Most people have found that, at some point during their working career, they have come up against a colleague with whom they struggle to get on. That is all part of a normal working environment, and, with a little common sense, can be easily dealt with. What happens though if your relationship with a colleague becomes so difficult that you find it hard to function, both at work and at home? This happened to me a few years ago, when I was more or less hounded out of my job. In hindsight, here are some coping mechanisms that could and should have helped me.

Are you really being bullied?

The first, and most important step is to decide if you really are being bullied, or if you are perhaps making a mountain out of a molehill. While it is common for bullies to make their victims feel as if it is the victim’s fault, there is a possibility that you are being overly sensitive, so get a second opinion. Have a quiet word with the bully – it could be that they don’t realise how their behaviour is affecting you or there may be a problem with your work that can be resolved. If that has no effect and you are still feeling uncomfortable, speak to a friend or colleague about the situation – if they think that you have something to complain about, it may be time to make the next move.

Keep a record of all incidents

This is an excellent way of both showing your superiors that you really are taking the situation seriously and proving to yourself that you are not making things up. It is all too easy when a colleague asks you for specific examples of bullying to suddenly clam up and not be able to think of anything in particular, but then remember afterwards. By writing it all down, you won’t forget anything or be able to convince yourself that perhaps you are exaggerating the situation. You will also ensure that your feelings at the time are recorded. If you have the opportunity, record all conversations you have with the bully.

Speak to your immediate superior

Provided, of course, that it is not your immediate superior that is bullying you, you should speak to the person that is immediately in charge of you. It may be that they have already noticed a problem; whether they have or not, they may decide to speak out on your behalf. Hopefully, this will resolve the situation. If not, don’t give up and stop there; go on to the next step. Your immediate superior is in charge of your welfare at work and if they don’t do anything about the situation, then they are just as guilty as the bully.

Go above your immediate superior

If your immediate superior does not help you to resolve the situation, then don’t feel that you cannot go any higher with your complaint. This is where I went wrong. My boss told me that there was very little she could do to resolve the situation and that I should, for want of a better phrase, put up or shut up. At that point, I was so unhappy in my job that I found another one, which wasn’t as well paid. My superiors were very surprised that I had resigned and asked me for my reasons. When I told them, they were astonished. I had presumed that my immediate superior would have reported the situation to them, but she hadn’t. I discovered that I was not the only person to have a problem with the person bullying me; in fact, my story was the final nail in his coffin, and, the week after I began my new job, he was sacked. I was offered my old job back, but obviously by then, it was too late.

Consider legal action

I think that this is an option to consider only in extreme cases. However, if you have been totally ground down by your bully and you are struggling to function normally – I, for example, had a nervous breakdown as a result of the bullying – then it may be worth looking into legal action. Someone within human resources in your organisation should be able to advise you what options you have. If you do go ahead though, you should be prepared for even more stress, an examination of your private affairs and the possibility that you may not win. On the plus side, exposing a bully does made a stand for all the victims and may compensate you for any lost earnings. Make sure you do what is best for you.

Having been bullied at work, I know how devastating it can be. I can honestly say that my bully made my life a misery. Of course, every situation will be different, but I hope that, by suggesting in hindsight what I should have done myself, I can help someone else find a solution to their own predicament.