10 useful tips for effortless working

First of all, everyone knows the first impression people make of you, is pretty much the one that labels you. This in mind, you should start your work in a new workplace looking extra-efficient. You don’t exactly HAVE to be efficient, it’s enough that it seems like it. With a little empirical research, I’ve pointed out some ways to weazle out of your main work without the risk of getting fired. Of course, if you do this all of the time, you WILL get fired sooner or later. If that is your goal anyways, maybe these tricks could enlongen your stay in the office, or if you really prefer to quit, apply them as the opposite.

1. Timing is everything

You can’t always put 100% effort in your work, and by claiming something that in any occasion, will sound like a cheap self-marketing trick that is obvious to the recipient. Don’t say so, don’t do so! This is why you should sometimes stop to think when to push harder, and when to ease down a little. You probably already figured this one out; try to adjust your moments of hard work so there actually is someone who would notice. Apply this technique especially when your boss or supervisor is near bound.

2. Doing is doing, no matter what.

As I said before, it is enough only to look like you’re working. If you have “real” work in front of you, take your time with it. Don’t even try to push your limits.

3. Look good

Sit up straight. Keep both hands on the keyboard (if you have one) and your eyes on the monitor, even if someone interesting (except Jessica Alba!) walks by. The key issue is not to look suspicious, but concentrated and energetic. That’ll take some blaming eyes away from you. This cheap trick works well with colleagues who pressurize you for no other reason, that they’re banned from the leading roles in the company.

4. Asdasdasdadsa..

If you work in an office, just write something to anywhere, and people think you’re actually doing something. The more rattle your keyboard is making, the more you get noticed positively. This I’m proving to work at this very second.

5. Decorating

Place the sides of your monitor full of those yellow Post-It -notes containing whatever.

6. Do it the hard way

Have you pen and paper nearby, even if you have a computer. Some people, especially older ones, see the old and mighty paper-and-pen -technique as the only way to do real work. Even if they know computers are more efficient, they try their best to believe otherwise. You could push the illusion even further, by writing something down once in a while. Just grabbing your pen looks like you’re making a remarkable notice.

7. Decorating – advanced

Have a dark coffee mug full of liquid on your desk. Coffee is known to enhance your thinking, and so it makes it seem like you really want to succeed. You don’t need to drink coffee though, you might as well put water in your cup. That’s why a dark (dark brown if possible) cup is needed. Bonus-points if your drink is still steaming.

8. Paperboy

Walk around from place to place with some papers in your hand. Even some blank xerox would do the trick. Do this where ever you go: co-workers office, toilet, home.

9. Time is money

While walking from place to place, remember to look at your watch once in a while. This will give the impression you’re in a rush, which definitely looks good anytime. You can even take this habit to the streets. The shinier the watch, the more effective this illusion gets.

10. Taking Criticism

If you get complains about your lack of effort, don’t start arguing or denying it. Simply smile and say: “you’re right, I’ll try my best to improve my work”. No further effort is needed, just continue doing like you were doing before the complaint. Empty promises still count if the other half doesn’t know the truth.

As the brightest may already have guessed, this writing is made entirely while “working”.