Bully (Photo credit: trix0r)

At last, the Philippine Congress has passed a bill on anti-bullying known as the Anti-Bullying Act of 2012.  Bullies had better be aware of this development.  Their days now are numbered.

 It is regrettable that there was no law like this during my high school days.  I must admit I was a victim of bullies like that classmate of mine who looked like a rabid, dung-eating dog (I cannot remember his first name anymore but his surname sounds like Taimoy).  Modesty aside, I was more intelligent than anybody else in the class and usually topped the exams but I was very skinny at the time and he was much bigger.  Never a day passed without any insulting or sniping remarks from him and his companions like Tuyo, Gilagid, Negro, and Labi, who were also bullies.  I nearly dropped out of school because of them.  The only time I was happy was when I was cutting classes or being absent for two or three days so as not to see their faces.  I would rather see a kung fu movie than attend a moronic class handled by an equally moronic, useless teacher.

There came a time when I got fed up.  This idiot bully was burning matches and one stick thrown at me stuck at my polo shirt and made a big hole near the collar.  I lunged at him and landed a right hand directly on his chest, which was the only part I could reach—he was much taller as I mentioned earlier.  He retaliated by punching me on the jaw and before I could throw a counterpunch, someone held my hand and kept me away from him.  From then on, no more fight, only verbal attack every now and then, but that was still bullying, eh?

Bullying is generally defined as physical and verbal abuse, anything that could hurt a victim.  A UN study showed that at least 5 out of 10 children in grades 1-3, 7 out of 10 in grades 4-6, and 6 out of 10 in high school experience various forms of abuse from their peers or from their teachers. 

Effects of bullying on victims such as anger or depression may continue many years long after the bullies are gone.  Me?  If I come across them now, I will not have second thoughts.  I would hit them like a kung fu master just the same, with or without anti-bullying law.      

It feels wrong to leave since he or she is a good provider and has never hit them and seems to work hard for them.  Yet never misses a chance to put them down.  If they are married, he or she would never consider divorce, it was not in their vocabulary and divorce lawyers are expensive and can draw out a painful process even further.  They simply do not know where to start so they profess it is easier to keep things the way they are.  At least the uncertainty in life is predictable.

The good news is no longer do you have to put off the option of divorce or simply leaving if you are not married.  You do have reason(s) to leave and they are valid and biblical.  One good place to start is with a pastor outside your church and explain the situation.  I say this because pastors inside your own church may be biased towards your spouse or towards following the rules of the church over your own safety.  You could be blessed with a counselor that was a former pastor, too or has a background in biblical counseling or theology.  Ask around or go to a christian counseling agency, they are out there.

If you need counseling and guidance immediately and are on a tight budget, consider a shelter.  The actual services may be mainly geared towards women but they have resources available for men also, even if it is not right at the shelter.  There are groups available and individual counselors.  Call 2-1-1 or look in the yellow pages.

Other wonderful, helpful resource is divorcecare: www.divorcecare.org.  Whether you attend a group or not (you do not have to be divorced and can be anywhere in the process), sign up for the 365 free, daily emails you will receive.  You may meet some strong individuals that can help you through this uncertain time and they can connect you to many different resources.  This group has a purpose and a definite goal each week.  Participants are encouraged to share but are also limited to the topic of the day.  Even with friends to talk to, this group can provide valuable strength and insight from those that have been there.  It is strictly a support group, not a social group.

Take up a hobby that will give you strength, preferably some sort of physical activity, even self defense.  This will be very empowering.  If you are on a budget, consider parks & recreation department classes or rent a kickboxing DVD to see if you like it.  Anything along those lines will do.  If you are creative, join a singing or musical group or take a painting class.

Now that you have completed some of the work above, it’s time to do some homework.  Call some divorce lawyers in the area and take advantage of free time over the phone or in person.  Interview several and do not retain an attorney just because someone else recommends them.  All divorce proceedings are unique and they may not be able to help you the way they did your friend. 

Furthermore, it may be best to retain a hybrid type lawyer who will let you do most of the leg work yourself and help you with forms.  You may be sitting alone in court, but this is a good thing considering most lawyers are billable by the hour and court nearly always starts late. 

