Intimacy

We often use the term when referring to sexual relations, even though getting naked and engaging in sexual activity doesn’t necessarily lead to actual intimacy. Knowing a person intimately can also mean we know them well. Similarly, we use the term to particularize familiarity and knowledge in regards to a skill or a situation.

Within romantic relationships most people seek to find a person to whom they feel intimately connected. Interpretations of the meaning of intimacy vary greatly based on gender and personality.

Women usually show a great interest and need in establishing intimacy with a partner. The two top reasons for separations and divorces are finances and sex.

As initially indicated, sex does not equal intimacy. Nor does love. Loving someone or something is easy. Being intimately involved, on the other hand, can be quite complicated because of the depth one dives into to connect with another.

On the surface the majority of people live about the same way. We all sleep, eat, work, do things. Beyond that we have personal priorities and preferences. Past that layer, we have nothing to hide behind. We’ve arrived at the self, all our strengths, weaknesses, joy, pain, past, present, dreams, and fears. Facing ourselves on our own can be difficult enough.

Sharing the complexities with another can turn out to be a daunting task many individuals choose to live without. Those who make this choice take the risk of never experiencing true love.

Many couples manage to connect on a number of levels with great openness, and yet they do not achieve the desired level of intimacy. There is a likelihood that the reasons lye within our initial partner choice. We tend to choose to get to know people we instantly feel comfortable with. Eventually we have nothing (positive) to say to each other.

Who hasn’t dreamt of meeting the ideal partner with whom we instantly “click”? We then believe this is the one and no words (nor work) are necessary.

In other cases, people meet, finding each other to be OK. Not the dream, just good enough for daily living. And they don’t even go there. They keep things simple for the duration of the relationship.

More and more women are expecting deeper levels of intimacy. Women have a great capacity for giving and receiving love. They wish to experience the full spectrum of love, sensuality, passion, sexual pleasure and satisfaction with a lover. They want intellectual, emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. The goal is a complete connection between two adults.

This often turns out to be impossible with a man. Men may have a problem with intimacy, due to fears and difficulties with their sense of control. The male may be inclined to place limits on experiences and perceptions in an attempt to control a situation and his own fear of emotions. Intimacy, love, and sex are about surrendering and letting go. His fears may prevent him from allowing himself to enjoy his and his partner’s feelings freely.

By acting in this manner, a man creates the impression of being unfeeling and incapable of understanding, accepting, and acknowledging his partner’s emotions and sensations.

Over time resentment sets in, and a woman (or the party seeking deeper intimacy) either no longer attempts to connect with him or she moves on.

The road to intimacy may be one of discomfort and fear, requiring a great amount of courage and patience from both parties. Once at the destination, acceptance, respect, and support become central to lasting intimacy.