Abuse

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Have you felt trapped not knowing what to do? At the same time you thought maybe your partner will change? I hate to say this, but they will never change, unless they are willing to get help, and most of them won’t face up to it.

Abuse for the abuser is about control. Giving up that control is very hard for them. First they have to face the fact they have a problem, but how long will that take? Months? Years? And are you willing to wait that long? For that’s something no abuser wants to own up to. In most cases that will never happen?

There are many forms of abuse, only naming three which covers them in three categories. First: Mental abuse, putting you down by calling you names. Discouraging you. Telling you that you’re no good, because you can’t do anything right. Making you feel of failure toward family, friends and neighbours. At times you fear to be alone. Second: Physical abuse. Sexual assault, pushing, grabbing you,

throwing objects, biting, hitting with fists, kicking. Third, Verbal abuse. Name calling to put you down. Putting down everyone else, but himself. Making fun. Telling you no one else would want you. Telling you because you are over weight, you never look good or no one wants someone with kids.

What right do they have to do this to you? You are a human being and you have feelings.

History of abuse can come from all races, socio-economic classes, livelihoods, educational back ground, and religious partnerships, have known people who have experienced abuse. They had an abusive man or abusive woman and it was the worse years of their lives, but they didn’t know it at the time. It was a constant battle they couldn’t win.

They stayed together for sometimes months, or years and could never believe they were in an abusive relationship. They had never known what to look for, and this is why I am writing this because I know what to look for, because once I was one of them. I had to teach myself, not really knowing how, no matter how much I loved him, he would never change. He was very quiet, slow, never in a hurry , and selfish. He had very little consideration for me, taking advantage of the love I had for him. He lacked feelings and would never show any emotions. Things had to go his way, always. He was very stubborn, and thought love grew out of revenge and spite. He was jealous and tried to make me think I was the jealous one, not him. His fear was worrying that people were after him. His paranoia was so intense that he had me feeling the same way, this kept me hyperactive, unable to settle myself down, because when he spoke I was there. Lots of times I felt I was his slave. He locked up everything he owned, and tried in ways to do the same to me, and did the same things he bought me. Promises he would never keep and always found excuses for not keeping them. He had a split personality. Some days he would be good and other days I would almost be too scared to live with him. I never knew what to expect next. So this is what other victims go through. Instead of seeing their partners were abusive, they just thought he had a problem he could over come with time. That’s what I thought as well. They said they tried so hard to change them, by showing them lots of love, but it was a waste of time. There were times they pitied their partner, being one of the reasons to stayed with them as long as they could. They then began to feel helpless when realizing the abuser would never change. Everything had to go their way, and they said the a abuser thought everything that went wrong was their fault. That’s when they started feeling the wall their partner had built between them. They couldn’t get any emotions from them. They seemed heartless. The victims felt deprived, forsaken, and lonely. Some told me they didn’t know how they kept their sanity, and was afraid to leave. Afraid that if their partner found them, they would hurt them, even though they found out the abuser was cheating on them they still wouldn’t leave. They realized the only way their partners would treat them right, they would have to go get help, and that was hopeless because they never thought they could do any wrong. The abusers also tried to chose their friends, and would blame any quarrel they had on the victim. Their abuse partners could always see what others did to them, but never would see what they were doing.