If your divorce may be contentious, then unfortunately the hybrid option may be out.  But do consider going this route.   Trust your instincts with regards to a divorce attorney, if your gut says no, even though they seem right, move on.  There are plenty of lawyers to choose from.

Many states and counties offer divorce classes on the paperwork and everything that is required for a divorce.  This is done at a very minimal cost.  They will walk you through what you may not understand.  You can also file a restraining order there if needed so any harrassment is documented for the court even if you are not married.

And while you are doing all or some of the steps above, consider the reading list from those that have been where you are now:

• But He Never Hit Me by Dr. Jill Murray
• The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
• Dangerous Relationships by Dr. Noelle Nelson
• Chicken Soup for the Soul Divorce Recovery by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Patty Hansen
• Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, Patricia Evans

This is just a list to get you started.  I hope to bring you more resources that will help.  I know it takes time to get through them.  The Survivors book helped me see what happens if you stay stuck and how it can actually be too late for people to leave the relationship in some instances.  I suppose I would say it will scare you into action.

You can obtain the books through your local library by reserving them online or go to half.com or amazon.com to get them at a reduced price.  Share them with others that may need them.

Best of luck to you!  It is my hope the resources and information will guide you in the decision you need to make in the days ahead.

Pre-heat your oven to 500o

Cut in with a knife, 18yrs. of child abuse: mental, physical, verbal, and sexual

Stir in 1 marriage to an alcoholic and 1 ugly divorce

Add to this 25 part-time jobs and 11 years of Social Aid Assistance

Chop in, a little at a time, 21 years with the ‘Pentecostal Wizard of Oz’

Spoon into this mixture, 21 years of Domestic Violence

Blend well with 50 years of Major Depression  and just a pinch of Colitis

Place all of this into a lightly greases, 2000 Honda CRV

 Then, Bake on high for 60 years

Best served without frosting

Recently, an acquaintance asked me what if anything she should do for a friend that’s in an abusive relationship. She described how her friend’s boyfriend constantly belittles her and always stops short of “smacking her around.” She has a feeling that, if her friend doesn’t get out soon, she will be physically abused. I told my acquaintance to voice her concerns to her friend, but to not expect results, immediate or otherwise, as the decision to leave or stay is ultimately hers alone. My acquaintance, obviously discontent with my opinion, moved onto someone else for advice.

We all have this image in our minds of what an abuser looks like. For me, he’s a burly, uneducated man in a once pristine, but now heavily stained white undershirt who smacks his fragile housewife around for the slightest infraction. From time to time, the wife is replaced by an equally fragile child who “got on daddy’s last nerve.” It is hard to imagine that a clean-cut, well-awarded college graduate could be an abuser or that a brilliant and highly-respected business whiz could become their victim. It is unnerving, but abuse has the potential to affect us all.

For me, it started off as a “joke.” I was in a relationship with someone a year younger than me who was known at our college for having “emotional issues.” They frequently got into trouble with campus police and, by the time we got together, had been given their final warning to behave or to find another college. When we got together, no one could figure out why someone like me would want to be with someone like them. Was I rebelling? Was I being a Good Samaritan and taking them on as my pet project? Everyone was disappointed when I’d reply that I was in love with “J” and simply saw in them what no one else did.

As our relationship progressed, I gradually lost “friends,” but I didn’t care because I had “J.” For a short time, we had a wonderful relationship. However, things began to unravel when they made it clear to me that I would never be as important to them as their friends, their drugs and their alcohol. They’d send me early morning text messages telling me that they had heard one untrue thing or another about me which made me be one derogatory statement or another. If they were too drunk to text, they’d call me to scream these things and then sob about how much they loved me. At the time, this wasn’t abuse, but merely proof of how passionate a person they were. It wasn’t until it became physical that I began to mind their behavior.

