Getting the idea at a cocktail party, when somebody told him it was impossible to train crows to do anything useful, Joshua Klein has discovered the real superior intelligence of the crow species. They are not only smart enough to make a mess, but they have been adapting to the human race. Crows work like seagulls do at the shore; picking up nuts and dropping them on the ground to break them open. Well, in Tokyo, Japan, it is not uncommon to find the birds waiting for the WALK light to turn on at a city intersection. They have found it easier to drop food among the traffic of the city, where it can be more easily broken by cars and hard asphalt, and are smart enough to walk, when “legally aloud”, across the pedestrian walking path to gather their nuts.

     Klein has come up with the idea to find a mutual relationship between crows and humans. To test if crows are even able to be trained, he build a sort of crow vending machine. The machine has four stages that try to get the birds to adapt to the changes it’s making. In the first stage, peanuts and coins are layed all around the base of the vending machine. This actually becomes a part of the environment, and the crows get used to it being there. Then, once they eat up all the peanuts, they see that there are also peanuts on a feeder tray towards the upper of the machine. When those peanuts are finished, more coins and peanuts are spit out.                                          

     After they become very used to this, only coins are spit out onto the feeding tray. With a tray full of nothing but metal, the crows aren’t happy. Crows have a natural tendency to swipe with their beak when they become frustrated. When they do this, coins fall into a hole at the back of the feeding tray, and more peanuts are spit out. They learn that they just need to wait for a coin, put it into the hole, and wait for food.

     Finally, the machine stops spitting out anything at all; and after trying to physically force it to “cough something up”, they think of something. They realize that there are coins all over the ground from before, and begin to bring those up and place them in the hole, getting more peanuts.

     From this, we see a lot. By creating something like this, we can definitely come up with a mutual agreement with crows. Josh thinks we can maybe train them to pick up trash at a stadium after a game. He also reckons they can be trained to do search and rescue. I think they can be used as a “clean up crew” on the streets of America’s dirty cities. Maybe people can even start using them as messenger birds, like we used to. Who knows what the limits are?

     Maybe if we did research like this with other animals, we may also find a way to let them live rather than building houses over their forests or burrows. Maybe people can actually live in peace with the rest of the world.

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         Bureaucracy is a familiar word everyone of us may have been familiar about, but just what does it really mean? Among available meanings online, I have settled with this definition by Collins English Dictionary.

1. a system of administration based upon organization into bureaus, division of labour, a hierarchy of authority, etc.: designed to dispose of a large body of work in a routine manner

2. (Government, Politics & Diplomacy) government by such a system

3. (Government, Politics & Diplomacy) government or other officials collectively

4. any administration in which action is impeded by unnecessary official procedures and red tape

      Basically, we knew our lives would be messy without the necessary government machinery to attend to our needs so the first definition falls into place. We become good citizens and pay our taxes as the government caters to our needs. We religiously subject ourselves to government laws because if we don’t, we knew we will be penalized. The second definition referring to the whole system (government, politics and diplomacy) is what we get of course, whether it be before and after any elections, as the third definition falls into place (government or other officials collectively) we knew that people voted to office come and go. By common sense we knew that when they come and go, they take some things with them, so the saying goes “take it or leave it”. It’s as simple as dipping an empty cup on a bowl of soup, when done aside from some stuff going inside the cup, which would be our clean view of the legal part, some parts of the soup will be left stuck on the outside portion of the cup which happens more often than not and is actually eating a share that leaves unaccounted for. So as we may come to ask where did the government “soup” go when there are still people waiting to be fed at the end of the line, the fourth definition will fall into place. Take note of this, “in which action is impeded by unnecessary official procedures and red tape.” Each one of us may have been disgruntled to be caught in between a long line of taxpayers under the roof of a government agency to deliver our share in exchange of the services and the collecting officer will save his face from guilt causing your embarrassment by saying, “sorry sir/madam, we got procedures and I’m only implementing the rules.” So there we go, what better choice do we have in whatever governments we have caught ourselves with, it would be for us to figure it out if the people standing in front of ourselves singing that classic political song before elections could indeed change the system. I should say that even one honest leader could do that, he/she will be ending his/her term before the change or modification had been carried out. Then after election another will take the position and a new start will be assumed. Government funds disposed, failing economy, national debt, etc., just try to think outside the box (or specifically mind that soup on the outer side of the cup).

