Everyday, at work, I get advice from my supervisors and managers. This advice doesn’t make any sense to me and more to the point when they tell me this nonsense when their idea of life skills are never moving out!(See: Grow Up!)

I will try and list as many as possible.

About a year ago I worked in a job that offered me quite a lot of overtime, I took the overtime to make some money. Well by the end of the month; on my payslip, there was no sign of the overtime. I queried this naturally and after a couple of months being told I wasn’t owed any money I decided to never again do overtime in that current job. This, for some reason, rattled the work place. I told my manager that I didn’t want any overtime and that they should put me back on my contracted hours (here comes the advice) and do you know what the genius said?

“I think you’re being stupid, you come here to work.”

Really? Do I go to work to work? No! I go there and work for money! Work that I wasn’t being paid for isn’t work: its slavery. So no, I don’t go to work to work; I go to work to make money.
I am not a doctor, I am not a policeman, I’m not saving lives, I work at the bottom end of the jobs; if I can survive on my contracted hours then rest assured you couldn’t make me work more with a gun to my head.

Another retarded piece of advice was given to me not too long ago. (By someone I’m fairly certain is mentally retarded.) I simply don’t understand their die hard need to lecture and educate people. It was again about overtime, a year later, in a different job:
“Will you work any overtime?” Says he,
“I’d rather not.” Says I,
“Why not?” He enquires,
“Because I choose not to?” I question, (now comes the unnecessary lecture!)

“You know life is about favours, you do favours for people and they do favours back.”

Seriously?! You’ve got to be kidding me! Life is about compromise, love, sacrifice, selflessness, happiness and so on… Its not about ‘favours’!  I hope that person dies alone.

One spectacular thing that still amazes me, from the moment I started working until now they still say it; at every possible chance. Any argument I get into with my boss, whether it be serious or a joke ends 99% of the time in the same way:

“Maybe you should get another job.”

Incredible. What does that tell me? It tells me that the person/moron I’m talking to has nothing else to say, how clever! That’s what I should do! Every time I argue with my boss and it inevitably ends in ‘get another job’ I’ll do just that… But wait; I’ve had a few jobs over the years and every one of my managers have all said this. Hm, maybe I’m not right for this working world? God I hope that’s the case. Anyways, moronic isn’t it. I get bored: get another job, I don’t want overtime: get another job, I kill my manager and string his organs up like Christmas lights: get another job. There’s no winning!

The next one I’m going to tell you about is more about regulations than actual advice, but by god it doesn’t make any sense. Not long ago I had the flu, it happens to us all, I took a couple of days off and recovered via the weekend. I strolled back into work with my nose clear and my joints no longer aching to find my HR manager waiting to tell me:

“The percentage of ’sick-days’ you’ve taken off is too high. You cannot take anymore time off.”

I know, nonsense right. I respect people do take days off and play hooky down by the lake, but I also respect people who are diagnosed with Ebola (hopefully this hasn’t happened in Britain… or the world) who actually need to lie down and rest for day. (With Ebola you might need two.) 
Do you want to know what I said to this intellectual? I said,
“If I am ill, I will be taking the day off.” The confusion in the ape-like woman whom I was talking to filled my heart with rage. Could she really not understand? Probably not as these people are about as susceptible to getting advice as they are giving it out.

Well I have ran out of nonsense that is my working life for now, maybe because I’m tired, or maybe because I’m so frustrated I’m about one step away from taking a butchers knife out and hunting these people down!