The first time “J” hit me we were on a date. I had decided to take them to a nice restaurant to show them how much I appreciated them. We were waiting in the parking garage below the restaurant for the elevator to arrive. As the seconds passed, “J” became more and more frustrated. They kept alternating between pacing and hitting the elevator button. Suddenly, they stopped in front of me and smacked my arm really hard. When I asked why they did that, they simply said they were “tense” and only “joking around.” I let it slide and laughed because I was shocked and because I didn’t want the strangers waiting with us to get involved and for our night to end at the local police station. “J” got “tense” a few more times before they dumped me, each time the bruises got bigger and bigger, but luckily never made their way onto my face or into my bones. When our relationship ended I was, to put it mildly, crushed. I’m grateful now, but it took a lot to find this gratitude.

Why do people allow themselves to be abused? Some people say it’s because they deserve it. Some people say it’s a tradeoff for their own negative behavior. For me, I was just in such shock that it was happening that I didn’t know how to come to terms with it enough to stop it. It was easier to just trick my mind into thinking it wasn’t happening to me. I noticed the bruises, but wrote them off as bumps I got on my own due to clumsiness or another non “J” related reason. I saw the phone calls, texts and face-to-face fights as “J”’s way of showing they were passionate about life, our relationship and me. I was too blind by my love for “J” and my desire to see beyond their flaws to stop things. In hindsight, I should’ve walked back to my car and driven off without “J.”

As naïve as it will sound, I didn’t know that abuse could be emotional until the year before my relationship with “J.” We were assigned a short story to analyze in one of my British literature classes about a pair of spinster sisters who were contemplating how different the house felt now that their father was dead. They no longer had to tiptoe around the house at night for fear of waking him and being scolded for not abiding by the sleep schedule he had set for them. They no longer had to censor their mealtime conversations because he wasn’t there to tell them they’re opinions were unwanted and ridiculous and their aspirations were impossible. Now that he was gone, they had a chance at leading lives of their own and possibly finding love.

Reading this story, I was amazed at the similarities I could draw between the father and my maternal grandmother and the sisters and my mother and I. It was unsettling, but I made myself find humor in it. At the next class, I listened to student after student go on and on about how this man had no redeeming qualities and that, had the story been written after women’s lib, the women would’ve stuck up for themselves. The story was one-dimensional to my classmates because “people like these characters don’t exist nowadays.” When it came time for me to share my thoughts, I scraped my notes and blandly spoke about the author’s word choice instead. It would’ve been too embarrassing to say the speech I had been piecing together in my mind for days.

Like many children, the children in my family were raised to respect our elders. If they had something to say, you listened intently and did your best to live by their standards. Unlike her brothers and sisters, my grandmother never loosened her grip on her children especially my mother. To “keep the peace,” my mother sacrificed much of herself (and still does to some degree) to make sure that my grandmother’s needs were always met and her wishes carried out. Growing up, if my live-in grandmother didn’t like what you had to say or something that you did, she made it known and didn’t stop making it known until it was righted. If someone outside of the family found fault with my Gram’s behavior, this person was cut out of our lives. I used to joke that Sunday wasn’t Sunday until my grandmother singled out one of us and my mom spent the afternoon in my Gram’s part of the house alternating between fighting with her and groveling. This was how things were and, while I knew it wasn’t right and that not everyone spent their Sunday this way, I didn’t see it as abuse until after I read this story.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I saw myself emulating my grandmother. I was in year two of a long-term relationship and we had been faced with a major problem. “N”’s luck had shifted substantially and, due to a misunderstanding, we were spending more time at court than out of it. We both became increasingly emotionally, physically and financially drained as the weeks progressed. Though we never were an entirely peaceful couple, by the third month of this ordeal, all we did was fight. While it was clear from the start that “N” hadn’t done what they were accused of, the truth was they had done something to bring us to this point and this angered me deeply. I had finally started on the road towards the life I had always wanted and resented having to stop where I was and begin taking steps backwards. Without the support of our families and the infrequent support of friends, we were scared and depressed and “N” clung onto me with all of their might. I wanted to run away, but instead I stayed, publically playing the role of the supportive girlfriend and privately screaming until I went hoarse. In my opinion, “N” was a failure who ruined our lives with their carelessness and who showed by their actions that my long-held secret theory that they believed the world needed to revolve around them in order for them to be content was correct. Blinded by my frustration at life and my fear that I was going to see them sent off to jail, I verbally abused my best friend every chance I got. At the time, it felt like a fit punishment. In hindsight, it was unnecessary and wrong. I should’ve just taken some time off to be alone and re-center myself instead of researching court cases in my spare time and allowing myself to only get an hour or two of sleep a night.

