Teenaged Adult

When it comes to adults choosing friends, they can be just as shallow, even more than teens. Ask anyone who has worked in an office setting. The usual course is to come in, immediately size-up everyone as soon as possible. Care is taken to keep options open. After all, God forbid should the wrong clique is chosen.

Birds of Feathers

So, what are some of the traits people look for, when they are trying to find that new “in-group”? Naturally, they are going to choose those with similar goals, interest, etc. There is nothing wrong with that. Similar values figure higher than goals and interest. Example, if one has a propensity to cheat in their marriage, has several sexual partners, use “recreational drugs”, etc., they are going to choose friends who do likewise or at least, find nothing wrong with such behavior.

Seeing the Light

It took me a long time to come to this conclusion; also, that any unfavorable traits, i.e. cheating in a marriage, are hidden until the right person or persons for whom this behavior ‘is cool’, is found. These persons become a part of a clique. At this point, behaviors truly resemble that of a high school clique. It will soon come down to the popular versus the unpopular. Even if this is never verbalized, others know who is ” down” and who is not.

Ouch

Even for adults, this can result in hurt feeling, feelings of rejection and deception. If not handled carefully, it could erode working relationships. After all, if one is sexually promiscuous or disrespect marriage vows, they would do just about anything-wouldn’t they? This could also mean they would lie, cheat, steal, sabotage another’s career, etc. Trust in that individual and all who is a part of the clique is destroyed.

Walking on Ice

Suddenly, when one of the members of the clique ask a non-clique member to run an errand for the entire group, per se, pick up the group lunch that has been called in, the chosen errand runner has reservations. A flag goes up, ‘what is this all about?’ If promotion comes from a male supervisor, the question remains, did she sleep with him?

How long can this go on? It depends on how much the offended individuals can stand, finances (can they afford to leave the job?); if there has been verbal confrontations, etc., regardless, it can be an ugly mess. What is saddest, adults, those old enough to hold an eight-hour job, with benefits, a mortgage and children, should not act like children. They should be adult enough to interact equally with all co-workers, otherwise, they should return to high school where at least childish ways are expected.