Bullying in the Workplace
How to deal with bullying at work.
Most people have found that, at some point during their working career, they have come up against a colleague with whom they struggle to get on. That is all part of a normal working environment, and, with a little common sense, can be easily dealt with. What happens though if your relationship with a colleague becomes so difficult that you find it hard to function, both at work and at home? This happened to me a few years ago, when I was more or less hounded out of my job. In hindsight, here are some coping mechanisms that could and should have helped me.
Are you really being bullied?
The first, and most important step is to decide if you really are being bullied, or if you are perhaps making a mountain out of a molehill. While it is common for bullies to make their victims feel as if it is the victim’s fault, there is a possibility that you are being overly sensitive, so get a second opinion. Have a quiet word with the bully – it could be that they don’t realise how their behaviour is affecting you or there may be a problem with your work that can be resolved. If that has no effect and you are still feeling uncomfortable, speak to a friend or colleague about the situation – if they think that you have something to complain about, it may be time to make the next move.
Keep a record of all incidents
This is an excellent way of both showing your superiors that you really are taking the situation seriously and proving to yourself that you are not making things up. It is all too easy when a colleague asks you for specific examples of bullying to suddenly clam up and not be able to think of anything in particular, but then remember afterwards. By writing it all down, you won’t forget anything or be able to convince yourself that perhaps you are exaggerating the situation. You will also ensure that your feelings at the time are recorded. If you have the opportunity, record all conversations you have with the bully.
Speak to your immediate superior
Provided, of course, that it is not your immediate superior that is bullying you, you should speak to the person that is immediately in charge of you. It may be that they have already noticed a problem; whether they have or not, they may decide to speak out on your behalf. Hopefully, this will resolve the situation. If not, don’t give up and stop there; go on to the next step. Your immediate superior is in charge of your welfare at work and if they don’t do anything about the situation, then they are just as guilty as the bully.
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Post Commentjo oliver
On June 14, 2008 at 11:22 pm
great advice!
louie jerome
On June 18, 2008 at 2:52 am
Interesting article
Beth
On December 3, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I think i am being bullied and it is by the Human Resources manager what do i do??
Ben Leichtling
On May 12, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Thanks for the great post Sun,
I’d only add that the worst problem will be a dramatic increase in negative self-talk that I call “self-bullying.” Your inner voices will make dire predictions of the future, tell you that you’re helpless in the grip of huge forces beyond your control and predict that, no matter how hard you try, you’ll inevitable fail. Your supercritical inner voices will try to stress, depress and discourage you, and make you give up. Your inner voices, full of self-questioning and self-doubt, can erode your self-esteem and self-confidence, destroy your hope and immobilize you.
Self-bullying is the most destructive form of bullying because it saps your will to overcome your circumstances. Self-bullying can rob you of your determination, courage, strength and skill. With those voices shouting or whispering in your ear, it’s impossible to gather yourself and make consistent, focused effort. If you let fear and self-bullying destroy your strength and will, you won’t have the right stuff, you won’t do the right thing and the economic tide will pull you under.
Find a great coach or therapist to guide you in the inner work necessary to convert those voices into effective coaches. Do things that keep your spirits up and your backbone strong.
Emerson was right when he said, “What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”
Disclosure: I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant, and author of, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes.” Check out my website and blog at BulliesBeGone (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com).