Why do people abuse others? One mental health professional will tell you it stems from how one was raised. If you saw your parents beating and/or belittling each other there’s a chance that you might do the same to your significant other. Another in their field may say that abusive people have low self-esteems and lash out at others to build themselves up. For me, I began the abuse because I was angry and didn’t know how to cope with my emotions and continued the abuse because I could. “N” felt they deserved my cruel treatment and didn’t tell me to stop. As a result, things progressed in this direction for quite some time. Ironically enough, I didn’t cease this negative behavior until my grandmother overheard me saying something nasty to “N’ and criticized me for it. From that point on, I did my best to swallow the nastiness and treat “N” the way they should be treated.

From time-to-time, I do still lose my temper, but I’ve gotten so much better. I have an internal set of buttons that, if pressed, set me off every single time. Admittedly, two of them are easier to press than the rest. One button is for when someone lies to me. It goes off especially easily if I’ve given this person a chance to own up to their lie, they’ve decided not to and I’ve found out the truth from someone else. The other is for when someone repeatedly does something (driving while tired, being late, answering the phone while we’re talking, etc.) that I’ve specifically asked them not to do for one reason or another. I try to never attack on the first offense choosing instead to politely, but firmly let the person know that they’ve hit a nerve and to try to not let it happen again. Realizing the damage that I’ve done, I do my best to stay calm and not revert to the monster I was before.

If my acquaintance had asked me for advice years ago, I would’ve told them to butt out. They don’t know why the abuse is happening and, unless they have solid reasons to fear for their friend’s life, they should stay out of it. Perhaps their friend is an expert at pushing her boyfriend’s buttons. Perhaps the abuse is mutual and she’s only seeing one side of it. There could be so many reasons why this abuse is taking place. However, that’s the wrong way to look at things. Abuse is abuse and no matter how or why it happens it shouldn’t be happening. If you’re in an abusive relationship you should take steps to remedy this. The generic advice is to get away from your abuser and call the police. However, to the best of my knowledge, the police don’t step in for verbal abuse (unless of course threats are made) and physical abuse can be a slippery slope.

My advice as both a former victim and abuser is to force yourself to step outside your situation and try to see things as you would want to see them a year from now. What steps would you need to take to get yourself to that place? Would couple’s or individual therapy get things back on track? Or have things gone so terribly wrong that the police need to be called in order for you to get to next year? Having seen things from both viewpoints, I can tell you that both sides make you feel lower than low. No one wants to be abused and no sane person wants to hurt the one they love. I also can say from experience that both positions aren’t reached overnight. There are warning signs, but are you willing to heed them?

Writing this article, two questions kept popping into my mind. The first was why is someone as private as me being so honest about something I worked so hard to hide? The second was why isn’t emotional/verbal abuse taken as seriously as physical abuse? After contemplating these questions, I’m surprised at how interlocked my answers are.

Until recently, I didn’t think my past was a big deal because, in my opinion, it wasn’t affecting my future. However, it has come to my attention that I’m once again not fighting fair and, in order to truly remedy my problem, I need to closely examine why I do things. I need to care more about being honest with myself than about my privacy because, if I don’t, I will undoubtedly chase away some people I love deeply. I need to not care about who reads this and the judgments they might make and just be happy that it’s out there and no longer festering inside of me, feeding the monster who is always a second away from escaping.

In my opinion, we don’t take emotional/verbal abuse seriously as a society because we have so many ways of excusing it (“They were only joking.” “I’m just being overly sensitive.” “It was meant to be constructive criticism.” etc.) and because, unlike physical abuse, it’s not so easy to see. Yes, people can die because being told cruel things made them commit suicide, but no one accidentally lands in the morgue because their significant other repeatedly hit them with an insult. We are told (or at least I was) from a young age to be strong and the thing about sticks and stones and we buy it. No one wants to be seen as a cry baby so we swallow our tears and grow ever more private. We foolishly write off this type of abuse because society only admitted that there truly was a problem with the other kind of abuse in the past few decades.

