Long Distance Relationships
Whether long distance relationships can work and the pitfalls that are to be avoided!
Love is a fantastic thing and it can inspire you to do great things. When you are in love it can make you feel like the strongest and most confident person in the world. But what happens when the love comes crashing down around you, just like everyone said it would, and does this have to happen?
I am a twenty two year old guy. I detest the fact that I have had to become a statistic supporting the view that long distance relationships don’t work. I spent last year studying in the U.S. as an international student. Typically I met the girl of my dreams, fell in love and thought I was going to live happily ever after. Like everyone else, that has experienced this type of scenario, I returned home to my native land to be greeted with skepticism about my new love.
It was not that my friends or family doubted that I had met someone special. Nor was it that they had any dislike for her. It was simply logical to them that this was nothing more than a holiday romance. It was widely believed that after a couple of weeks apart we would go our separate ways. This was not the case.
You see in the modern world we have opportunities to go anywhere and do anything. The world is constantly changing and evolving, why should we expect to be greeted by our soul-mate right on our doorstep? Hundreds of thousands of people worldwide never will find “the one.” The fact is that if you think you have found something special, distance shouldn’t even be an issue; and it isn’t.
For those who take the decision to “make it work” they do so with obvious good intent. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself and the people I know when I say that cheating isn’t an option. You don’t decide to go through a long distance relationship to be with someone you could cheat on. If you could, why would you need to be with them?
Cheating was never a concern during my year apart from my other half. I trusted her, and I still would. Unfortunately other things come into the equation. Things that you don’t think have much of an impact; but they do. The first time that you see your partner again, after so many months apart, is the most amazing feeling in the world. It is almost as if you have been living without a heart for the last few months. In that first moment when you see them again your heart beats like never before. All the feelings come rushing back, and you remember exactly why you were staying in the relationship in the first place…if you had forgotten!
Everything you do together feels like doing it again for the first time. Not because it is awkward, far from it, but just because it has that added spark to it. The good times are great, and they implant strong memories and feelings in the mind of your loved one that should help you pull through your next time apart. Unfortunately, it isn’t as simple as this.
As great as the good times are; the bad times are bad too. The smallest of arguments, and they do happen no matter how much you have missed your loved one, will serve only to create concern in your relationship in the future. When you are thousands of miles apart, and times are tough, the minor niggles you had the last time you were together are magnified tenfold to create confusion and concern in an already fragile environment.
The worst thing you can do in any relationship, but even more-so in a long distance relationship, is take your loved one for granted. The moment you start doing this you are doomed. No matter how close you are, or how much you love each other, you can never know exactly what your other half is thinking; especially if you are not with them.
My advice to anyone thinking about trying to make their relationship last, through the distance, is make your time apart as minimal as you can. Long distance relationships can work, but the longer you are apart the more difficult it becomes and the bigger risk you are taking.
So should we even bother entering into a long distance relationship in the first place when, according to what everyone will tell you, they apparently won’t last? My answer is yes. If you care strongly enough for that special someone to be willing to give it that fighting chance, and they feel the same, then there is always a possibility that you will make it through. And if someone cared about you strongly enough to go through it in the first place, those feelings don’t just disappear overnight.
My girlfriend and I had spent eight months apart before we finally fell foul of fate. It is easy to forget why you are in the relationship when times get tough and your other half is not there to help you through it. Unfortunately I had to return home to complete my final year at college, and then work to save money, before I could return to America. My girlfriend was younger than me and also had to finish college, so she could not move to my country either.
It is difficult when you care so much for someone and you just wish you could be with them there and then. But going through the kind of commitment a long distance relationship brings has to count for something, and in the end; that is all that matters. I know that my ex-girlfriend cares for me, and vice-versa, and maybe one day we will be able to be together. If we hadn’t tried the long distance relationship, and shown each other that we cared that much, then we never would have got there anyway.
My verdict: long distance relationship – give it a go, the rewards could be worth it in the end.
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Jeremy Lewis
On November 19, 2007 at 5:29 am
I had similar situation.I had been seeing younger girl for five months who was finishing high school. I had moved to a larger city trying to get job so we could get married when she graduated.After four months I never found a job and she got tired of me never being around,event hough I visited as much as I could,we were only a couple hours apart,but that can be so far sometimes. I still miss that girl every now and then. Last I heard she was married and had a kid.