       I’m in no position to become a political analyst, but if I would be asked (since I started this post anyway) what is my alternative to our present ordeals, this is what I could suggest to our world governments. One thing may seem feasible to cut out the influence of the fourth definition and leave us smiling (at least) for once or a bit longer in our lives. Vending machines, don’t we always get a smile when we have placed the desired amount and the stuff comes out after we have punched the button? It haven’t even lasted a minute when we have emptied the canned drink that came out and we felt relieved. It’s time that our governments think it out, not hypocritically but ultimately. No elections, no red tapes, no budget cuts and nothing unaccounted for. Now how could it be done? Well, I leave that for any aspiring political candidate to figure it out. All the great minds assemble whenever there’s any government election I believe and I guess if we are sensible, we don’t vote for anyone singing that old classical politician’s song.

Do you clip your nails at work?

Living in the cube environment, not only is the sound disgusting, but also those nails can fly over a cube wall like a guided missile. Realizing that I was under attack by the new guy in the cube next door, I quickly had to cover my coffee and Danish to prevent contamination, while trying not to get my eye put out!

Do you have a desire to bond with your coworkers?

Take a good look around the office. What percent of these people come in with a hang over? Now take a good look at the working moms who either have their home nanny cam on their screen all day, or are on the phone screaming at the babysitter. Then there is a percentage of office workers either looking for a relationship either to replace the one they have, or for one to have on the sly. Do not be naïve; there are always some in every office. Then there is the group who live to stampede the hallways to the vending machines every morning and load up on 4000 calories to make it through to lunch. Do not forget the brown-nosers, or the ones who are just miserable human beings. These people do not want to bond with you. Nor do they want to come in ½ hour early every day to meet with you on a spiritual level. There will not be group hugs, or “sharing”.

Are you a “Holiday” person?

Are you on Hallmarks’ mailing list for every conceivable holiday on this planet? Do you use your attic to store all your “office” decorations? Have you been banned from any dollar store for scaring small children while grabbing every hokey decoration in the place? Do you buy Santa hats for all your coworkers and beg them to wear these fuzzy, fun filled hats every day from Thanksgiving until Christmas? Do you have 30 Christmas sweaters with matching earrings? Do you insist Christmas carols be played for 8 hours a day, every day? Perhaps living in Cubeville is not for you. Have you considered a job at Macy’s?

Is your voice mail greeting longer than the Gettysburg Address?

When another resident in Cubeville has the misfortune of having to call you, do they have to suffer through the following:

“Hello. You have reached Ms. Kimberly Suzanne Washington-Castrogiovanni, Senior Executive Administrative Assistant to Ms. Evelyn Grace Worthington-Warrington, Vice President of Research and Development in the Department of Complete Insanity, because by now you have left your phone and run off screaming due to the length of this voice mail greeting, but if by some chance you are still there, you may leave a message at the tone and I will gladly return your call just as soon as I finish my other call or return to my desk. Just leave your name, number, the time and a brief message, oh and have a great and blessed day! We have all heard them and have wanted to climb right through the phone and rip their lips off! Why do they do it? Is it a plot by our enemies to drive us insane? It is no longer a drive; it’s more of a short putt…

Does your entire family call your cellphone nonstop all day?

Do you have the most annoying ring tone you could possibly find? Despite answering it 50 times a day, you still forget where you left the phone and have to fumble finding it, while the rest of Cubeville is subjected to the ring tone of the Dukes’ of Hazard? Must your relatives call you at work and ask, “What ya are you doin?” to which you must reply, “nuthin”? Yes, we all know that you are not working, how could you be when you are on your cellphone all day.

Are you coffee making challenged?

The drink of choice in Cubeville is coffee. A rule of the community is, if you take the last cup, make another pot of coffee. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It has taken the Cubeville community years of training to make sure all of the citizens are completely trained in the art of pouring a pot of water into the coffee maker and putting fresh grounds in the basket. No excuses, no lapses in memory, no burning pots left on, no office fires!

Do you bring your daily spending money with you every day?

Do not expect to be getting loans from the citizens of Cubeville. We no longer fall for that one. If you cannot remember to bring your own lunch or your lunch money, have the adult in charge of your supervision put it in your pocket before you leave home.

Are all of your relatives involved in any of the “work part time from home and make millions” selling schemes?

Cubeville has a no littering policy pertaining to those brochures advertising worthless junk that we already have filling the rooms of our homes. We have all been exposed to those folks that have either a mother, daughter, husband, 3rd cousin, or neighbor who wants you to hustle more Avon, Mary Kay, Amway, gift wrap, cookie dough or other stuff on your unsuspecting coworkers. Do not do it, you will quickly be shunned in Cubeville.