I am a flawed person with a past I’m not proud of and a future that can be free of any and all kinds of abuse if I keep working towards that goal. I have atoned for my mistakes and stopped wishing “J” would atone for theirs some time ago. I hope that one day we can become a peaceful society and that abuse can be eradicated from the world through education, increased self-control and self-worth. Yet, from the stories we hear on the news and in our social circles, it seems that that day is unfortunately still far off. Until then, as the saying goes, all I can do is work to change my part of the world and, in writing this article, I sincerely hope I’ve put you on the road to changing yours.

In many States, such as Pennsylvania (where I am looking for work), there is an “at will employment law”. Essentially, and I kidd you not, your Boss can do about anything short of physically abusing you and/or discriminating against you. It is very difficult to prove discrimination and you need a broken bone or black eye and a witness for physical abuse.

Most people take the easy way out and quit when they find a new job. I don’t think revenge is a good thing, unless you are going to be ultimately successful without hurting your ex-Boss or his/her business. Then that type of vengence is sweet!

But my question is as follows: if you are in a really bad Boss Relationship, one that would easily qualify as abusive or unfair in anyone’s book… what can you do to stop it?

Discussing it with my Boss didn’t help; asking him to stop; nothing worked… and in the end he had the proverbial last laugh when he let me go!

Do I call the IRS and report him… do I file a Discrimination law suit… do I just go find another job?

I do believe it is very sad that in today’s America we should have a place to file complaints about such a “horrible boss”, especially if we have no Union and if any or all employees are taking abuse in return for a paycheck to support their family.

2.It is an established truth that verbal abusers are usually people with inferiority complexes and they hurt people to feel an evil satisfaction which they would never get otherwise.Fight them off like a soldier, learn to shrug them off as soon as you realise that they are attacking you or insulting you.Learn to give them a good shut up call.

3.Never give in to the abuser, no matter how hard they try to trick you to get into a conversation. If the abuser has unavoidable presence, make sure you say as little as possible and never involve yourself into something that is said to provoke you or anger you one way or the other.

4.The abuser might try to do it when there is no audience or select a good time with the audience of their choice, just learn to walk out on them with a smile, nothing infuriates them more than that.No words, just a plain “you don’t mean anything attitude” and a graceful exit.The more you learn to ignore them, the angrier they would get. Never lose your calm.

5.Gather strength and be authoritative when defending yourself, don’t ask them to back off, state it as an order.Always hit the negativity with an air of courage and bravery, take a deep breath and use your inner strength to keep your brain working in such situations.

6.Refuse to stay in contact with the abuser, if the attack is constant and persistant . Inform family and friends about the behaviour of the person and if possible always stay in touch with someone who can help incase the verbal abuse converts into physical abuse.

7.The abuser might be jealous of something you have achieved recently. Don’t let that person destroy your sense of achievement.

8.Make a mental note of keeping the abuser out of focus. Your goals in life are way more important than wasting your precious time on staying hurt, sad and frustrated. People like these don’t deserve to be thought about or remembered. Keep yourself indulged in activities of your interest and blank them out through your positivity.

9.If the abuser tries to ruin your relationships, move away as soon as possible.Ask your friends and loved ones to stay away from the abuser and inform them of dangerous nature of the situation.

10.Lastly, just remember that the abuser is a weak person who uses aggression as the tool to destroy you and your key to counter that is to never let them gain control of your life.

In some cases, more serious, they believe they deserved to receive from their men.

Abuse of any kind may be, is more or less gained. As a child, if you see your parents argue that, raise your hand to each other, speak out or even in your hand, then you’ll be tempted, initially through mimicry, to do the same: to solve your problems by calling or accepting conflicts and different types of aggression.

Depending on your personality, you get a hand or place the other one: either become abuzatoare or accept to be abused. In this second position does not see your way out. So it think there’s nothing to do, you can not do anything to change the status quo. It is impossible nut that can be obtained for leave to live and otherwise, without raised voices, raise your hand without you, without books or accept to be manipulated and controlled at all times.

