Interview Questions You Should Ask a Prospective Coworker

Is your voice mail greeting longer than the Gettysburg Address?

When another resident in Cubeville has the misfortune of having to call you, do they have to suffer through the following:

“Hello. You have reached Ms. Kimberly Suzanne Washington-Castrogiovanni, Senior Executive Administrative Assistant to Ms. Evelyn Grace Worthington-Warrington, Vice President of Research and Development in the Department of Complete Insanity, because by now you have left your phone and run off screaming due to the length of this voice mail greeting, but if by some chance you are still there, you may leave a message at the tone and I will gladly return your call just as soon as I finish my other call or return to my desk. Just leave your name, number, the time and a brief message, oh and have a great and blessed day! We have all heard them and have wanted to climb right through the phone and rip their lips off! Why do they do it? Is it a plot by our enemies to drive us insane? It is no longer a drive; it’s more of a short putt…

Does your entire family call your cellphone nonstop all day?

Do you have the most annoying ring tone you could possibly find? Despite answering it 50 times a day, you still forget where you left the phone and have to fumble finding it, while the rest of Cubeville is subjected to the ring tone of the Dukes’ of Hazard? Must your relatives call you at work and ask, “What ya are you doin?” to which you must reply, “nuthin”? Yes, we all know that you are not working, how could you be when you are on your cellphone all day.

Are you coffee making challenged?

The drink of choice in Cubeville is coffee. A rule of the community is, if you take the last cup, make another pot of coffee. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It has taken the Cubeville community years of training to make sure all of the citizens are completely trained in the art of pouring a pot of water into the coffee maker and putting fresh grounds in the basket. No excuses, no lapses in memory, no burning pots left on, no office fires!

Do you bring your daily spending money with you every day?

Do not expect to be getting loans from the citizens of Cubeville. We no longer fall for that one. If you cannot remember to bring your own lunch or your lunch money, have the adult in charge of your supervision put it in your pocket before you leave home.

Are all of your relatives involved in any of the “work part time from home and make millions” selling schemes?

Cubeville has a no littering policy pertaining to those brochures advertising worthless junk that we already have filling the rooms of our homes. We have all been exposed to those folks that have either a mother, daughter, husband, 3rd cousin, or neighbor who wants you to hustle more Avon, Mary Kay, Amway, gift wrap, cookie dough or other stuff on your unsuspecting coworkers. Do not do it, you will quickly be shunned in Cubeville.