the one giving the help.
• Once you ask for help…take the help when it is given!
• Know your emotional limits. (do not allow others to set your limits)
• Set friend boundaries
• Take care of you first, only help if you WANT to, not because you feel you have to.

Lastly, and most definitely not least; you need to accept the fact that sometimes what you think is ‘helping’ your friend is actually making things worse. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to let them fall. Let them learn from their own mistakes. They are adults, let them be adults.

Now that I’ve said all this to you. Let me say one last thing:

Hi, my name is S. Rubeck and I am a ‘friend fixer addict’.

I have taken the first steps toward recovery. I am nowhere near being recovered though. This I fear will be a lifelong affliction that I will constantly have to struggle with. I cannot fix you, but my hopes are that I have at least inspired you to look in the mirror and remember to take care of yourself first.