Interview Questions You Should Ask a Prospective Coworker

In this day and age of a Human Resources Department in a far distant land interviewing people for your new cube neighbor, I say the current residents of Cubeville be allowed to ask the really important questions. Who cares if she/he can type 100 wpm or set up a spreadsheet in a nanosecond, if that person is one of the most annoying creatures on the face of the earth? After all, the residents of Cubeville are the ones who will have to suffer with the newbie for eight hours a day until finally going totally insane, wigging out and losing the crumby job you hated anyway…

Do you clip your nails at work?

Living in the cube environment, not only is the sound disgusting, but also those nails can fly over a cube wall like a guided missile. Realizing that I was under attack by the new guy in the cube next door, I quickly had to cover my coffee and Danish to prevent contamination, while trying not to get my eye put out!

Do you have a desire to bond with your coworkers?

Take a good look around the office. What percent of these people come in with a hang over? Now take a good look at the working moms who either have their home nanny cam on their screen all day, or are on the phone screaming at the babysitter. Then there is a percentage of office workers either looking for a relationship either to replace the one they have, or for one to have on the sly. Do not be naïve; there are always some in every office. Then there is the group who live to stampede the hallways to the vending machines every morning and load up on 4000 calories to make it through to lunch. Do not forget the brown-nosers, or the ones who are just miserable human beings. These people do not want to bond with you. Nor do they want to come in ½ hour early every day to meet with you on a spiritual level. There will not be group hugs, or “sharing”.

Are you a “Holiday” person?

Are you on Hallmarks’ mailing list for every conceivable holiday on this planet? Do you use your attic to store all your “office” decorations? Have you been banned from any dollar store for scaring small children while grabbing every hokey decoration in the place? Do you buy Santa hats for all your coworkers and beg them to wear these fuzzy, fun filled hats every day from Thanksgiving until Christmas? Do you have 30 Christmas sweaters with matching earrings? Do you insist Christmas carols be played for 8 hours a day, every day? Perhaps living in Cubeville is not for you. Have you considered a job at Macy’s?