How Not to Work From Home
by A job applicant to a small on-line business learns that it takes finesse and style to successfully mix professionalism and pajamas.
What’s not to love about working at home? Time and wardrobe at your discretion. A workspace that includes your bed, your own blend of coffee and the remote to the TV. No bathrooms to share and no uncomfortable but requisite small talk by the water cooler.
But with freedom comes great responsibility. I once attempted to apply with a home-based business as a content writer. The experience (which lasted all but two days) was enough for me to learn the finer points of working at home and credibility.
Here’s what I took away from the point of applying for the job to the first short-lived interview:
- Wear shorts and basketball jerseys in your instant messaging avatars. Nothing says “casual work environment” more than doing an on-line interview with a potential superior in shorts and a sleeveless basketball jersey. Make sure too that the photo was obviously taken in the bedroom, preferably with you on the bed. Working at home allows you to drop the “dress who you want to be” corporate aphorism. Let the world know it!
- Set chat meetings at dinner or lunch time. Who cares if you’re noshing on pizza or a seven-course meal while you talk business? This is the essence of working at home. Inconveniencing your potential teammate or client be damned.
- Always find something more important to do than making a deal. Set the time for the online meeting (again, preferably around a mealtime). Show up online for the said meeting. Once there, actually cancel by saying that it’s your bath time. I kid you not. Here’s how it went down:
Him: Maybe I should move this online interview some other time. I need to take a bath now.
Me: WTF?!
- Use emoticons excessively, and prefer “textese.” Charm your way into the deal with all those cute emoticons. Remember, it’s all in the spirit of promoting a “casual work environment.” Up the cute ante by using text-ese. Never mind taking advantage of the full keyboard to spell properly and increasing the chances of being understood. Again, it’s all about being casual and fun over credible and respectable.
- Never follow up on emails and sent forms. I repeat: never ever. Be coy rather than clear. If you like the deal, delay. If you don’t want to pursue the potential talent, leave them hanging. I have yet to hear anything after he cancelled the interview on account of bath time. And quite frankly, I don’t really mind.
If you DO survive dealing a potential employer in this scenario, let me know. Meanwhile, here’s some ideas on what you can do with your first paycheck.
Liked it
