Tales From the House Arrest Man
More stories from the continuous saga of working with criminals and drunks.
My company provides House Arrest and installs breathalyzers for clients have multiple DUIs.
Billy had the breathalyzer installed in his 2004 Chevy Blazer. This is Billy’s third DUI and on the fourth morning of receiving this machine he failed his breath test.
He called our office screaming about why he couldn’t start his car.
I told him that if his BAC level was above .024 then he would be unable to start his car. I then asked him if he knew why he failed the test. Of course, we explained all this to him when we installed the device in his car, and we watched a short video that told him the same thing.
Billy said that he had “a few beers” the night before.
I said “Well, how many is a few?”
He said “I donno know, maybe eight”.
I suggested that most people wouldn’t consider eight beers “a few”.
Billy missed my sarcasm and continued to question why our machine is so “sensitive”.
I replied that our machine isn’t sensitive, Alan Alda is sensitive, but that our product is very ”accurate”.
The next sound I heard was the phone being slammed down. Oh well, good luck Billy.
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