Among all types of abuse, the hardest you can relieve the psychological. Because you do not know when it starts, how do you let disarms and helpless, defenseless, or any right of reply.

Here’s an example. You founded a couple , a family. Take the decision to keep the money in one place, but he is the one card and account access to finance . You do not. At first he seems just as comfortable dealing with invoices and payments, taxes and shopping. For you it may seem to worry less, one less headache. Gradually, you realize that whenever you want to buy something just for you, to make a surprise or a gift, you need to ask him his money . And that somehow puts you in case of a child who goes to ask parents for pocket money. Give first may seem funny, but he gradually starts to show unavailable and you will not accept the “fads” to consider too expensive and unjustified purchases you intend to do. From here comes the frustration. The frustration of having no freedom to decide when and what FOR THE you want to buy.

To reassure you, you have to do spue savings that house , car or anything else you wanted to have together. And you give in, giving him somewhat for justice and understanding to accept a delay time of your desires or moftuirle.

Then proposes to shop as cheap, choosing the products most “accessible” for the moment, which becomes a permanent relationship. And so you see put in a position to accept that before when you were alone , nor would you have thought of the cheapest cosmetic and lower quality of the most common intimate items, linens, clothes and shoes only when they are reductions and possibly last season, or very cheap products stores.

Sit and wonder why so? You see your friends and acquaintances as chic and groomed, in step with fashion . And you catch yourself in the mirror with clothes as “comfortable”, that Lala, you depersonalizes, lowers your femininity and personality, make you forget who you are.

You panic and comment, try to get rebels to handle the situation that is becoming increasingly unacceptable. But he takes care to counter you with other excuses, delays or justifications.And again I give in!

And so when it comes to yield and go out somewhere in town to go on a trip or short vacation, to go out with friends or invite them home to you.

Time passes and you feel the cloister increasingly constrained and frustrated, disenchanted and more unhappy than ever.

And yet they do nothing. Do not feel able to put his foot down or even try to change something.You feel it’s too late, anyway you’re not on your feet without him you would not be able to steer. Are you aware that you earn much less than him, you have direct access to your money, you simply feel their hands and feet, unable to free yourself from the “yoke” invisible strangle you becoming louder with each passing day.

In a relatively similar happens with physically abused women. I get a slap first, followed by numerous excuses – such as it was all a mistake, followed by empty promises – that will not ever happen again. But there’s a next time, and another one, and this behavior is somewhat common.

You can not stop you woke up on your hand because you’re more frail and powerless. And you can not stop you somehow put the point of such a relationship that will degrade the increasingly hard that will degrade and you will reduce the human to the animal. But resorting to aggressive animals that have no verbal language inemana and it is only to defend territory or feeding chickens. Which is not to humans, nor your case.

People do it because they have not developed well enough not mastered verbal communication and are not able to control their impulses, frustration and aggression.

And back to the title question: how much you love him? How many can you accept or endure in a man? When you realize it’s too late? As you and your last past the limit?

And is it enough to know you this? As it can not? You can do something to change your life?

Unfortunately, the perpetrators, of any kind should they be changed with great difficulty, unless they are highly motivated or constrained. Most times they do not realize how bad they are others by their behavior, but there are many cases in which they realize and even eat and enjoy the “results” obtained this way. That makes them feel more powerful, in control of the situation and your person.

Whatever the reason for accepting such behavior from a man: the love that you think him wearing the love for the children whom you together, your helplessness or fear, think that there is another way of life! It can live otherwise!

And unless you know otherwise, but so have never experienced before, this does not mean you can not make a difference in your life. As you can not get used and a different kind of life where people normally talk, respect each other, communicate their desires, frustrations without fear and manage to talk together, to make decisions to change them so that they amandoura be well.

It’s all over the news, people killing there self’s over people disliking them!

People don’t know that bullying is not just someone placing their hands on your body.

Bullying is more than shouting in someone’s face. I have been bully by a boyfriend who used to scream at me when he was wrong;

He would yell when he did not get his way and some type of way make me feel like I was wrong all the time;

I had a family member verbal abuse me and I hated to see their face. They used to call me names, make offensive remarks about the way I dress. They used to joke about my lack of style. They even teased me about the friends I used to keep, socioeconomic.