Craig
On December 15, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Sorry to hear that Jeremy. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and you never know what is around the corner. But would you have not given it a go if you had the choice again? Sometimes it doesn’t work out, but it is those experiences that tell you what you are really made of.
Good luck
Craig
JACOL
On May 30, 2008 at 3:19 pm
my girlfriend says she loves me were in a long distance relationship but she has lied to me before and not just any lie BIG lies and i dont no what to do cause i got people telling me shes maybe with someone else and you waisting your time and putting me down and she has wanted to break up with me because she says it will be better and also its because i get to jealous and start bothering her but its because i love her and i dont know what to do somebody help me
Craig
On June 22, 2008 at 10:29 am
Jacol when I was going through everything I went through with my ex somebody told me one thing, “let the butterfly fly away and if it lands on you again it’s meant to be.” This along with “if it’s meant to be it will be” were the two phrases I hated the most in the world at the time. I couldn’t comprehend why I would ever do that. I didn’t want to let go of my ex because I feared I would never get her back, but it makes sense to me now.
I still haven’t got that girl back, and it has been a year and a half since we broke up. I still think about her every day, but that advise that I was given is the same advise I am going to give you now.
Let the girl go. There are one hundred reasons why you can’t keep hanging on to a girl that doesn’t appear to want to be with you right now, one hundred reasons for you and for her.
If you were to spend the rest of your life with this girl, would you want it to be because she felt sorry for you or guilty or would you want it to be because in her heart you are the person she wanted to be with? It’s hard to allow yourself to let go, but in doing so you put yourself back in a position of strength.
Girls want confidence, a guy who believes in himself not someone needy. By letting go and moving on with your life you show how capable you are. You need to find the old you, the guy that appealed to her and other girls in the first place. This isn’t easy, and it takes time but if you are patient and learn to not take things in life too seriously you will be fine.
I am sorry you are going through what you are because I think you are going through a lot of similar things that I went through myself.
For a 14 months I didn’t think I would ever be myself again. I was a shadow of the confident guy I was before I met her, but by spending time with friends and doing the things you enjoy doing you learn to accept things. You don’t forget the people in your life, but you do learn and become stronger because of your experiences.
My advise to you is focus on something productive and put your time and effort into it. Whether this is your job, a hobby, excersize I guarantee if you set yourself goals and push yourself to achieve them you will feel better for it. For me my focus was writing; a world that took me away from thinking about my ex. I could write all day long and by doing this I lessened the stress and pain, worry and paranoia I was putting myself through.
In time you will be fine Jacol, just be strong and do what is right for you.
Craig
Marc
On November 8, 2008 at 8:42 pm
My girlfriend and I have been doing this long distance relationship for about 16 months already. We are both in different countries and both of us are in college. We see each other about 5 times a year, which isn’t bad at all. In total, we see each other about 80 days out of the 365 days of a year. I know what you mean when you mentioned the “arguments” you guys had whenever you’d see each other. I get that all the time. The trust is not an issue. Though my girlfriend is a bit too friendly at times, I trust her like crazy. She goes party and etc, but I know she’ll stay good.
My only problems are the following, 1) I am going to transfer in less than a year, i’m planning to study in Boston or New York which is half the world away from where she is now. (right now we’re 4 hours away from each other so it’s a bit easier) 2) I don’t get why she has a hard time saying the words: I love you. I told her that it was best if she said it first, so that it would constantly help reinforce and remind me that she really does love me. And she just told me that she loves me but just has a hard time saying it. is this a problem? 3) Like you mentioned, whenever we see each other, we fight all the time! The other time, I visited for a week, and 5 days out of that week, we fought. It’s pretty hard and i feel that akward vibe whenever we see each other after a long time. 4) She’s been going through family problems. I think this is where she needs me the most. The only problem is that i can’t be there for her. It’s beginning to bum her out already–that i can’t be there to help her with her problems. I really do not know if it is best to continue the relationship, or just let it go.
Please help me. Thanks!
Marc
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