I know a young lady if she does not get her way she actually threats the police on people. She threats the department of children and welfare on people also.

This is verbal bullying;

Physical bullying is exact that they use bodily harm against you. People who go around using force against another person. A lot of school children go through this type of abuse.

Gangs are a group of people who use force against other people because they are not like them.

I have experience indirect bullying, where people sat together and talked negative about me in public places and also behind closed doors.

My own family members have done this time and time again. Because I tend to do things my own way!

I am happy with my own self. Why is that so hard to believe or accept?

People who spread rumors about someone is either sad with their own life or there life is so much in turmoil they need to turn the direction of attention off them onto you.

Or your life is so much interesting to them they have no other choice but to continue minding your business.

When you call a person up on the phone and discuss matters which are serious for you. That same person either allows someone else to listen or then turn around and calls someone else up and stretches the story this is indirect bullying.

When you are in group and people exclude you out the conversation this is social alienation. When you work with people and they refuse to speak to you and actually look at you and walk away. Anotehr type of indirect bully.

We are children from god and we all should accept one another and try to love one another for who you are and not what you would like them to be.

Everyone is different and should be allowed to be different.

I have experience a time in my life where I felt so frighten I had to move in the middle of the night.

I never knew what this type of feeling was until I read some where that it is intimidation.

I was intimidated by the fact that they used forced against me and verbal abuse that I felt like I needed to run and hide.

With face book, My space and Twitter social network, instant messages, emails, text messaging and voice mail.

Teenagers around the world are killing their own self’s and leaving post on these internet sites. Liek good by, I hate to do this, I love you all, I have done something terrible etc

Grown people are killing there self’s and leaving post over the Internet saying good bye because they felt like there life is not worth living any longer;

Bullying has many forms and shapes but the one thing in common is that people are humans with feelings.

There self esteem and inner being is shatter by someone else own issues with their own life’s.

Misery loves company. Happiness is an attitude; we can either make our own self’s happy or miserable.

It takes work either way and its up to you to be strong and fight any thing that brings you harm.

Keep in mind miserable have time to bother you, But if you are a busy and have faith in your own self then there misery behavior will not have a effect on you and your well being. Lets band together and stop the bullying for one another and our children.

1. Hitting – This is basic, most people know that when you hit someone it hurts.  Am I saying never to spank a child?  No, but I am saying to measure your spankings.  If you hit for every little infraction what exactly are you teaching your child? For example;

A.)  Spilling his/her milk you spank – Your teaching your child that it is not OK to make mistakes.  How are they going to learn if they can’t make mistakes?

B.)  He/she has hit another child so you spank – You are reinforcing that hitting is ok. 

C.)  Making a mess – You are telling your child for every mess they make in life there will be someone there to hit them.  This will stifle their creativity, turning them into robots.

Never spank in anger.  Calm yourself, think about it decide why the child needs a spanking.  Pick your battles, if the offense would danger your child then a firm spanking on the buttocks might startle them into reality making them realize that you mean business.  If you spank for every imagined offense, then the time you need it most will be lost with all of the other spankings, and have no meaning.

2. Verbal abuse – Calling a child names is abuse no matter how you look at it.  When you tell them they are stupid, ignorant, dumb, fat and all the other various names that are out there you are telling the child they are worthless.  They will then grow up to be worthless, stupid, ignorant, dumb or fat.  This is a promise not a prediction.

Telling your child “I never wanted children” is also abuse.  You are asking them to be grateful to you, for letting them live.  If you didn’t want a child, you should not have had one.  Do them a favor now, give them up for adoption – there are thousands of people looking to adopt who won’t hurt them.

3. Sexual Abuse – This is the horrific just typing the words, but it needs to be said.  Children are innocent, it is not up to you to introduce them into the world of being a ‘sexual beings’.  It will happen in due course of life, if it is meant to be.  Anytime that a thought occurs of having sex with a child – lock yourself away, seek help.  One more life does not need to be destroyed because of your sickness.  What you are teaching this child is they are nothing, meaningless and have no purpose in life other than to pleasure your sickness.

4. Mental Abuse – All of the above will create mental issues with a child, no ifs ands or buts about it.  They will either grow up to abuse others or be abused.  They will remember the abuse and be resentful of it and of you.

5. Abandonment - This too is abuse.  You are telling the child they aren’t worthy of you, so you just left.  This in your mind may not be the case, maybe you couldn’t get along with the other parent.  Tough it out.  It’s not about you anymore.  When you bring a child into the world it is your responsibility to take care of them. 
 
No matter what, they are children and deserve a childhood.  Let them live it.

My family consist of a bullying father and an incapable mother.  I am sorry to say it that way, but that is the literal truth.  My father’s nickname is Bully.  He manipulates, deceives, and lies constantly in order to control others.  My mother chose not to drive, although she had a car and could see better than I could.  She was in the home, but failed to support her children in any way other than criticism. 

Yes, there are a few good things I learned from each parent, but the good did not outway the bad by far.  I know that as humans we are not perfect, but this article is meant to be truthful, not judgemental.  I hope you can learn something from it.

My husband’s famiy had a domineering mother.  She was the community role model, but failed to put in the time and love with her own children.  In addition to being a gossip and making women in the community uncomfortable around her, she demeaned her husband.  The children in the home started to do the same, likewise the community. 

My husband’s father totally shut down and did not provide for the family.  The children ended up being less competitive with the other children in their emotional and spiritual health, some also in their schooling.  Only one of the children grew up with a good chance of success overall because of external factors that the other children did not have access to. 

When you put myself and my husband together, you have a woman who overcame in-your-face-criticisms, a lack of acceptance from her mom and sister, and many other obstacles in life, with a man who is used to playing the part, but feeling empty inside.  My husband strangely enjoys some of the chores of his mother.  I end up spot painting the house and making minor repairs.  Neither of us is homosexual, we just got along better with the parent of the opposite sex. 

While dating, my father did not want me to “leave” him.  It made him angry when I went off to college in another city.  I wanted to get away.  There was alot of things that made no sense in my life.  My then boyfriend was a refuge from my troubled home.  He was older by a few years, and I looked up to him for life advice. 

Now in our relationship, the understanding man who helped me “escape” from trouble, seems to have brought me back to it.  We moved back nearer to my childhood home.  It was not really my home city, but closer than my college.  My parents and sister moved into my city in the next few years.  That is when trouble started. 

My family wants to be in my life, I want to get away from them, but am too polite to say it up front, and now, my husband wants my family for himself!  Can you say dysfunction?  Everybody wins except for me.  My life goes down in a spiral. 

Now, my husband expects my dad to be my support.  He calls me way to often.  I don’t want to be that close to him  He keeps dumping his burdens on me.  I have to be his parent. That is not right.  My mother had done the same thing to me, but she did not call as often.  It was still painful, because I had learned to not trust women by the time I was a teenager. 

Now, the man I once loved is betraying me, and visiting my father whenever he gets a chance.  He does anything my father asks.  My father is not shy, and runs him around town.  When I need him, he says he should not have to help me.  My mother does the same.  Both parents forbid me to see him.  My mom and sis even tried to let me miss my prom.  They did not want me to have love. 

I am older, and wiser now.  I know that I should not deal with my father, he means me no good, and almost broke up my family a year ago.  My husband is not going to let me live my own life though.  He forces me to keep in contact with my father more than I would do naturally.  It is an unhealthy relationship!

I now do not mind divorcing.  I understand that both men are dangerous to my soul.  I am now starting to be afraid to trust men.  I have been alone all of my life because that was my lot.  I have gained wisdom over the years, but I don’t understand why I have suffered so much through my life. 

A “real” man would appreciate every inch of me.  I am a good woman.  I am guessing that dysfunction draws dysfunction, but with my hindsight now, I would never date at all.  I would analyze every man that comes into my life and probably just stay away. 

May G-d have mercy on my soul.  I don’t know how I am going to continue this sick game.  I would love to divorce and move away, but I don’t think I will actually go through with it.  I will pray for all people who have emotionally draining relationships and wish to get away.

Feel free to leave your story in the comments section.